How often do you talk to your S/O while they are at work/Away?

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

So FI is away all week for work, and we have completely opposite schedules. I work 8-430, and his training is from 3-930. Which really doesn't leave much room for talking. And since he is in another country he can only text while on Wifi, which apparently is spotty so I got a goodnight text from him last night and that was all. I'm having a bit of a hard time with it because its very unusual to go all day without even hearing from him. It weird!

Usually when he is on a normal work day he will text me when he is about to take off and when he lands in his destination, and then the same on the return trip (as per my request, because I am a whimpy who is always nervous about the fact that he is a pilot). Some trips he ends up hanging out at a hotel all day and he will text me randomly throughout the day. I have a desk job that really isn't interferred by texting so its no big deal. When he is on an overnight flight he will call me before bed.

Just got me curious about how much other people keep in contact with their significant others while they are at work or away?

lyndausvi · August 2015

On a normal day I talk to DH once. He mostly calls me just before dinner service. Although sometimes I will call him first.

If we are OOT we tend to call when we wake up, sometime midday then just before bed.

ETA - when DH is actually traveling from place to place he often calls me more. He is the one who gives me a play-by-play of his travels. I get a call or text once he arrives at the airport, when he goes through security, when he is about to get on the plane. Right before the door shuts. As soon as he lands. I have my bags, about to get in a cab.

Honestly it's a little over-the-top. I do not do the same to him. Although he will call me to see where I'm at in the process.

Maggie0829 · August 2015

While we are both at work we rarely talk or text. Maybe one random text asking what the other wants for dinner, but that is about it.

If one of us is away we try to talk once a day. If not, we at least send a text saying "I love you, will call tomorrow."

But I don't blame you for wanting a text each time your FI lands. I would want to know that his flight went well and he is safe on the ground again. I tell H that he needs to text me when he lands whenever he goes away all the time. It makes me feel better knowing that he got to his destination safely.

novella1186 · August 2015

H and I work for the same company, and we live close to our offices, so I usually see him at lunch time (we both go home and have lunch together). Sometimes we also text throughout the day if we need to (like, "Hey the real estate agent just called and said blah blah blah" or the random, "I love you, have a great day!")

When he travels for work he'll usually text a couple times and then try to call to say goodnight but we don't talk as much if he's busy or in a different time zone.

I get what you mean about it being weird not hearing from him. I'm so used to seeing/talking to H all the time that when he's out of town and we don't have time to talk much it just seems like there's an odd void.

ericasm0703 · August 2015

My fiancé is a police officer and I'm a firefighter; on some of my days off, I work at a restaurant just to have something to do (I work 24 hours and then am off 72 hours). We generally don't go away without the other, but when we do (he goes to New York without me sometimes), it's usually good morning, a check-in in the afternoon and then good night. As far as work goes, we text when we can since both of our jobs can be pretty time demanding. Last time I was at the firehouse, I ran a call that took 5.5 hours...by the time I texted him back, he was the primary officer on a double homicide and wasn't able to talk. Actually, while I was writing this, I realized I haven't heard from him in over 6 hours; it sucks sometimes, but I guess it comes with the territory.

ShesSoCold · August 2015

Maggie0829 said:

While we are both at work we rarely talk or text. Maybe one random text asking what the other wants for dinner, but that is about it.

If one of us is away we try to talk once a day. If not, we at least send a text saying "I love you, will call tomorrow."

But I don't blame you for wanting a text each time your FI lands. I would want to know that his flight went well and he is safe on the ground again. I tell H that he needs to text me when he lands whenever he goes away all the time. It makes me feel better knowing that he got to his destination safely.

Exactly this. If either of us is away, we typically call when we reach our destination and once per day.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

We send each other goodnight texts if we're away. I usually don't see mine until the morning since he goes to bed after me. His last vacation was in the Canadian wilderness, so I was super sad to not get my goodnight texts. But if it's just a week or less that we're apart, that's pretty much the extent of our contact. Any longer and we'd probably arrange to talk on the phone a little.

redheadbride15 · August 2015

My H is out of town 3 nights a week for work, and when this arrangement first started I had a really difficult time coping. I was always worrying about him and I couldn't sleep. My sister's husband is gone for work also, often for long periods of time, and her advice to me was to make sure to talk on the phone every day, at least once, even if it's just for 30 seconds before bed to say "I had an okay day. I love you. Sleep well."

We also text, usually multiple times per day, but nothing replaces hearing his voice over the phone. This was hard for us to commit to, because neither of us are phone people and we prefer texting. But it's been enormously helpful.

PamBeesly524 · August 2015

H and I have the same sort of work schedules (both work during the day), so we usually only text during work hours if we have a quick question (Do you need anything before I place this Amazon order, should I pick up X for dinner, etc).. But we also see each other every morning and every night.

When he's away visiting friends, we usually do a quick good morning, a how's it going conversation at some point, and a good night text... We try not to bug each other when we're spending time with people we don't see often.

A few months ago H was on a different continent and in a different time zone, and that was tough. But we still iMessaged and video chatted every now and then.

ETA: @soontobemrsklein I get your worry about him flying... Hell, H is going to start biking to work soon (we live in Boston) and I'm freaking out at the thought of some crazy driver not paying attention and laying him out on the pavement... and biking is not as scary as flying!

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

Maggie0829 said:

While we are both at work we rarely talk or text. Maybe one random text asking what the other wants for dinner, but that is about it.

If one of us is away we try to talk once a day. If not, we at least send a text saying "I love you, will call tomorrow."

But I don't blame you for wanting a text each time your FI lands. I would want to know that his flight went well and he is safe on the ground again. I tell H that he needs to text me when he lands whenever he goes away all the time. It makes me feel better knowing that he got to his destination safely.

I think the other pilots give him a bit of a hard time for it, I am still fairly new to the 'pilot spouse' game at 3.5 years, most have been with their significant others for 10+ years and the worry apparently diminishes. haha. I don't know if I will ever get used to it enough for him to not send me a quick 'landed' text.

teddygirl9 · August 2015

A. LOT. Our schedules are similar to yours, I work 8-4/9-5, and he works 2-8 weekdays, 12-5 weekends and only gets 1 day off a week. We are pretty much always texting, unless one of us is in a meeting. A normal day, he texts me when he wakes up, we text randomly throughout the day (hows work, what are you doing for lunch, is the car ready, etc), I text when I'm leaving work, we text while I'm at home, he texts when he leaves work, then we are home together 8:30/9- 11 when I goto bed.

When I travel for work it gets cut down a ton. He will still text me when he wakes up (when I travel I usually go to Toronto, 2h behind, so when he wakes up its like noon there), and we might chat a bit. I'll text when I'm off work, and if he has time we might call then, and I'll text before bed. Since I go to bed at 11, thats only 9pm for him and depending on where he is working he might not be home yet.

Neither of our jobs really interfere with a text every now and then, so we maintain communication throughout the day. A lot of people I know think that's weird and they only talk to their spouse when they get home at the end of the day. That happens sometimes if it's very busy, but I don't prefer it.

julieanne912 · August 2015

Whether he's traveling or at home, we chat here and there on google chat throughout the day while I'm at work. In the evenings, if he's traveling, we'll text here and there depending on what we have going on that night (sometimes he has work functions wherever he's at, sometimes he's just chilling in his hotel room). We always send a good night text though. We very rarely have an actual phone conversation.

southernbelle0915 · August 2015

Not really at all unless we need something, are figuring out plans, or whatever. We both work normal "9-5" type jobs, so we're home together in the evenings.

Sometimes we'll call each other on our way home from work if one of us is stopping by the store to see if the other wants anything.

thefanciestbeckler · August 2015

Oh yeah!! You are a future pilot's wife too! Honestly FI and I rarely talk when he is flying. I usually hear from him when he takes off and lands, like you said. I work a desk job too, so I understand. It does feel really weird and empty when we can't talk very much. Especially when coworkers, friends etc. can talk to their SO's whenever they want!

Right now, I work 8:30-5 and FI is training 5-9:30. It gets tough! I'm sorry you guys are in such a weird place schedule wise right now, but I'm also selfishly glad that I have someone else to relate to

luckya23 · August 2015

We really hardly keep in contact when one is away, and very little while he's at work (he works in a clean room) or I'm traveling.

I hate speaking on the phone, so if my phone rings, someone better be sick or dead.

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

becklertobe said:

Oh yeah!! You are a future pilot's wife too! Honestly FI and I rarely talk when he is flying. I usually hear from him when he takes off and lands, like you said. I work a desk job too, so I understand. It does feel really weird and empty when we can't talk very much. Especially when coworkers, friends etc. can talk to their SO's whenever they want!

Right now, I work 8:30-5 and FI is training 5-9:30. It gets tough! I'm sorry you guys are in such a weird place schedule wise right now, but I'm also selfishly glad that I have someone else to relate to

It's weird isnt it. He is actually a full time Pilot (he's a Captain for a Charter flying company) and thankfully on most days he flies out first thing in the morning and is back by dinner unless he is doing an overnight flight somewhere. Right now though he is in California for the yearly recurrent SIM training so thats why the schedule is so different.

He's talked about going to a mainstream airline but those schedules scare me!

kvruns · August 2015

we text throughout the day but don't talk on the phone. even when one of us is traveling we might talk on the phone once but that is about it, the rest of the time is texting. he doesn't like talking on the phone and I'm ok with the texting mostly

thefanciestbeckler · August 2015

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

becklertobe said:

Oh yeah!! You are a future pilot's wife too! Honestly FI and I rarely talk when he is flying. I usually hear from him when he takes off and lands, like you said. I work a desk job too, so I understand. It does feel really weird and empty when we can't talk very much. Especially when coworkers, friends etc. can talk to their SO's whenever they want!

Right now, I work 8:30-5 and FI is training 5-9:30. It gets tough! I'm sorry you guys are in such a weird place schedule wise right now, but I'm also selfishly glad that I have someone else to relate to

It's weird isnt it. He is actually a full time Pilot (he's a Captain for a Charter flying company) and thankfully on most days he flies out first thing in the morning and is back by dinner unless he is doing an overnight flight somewhere. Right now though he is in California for the yearly recurrent SIM training so thats why the schedule is so different.

He's talked about going to a mainstream airline but those schedules scare me!

Ooh I don't blame you for being nervous about him going the airline route!!! Those schedules are all over the place.

My FI is finishing up his school right now and will be done in 2 weeks. I am crossing my fingers and toes and anything else I can cross that he will get a charter job. That is a sweet setup!

jenna8984 · August 2015

We actually talk a lot on a normal business day. We are both fairly bored at work so we text all sorts of stuff all day long. When it's month end and I'm actually too busy at work (3 days a month) he says he's so bored not hearing from me all day.

We don't have a lot of time apart, neither of us travel for work so we're pretty much home sleeping together 99% of the time. The one time I took a trip without him, I called in the morning, texted a few times during the day, and called before bed. I think you sound totally normal and I'd be worried about a pilot as well. I think it's sweet. Stinks about your schedule right now, makes it tough being in another country but at least it's only a week!

WinstonsGirl · August 2015

We e-mail throughout the day, though we don't always respond depending on the day. DH always calls on his way home to ask if I need anything. He also always has to say bye before he leaves in the morning. He never wanted to, cos he leaves about an hour before I wake up and he didn't want to wake me, but I insisted.

On the rare occasion he's out of town (or me, I guess), we FaceTime every night and if we miss each other, we send e-mails. We talk daily I guess

ETA - When either is away, I insist on "I've landed" messages. I even still e-mail both of our parents when we're travelling. I know it's not necessary at my age, but I know my MIL really appreciates it. She worries a lot about her kids still

madamerwin · August 2015

Some days I text w/H for what seems like the entire day, other times we don't text during the day at all. Today, I texted H twice: Once to tell him I can leave work a half hour early tomorrow (we have a 4-hour drive to a wedding tomorrow night), and again to tell him I thought we should have BLTs for dinner since we have a shit-ton of tomatoes in the garden. Both got me one-word responses, which was appropriate.

If one of us is out of town, usually the one traveling will call the one at home in the evening every day, and maybe a goodnight text.

So, sorry to go off-topic, but does anyone else use iPhone's "Share my location" feature with their SO? Basically, I can go in to mine and H's text thread, click details, and see in real-time where he is. He can do the same for me. It's mainly so we know when the other will be home from work, since we have slightly different schedules and it's easier than texting each other asking where the other is at. The only times we turn it off (to my knowledge) is when one of us is going gift shopping or somewhere else that would ruin a surprise. When I tell people we track each other, most people think it's super weird. But it's really convenient, and neither of us abuses it (or has anything to hide in terms of our locations).

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

tfmrserwin said:

Some days I text w/H for what seems like the entire day, other times we don't text during the day at all. Today, I texted H twice: Once to tell him I can leave work a half hour early tomorrow (we have a 4-hour drive to a wedding tomorrow night), and again to tell him I thought we should have BLTs for dinner since we have a shit-ton of tomatoes in the garden. Both got me one-word responses, which was appropriate.

If one of us is out of town, usually the one traveling will call the one at home in the evening every day, and maybe a goodnight text.

So, sorry to go off-topic, but does anyone else use iPhone's "Share my location" feature with their SO? Basically, I can go in to mine and H's text thread, click details, and see in real-time where he is. He can do the same for me. It's mainly so we know when the other will be home from work, since we have slightly different schedules and it's easier than texting each other asking where the other is at. The only times we turn it off (to my knowledge) is when one of us is going gift shopping or somewhere else that would ruin a surprise. When I tell people we track each other, most people think it's super weird. But it's really convenient, and neither of us abuses it (or has anything to hide in terms of our locations).

FI and I use the share my location feature when we are doing long road trips without the other person. It's a 7 hour drive to where we are having our wedding and we have both gone separately to get wedding stuff done. We turn it on when we leave so that the other can quickly glance to see how the drive is progressing without the driver having to text updates while driving because that's bad!

other than that we don't use it, but it is super handy in that situation.

jenna8984 · August 2015

@tfmrserwin We don't have iPhone's so I've never heard of that. But we wouldn't use it. We have the exact schedules every day so I know where he during his work hours, during his drive home, when he gets home. If he's stopping at Walmart of something he'll usually just ask if I need anything. When I go out to eat with girlfriends he never asks or cares where we are going. So we would have no need and I find it a little creepy.

lovemesomemonster · August 2015

When FI is out of town for his 6-7 months working we usually talk after work/before bed once a day, sometimes in the middle of the day if either of us needs something but that's rare. When I was out of the country for over 3 months last year it was harder with time zones so chats were limited and we emailed more, it was super weird to call him while I was getting ready for the day and he would be saying goodnight.

When he's working local we have one standard text convo a day, it's me asking what time he'll be home for dinner and him responding.

lyndausvi · August 2015

tfmrserwin said:

Some days I text w/H for what seems like the entire day, other times we don't text during the day at all. Today, I texted H twice: Once to tell him I can leave work a half hour early tomorrow (we have a 4-hour drive to a wedding tomorrow night), and again to tell him I thought we should have BLTs for dinner since we have a shit-ton of tomatoes in the garden. Both got me one-word responses, which was appropriate.

If one of us is out of town, usually the one traveling will call the one at home in the evening every day, and maybe a goodnight text.

So, sorry to go off-topic, but does anyone else use iPhone's "Share my location" feature with their SO? Basically, I can go in to mine and H's text thread, click details, and see in real-time where he is. He can do the same for me. It's mainly so we know when the other will be home from work, since we have slightly different schedules and it's easier than texting each other asking where the other is at. The only times we turn it off (to my knowledge) is when one of us is going gift shopping or somewhere else that would ruin a surprise. When I tell people we track each other, most people think it's super weird. But it's really convenient, and neither of us abuses it (or has anything to hide in terms of our locations).

nope. But I have an samsung and he has the iphone. I wouldn't use it anyway.

My sister used it for her kids. Until the kids got smart and started using it on them. HA. Seriously, the kids would stalk my sister and BIL to see where they are and how long it would be till they would get home. Or stalk where they are shopping.

Well she still uses it for the newest driver (they have to stay within the school district until they have had their license for a while), but not the older one.

madamerwin · August 2015

jenna8984 said:

@tfmrserwin We don't have iPhone's so I've never heard of that. But we wouldn't use it. We have the exact schedules every day so I know where he during his work hours, during his drive home, when he gets home. If he's stopping at Walmart of something he'll usually just ask if I need anything. When I go out to eat with girlfriends he never asks or cares where we are going. So we would have no need and I find it a little creepy.

Yeah, a lot of people seem to think it's creepy, but it's only creepy if you make it creepy. H's schedule is different every week, and some days he has to stay late. It saves me the hassle of having the text him to ask when he will be home, because I like to time dinner to his arrival.

Other than that, there are only a handful of times I use it: If he is at the grocery store, and I realize we need something not on the list, I check to see if he's still at the store before texting. When we are at festivals or other public events and we lose each other, we can find each other quickly. When he is golfing, he can be gone anywhere from 3-6 hours, so I can see on the map where he is on the course and thus estimate when he will be home. And then, as someone else mentioned, it's really handy on road trips. I get really worried about something going wrong on a road trip, so I can check to see that he is making progress.

It also gives me comfort when I go on runs in the evening, knowing that if something happened to me, H would be able to locate me (or my phone, at least). And it has come in handy when I've lost my phone, because H can tell me where it is.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

FI and I both primarily work at desks, so we talk on GChat quite often. Especially right now in the thick of planning and hiring vendors. I do a lot of communication when I am not super busy during the day, so I will check in with him and let him know what's up. If either of us are traveling, we don't text or talk too much, except small messages about arriving somewhere or saying goodnight. We do both have the "Find Friends" thing enabled, but not to be creepy. I convinced him to turn it on, because he tends to forget to let me know when he arrives places, and I get really anxious wondering if he is okay. I only ever check it to see if he has made it to work alright, or something like that. He uses the alerts to let him know when I travel to our apartment from my parents house, because he is outside waiting for me to carry a bunch of junk in. Can't complain

CharmedPam · August 2015

Daily. But we're also long distance. I don't think a day has gone by where we haven't talked on the phone or texted. Mostly text though.

jenna8984 · August 2015

tfmrserwin said:

jenna8984 said:

@tfmrserwin We don't have iPhone's so I've never heard of that. But we wouldn't use it. We have the exact schedules every day so I know where he during his work hours, during his drive home, when he gets home. If he's stopping at Walmart of something he'll usually just ask if I need anything. When I go out to eat with girlfriends he never asks or cares where we are going. So we would have no need and I find it a little creepy.

Yeah, a lot of people seem to think it's creepy, but it's only creepy if you make it creepy. H's schedule is different every week, and some days he has to stay late. It saves me the hassle of having the text him to ask when he will be home, because I like to time dinner to his arrival.

Other than that, there are only a handful of times I use it: If he is at the grocery store, and I realize we need something not on the list, I check to see if he's still at the store before texting. When we are at festivals or other public events and we lose each other, we can find each other quickly. When he is golfing, he can be gone anywhere from 3-6 hours, so I can see on the map where he is on the course and thus estimate when he will be home. And then, as someone else mentioned, it's really handy on road trips. I get really worried about something going wrong on a road trip, so I can check to see that he is making progress.

It also gives me comfort when I go on runs in the evening, knowing that if something happened to me, H would be able to locate me (or my phone, at least). And it has come in handy when I've lost my phone, because H can tell me where it is.

If it works out for you then it's not hurting anybody! I guess we just text more often, like if H goes golfing he will just shoot me one when he's wrapping up so I know when to expect him, or if he's stoping at the store he'll ask me first if I need something, or if we got separated at an event we would just text "I'm by the Red Bull display" or whatever. We are big texters. But you're right it's neat for safety if it's been a few hours and you were expected home.

emmaaa · August 2015

DH and I both drive 45 minutes and an hour to and from work. So we text each other when we get to work and when we leave. Throughout the day it just depends on how busy we are if there are any other texts throughout the day. Usually it's just texts trying to figure out supper or something.

Last week I was on vacation for the first 4 days without him because he had to work. I called him in the morning to make sure he was up for work (at 3:45 am) and then texted him throughout the day. However, he was busy at work and I was on the beach so we didn't get to talk much so we would text in the evening then talk on the phone at night. It was nice having the option to text and check in while I was away from him for a few days.

peachy13 · August 2015

FI and I don't talk much while we're at work. Maybe the occasional random "I love you," or something newsworthy, or something for FI's business (I'm his unofficial, pay-me-with-wine-and-dinner secretary). We are both home from work around dinnertime and catch up with each other then.

When one of us is OOT/somewhere overnight, there will be some more texting but never calling. TBH we only call each other when it's something urgent or really important. We joke that we talk on the phone so little that when we do, we're really awkward-sounding and it seems silly.

Funny that this subject is coming up. Last weekend was my bachelorette party and I was observing how my friends talk to their SOs when they're away for the night. Most of them gave a quick call to their SO before we went out and then later sent a text when we got home safe. One of my friends called her H two or three times during the day, and then one goodnight call before bed, followed by a good morning call, followed by a midday call. To each his own but I found that excessive.

edit: words

How often do you talk to your S/O while they are at work/Away?

Re: How often do you talk to your S/O while they are at work/Away?

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