Less than 1 year to plan a wedding -- eek!

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

Forget it. Just forget the whole thing. Posting here was obviously a mistake.

Pupatella · August 2015

Congratulations!! That is exciting!! This time line has been a life saver for me:

https://www.theknot.com/content/12-month-wedding-planning-countdown

I look at this often, and it has been beyond helpful. I am ahead of schedule, and have minimally stressed throughout the whole planning process. We planned about a 13 month engagement, and are so excited for the day to be here already!!

Good luck!! The women on this board are so helpful and knowledgeable if you have any questions, or just need to vent.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

Pupatella · August 2015

You will be fine!! We moved this past year, we both have full time jobs (by full time I mean 50-60 hrs / week...UGH). The planning countdown was a fantastic tool!! It gives you a reasonable amount of things to do each month.

Try not to stress (I know...easier said than done). Everything will work out in the end. Right now it seems like a daunting task. As soon as you figure out your budget, guest list and venue, everything will start falling into place very quickly!!

Enjoy the next year and have fun!! It is a very magical time!!

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

Pupatella · August 2015

If your Mom is paying for the wedding, her list can't be cut down because she absolutely has a say of who is invited. If you and your FI are paying for the wedding, only then can you talk to her about toning it down.

My FI and I are paying for our own wedding, so we definitely got to decide. We decided to have a small wedding, and only have 50 guests. He got to invite 25, and I got to invite 25. It was really difficult deciding who to invite, but I am really happy with the outcome as only our closest friends and family are coming. Did I invite a few people to make my Mom happy? Yes, but very very few. My FI also invited a few per his Mom's request. Our list did end up going to 27 each, but at least we are not that much over, and it's very even.

Figuring out your guest list is one of the hardest parts of the planning IMO.

As for where you are in your planning, I think you are off to a great start!! I definitely understand the stress, but just be reassured that everything will come together. If you are having trouble picking a venue, I would post on your local board and get advice from people in your area!! If you are very cramped for time, maybe there is a reception venue that offers a wedding package, which will knock out a lot of your to do list. When you find the right place, you will definitely know it.

AddieCake · August 2015

You don't need STDs, and there is plenty of time to get invitations. What you need to concern yourself with is finding a reception venue. What about a photographer? DJ? Baker? If you can't afford to invite all the people your mom and fiancé want, tell them,"Hey, we can't afford all these people."

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

AddieCake · August 2015

You seem a little all over the place with your planning. You need to sit down with them and talk hard numbers before moving forward because you don't have a wedding date until you have venues, so vendor availability on the date you want is moot until then.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

TrixieJess · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

We have a date. We will find another venue and vendor if they can't do our date because that is non negotiable. We have a budget that my mom has agreed upon...I have my dress and my veil, my shoes will honestly probably come from Target or TJ Maxx (I'm wearing flats and I don't care what they look like as long as they're cute and comfy). My dress needs 0 alterations...I'm going to start calling reception venues as soon as they are open for the day.

You don't have a date until you have a venue. You don't have money until it's cash in hand. Addie is trying to be very helpful. I would listen to her, she has very good advice.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

I have planned my wedding start to finish in what will be 10 months, so it can be done! Budget first. Not just an idea, but a nailed down, this is what I have budget. Then you can discuss your venue and guest list options. Once you have your venue, then start on your photographer, DJ, and videographer options. Make sure that you have a set amount of money set aside for each, and then stick to that budget. If you are flexible with your "Must-Haves" this is a little easier. For example, if you are willing to create your own wedding album of pictures and print it instead of having the photographer do it, this can lower your package price a little. I wouldn't worry about STD's, although I did send them. My reason for sending them was because several other cousins had just gotten engaged, and I was the first to pick my date as well as the fact our wedding is over a holiday weekend as well as being 2 1/2 hours from where I live. The Knot checklist has been very helpful. If you have any specific questions about my wedding (it's 16 days away now!!) you are welcome to ask.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

Pupatella · August 2015

Good luck on the venue search today!! I would ask the venue to do a mock bill for you. $100/pp does not usually really mean that - there can be tax, gratuities, set up fees, cake cutting fees (try to negotiate out of these), bar fees, etc. I'd also ask if they charge extra for preparing gluten free meals.

If your budget is limiting, I suggest sitting down with your Mom and FI and having a heart to heart. Figure out what is most important to you (i.e. you absolutely have to have a videographer which will cost x). Then decide whether you need to trim down your guest list.

The knot budgeting tool is something else I recommend using!! Usually about half of your budget is spent on your reception venue.

Deep breath - it will work out.

Good luck and keep us updated!!

TrixieJess · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

TrixieJess said:

lildropofsunshine said:

We have a date. We will find another venue and vendor if they can't do our date because that is non negotiable. We have a budget that my mom has agreed upon...I have my dress and my veil, my shoes will honestly probably come from Target or TJ Maxx (I'm wearing flats and I don't care what they look like as long as they're cute and comfy). My dress needs 0 alterations...I'm going to start calling reception venues as soon as they are open for the day.

You don't have a date until you have a venue. You don't have money until it's cash in hand. Addie is trying to be very helpful. I would listen to her, she has very good advice.

I realize she's trying to be helpful, and I appreciate it...but we do have a date. It's 8/6/16 and we will find a venue for the reception, even if it has to be a state park (we've got 3 in town so I'm sure one of them will be free that day). And I never said we have money, I said we have a budget that my mom agreed upon. That budget is $10,000.

I'm calling the DJ today to see if he has the date open, and there are a million photographers we can use including the one I was originally thinking, I doubt she has that day booked yet because she just started booking 2016 a few weeks ago.

My mom is the one who came up with the crazy guest list already, not me...so yeah...

Here's a helpful hint, if you are going to brush aside all helpful advice, don't ask for it.

Your date is your date when you have a venue booked. Your budget is your budget when you have money in hand. Agreements don't mean squat, just ask some of the women on here whose parents have promised money and it has never emerged.

If you are not going to take advice from people who have planned weddings, or who are further ahead of you, stop asking for it.

TheCheeseWench · August 2015

That is plenty of time. We booked our venue on March 2nd (the "where" was never a question). I got some of the planning done before getting hit by a semi April 30th and spending 2 weeks in the hospital and 3 more waiting to find out how long it would take for me to walk (we were considering postponing if there was a question of me not being recovered by then). I lost 5 weeks, but I have managed to play "catch up". Our wedding is 7 hours from home so most planning is long distance (we have made a couple of trips down there). We wanted 50 guests total. FMIL's list alone was 45. We are paying but we reminded ourselves that the only reason we are not just eloping is to make the parents happy, so we sucked it up and let the Mothers have their lists. 130 handmade STD & invites later, we are 42 days out and know it will all work out. Try not to stress.

When it comes to your budget, you have to show your mother the figures of what it will cost to properly* host all of those people. It is easy to forget how quickly costs (sometimes hidden) add up, so she needs to understand how much of your budget each of those extra people will eat up.

*chair for every butt, food appropriate for the time of day, guests pay for NOTHING, ALL SOs are invited, no tacky money grabs etc...

Edited because I can't type before coffee.

loveislouder · August 2015

Our wedding had 154 people. We got engaged in July and had the wedding in April. It's absolutely do-able, and I wasn't even stressed about it.

Pupatella · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

TrixieJess said:

lildropofsunshine said:

We have a date. We will find another venue and vendor if they can't do our date because that is non negotiable. We have a budget that my mom has agreed upon...I have my dress and my veil, my shoes will honestly probably come from Target or TJ Maxx (I'm wearing flats and I don't care what they look like as long as they're cute and comfy). My dress needs 0 alterations...I'm going to start calling reception venues as soon as they are open for the day.

You don't have a date until you have a venue. You don't have money until it's cash in hand. Addie is trying to be very helpful. I would listen to her, she has very good advice.

I realize she's trying to be helpful, and I appreciate it...but we do have a date. It's 8/6/16 and we will find a venue for the reception, even if it has to be a state park (we've got 3 in town so I'm sure one of them will be free that day). And I never said we have money, I said we have a budget that my mom agreed upon. That budget is $10,000.

I'm calling the DJ today to see if he has the date open, and there are a million photographers we can use including the one I was originally thinking, I doubt she has that day booked yet because she just started booking 2016 a few weeks ago.

My mom is the one who came up with the crazy guest list already, not me...so yeah...

Hey - so sorry, I just saw what your budget was. I'm not sure where you live, but I think you will end up needing to cut down your guest list, or realize that your budget needs to be increased. We are having just a little over 50 people, and are definitely going over $10k. I think inviting 120 guests and expecting to do everything for $10k will be very difficult. I'm not saying it can't be done for $10k, but all of the little expenses do add up. Plus, as @TheCheeseWench said, you need to treat your guests appropriately - a seat for every butt, guests pay for nothing, etc. I suggest trimming your guest list as much as you can, and spending your budget on the things that are the most meaningful to you.

arrrghmatey · August 2015

Our guest list is 170 people and our planning process is 11 months. I haven't gotten stressed about it. And one of my bridesmaids planned her wedding for 110 people in 6 months. So it certainly can be done.

The first thing you need to do is get your venue based on your budget and guest count. But if finding a venue to accommodate your budget and guest list is proving to be difficult, you probably need to be more flexible with your date. What is so significant about 8/6/16 that you absolutely cannot change it?

[Deleted User] · August 2015

I'm pretty sure she said she booked her church. So, she has her date.

TrixieJess · August 2015

adk19 said:

I'm pretty sure she said she booked her church. So, she has her date.

Ah, I missed that. Why can't you hold the reception at the church? Most churches have halls and kitchens.

AddieCake · August 2015

She has the church, but no reception venue.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

PamBeesly524 · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

My church is too small for the reception. The most the parish hall can hold is 110 people legally.

The invite list has already been trimmed as much as it possibly can be, and that's going to have to be my mom's problem because she just told me that she and my dad will be paying for the reception venue and food, and my FI and I are responsible for the photographer and DJ.

The date is significant because it is an auspicious day for a wedding according to the Chinese calendar which we absolutely need to go by according to FMIL. And it can't be much later than that anyway because my family will be traveling 3000 miles and my sister will have cheerleading commitments for school and the rest of my siblings will be starting the school year soon after. We can't do anything before July because my mom said absolutely not to me having my wedding before my brother, and there is only 1 day in July that the Chinese calendar says is okay for a wedding but it's less than a month after my brother's wedding which my mom also said no to.

And since my mom is paying for almost everything...kinda gotta go with it.

... Are you inviting more people to the ceremony than the reception?

justsie · August 2015

PamBeesly524 said:

lildropofsunshine said:

My church is too small for the reception. The most the parish hall can hold is 110 people legally.

The invite list has already been trimmed as much as it possibly can be, and that's going to have to be my mom's problem because she just told me that she and my dad will be paying for the reception venue and food, and my FI and I are responsible for the photographer and DJ.

The date is significant because it is an auspicious day for a wedding according to the Chinese calendar which we absolutely need to go by according to FMIL. And it can't be much later than that anyway because my family will be traveling 3000 miles and my sister will have cheerleading commitments for school and the rest of my siblings will be starting the school year soon after. We can't do anything before July because my mom said absolutely not to me having my wedding before my brother, and there is only 1 day in July that the Chinese calendar says is okay for a wedding but it's less than a month after my brother's wedding which my mom also said no to.

And since my mom is paying for almost everything...kinda gotta go with it.

... Are you inviting more people to the ceremony than the reception?

According to OP she wants to invite "no more than 120". So yes. Or she is gambling that people will say no. Either way, this is not good decision skills.

PamBeesly524 · August 2015

justsie said:

PamBeesly524 said:

lildropofsunshine said:

My church is too small for the reception. The most the parish hall can hold is 110 people legally.

The invite list has already been trimmed as much as it possibly can be, and that's going to have to be my mom's problem because she just told me that she and my dad will be paying for the reception venue and food, and my FI and I are responsible for the photographer and DJ.

The date is significant because it is an auspicious day for a wedding according to the Chinese calendar which we absolutely need to go by according to FMIL. And it can't be much later than that anyway because my family will be traveling 3000 miles and my sister will have cheerleading commitments for school and the rest of my siblings will be starting the school year soon after. We can't do anything before July because my mom said absolutely not to me having my wedding before my brother, and there is only 1 day in July that the Chinese calendar says is okay for a wedding but it's less than a month after my brother's wedding which my mom also said no to.

And since my mom is paying for almost everything...kinda gotta go with it.

... Are you inviting more people to the ceremony than the reception?

According to OP she wants to invite "no more than 120". So yes. Or she is gambling that people will say no. Either way, this is not good decision skills.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

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PamBeesly524 · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

PamBeesly524 said:

lildropofsunshine said:

My church is too small for the reception. The most the parish hall can hold is 110 people legally.

The invite list has already been trimmed as much as it possibly can be, and that's going to have to be my mom's problem because she just told me that she and my dad will be paying for the reception venue and food, and my FI and I are responsible for the photographer and DJ.

The date is significant because it is an auspicious day for a wedding according to the Chinese calendar which we absolutely need to go by according to FMIL. And it can't be much later than that anyway because my family will be traveling 3000 miles and my sister will have cheerleading commitments for school and the rest of my siblings will be starting the school year soon after. We can't do anything before July because my mom said absolutely not to me having my wedding before my brother, and there is only 1 day in July that the Chinese calendar says is okay for a wedding but it's less than a month after my brother's wedding which my mom also said no to.

And since my mom is paying for almost everything...kinda gotta go with it.

... Are you inviting more people to the ceremony than the reception?

Yes and no. Technically the whole church congregation is invited to the ceremony -- church rules, I can't stop it. But in terms of MY guests, no which is why we can't use the Parish Hall -- it's not big enough. I'm not getting my way and we're inviting around 140, but my mom is paying for the venue and food, so all my fiance and I have to worry about is the photographer and DJ.

oooh okay wait. So you can fit 140 in the ceremony space of the church, but not the parish hall? 'Cause that makes sense.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

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Less than 1 year to plan a wedding -- eek!

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