Less than 1 year to plan a wedding -- eek!

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

Jax43615 said:

A yacht club sounds like a great time!
And if you have to end up having your reception somewhere that you'd rather not, then that's ok. You even said yourself that you just want to have a good time on the dance floor and that can be done anywhere.

Yeah, the only thing is it can be really hot in August and I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable! I'm hoping the yacht club gets back to me on Monday. And yeah, my whole life I had planned on having my reception at my house which my parents have now sold...so it would be an outdoor/indoor reception -- we would've rented tents and tables but inside can fit A LOT of people (my mom regularly hosted parties of about 75) so if people wanted to go inside they could. So it wasn't going to be anything fancy by any means.

mollybarker11 · August 2015

It's totally understandable to accept your parents' contribution, strings and all, so you and your FI can start your lives together more comfortably. I never questioned that. It doesn't sound like your mom is compromising though. So I guess the only suggestion I have left is to just deal with the fact that she's hosting the wedding she wants to host and you shouldn't waste your energy on it. @Jax43615 has the right idea. At the end of it all you will be married and celebrating with your guy and that's what's important.

You're taking on way too much anxiety here. You seem resigned to this dreaded outdoor wedding you're doomed to have, but you haven't even contacted your local yacht club yet? What? Try to take things one step at a time and don't stress over things that haven't happened & may not ever happen.

Pupatella · August 2015

I also love the idea of a yacht club!! I think that sounds beautiful.

Yes, depending on where you are in August, it can be hot, but you are already aware of that which is good. Hopefully they get back to you on Monday with some good news.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

I called the yacht club yesterday and left a message but they didn't get back to me.

I'm in Upstate NY so August weather is a gamble. July is usually the hottest month and by August it has cooled down, but you never know for sure.

Once I have the venue I think everything will be just breezy. I mean yeah, I'll have to figure out food, and a DJ and a photographer, but those are easy things IMO.

Pupatella · August 2015

Is the yacht club an indoor / outdoor venue? Even if the weather is in the 70's on your wedding day, you will need a backup plan if it rains. But if it's way too hot, I highly recommend moving everyone inside where there is A/C, even if your ceremony is short.

And yes!! Everything will fall into place.

I would also ask the venue if they have a preferred vendor list if you need help narrowing down some vendors. I used the preferred vendor list from my venue, and it was such a huge help!!

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

Pupatella said:

Is the yacht club an indoor / outdoor venue? Even if the weather is in the 70's on your wedding day, you will need a backup plan if it rains. But if it's way too hot, I highly recommend moving everyone inside where there is A/C, even if your ceremony is short.

And yes!! Everything will fall into place. I would also ask the venue if they have a preferred vendor list if you need help narrowing down some vendors. I used the preferred vendor list from my venue, and it was such a huge help!!

Yes, the yacht club is an indoor/outdoor venue. People are going to be hot at my ceremony and I can't do anything about that, but my church is really hot in the summer, but it won't be more than 30 minutes long, and it's not like the temperature in there is unbearable or anything, just quite warm.

I just posted another thread: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1062725/friday-wedding#latest

justsie · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said: Pupatella said: Is the yacht club an indoor / outdoor venue? Even if the weather is in the 70's on your wedding day, you will need a backup plan if it rains. But if it's way too hot, I highly recommend moving everyone inside where there is A/C, even if your ceremony is short.
And yes!! Everything will fall into place.

I would also ask the venue if they have a preferred vendor list if you need help narrowing down some vendors. I used the preferred vendor list from my venue, and it was such a huge help!!
Yes, the yacht club is an indoor/outdoor venue. People are going to be hot at my ceremony and I can't do anything about that, but my church is really hot in the summer, but it won't be more than 30 minutes long, and it's not like the temperature in there is unbearable or anything, just quite warm.
I just posted another thread: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1062725/friday-wedding#latest If you already know that it is going to be "really hot" in your church you need to look for a plan B. Sure your ceremony is only 30 minutes long, but I am the kind of person that will get there 30 minutes early. So now I'm sitting in your hot church for 1 hour. One of the biggest/only part about etiquette is the comfort of guests. You planning on letting your guests sit in a "really hot" church for 30+ minutes is not considering your guests comfort at all.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

I'm having my wedding at my church. It is a non-negotiable. Maybe I can get some fans, but I cannot move the ceremony. I was baptized there, confirmed there, and will be married there. And I've said that since I was about 14.

justsie · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

I'm having my wedding at my church. It is a non-negotiable. Maybe I can get some fans, but I cannot move the ceremony. I was baptized there, confirmed there, and will be married there. And I've said that since I was about 14.

I never said that you couldn't have it in your church, I said you need a plan B for your "really hot" church. Get some portable AC units and fans, find out what it would take to make your church a comfortable temperature for your guests and do that. You keep getting so defensive and putting words in people's mouths and losing sight of the importance of treating your guests with proper etiquitte.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

justsie · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

justsie said:

lildropofsunshine said:

I'm having my wedding at my church. It is a non-negotiable. Maybe I can get some fans, but I cannot move the ceremony. I was baptized there, confirmed there, and will be married there. And I've said that since I was about 14.

I never said that you couldn't have it in your church, I said you need a plan B for your "really hot" church. Get some portable AC units and fans, find out what it would take to make your church a comfortable temperature for your guests and do that. You keep getting so defensive and putting words in people's mouths and losing sight of the importance of treating your guests with proper etiquitte.

You made it sound like I needed to not get married in my church. Reading this post I now realize that's not what you meant, but that is how I interpreted it. I didn't put words in anyone's mouth. In fact, I said maybe I could get fans or something.

How did I make it sound like you needed to not get married in your church? I think you interpreted that way, sure. But nothing in my post "made it sound" like that at all. If I had said you need to look for another place to get married, absolutely. I didn't. You interpreting that way, and the responding as if I had said that, was putting words in my mouth.

Like I said, stop being so defensive and start listening to some of the advice that the people here have given you.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

justsie said:

lildropofsunshine said:

justsie said:

lildropofsunshine said:

I'm having my wedding at my church. It is a non-negotiable. Maybe I can get some fans, but I cannot move the ceremony. I was baptized there, confirmed there, and will be married there. And I've said that since I was about 14.

I never said that you couldn't have it in your church, I said you need a plan B for your "really hot" church. Get some portable AC units and fans, find out what it would take to make your church a comfortable temperature for your guests and do that. You keep getting so defensive and putting words in people's mouths and losing sight of the importance of treating your guests with proper etiquitte.

You made it sound like I needed to not get married in my church. Reading this post I now realize that's not what you meant, but that is how I interpreted it. I didn't put words in anyone's mouth. In fact, I said maybe I could get fans or something.

How did I make it sound like you needed to not get married in your church? I think you interpreted that way, sure. But nothing in my post "made it sound" like that at all. If I had said you need to look for another place to get married, absolutely. I didn't. You interpreting that way, and the responding as if I had said that, was putting words in my mouth.

Like I said, stop being so defensive and start listening to some of the advice that the people here have given you.

To me it sounded that way. I'm not being defensive, I was explaining myself. Good Lord!

southernbelle0915 · August 2015

Dude, you need to relax. @justsie (and everyone else) is trying to help you. You are an internet stranger. Not a friend. Not a client. And you aren't paying anyone here for their advice - you're getting good planning advice FOR FREE. Assume good intentions and take stuff with a grain of salt.

You have been super defensive in this thread and multiple other threads. It's not a cosmic coincidence that basically everyone here has noticed that.

Just chill and stop trying to swim upstream. Seriously. You will have a lot more fun posting and planning your wedding.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

I'm perfectly chill, . It's hard to read people on the internet, so I think everyone is on the same level of fault here. This is why you can't trust knowing anyone online, but you can in person.

jacques27 · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

I'm perfectly chill, . It's hard to read people on the internet, so I think everyone is on the same level of fault here. This is why you can't trust knowing anyone online, but you can in person.

Then maybe you need to either seek advice from people you know in person or learn to read through everything twice before you respond and read everything with as neutral of a tone inside your head as possible if you're going to continue seeking advice on the internet.

You also said your date was non-negotiable before. In fact, you got very defensive about it and repeatedly stated that the wedding was going to happen that date no matter what. Now look...

artbyallie · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

Why am I compromising with my mom? Because I want her to pay! I'd rather my FI and I have a good chunk of our own money at the beginning of our marriage instead of spending it all on our wedding.

Well, this is kind of... entitled is probably the nicest way to put it.

If you want her money, you take her strings. Stop stressing about what you want and let her plan it.

If you want your way, you pay. You don't have to spend all your money on your wedding unless you choose to do so. Figure out what you can comfortably afford to spend and stick to that budget, even if that means you have a 2pm wedding for 20 followed by cake and punch in the church. Or even if that means you purchase your marriage license and get married in your church with a couple witnesses and take them out to dinner afterward.

There is just no point in your complaining about every single piece of advice you are offered on here. I don't know what exactly you're wanting to hear, but I don't think you're going to get it here. You can leave if you don't like what we have to say.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

It's my mom who needs to figure out what she's willing to pay since she's the one paying, not me. I've accepted her strings, and I've even accepted that I may have to change the date. In fact, I have now tentatively changed it to the 13th because the DJ I want is available that date.

southernbelle0915 · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:
I'm perfectly chill, . It's hard to read people on the internet, so I think everyone is on the same level of fault here. This is why you can't trust knowing anyone online, but you can in person.

It's not that hard to read posts on the internet. Not one person read into anyone else's comments except you. That is not a coincidence.

Now, if you seriously think you are a chill individual after posting an OMG thread to the Wedding 911 board because you have "only" 12 months to plan a wedding for 140 people...go on with your bad self. But recognize that your definition of "chill" is pretty far off from everyone else's.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

It may be off from others, but I'm chill. You'd know if I wasn't chill.

mollybarker11 · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

It's my mom who needs to figure out what she's willing to pay since she's the one paying, not me. I've accepted her strings, and I've even accepted that I may have to change the date. In fact, I have now tentatively changed it to the 13th because the DJ I want is available that date.

If you've accepted everything then why are you here freaking out? Just let it go, let her do the heavy lifting, and show up in your dress when & where you're told to. The pressure's off!

I don't think there's anything entitled about accepting your parents' offer to pay for the wedding. Saving the money you would have spent on it is a smart idea for those with the opportunity to do so. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. If she's paying for it and won't take what you want into consideration, as you've said, then stop trying to plan the wedding you want.

If you insist on staying involved, you need to take a breath and literally write down a list of your must-haves and prioritize them. You may find that you're worrying about things that aren't all that significant. For example, changing the date of a wedding you have already booked a ceremony venue for just because the DJ you like isn't available sounds completely ridiculous to me, but if that's your top concern then fine. But please, figure out your priorities before you book or cancel anything else related to your wedding.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

I'm not freaking out anymore. I was, but I'm not now. I haven't booked a reception venue which is where the DJ will be, and the ceremony venue, I can pick pretty much any day since it's my church. The thing that freaks me out most is that I'm having a hard time finding a reception venue, and like I said a few posts up, I'm not even being picky in the slightest unless you count me saying that I want it indoors as picky!

Pupatella · August 2015

I would post on your local board (if you haven't already) for ideas. Someone may tell you about a phenomenal venue you have never even heard of.

lildropofsunshine · August 2015

Pupatella said:

I would post on your local board (if you haven't already) for ideas. Someone may tell you about a phenomenal venue you have never even heard of.

Good idea! I honestly wouldn't have thought of that! Thank you!!

CMGragain · August 2015

Elope.

levioosa · August 2015

lildropofsunshine said:

It may be off from others, but I'm chill. You'd know if I wasn't chill.

Ahahahahaha!!!!

Oh wait, I'm sorry, you were being serious.

onefootinthebayou · August 2015

*Confessing I didn't read all 4 pages
Of this but OP, how are you stressed with a year to plan? 11.75 months ~ basically a year.

We planned a pretty large wedding, many guests from out of town, several hosted events, working full time & I was traveling weekly (sometimes internationally) in six & a half months.

If you don't lose sight of what's important (marrying your loved one & hosting any guests properly) any additional stress is really superficial. There is no reason to be freaking out and making a plea for help.

I'll try to read through this tomorrow and offer some actual advice based on your comments tomorrow but my initial reaction to your OP is "Come on, seriously? You have a YEAR." That's a lot more luxury in terms of time than many of us had and we made do. For heaven's sake, you're planning a wedding, not cutting the blue wire or the red wire in a Liam Neeson flick.

TrixieJess · August 2015

Oh look a DD!

PamBeesly524 · August 2015

TrixieJess said:
Oh look a DD!

This is probably the most useless DD I've ever seen... This thread has been up for like 4 days, everyone has read it.

mollybarker11 · August 2015

Also the rudest? Not only did she blow off nearly every piece of advice people here kindly took the time to write up for her, she throws in a DD to top it off.

OP - I genuinely wish you good luck going forward because if this is you in Chill Mode I'm very concerned for your well-being at crunch time.

Pupatella · August 2015

Apologies, but what's a DD?

Less than 1 year to plan a wedding -- eek!

Re: Less than 1 year to plan a wedding -- eek!

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