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Friday wedding?

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Re: Friday wedding?

  • JoanE2012 said:
    My fiance is Vietnamese, so the calendar is very important to his mother about when we're getting married. I can't just pick a random day, it has to be one labeled as auspicious by the Chinese calendar. But beyond that, this thread is null and void now since I'm having a Saturday wedding now.
    But what's important to you and your FI?  Unless his mother is paying for the wedding, you should be doing what makes you and FI happy.  You're grown adults.
    It's important to my fiance that we hold the wedding on a day that is auspicious because it's important to his mother. And it's important to me to have them be happy. But like I said, this thread doesn't even matter anymore because we're not having a Friday wedding.
    This thread does matter because  there are lurkers or other knotties that are having a Friday wedding. 



  • JoanE2012 said:



    My fiance is Vietnamese, so the calendar is very important to his mother about when we're getting married. I can't just pick a random day, it has to be one labeled as auspicious by the Chinese calendar. But beyond that, this thread is null and void now since I'm having a Saturday wedding now.

    But what's important to you and your FI?  Unless his mother is paying for the wedding, you should be doing what makes you and FI happy.  You're grown adults.

    It's important to my fiance that we hold the wedding on a day that is auspicious because it's important to his mother. And it's important to me to have them be happy. But like I said, this thread doesn't even matter anymore because we're not having a Friday wedding.


    This thread does matter because  there are lurkers or other knotties that are having a Friday wedding. 

    Don't confuse her with details like "it's not ALL about you Princess".
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2015
    Viczaesar said:
    A 4 pm Friday wedding says to me "I don't care if it's convenient for you or if you come or not."  Why 4 pm?  How many of your guests are local, and how many would be from out of town?
    What if your whole family was invited to a local Friday Wedding: should I exclude you because of your schedule? I hope I don't look like a bad host because I have a Friday wedding. I don't know all the work schedules of my guests because it varies so much . I only checked with my V.I.P.'s. I love all my wedding guests and would hope that a Friday is better than a Saturday because of their profession. If not , I'm OK with declines. I know work Trumps a wedding. But I don't want them to think I don't care about them being there or that I dont care about their convenience. I feel sad now because I wanted to host our wedding so well. I'm even going to host valet parking.
    Who said I have a schedule conflict with a 4 pm Friday wedding?  Who said anything about whether you should invite someone whose work schedule conflicts with your wedding plans?

    Having your wedding at a time of day on a week day where most of your guests would have to take time off of work to attend says to me that you don't care if people attend.  I never said that Friday weddings were a problem.  However, unless the majority of your guest list has an unusual work schedule and is free on Friday at 4 pm then yes, I do think that you're being inconsiderate of your guests.  If you (general) just want a cheaper wedding, why not start it at 6:30 or 7, so that people who work M-F 9-5 don't have to take time off of work or miss part of your wedding?  That's why I asked OP why 4 pm, and whether her guests are coming from out of town or are local.  Mostly local guests with traditional work schedules?  I think 4 pm is inconsiderate.  Mostly local guests but primarily people who work a non-traditional schedule?  4 pm might make more sense then.  Mostly out of town guests who will have to take Friday off regardless of what time the ceremony starts?  4 pm might make more sense then as well.  But in general a weekday wedding before 6 pm indicates to me that you may be valuing your vision more than your guests.

    Out of curiosity, does your wedding start before 6 pm?  Is that why you identify with what I wrote?
    Yes it does ( or did).  I will talk to my vendors to see if I can  change the start time.  I don't know everyone's schedule   but out of 22 guests I know 13 of them don't work or make there own hours (retired, own their own business, or stay at home moms). Some work in retail,   Then there are my  cousins who have several  seasonal jobs and are always on tour. My F.I. can only take a few days off so we are having a Friday wedding so we can  go on our honeymoon on Saturday and Sunday then come back on Monday.  I thought it should start earlier than evening because of traffic and It's downtown,  a lot of my guests are elderly, and I also was worried about my vendors working too late. As of right now my start time is 4:30 and the end time is 9:30. Would 5:30-10:30 be more appropriate? 
    Since the majority of your guests do not work normal business hours, I think there is nothing wrong with your 4:30 wedding. Keep traffic in mind though. 4:30 on a Friday is major rush hour (depending on the city).

    A lot of people here are business hour centric, but there is nothing wrong with having a 4:30 Friday wedding if your VIPs are ok with it. 

    Also, a Friday wedding in the summer might be easier for people than a Friday wedding in March or October. Or a Friday summer wedding might be easier than a school year Saturday wedding. Especially if many of your guests are teachers. 

    My sister is a teacher and she had a Friday wedding in July. She had over 90% acceptance. I had a Saturday mid June wedding and had only 70% acceptance. 

    ETA: My husband doesn't work Monday or Tuesday, and even though I work normal business hours, I have plenty of PTO. We could easily go to a Monday wedding, whereas others would have a major problem with it. I'm going to a wedding in October without my husband, because he can't get the time off, because it's a Saturday wedding out of town. 
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  • I am going to support lildropofsunshine on this one.  Astrology is very important to most eastern Asian people.  I think it was a good idea for her to try an accommodate her FI's culture.  My daughter has some similar issues with her Chinese-American in-laws.
    Just because dates are not important in western culture does not mean that they aren't important in others.
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    ILoveBeachMusiclildropofsunshineJediElizabethadwks
  • I agree that FMIL's wishes/FI's cultural traditions should be considered, and I also understand that some dates look & sound better than others, just as some names do. I have no problem with even going so far as to make those the main factors in setting a date if you want.

    If that date winds up being a Wednesday, obviously a lot of the guests will probably resent the couple for making them choose between celebrating with them & being productive at work the next day, but if the date is more important to the couple so be it.

    What I do take issue with, and what a few others were trying to point out, is declaring a date "our date" without actually having anything booked. Or making umteen frantic threads each time the date gets "changed". Going "YOUR REASONS FOR PICKING A DATE ARE STUPID!" isn't all that helpful, but I think OP frustrated a lot of folks by taking a bad approach to event planning and ignoring all the advice she was offered.

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    A 4 pm Friday wedding says to me "I don't care if it's convenient for you or if you come or not."  Why 4 pm?  How many of your guests are local, and how many would be from out of town?
    What if your whole family was invited to a local Friday Wedding: should I exclude you because of your schedule? I hope I don't look like a bad host because I have a Friday wedding. I don't know all the work schedules of my guests because it varies so much . I only checked with my V.I.P.'s. I love all my wedding guests and would hope that a Friday is better than a Saturday because of their profession. If not , I'm OK with declines. I know work Trumps a wedding. But I don't want them to think I don't care about them being there or that I dont care about their convenience. I feel sad now because I wanted to host our wedding so well. I'm even going to host valet parking.
    Who said I have a schedule conflict with a 4 pm Friday wedding?  Who said anything about whether you should invite someone whose work schedule conflicts with your wedding plans?

    Having your wedding at a time of day on a week day where most of your guests would have to take time off of work to attend says to me that you don't care if people attend.  I never said that Friday weddings were a problem.  However, unless the majority of your guest list has an unusual work schedule and is free on Friday at 4 pm then yes, I do think that you're being inconsiderate of your guests.  If you (general) just want a cheaper wedding, why not start it at 6:30 or 7, so that people who work M-F 9-5 don't have to take time off of work or miss part of your wedding?  That's why I asked OP why 4 pm, and whether her guests are coming from out of town or are local.  Mostly local guests with traditional work schedules?  I think 4 pm is inconsiderate.  Mostly local guests but primarily people who work a non-traditional schedule?  4 pm might make more sense then.  Mostly out of town guests who will have to take Friday off regardless of what time the ceremony starts?  4 pm might make more sense then as well.  But in general a weekday wedding before 6 pm indicates to me that you may be valuing your vision more than your guests.

    Out of curiosity, does your wedding start before 6 pm?  Is that why you identify with what I wrote?
    Yes it does ( or did).  I will talk to my vendors to see if I can  change the start time.  I don't know everyone's schedule   but out of 22 guests I know 13 of them don't work or make there own hours (retired, own their own business, or stay at home moms). Some work in retail,   Then there are my  cousins who have several  seasonal jobs and are always on tour. My F.I. can only take a few days off so we are having a Friday wedding so we can  go on our honeymoon on Saturday and Sunday then come back on Monday.  I thought it should start earlier than evening because of traffic and It's downtown,  a lot of my guests are elderly, and I also was worried about my vendors working too late. As of right now my start time is 4:30 and the end time is 9:30. Would 5:30-10:30 be more appropriate? 
    Are you only having 22 guests?  If so, based on what you've said about what you know about your guests, it sounds like 4:30 might be fine for your event and your guests.  I agree with @huskypuppy14 that you might look closer at the timeline because of traffic issues in cities.  4:30 might not avoid rush hour traffic depending on the city.



  • Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    A 4 pm Friday wedding says to me "I don't care if it's convenient for you or if you come or not."  Why 4 pm?  How many of your guests are local, and how many would be from out of town?
    What if your whole family was invited to a local Friday Wedding: should I exclude you because of your schedule? I hope I don't look like a bad host because I have a Friday wedding. I don't know all the work schedules of my guests because it varies so much . I only checked with my V.I.P.'s. I love all my wedding guests and would hope that a Friday is better than a Saturday because of their profession. If not , I'm OK with declines. I know work Trumps a wedding. But I don't want them to think I don't care about them being there or that I dont care about their convenience. I feel sad now because I wanted to host our wedding so well. I'm even going to host valet parking.
    Who said I have a schedule conflict with a 4 pm Friday wedding?  Who said anything about whether you should invite someone whose work schedule conflicts with your wedding plans?

    Having your wedding at a time of day on a week day where most of your guests would have to take time off of work to attend says to me that you don't care if people attend.  I never said that Friday weddings were a problem.  However, unless the majority of your guest list has an unusual work schedule and is free on Friday at 4 pm then yes, I do think that you're being inconsiderate of your guests.  If you (general) just want a cheaper wedding, why not start it at 6:30 or 7, so that people who work M-F 9-5 don't have to take time off of work or miss part of your wedding?  That's why I asked OP why 4 pm, and whether her guests are coming from out of town or are local.  Mostly local guests with traditional work schedules?  I think 4 pm is inconsiderate.  Mostly local guests but primarily people who work a non-traditional schedule?  4 pm might make more sense then.  Mostly out of town guests who will have to take Friday off regardless of what time the ceremony starts?  4 pm might make more sense then as well.  But in general a weekday wedding before 6 pm indicates to me that you may be valuing your vision more than your guests.

    Out of curiosity, does your wedding start before 6 pm?  Is that why you identify with what I wrote?
    Yes it does ( or did).  I will talk to my vendors to see if I can  change the start time.  I don't know everyone's schedule   but out of 22 guests I know 13 of them don't work or make there own hours (retired, own their own business, or stay at home moms). Some work in retail,   Then there are my  cousins who have several  seasonal jobs and are always on tour. My F.I. can only take a few days off so we are having a Friday wedding so we can  go on our honeymoon on Saturday and Sunday then come back on Monday.  I thought it should start earlier than evening because of traffic and It's downtown,  a lot of my guests are elderly, and I also was worried about my vendors working too late. As of right now my start time is 4:30 and the end time is 9:30. Would 5:30-10:30 be more appropriate? 
    Are you only having 22 guests?  If so, based on what you've said about what you know about your guests, it sounds like 4:30 might be fine for your event and your guests.  I agree with @huskypuppy14 that you might look closer at the timeline because of traffic issues in cities.  4:30 might not avoid rush hour traffic depending on the city.
    Yes, only 22 guests are going to be  invited to our wedding. Traffic  is unpredictable in the downtown area. However Fridays seem to be worse than any other weekday and  4--7 usually are peak traffic hours. I think ideally guests should leave at 3:30. That gives them an hour for a 15 minute drive  (if there is no traffic) then  find the hotel, valet park get their ticket,  and still have time to use the restroom  or have a glass of water

    If I switch the start time to 5:00 pm or 5:30. I think traffic would be an issue. 
  • I see this post is old, so my response may be moot. However, IMO Friday weddings are fine as long as the wedding couple is okay with it and accepts the fact not everyone can take the day off of work, but as far as local guests go, you'd probably get as many RSVPs to an evening reception as you would on a Saturday. I see really no difference there. I am attending a Friday wedding this weekend where the ceremony is at 4PM and the reception begins at 6:30PM. I am unable to take off of work and am done at 4, but I will go home right after get ready and head to the reception, at least I'm making part of it.
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