Please bear with me as this post may be rather long and it is a problem that is stressing me immensely.
I have a bridesmaid that I have known for the past eleven years and I immediately asked her to be part of my wedding after my fiance` proposed this past December. Her personality is both parts bossy and flirty, which I've come to accept as part of her. My fiance` and I invited her over to our small super bowl party this past February. Things were going well until I went to get pizza and when I returned to the room, she was trying to tickle him and was being extremely touchy-feely while my fiance` looked uncomfortable to no end. I was instantly upset and told her of my concern. She claimed that she was just being playful and I forgave her, seeing as we had been friends for so long.
Flash forward to last month, my friend was over and we were all swimming. My fiance` started feeling pretty bad afterwards and went into our room to lay down and rest after I told him that my friend and I were just going to catch up and watch movies in our living room. As we were making our way to the living room and talking, my friend instead goes into our bedroom and crawls into bed with my fiance`, asking what movie we were going to watch. The look on both of our faces were probably priceless.
My question is this: How do I tell her she is no longer a bridesmaid? I know it is probably simpler than I'm making it out to be, but even though she has been ridiculous I'm not the kind of person who likes to step on people's toes.
Re: How to tell a bridesmaid she is no longer part of the wedding
Typically it's not alright to kick people out of your wedding party, but here it a good reason to do so. Have you confronted her on her behavior? Said something like "hey friend, you're being a bit too touchy feely and flirtacious around my FI." If you haven't you probably should.
Note: I'm not saying you shouldn't kick her out and I'm not advocating continuing to be friends with her. I'm just letting you know that generally speaking this sort of thing ends friendships altogether and you need to be prepared for that.
Also, your story confuses me. This happened last month. So, what did you say then? What was her response? Did you all just crawl into bed and watch the movie in uncomfortable silence then? Have you not actually talked about it with her between then and now? There's something missing from your story here and that might change my answer.
Otherwise, if you're ready to call it quits on this person as your friend, then just say "I'm really sorry it has come to this, but that incident a few weeks ago where you crawled into bed was definitely not ok. This is now the second time something like this has happened and that behavior is not something I'm comfortable with. I no longer feel comfortable asking you to stand up as a bridesmaid at my wedding."
There are a few instances when kicking out a bridesmaid is reasonable, and that's because she betrayed the friendship. Sex with the groom is one of them.
The bigger question is, OP: The fact that you caught your FI in bed with your bridesmaid raises a huge red flag of issues that I think you need to deal with before you marry your FI.
But, she left out huge parts of the story about what happened afterwards. Hopping fully clothed onto a made bed like you're going to watch movies is a little bit different than having sex with someone or trying to have sex with someone. And not actually saying anything at the time and letting her go on thinking they are friends and she's still a bridesmaid for anywhere from 1-5 weeks depending on how long ago "last month" actually was tells me that it wasn't as serious as her trying to have sex with him and not as grievous as to immediately end the friendship or the OP would have done it "last month". Or possibly the OP wanted to maintain a limited friendship (no longer having the friend around FI and maybe they are just coffee date friends only from here on out), since she just said she wanted to kick her out, not actually end the friendship. Or maybe the OP is just a pushover. WHo knows? Hence, why I let her know that it's usually the whole kit and kaboodle. I'm not here to tell her who she can and cannot be friends with (I've seen people continue to be friends with shittier people for whatever reason seems to float their boat) - just what the consequences are to her actions since she was pretty vague.
If you're not here to tell her who she can and cannot be friends with, then you don't need to point out to her that kicking the girl out of the wedding party is a friendship ending move, since it sounds like she wants to end the friendship anyway.
Oh, and what part of "being extremely touchy-feely" did you not read in the OP?
So, what did your FI do?
This. Not saying what she did was ok, but we've gone from her getting in the bed asking about movies to her having sex with him and "catching them in bed together."
This. Not saying what she did was ok, but we've gone from her getting in the bed asking about movies to her having sex with him and "catching them in bed together."
Typical thread brought to you by Jen's logic...
"Extremely touchy feely" was an incident in February at a Super Bowl party.
The incident last month... "My fiance` started feeling pretty bad afterwards and went into our room to lay down and rest after I told him that my friend and I were just going to catch up and watch movies in our living room. As we were making our way to the living room and talking, my friend instead goes into our bedroom and crawls into bed with my fiance`, asking what movie we were going to watch. The look on both of our faces were probably priceless."
So, this implies both the OP and the FI were in the room, since the look on BOTH of their faces was probably priceless. That's some guts if bridesmaid actually slept with the fiance with OP watching then.
And, not everyone necessarily realizes that kicking someone out of the wedding = ending friendship. Meanwhile, ending a friendship almost certainly would imply a person is not going to continue to be in someone's wedding. She only mentioned kicking her out of the wedding and didn't end the friendship on the spot (effectively taking care of the wedding, too), which could potentially be up for interpretation as to what the OP wanted, since she didn't provide further details initially.