This hot mess

spockforprez · September 2015

Presented without comment except to say this is in response to someone asking, "How did you handle your unplugged ceremony?"

I put it on the invites, website, and programs, and then we did a fairly harsh announcement before starting the ceremony:

"Hello everyone. For those of you who don’t know me, I am E, A’s brother, and I will be officiating this wonderful wedding. I would like to take a second to welcome you all and thank you for being a part of this moment. At the request of the bride and groom, the ceremony is going to be “Unplugged”. You probably have seen this in the invitations, on the wedding website, and it is also in your programs. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, an unplugged wedding is one where there is NO photography or video allowed. A wedding ceremony is an intimate moment, and both the bride and groom feel that the abundant access we have to technology sometimes causes us to miss out on truly experiencing the best parts of life because we are too busy trying to save them through a tiny screen. So, I’d like you all to take out your phones and cameras and hold them up in the air. Is that everyone? Great! Now somewhere on the item in your hand there should be a button labeled power. I’d like you all to take a deep breath and press that button. Now take your phones, cameras, and other picture taking devices and put them away. Under your chair, in your purse, or in your pocket. The lovely lady in back is named M and she will be handling the photography for the ceremony. She’s an excellent photographer and because everyone understands how much people want pictures of the ceremony to look back on, you will all get copies upon request. The happy couple have even arranged to have some pictures of the ceremony available really soon after the wedding. But she is also the reason for the cash bar this evening as my sister and very soon to be brother in law blew the booze budget on hiring her. So if you could please not ruin the professional pictures by having your phones and cameras out during the ceremony, it would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, if I see you trying to sneak a picture, I’ve been given permission to stop the ceremony and let you have the floor until you have finished. I can tell you after knowing my sister for almost - years, you don’t want to be that guy. There will be plenty of time for you all to take pictures of or with the happy couple as soon as the ceremony is over."

People apparently loved it and played along according to the guests we asked.

kmmssg · September 2015

OH.HELL.NO.

MobKaz · September 2015

dreadpirateroberts said:

Presented without comment except to say this is in response to someone asking, "How did you handle your unplugged ceremony?"

I put it on the invites, website, and programs, and then we did a fairly harsh announcement before starting the ceremony:
"Hello everyone. For those of you who don’t know me, I am E, A’s brother, and I will be officiating this wonderful wedding. I would like to take a second to welcome you all and thank you for being a part of this moment. At the request of the bride and groom, the ceremony is going to be “Unplugged”. You probably have seen this in the invitations, on the wedding website, and it is also in your programs. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, an unplugged wedding is one where there is NO photography or video allowed. A wedding ceremony is an intimate moment, and both the bride and groom feel that the abundant access we have to technology sometimes causes us to miss out on truly experiencing the best parts of life because we are too busy trying to save them through a tiny screen. So, I’d like you all to take out your phones and cameras and hold them up in the air. Is that everyone? Great! Now somewhere on the item in your hand there should be a button labeled power. I’d like you all to take a deep breath and press that button. Now take your phones, cameras, and other picture taking devices and put them away. Under your chair, in your purse, or in your pocket. The lovely lady in back is named M and she will be handling the photography for the ceremony. She’s an excellent photographer and because everyone understands how much people want pictures of the ceremony to look back on, you will all get copies upon request. The happy couple have even arranged to have some pictures of the ceremony available really soon after the wedding. But she is also the reason for the cash bar this evening as my sister and very soon to be brother in law blew the booze budget on hiring her. So if you could please not ruin the professional pictures by having your phones and cameras out during the ceremony, it would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, if I see you trying to sneak a picture, I’ve been given permission to stop the ceremony and let you have the floor until you have finished. I can tell you after knowing my sister for almost - years, you don’t want to be that guy. There will be plenty of time for you all to take pictures of or with the happy couple as soon as the ceremony is over."
People apparently loved it and played along according to the guests we asked.

Short version: My sister and soon-to-be brother in law are thoughtless and inconsiderate, and gave no thought whatsoever to the hospitality of their guests. They do, however, expect their guests to ignore that poor treatment and place the wedding couple on the pedestal where the couple think they belong.

Heffalump · September 2015

MobKaz said:

dreadpirateroberts said:

Presented without comment except to say this is in response to someone asking, "How did you handle your unplugged ceremony?"

I put it on the invites, website, and programs, and then we did a fairly harsh announcement before starting the ceremony:
"Hello everyone. For those of you who don’t know me, I am E, A’s brother, and I will be officiating this wonderful wedding. I would like to take a second to welcome you all and thank you for being a part of this moment. At the request of the bride and groom, the ceremony is going to be “Unplugged”. You probably have seen this in the invitations, on the wedding website, and it is also in your programs. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, an unplugged wedding is one where there is NO photography or video allowed. A wedding ceremony is an intimate moment, and both the bride and groom feel that the abundant access we have to technology sometimes causes us to miss out on truly experiencing the best parts of life because we are too busy trying to save them through a tiny screen. So, I’d like you all to take out your phones and cameras and hold them up in the air. Is that everyone? Great! Now somewhere on the item in your hand there should be a button labeled power. I’d like you all to take a deep breath and press that button. Now take your phones, cameras, and other picture taking devices and put them away. Under your chair, in your purse, or in your pocket. The lovely lady in back is named M and she will be handling the photography for the ceremony. She’s an excellent photographer and because everyone understands how much people want pictures of the ceremony to look back on, you will all get copies upon request. The happy couple have even arranged to have some pictures of the ceremony available really soon after the wedding. But she is also the reason for the cash bar this evening as my sister and very soon to be brother in law blew the booze budget on hiring her. So if you could please not ruin the professional pictures by having your phones and cameras out during the ceremony, it would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, if I see you trying to sneak a picture, I’ve been given permission to stop the ceremony and let you have the floor until you have finished. I can tell you after knowing my sister for almost - years, you don’t want to be that guy. There will be plenty of time for you all to take pictures of or with the happy couple as soon as the ceremony is over."
People apparently loved it and played along according to the guests we asked.

Short version: My sister and soon-to-be brother in law are thoughtless and inconsiderate, and gave no thought whatsoever to the hospitality of their guests. They do, however, expect their guests to ignore that poor treatment and place the wedding couple on the pedestal where the couple think they belong.

That was exactly what I was going to comment on. Basically, the brother announced that the couple was really bad at budgeting/prioritizing, since they couldn't find a way to pay for the photographer and properly their guests. And if something had to give, it was the guests. Because pictures are obviously more important than treating people well.

This whole thing makes me so sad: that there was a control freak bride who felt the need to micromanage her guests to this degree; that the groom went along with it; that her brother read this statement as if it wasn't incredibly rude and condescending; that the bride later shared it, all proud of herself; and that someone else probably read it and thought "That's exactly what I need to do!" And how awkward for the poor photographer. "Yes, folks, I'm the reason you have to fork over $8 plus tip for a well G&T." [eyeroll]

MobKaz · September 2015

Heffalump said:

MobKaz said:

dreadpirateroberts said:

Presented without comment except to say this is in response to someone asking, "How did you handle your unplugged ceremony?"

I put it on the invites, website, and programs, and then we did a fairly harsh announcement before starting the ceremony:
"Hello everyone. For those of you who don’t know me, I am E, A’s brother, and I will be officiating this wonderful wedding. I would like to take a second to welcome you all and thank you for being a part of this moment. At the request of the bride and groom, the ceremony is going to be “Unplugged”. You probably have seen this in the invitations, on the wedding website, and it is also in your programs. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, an unplugged wedding is one where there is NO photography or video allowed. A wedding ceremony is an intimate moment, and both the bride and groom feel that the abundant access we have to technology sometimes causes us to miss out on truly experiencing the best parts of life because we are too busy trying to save them through a tiny screen. So, I’d like you all to take out your phones and cameras and hold them up in the air. Is that everyone? Great! Now somewhere on the item in your hand there should be a button labeled power. I’d like you all to take a deep breath and press that button. Now take your phones, cameras, and other picture taking devices and put them away. Under your chair, in your purse, or in your pocket. The lovely lady in back is named M and she will be handling the photography for the ceremony. She’s an excellent photographer and because everyone understands how much people want pictures of the ceremony to look back on, you will all get copies upon request. The happy couple have even arranged to have some pictures of the ceremony available really soon after the wedding. But she is also the reason for the cash bar this evening as my sister and very soon to be brother in law blew the booze budget on hiring her. So if you could please not ruin the professional pictures by having your phones and cameras out during the ceremony, it would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, if I see you trying to sneak a picture, I’ve been given permission to stop the ceremony and let you have the floor until you have finished. I can tell you after knowing my sister for almost - years, you don’t want to be that guy. There will be plenty of time for you all to take pictures of or with the happy couple as soon as the ceremony is over."
People apparently loved it and played along according to the guests we asked.

Short version: My sister and soon-to-be brother in law are thoughtless and inconsiderate, and gave no thought whatsoever to the hospitality of their guests. They do, however, expect their guests to ignore that poor treatment and place the wedding couple on the pedestal where the couple think they belong.

That was exactly what I was going to comment on. Basically, the brother announced that the couple was really bad at budgeting/prioritizing, since they couldn't find a way to pay for the photographer and properly their guests. And if something had to give, it was the guests. Because pictures are obviously more important than treating people well.

This whole thing makes me so sad: that there was a control freak bride who felt the need to micromanage her guests to this degree; that the groom went along with it; that her brother read this statement as if it wasn't incredibly rude and condescending; that the bride later shared it, all proud of herself; and that someone else probably read it and thought "That's exactly what I need to do!" And how awkward for the poor photographer. "Yes, folks, I'm the reason you have to fork over $8 plus tip for a well G&T." [eyeroll]

Upon a second reading, I realize that it really has NOTHING to do with being "in the moment", and everything to do with, once again, the self importance of the bride and groom. Other key words are "apparently", and "played along". Just once, I would love for a bride to allow for unplugged thoughts and comments!

southernbelle0915 · September 2015

UGH. What the hell? Not at all funny. Not at all cute. Just patronizing and annoying as hell.

"...the reason for the cash bar...."? No. The reason for the cash bar is shitty planning and poor hosting. Has nothing to do with unplugged anything.

thisismynickname2 · September 2015

Was that on Reddit? Please tell me someone replied to it about how fucking obnoxious that was.

JediElizabeth · September 2015

So, this is obviously obnoxious - patronizing and crude, and why the fuck would people need to turn off their cell phones instead of just turning off the volume for the duration of the ceremony??

But is there an actual problem with unplugged ceremonies? I come from a theater background, and I'm very big on telling people in my party to put away their phones at the theater/opera/church/etc. (pretty much anywhere where you're supposed to be attending to the stage), and I feel like the same rules should apply to the ceremony (but nothing else in a wedding). Obviously people having their phones out during things like this is rude, but is there a problem with politely asking them not to?

I can't figure out if the unplugged part itself is rude (a single sign asking people to put away their phones, or a simple line in the program), or if it's just often paired with rude behavior, like this example?

arrrghmatey · September 2015

I didn't think it could get worse, after the patronizing and demeaning speech tot he guests and "see the button there? That's the power button." But when I got to the cash bar part? Oh no….no no no. I have a hard time believing the guests thought it was cute and went along with it.

If I were at that wedding, I totally would have started taking photos in the middle of the ceremony just to interrupt and prove how ridiculous the whole idea is.

southernbelle0915 · September 2015

CElizabeth419 said:

So, this is obviously obnoxious - patronizing and crude, and why the fuck would people need to turn off their cell phones instead of just turning off the volume for the duration of the ceremony??

But is there an actual problem with unplugged ceremonies? I come from a theater background, and I'm very big on telling people in my party to put away their phones at the theater/opera/church/etc. (pretty much anywhere where you're supposed to be attending to the stage), and I feel like the same rules should apply to the ceremony (but nothing else in a wedding). Obviously people having their phones out during things like this is rude, but is there a problem with politely asking them not to?

I can't figure out if the unplugged part itself is rude (a single sign asking people to put away their phones, or a simple line in the program), or if it's just often paired with rude behavior, like this example?

Yes, there is a problem. The problem is brides and grooms trying to control their guests.

Here's the thing... theater and weddings don't have a same rules. People not taking pictures at weddings is a PREFERENCE, not an etiquette rule. It's not rude to take a picture with your cell phone at a wedding (whereas it is rude to be on your phone in a dark theater/opera or in church). Hence, brides and grooms trying to control guest behavior.

Plus and also, a good photographer is going to get shots that don't include a mass of people holding up their phones.

thisismynickname2 · September 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

CElizabeth419 said:

So, this is obviously obnoxious - patronizing and crude, and why the fuck would people need to turn off their cell phones instead of just turning off the volume for the duration of the ceremony??

But is there an actual problem with unplugged ceremonies? I come from a theater background, and I'm very big on telling people in my party to put away their phones at the theater/opera/church/etc. (pretty much anywhere where you're supposed to be attending to the stage), and I feel like the same rules should apply to the ceremony (but nothing else in a wedding). Obviously people having their phones out during things like this is rude, but is there a problem with politely asking them not to?

I can't figure out if the unplugged part itself is rude (a single sign asking people to put away their phones, or a simple line in the program), or if it's just often paired with rude behavior, like this example?

Yes, there is a problem. The problem is brides and grooms trying to control their guests.

Here's the thing... theater and weddings don't have a same rules. People not taking pictures at weddings is a PREFERENCE, not an etiquette rule. It's not rude to take a picture with your cell phone at a wedding (whereas it is rude to be on your phone in a dark theater/opera or in church). Hence, brides and grooms trying to control guest behavior.

Plus and also, a good photographer is going to get shots that don't include a mass of people holding up their phones.

I would add that theatre and music involve intellectual property. People pay for tickets for the privilege of seeing/listening to fine art and recording it and sharing it is not right. With a religious ceremony, it's about respect.

Two people getting married? People just want to capture the moment. There's nothing more "in the moment" than someone trying to capture that special moment.

switSwoo00 · September 2015

I know two different couples where the professional photog has messed up badly and in one case supplied only 10 photos and in the other case ZERO (that one was pre digital though). I hope that in this example here, the professional wiped their photos by mistake and they have no record of their incredible me me me me me me moment.

ETA sorry, bad day, bad mood

Pupatella · September 2015

Totally understand how a cash bar and unplugged ceremony isn't well liked.

Is it okay for the officiant to remind guests to silence their cell phones before the ceremony?

spockforprez · September 2015

thisismynickname said:

Was that on Reddit? Please tell me someone replied to it about how fucking obnoxious that was.

Yes. And no, sadly. The only response was saying they loved the speech and would incorporate parts of it into their own wedding.

spockforprez · September 2015

Pupatella said:

Totally understand how a cash bar and unplugged ceremony isn't well liked.

Is it okay for the officiant to remind guests to silence their cell phones before the ceremony?

In my opinion, a brief, one-time reminder by the officiant is okay. I think most people know to do it, but could just forget in the bustle prior to the ceremony start. The reminder will help them not to be embarrassed by being "that person" who interrupts the wedding with a ringtone so to me it is polite to do so. But anything beyond that is too much IMO, especially the signs.

Pupatella · September 2015

dreadpirateroberts said:

Pupatella said:

Totally understand how a cash bar and unplugged ceremony isn't well liked.

Is it okay for the officiant to remind guests to silence their cell phones before the ceremony?

In my opinion, a brief, one-time reminder by the officiant is okay. I think most people know to do it, but could just forget in the bustle prior to the ceremony start. The reminder will help them not to be embarrassed by being "that person" who interrupts the wedding with a ringtone so to me it is polite to do so. But anything beyond that is too much IMO, especially the signs.

Thanks!! Our officiant put the reminder into her beginning announcements before everyone starts walking down the aisle. I didn't think anything of it before reading this, and glad it's okay.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

I'm in the camp that finds it rude when people take pictures but also finds the precious handwringing about pictures during ceremonies to be absolutely obnoxious. For me the difference is the first one is the sort of rude that makes me sigh internally because I personally find it distasteful and the second is something I consider an actual breech of etiquette.

I love my photographer and I think his work is phenomenal, but he has a habit of ranting on facebook about the difficulty of editing around pictures of guests using their cell phones and people being "in the moment" (he just posted one yesterday) that makes me roll my eyes like nothing else. For him it's definitely a precious hipster groaning about the EVILS of TECHNOLOGY ruining AUTHENTICITY. FI and I were talking about yesterday and what it boils down to is yes, I find it annoying that everyone feels the need to document every single moment of their lives in a bunch of pictures that will never see the light of day again, but my wedding isn't the time to control GMa's behavior and if I wanted all of my guests to look and act exactly how I wanted them to, I'd hire actors off craigslist.

sassercake12 · September 2015

Good Lord, that is obnoxious. I especially love how the guests have to hold up their phones all together, be reminded that there is a power button, and turn it off together like a bunch of children. What the fuck.

I have no problem with a short reminder at the beginning, but all this "print in the program, put on invitation and save-the-date and website" is overkill.

missa011 · September 2015

Gross. I'm looking forward to seeing my guest's photos of the whole wedding, including the ceremony! I won't have professional proofs for a couple months at least! And some of my favorite photos from my sister's wedding ceremony, my cousin took.

The cash bar is also a great touch. (sarcasm)

charcoalandblush · September 2015

dreadpirateroberts said:

Pupatella said:

Totally understand how a cash bar and unplugged ceremony isn't well liked.

Is it okay for the officiant to remind guests to silence their cell phones before the ceremony?

In my opinion, a brief, one-time reminder by the officiant is okay. I think most people know to do it, but could just forget in the bustle prior to the ceremony start. The reminder will help them not to be embarrassed by being "that person" who interrupts the wedding with a ringtone so to me it is polite to do so. But anything beyond that is too much IMO, especially the signs.

Our officiant didn't do a reminder, and sure enough, someone's cell phone started ringing in the middle of the ceremony

Not that it even would have mattered - I'm sure the person still wouldn't have turned it off. I don't mind people taking photos at all, and our friends got some AMAZING photos with their own phones and cameras that will hold me over. But a cell phone ringing loudly over my very quiet H saying his vows was extremely annoying.

thespeshulestsnowflake · September 2015

switSwoo00 said:

I know two different couples where the professional photog has messed up badly and in one case supplied only 10 photos and in the other case ZERO (that one was pre digital though). I hope that in this example here, the professional wiped their photos by mistake and they have no record of their incredible me me me me me me moment. ETA sorry, bad day, bad mood

I'm evil and kind of always happens to people who make this kind of request. Karma. Especially if they are so rude about it.

aliwis000 · September 2015

That "speech" is longer than my entire ceremony.

weiidii · September 2015

southernbelle0915 said: CElizabeth419 said: So, this is obviously obnoxious - patronizing and crude, and why the fuck would people need to turn off their cell phones instead of just turning off the volume for the duration of the ceremony??
But is there an actual problem with unplugged ceremonies? I come from a theater background, and I'm very big on telling people in my party to put away their phones at the theater/opera/church/etc. (pretty much anywhere where you're supposed to be attending to the stage), and I feel like the same rules should apply to the ceremony (but nothing else in a wedding). Obviously people having their phones out during things like this is rude, but is there a problem with politely asking them not to?
I can't figure out if the unplugged part itself is rude (a single sign asking people to put away their phones, or a simple line in the program), or if it's just often paired with rude behavior, like this example? Yes, there is a problem. The problem is brides and grooms trying to control their guests.
Here's the thing... theater and weddings don't have a same rules. People not taking pictures at weddings is a PREFERENCE, not an etiquette rule. It's not rude to take a picture with your cell phone at a wedding (whereas it is rude to be on your phone in a dark theater/opera or in church). Hence, brides and grooms trying to control guest behavior.
Plus and also, a good photographer is going to get shots that don't include a mass of people holding up their phones.
From a photographer's viewpoint: guests taking pictures from their seat aren't a big deal, most of us don't care about that. The problem is just about every wedding is going to have a couple of people who decide to jump into the aisle during a crucial moment to take their own picture, without thinking about how they are completely blocking the view for the photographer's camera. Unless the photographer is at the very front of the aisle or has a second shooter, this is hard to work around--especially if the wedding is taking place in a church that only allows the photographer to stand in the back. There's a lot that can go wrong with wedding photography, so we appreciate anything that makes our job a little easier. Speaking as a bride, I'd much rather have the professional quality pictures we spent good money on than the camera phone quality ones that may not print well. (but we did not "screw over" our guests by not paying for their alcohol, nor make any kind of unplug request)

YogaSandy · September 2015

I don't care about people taking picture. Obviously they care about the couple and want to capture it. The whole "be in the moment" makes me ragey. I am a yoga/meditation instructor. I'm all about living in the present moment (well, trying to be). Just because that is important to me, doesn't mean it's important to others. I have no right to impose my values on anyone else. Even if it is "my special day".

DecemberKnot2016 · September 2015

charcoalandblush said:

dreadpirateroberts said:

Pupatella said:

Totally understand how a cash bar and unplugged ceremony isn't well liked.

Is it okay for the officiant to remind guests to silence their cell phones before the ceremony?

In my opinion, a brief, one-time reminder by the officiant is okay. I think most people know to do it, but could just forget in the bustle prior to the ceremony start. The reminder will help them not to be embarrassed by being "that person" who interrupts the wedding with a ringtone so to me it is polite to do so. But anything beyond that is too much IMO, especially the signs.

Our officiant didn't do a reminder, and sure enough, someone's cell phone started ringing in the middle of the ceremony Not that it even would have mattered - I'm sure the person still wouldn't have turned it off. I don't mind people taking photos at all, and our friends got some AMAZING photos with their own phones and cameras that will hold me over. But a cell phone ringing loudly over my very quiet H saying his vows was extremely annoying.

EXACTLY! Which is why I have no problem with an unplugged ceremony. You all can preach all you want about controlling guests and such nonsense, but the truth of the matter is, some people were raised in barns and don't know to silence their phones during the ceremony. Not one, but TWO weddings I attended this summer had guests that allowed their cell phone to go off -- loudly -- during the ceremony. In both cases, it disrupted the vows. I don't care if guests take photos, that's fine. But having a reminder that guests should silence their phones for 15 minutes? Yeah, count me in, TK "etiquette patrol" be damned.

As for the couple in the OP, yeah, they're a hot mess.

PamBeesly524 · September 2015

DecemberKnot2016 said:

charcoalandblush said:

dreadpirateroberts said:

Pupatella said:

Totally understand how a cash bar and unplugged ceremony isn't well liked.

Is it okay for the officiant to remind guests to silence their cell phones before the ceremony?

In my opinion, a brief, one-time reminder by the officiant is okay. I think most people know to do it, but could just forget in the bustle prior to the ceremony start. The reminder will help them not to be embarrassed by being "that person" who interrupts the wedding with a ringtone so to me it is polite to do so. But anything beyond that is too much IMO, especially the signs.

Our officiant didn't do a reminder, and sure enough, someone's cell phone started ringing in the middle of the ceremony Not that it even would have mattered - I'm sure the person still wouldn't have turned it off. I don't mind people taking photos at all, and our friends got some AMAZING photos with their own phones and cameras that will hold me over. But a cell phone ringing loudly over my very quiet H saying his vows was extremely annoying.

EXACTLY! Which is why I have no problem with an unplugged ceremony. You all can preach all you want about controlling guests and such nonsense, but the truth of the matter is, some people were raised in barns and don't know to silence their phones during the ceremony. Not one, but TWO weddings I attended this summer had guests that allowed their cell phone to go off -- loudly -- during the ceremony. In both cases, it disrupted the vows. I don't care if guests take photos, that's fine. But having a reminder that guests should silence their phones for 15 minutes? Yeah, count me in, TK "etiquette patrol" be damned.

As for the couple in the OP, yeah, they're a hot mess.

Everyone in this thread said that a quick reminder from the officiant to silence cell phones is fine, so why are you so quick to jump on us for "preaching"??

spockforprez · September 2015

DecemberKnot2016 said:

charcoalandblush said:

dreadpirateroberts said:

Pupatella said:

Totally understand how a cash bar and unplugged ceremony isn't well liked.

Is it okay for the officiant to remind guests to silence their cell phones before the ceremony?

In my opinion, a brief, one-time reminder by the officiant is okay. I think most people know to do it, but could just forget in the bustle prior to the ceremony start. The reminder will help them not to be embarrassed by being "that person" who interrupts the wedding with a ringtone so to me it is polite to do so. But anything beyond that is too much IMO, especially the signs.

Our officiant didn't do a reminder, and sure enough, someone's cell phone started ringing in the middle of the ceremony Not that it even would have mattered - I'm sure the person still wouldn't have turned it off. I don't mind people taking photos at all, and our friends got some AMAZING photos with their own phones and cameras that will hold me over. But a cell phone ringing loudly over my very quiet H saying his vows was extremely annoying.

EXACTLY! Which is why I have no problem with an unplugged ceremony. You all can preach all you want about controlling guests and such nonsense, but the truth of the matter is, some people were raised in barns and don't know to silence their phones during the ceremony. Not one, but TWO weddings I attended this summer had guests that allowed their cell phone to go off -- loudly -- during the ceremony. In both cases, it disrupted the vows. I don't care if guests take photos, that's fine. But having a reminder that guests should silence their phones for 15 minutes? Yeah, count me in, TK "etiquette patrol" be damned.

As for the couple in the OP, yeah, they're a hot mess.

An unplugged ceremony is not the same as silencing cell phones. "Unplugged" is code word for "It's all about US today and we don't want you looking at your phone, also don't take any fucking pictures, asshole."

I can understand the aversion to guests taking photos during the ceremony, but going the "unplugged" route (which entails at minimum an announcement but usually a sign and a line in the program, etc. as well) is rude.

spockforprez · September 2015

dreadpirateroberts said:

Presented without comment except to say this is in response to someone asking, "How did you handle your unplugged ceremony?"

I put it on the invites, website, and programs, and then we did a fairly harsh announcement before starting the ceremony:
"Hello everyone. For those of you who don’t know me, I am E, A’s brother, and I will be officiating this wonderful wedding. I would like to take a second to welcome you all and thank you for being a part of this moment. At the request of the bride and groom, the ceremony is going to be “Unplugged”. You probably have seen this in the invitations, on the wedding website, and it is also in your programs. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, an unplugged wedding is one where there is NO photography or video allowed. A wedding ceremony is an intimate moment, and both the bride and groom feel that the abundant access we have to technology sometimes causes us to miss out on truly experiencing the best parts of life because we are too busy trying to save them through a tiny screen. So, I’d like you all to take out your phones and cameras and hold them up in the air. Is that everyone? Great! Now somewhere on the item in your hand there should be a button labeled power. I’d like you all to take a deep breath and press that button. Now take your phones, cameras, and other picture taking devices and put them away. Under your chair, in your purse, or in your pocket. The lovely lady in back is named M and she will be handling the photography for the ceremony. She’s an excellent photographer and because everyone understands how much people want pictures of the ceremony to look back on, you will all get copies upon request. The happy couple have even arranged to have some pictures of the ceremony available really soon after the wedding. But she is also the reason for the cash bar this evening as my sister and very soon to be brother in law blew the booze budget on hiring her. So if you could please not ruin the professional pictures by having your phones and cameras out during the ceremony, it would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, if I see you trying to sneak a picture, I’ve been given permission to stop the ceremony and let you have the floor until you have finished. I can tell you after knowing my sister for almost - years, you don’t want to be that guy. There will be plenty of time for you all to take pictures of or with the happy couple as soon as the ceremony is over."
People apparently loved it and played along according to the guests we asked.

HOLY SHIT I just realized this was on the invitations as well...

Maggie0829 · September 2015

DecemberKnot2016 said:

charcoalandblush said:

dreadpirateroberts said:

Pupatella said:

Totally understand how a cash bar and unplugged ceremony isn't well liked.

Is it okay for the officiant to remind guests to silence their cell phones before the ceremony?

In my opinion, a brief, one-time reminder by the officiant is okay. I think most people know to do it, but could just forget in the bustle prior to the ceremony start. The reminder will help them not to be embarrassed by being "that person" who interrupts the wedding with a ringtone so to me it is polite to do so. But anything beyond that is too much IMO, especially the signs.

Our officiant didn't do a reminder, and sure enough, someone's cell phone started ringing in the middle of the ceremony Not that it even would have mattered - I'm sure the person still wouldn't have turned it off. I don't mind people taking photos at all, and our friends got some AMAZING photos with their own phones and cameras that will hold me over. But a cell phone ringing loudly over my very quiet H saying his vows was extremely annoying.

EXACTLY! Which is why I have no problem with an unplugged ceremony. You all can preach all you want about controlling guests and such nonsense, but the truth of the matter is, some people were raised in barns and don't know to silence their phones during the ceremony. Not one, but TWO weddings I attended this summer had guests that allowed their cell phone to go off -- loudly -- during the ceremony. In both cases, it disrupted the vows. I don't care if guests take photos, that's fine. But having a reminder that guests should silence their phones for 15 minutes? Yeah, count me in, TK "etiquette patrol" be damned.

As for the couple in the OP, yeah, they're a hot mess.

That sucks. But I am sure the weddings continued and both couples still got married.

And sometimes people just plain ole' forget that their phones are not on silent. Even people who aren't raised in a barn.

Shit happens. Deal with it.

YogaSandy · September 2015

I turned my phone off at my sister's college (small, satellite campus) graduation. In order to keep DS (18 months) quiet, I let him play with my phone. I didn't realize that he set a timer. I took him out of the hall when he was no longer able to sit quietly. I left my phone there with my mom. Timer went off - doesn't matter that I had the phone on silent. Doesn't mean I was raised in a barn. Obviously, I shouldn't have let it happen, but it did and I was horrified.

ryanandjoe4 · September 2015

I am planning on having a sign and a note in the program about my unplugged wedding, I have paid for a photographer, and the church has restrictions on her. not only am I concerned about people getting in her way, but if a phone flash goes off, say at the kiss, or another crucial moment that is on my must have shots list, then they will mess up the pictures we are PAYING for, for a crappy most likely blurry cell phone shot.... We also have invited people to be there for the wedding, not being on their phones so the ringing, texting, and photos can wait until after the ceremony..

I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap like that)

call me controlling I don't care, if it what I have to do to get my best photos then it is what I am going to do.. but we have an open bar, and great food, and lots of other things that are for the guests, if this is the one place I am rude, I am perfectly happy with that..

This hot mess

Re: This hot mess

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