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Budget Weddings Forum
EarthyBride2017
member
Non Traditional Wedding Advice Needed! -Eloping and then having a party?!
Hi All -
Not sure if this is the best location for this, but I haven't spent much time on here.
Back story: My fiance and I have been together for three years, engaged for almost one, and we have known each other for six. Best friends who ended up realizing we were meant to be.
We recently went to buy a condo but due to our collective student debt we are only able to get FHA financing. Not terrible, but it limits our options quite a bit more than we expected. We originally planned on getting married in Fall of 2017 but now we are thinking of doing things in reverse.
Get married, open joint accounts and work together to pay down his loans and then mine...going from highest monthly payment amount to lowest. We are not sure how to do this without sacrificing the "party" aspect of a wedding. He is an entertainer and all about that stuff. I know we can keep our budget low and we already have a fantastic venue in mind.
My question is this:
Has anyone out there gotten married 6-8 months (at the courthouse) before their actual wedding? Have you been able to keep it a secret and start reaping the financial rewards etc. before actually doing the rest?
I'm also looking for advice as far as engagement notices, invitations etc. We haven't sent out or put anything in the paper. I thought about sending announcements/engagement photos around Christmas time but that just seems tacky.
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Re: Non Traditional Wedding Advice Needed! -Eloping and then having a party?!
Guess you can't elope and do any sort of reception after that...I already have a dress and don't want to relinquish the whole day completely. At the same time I'm more concerned with saving money and doing what works for us. Guess there is no happy medium lol *************************************************
In Michigan, an owned home is a marital asset so I'll automatically assume half ownership if something happens after the marriage and in a few years we'll have an easier time refinancing so that the mortgage can help continue to build my credit.
The PP's and I are just trying to show you that there are many other ways to work through this.
Financial reality 101: Debt is DEBT! Paying off debt means less debt. Regardless of "whose" debt gets paid off first. Your debt load still exists for both of you individually, and not being married may work to your advantage on all things home loans. Maybe talk to an accountant because you may have some tax advantages to not being married quite yet. IMO, keep your original date because it sounds like you need to do a lot of work planning the marriage before the big day arrives. Especially since you're already talking pre-nup - lawyers don't write these up for free, there is a cost.
IMO, pay your debt off during this time while you aren't married. Plan ONE wedding and reception, not a do-over dress-up party. Unless his name is Doctor or CNP, having student debt in the hundreds of thousands might be a red flag that you want to spend some more time discussing this whole being married thing in the first place. Also, the choice in where you live can make a difference in programs available for replayment (Depending on his degree field, many states have incentive programs available for those who work in poorer parts of the state - I know someone who it's $10,000/yr for 10 years that the program pays off. It doesn't exempt her from monthly payments, but at the end of the day, it's biting off large sections of the student debt simply based on where she chose to work).. Also, depending on how "gift taxes" work in your state, there may be other ways that this can get quickly complicated before you're married if you pay off his debt to an extent.
Until you're married, no paying off the other's debt, it's just a lot less messy this way! Keep your original date, plan the event you can afford, not a dress-up faux party that you've lied to your guests about marital status. Guests hate lies, pure and simple!
H and I bought a home prior to getting married. We have a prenup (and a postnup) but since we got the house prior to getting married, we had a contract drawn up stating that our debts are our own, with the exception of the home, in which if we were to split prior to marriage, we would each be responsible for half. Upon our marriage, it would become community property. So, contracts can exist prior to a marriage.
As for eloping, we did elope. We told everyone when we got back. However, we chose to not throw a party. We could have easily thrown a celebration of marriage party, though! I would done it all up like a wedding reception, minus anything "wedding-y". I definitely would have had cake, though!!! And while we are very financially sound, I personally would not go through the motions of throwing a party while in such debt. I would wait until things are more stable and have an awesome anniversary party. JMHO.
The courts could order a wage garnishment or one could also file for one. However, the point of my prenup is the keep things separate, though it does allow for gifts to be given with the expectation that those gifts not be returned. The courts may view her assistance as a gift, unless things are specifically spelled out. In my case, if I went through the trouble of keeping things separate, I certainly would not be going out of my way to help pay the debt down with my own money.
To me, prenup does NOT equal worried about divorce. My prenup basically sets the stage for how will conduct our finances and other business DURING our marriage. It really doesn't go into any detail about how things will work out if the marriage ends (other than waiving our rights to spousal support.) So she might be getting a prenup just because of not having the debt any way tied to her name during the marriage. This will allow her to buy cars, homes, etc. He can gift her money but everything would be in her name.
That being said, I re-read the OP and I'm def scratching my head about "financial rewards". When we got married, our tax burden went UP as did the cost of our insurance (so we kept that separate). There were certainly ZERO financial incentives for me!