Fill the gap? Catholic Wedding and Reception issues. HELP!

lyndausvi · September 2015

MobKaz said:

lyndausvi said:

I'm going against the grain here. I hate gaps. However, I get sometimes options are limited. Especially when you have to deal with the Catholic Church's policies and you live in a small town.

It's not ideal, but I would find a place to host people. A family home, another room at the venue. Something.

Good luck still being able to start at 1:30 pm and still do a pew release and pictures. Sorry, but I don't see that happening. Every Catholic coordinator I've dealt with around the country works on a strict timeline. If your wedding is at 1:30 pm. They except you to be out by 2:45-3pm. They are NOT going to let you do a 30 minute pew release then a 30 minute photo shoot. That would put you getting out of the church at 3:30 pm. I just don't see it happening. Sorry.

Personally, I would skip the pew release, but that's just me. Are you having a full mass? The Catholic church my SIL got married in gave you 2 choices. Either a receiving line at the back of the church or communion. You could not have both.

Maybe you can ask to skip communion to get your pew release? The also only got about 10 minutes to take pictures inside. So just they just did pictures of just them inside, then all the other pictures were done outside of the church.

If you have the wedding at 1:15-1:30 by the time they get out of church it will be 2:30-2:45 pm. Add in a 30-40 min travel time your gap is down to about 2 hours. Still not great, but better then 3 hours.

This is NOT a Catholic Church policy issue. The issue is that the OP, and brides in general, do not start their wedding planning process by checking with their church first. It is also not a Catholic Church policy; it is a parish based decision. DD was not only able to have a later mass time on Saturday, she could dismiss row by row AND take pictures afterward.

I cannot believe anyone desiring to marry in the Catholic faith would choose to skip Communion. Receiving the sacrament together as man and wife for the first time, even if the husband is not Catholic and receives a blessing, is the most significant component of the ceremony, in my opinion.

Okay, not Catholic church's policy, but some parish policy's do make it more difficult for coordinate weddings with outside vendors. Especially if you are in a small town with limited options. And yes, a small town in Northern Iowa is going to have less venue options then someone in one of the east costs tri-state areas cities.

Trust me I'm not a fan of a gap. I've only been to 3 gap weddings. One worked out great because I had another wedding that day. I skipped the ceremony of the gap wedding in order to attend the reception of the first wedding.

The 2nd was a big ole clusterfuck that 20 years later I still complain about. There was ZERO reason for the gap. Oh wait, I take that back. The gap was when us WP members were ORDERED to setup the wedding. Yep in my fucking dress I had to move fucking chairs and tables during the gap. Now that is fucking poor planning.

The last was last year. Since I was family I had pictures to take. Then the venue was about 40 minutes away. We were on a bus, so it really wasn't too bad for me. Apparently it's a "thing" in their area, so the other guests were use to it.

I think you should do everything possible to actually not have a gap, but I can still recognize it's easier said then done in certain areas. When you have parish policies clashing with venue polices and you live in a small town will a limited budget. Well, sometimes you end up with a gap. The correct thing to do is find a way to host the guests during that gap. Not just the let the guests figure it out on their own.

Knottie1431965334 · September 2015

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.

If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.

Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

Maggie0829 · September 2015

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

Always laugh at this reasoning. What exactly are you making your guests do during your ceremony that would require them to go back to their home or hotel room and get refreshed and relax? Are you making them run a marathon? Are you having the church be the same temperature as a hot yoga class? People do not need to refresh themselves or relax after a ceremony.

And stop using the "well it is a Catholic wedding" excuse. There is a gap because YOU have decided to have one. That is the only reason so stop with the excuses because they are crap.

princessleia22 · September 2015

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

That is just all sorts of wrong. Yes, people do care if there is a gap. Yes, it is inconvenient for your guests. I'm sure others will go crazy on you for this, so I'm just going to leave it at that. Just, no. Nope, nope, nope.

And what is up with everyone doing gaps and then bride & groom showing up to attend the cocktail hour??? I thought the whole point of cocktail hour was to properly host the guests while B&G were doing photos or whatever before attending the reception. It's meant to keep guest entertained and avoid an unhosted gap. Having a long gap, then B&G showing up for cocktail hour defeats the whole purpose of cocktail hour.

Also, I do give OP some credit for trying to minimize the gap and trying to figure out how to properly host it. Although neither are perfect, there is a world of difference between a 2-hour hosted cocktail hour and a 3-hour unhosted gap.

lyndausvi · September 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

Always laugh at this reasoning. What exactly are you making your guests do during your ceremony that would require them to go back to their home or hotel room and get refreshed and relax? Are you making them run a marathon? Are you having the church be the same temperature as a hot yoga class? People do not need to refresh themselves or relax after a ceremony.

And stop using the "well it is a Catholic wedding" excuse. There is a gap because YOU have decided to have one. That is the only reason so stop with the excuses because they are crap.

I've always wondering this myself.

I grew up in a huge Catholic family. All but 2 have managed to get married without a gap. It takes planning, but it's possible.

ShesSoCold · September 2015

ETA: Actual footage of me at a catholic wedding ^^^^^

spockforprez · September 2015

princessleia22 said:

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

That is just all sorts of wrong. Yes, people do care if there is a gap. Yes, it is inconvenient for your guests. I'm sure others will go crazy on you for this, so I'm just going to leave it at that. Just, no. Nope, nope, nope.

And what is up with everyone doing gaps and then bride & groom showing up to attend the cocktail hour??? I thought the whole point of cocktail hour was to properly host the guests while B&G were doing photos or whatever before attending the reception. It's meant to keep guest entertained and avoid an unhosted gap. Having a long gap, then B&G showing up for cocktail hour defeats the whole purpose of cocktail hour.

Also, I do give OP some credit for trying to minimize the gap and trying to figure out how to properly host it. Although neither are perfect, there is a world of difference between a 2-hour hosted cocktail hour and a 3-hour unhosted gap.

Right. Cocktail hours were invented to mitigate the wait during post-ceremony photos. Now they are treated as their own thing, and brides are needing to mitigate the wait for the wait. At this rate pretty soon ceremonies will be at the RD and brides will need to host a breakfast, lunch, and cocktail hour before their dinner receptions. All day photo sesh!

lembaslover · September 2015

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

I've never changed for a reception... that is ridiculous. If there is a gap I might check into the hotel for the first time in between not because I want to but because you've been rude and given me nothing else to do. And what am I supposed to do at the hotel? I can't really relax because I am already dressed up and don't want to wrinkle anything.

With that last sentence all I read is "I actually wanted to be rude to my guests because it's my day and I'm a special snowflake". As PPs mention the cocktail hour was invented so that you could occupy the guests while you get your pictures done. If you're having a gap so you can attend your cocktail hour you're doing it wrong. If you really want a cocktail hour and really want to attend, have a first look or cut your photos short and join in at the end of it.

JediElizabeth · September 2015

spockforprez said:

princessleia22 said:

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

That is just all sorts of wrong. Yes, people do care if there is a gap. Yes, it is inconvenient for your guests. I'm sure others will go crazy on you for this, so I'm just going to leave it at that. Just, no. Nope, nope, nope.

And what is up with everyone doing gaps and then bride & groom showing up to attend the cocktail hour??? I thought the whole point of cocktail hour was to properly host the guests while B&G were doing photos or whatever before attending the reception. It's meant to keep guest entertained and avoid an unhosted gap. Having a long gap, then B&G showing up for cocktail hour defeats the whole purpose of cocktail hour.

Also, I do give OP some credit for trying to minimize the gap and trying to figure out how to properly host it. Although neither are perfect, there is a world of difference between a 2-hour hosted cocktail hour and a 3-hour unhosted gap.

Right. Cocktail hours were invented to mitigate the wait during post-ceremony photos. Now they are treated as their own thing, and brides are needing to mitigate the wait for the wait. At this rate pretty soon ceremonies will be at the RD and brides will need to host a breakfast, lunch, and cocktail hour before their dinner receptions. All day photo sesh!

>>>>>>>BOXES<<<<<<<
I'm going to be honest: I want to enjoy my cocktail hour. It's going to have amazing food and a piano player (the rest of the evening will just have the DJ), and I would hate to miss it.

You know how I plan on doing that? By having first looks and most formal photos BEFORE the ceremony, so FI and I can go relax in the bridal suite for a bit after, and then come back down for the majority of cocktail hour.

Edited for boxes

MobKaz · September 2015

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

Knottie1431965334, I am going to hope it is also your last time commenting.

A GAP IS NOT NORMAL FOR CATHOLIC WEDDINGS! A gap IS normal for rude, thoughtless, selfish, and inconsiderate brides who think of no one but themselves.

For the love of all things holy, READ before commenting. SEVERAL Catholic posters made it clear they were able to have a Catholic wedding without a gap.

AddieCake · September 2015

If there's a gap, I'm skipping the reception.

Viczaesar · September 2015

AddieCake said:

If there's a gap, I'm skipping the reception.

If there's a gap, I'm skipping the ceremony.

Maggie0829 · September 2015

Viczaesar said:

AddieCake said:

If there's a gap, I'm skipping the reception.

If there's a gap, I'm skipping the ceremony.

If there's a gap, I'm probably skipping the entire thing.

MyNameIsNot · September 2015

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

Please stop spreading this garbage.

Gaps are not a Catholic thing. They are a result of selfish couples and bad planning. And no, Catholics do not understand or expect gaps.

You personally may be perfectly fine with treating your guests this way, but trying to paint the rest of the Catholics in your light is just wrong. If you read the comments, you'll see dozens of posters who would never dream of doing something so rude. Please stop blaming your own rude behavior on your religion and trying to lump a bunch of people that actually do care about their guests in with you.

lnixon8 · September 2015

I'm with @Mobkaz and @JediElizabeth

I had a 3pm Cathloic wedding. We took family photos, first look and WP photos before hand so H and myself missed maybe 10 minutes of the cocktail hour for pictures with our priest and his grandmothers that didn't want to take phtotos outside.

OliveOilsMom · September 2015

MyNameIsNot said:

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

Please stop spreading this garbage.

Gaps are not a Catholic thing. They are a result of selfish couples and bad planning. And no, Catholics do not understand or expect gaps.

You personally may be perfectly fine with treating your guests this way, but trying to paint the rest of the Catholics in your light is just wrong. If you read the comments, you'll see dozens of posters who would never dream of doing something so rude. Please stop blaming your own rude behavior on your religion and trying to lump a bunch of people that actually do care about their guests in with you.

Yes! I had a Catholic wedding and no gap! I purposefully got married on a Friday so that we can have a later ceremony and go right into our evening reception. I dealt with the times our Church performed wedding ceremonies and planned accordingly. If our Church had a 5:30 PM Saturday evening wedding timeslot, I would have been overjoyed and married on a Saturday. Most churches will not have any further ceremonies after the Saturday vigil mass.

Stop trying to act like all Catholics are poor mannered. Any person who wants to put a gap in between their ceremony and reception are poor mannered, it has no bearing on their faith.

madamerwin · September 2015

I agree with almost all PP's here (except Knottie#'s who is telling you not to worry about it), but since they have most angles covered, I'll offer a few out-of-the-box solutions that could allow you to start your reception immediately (because I have a hard time believing that there are only three places within a reasonable distance where you can have your reception):

1. Are there any vacation-type rentals in your area, like at all? Check websites like Homeaway.com and VRBO.com. See if there are any large houses available at which to host your reception (granted, this only works for relatively small weddings unless you can find a mansion).

2. Are there any Elks Lodges, Rotary Clubs, Vet Halls in the area? They are often available for rent.

3. You mentioned Northern Iowa; how far are you from the University of Northern Iowa? Many universities have venues available for rent - I had a friend who almost got married at our Alma Mater, and it was very reasonably priced.

4. Do you know anyone with a farm and/or a large parcel of land? Talk to them about renting it out.

And if literally none of these things exist in your area, I agree with PPs that you should talk to the restaurant near the reception venue about offering a hosted cocktail hour there. If it were from say, 3:15-5pm, I would think the restaurant would not be super crowded at that point and they may be willing to close it off for you, even.

And I also agree with PPs that you REALLY need to tell your church that you plan to do photos after, or you could run the risk of them refusing to allow you to do so afterward. Unless you're willing to do photos in a different location.

So, how to handle the gap? Lots of options:

1. Get creative and find another venue.

2. Rent out space at the restaurant for a hosted cocktail hour.

3. Talk to the church about using the parish hall for cocktail hour.

There, lots of advice and none of it rude.

levioosa · October 2015

Fuck the idea of "freshening up." I don't need to freshen up, and I don't need to "see the sights." You're wasting my time if you have a gap and screw you for being so inconsiderate and disrespectful of my time. My time is valuable. Treat it that way.

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

OP - tfrmrserwin just reminded me of a wedding I was in. The MOB was a BSC Momzilla and refused to let us start the Catholic wedding ceremony on time, even though we arrived to start on time, because she had sent back all of the BM bouquets to be redone. We were literally sitting outside in the trolley waiting to start, in the hopes the florist would come back with the fixed bouquets. The priest even started glaring at us because we were just sitting outside the church.

FOB came out of the church twice to say the priest wanted to start. The second time, he said that we had to start because the wedding would cut into Confession. MOB said, "CONFESSION CAN WAIT!" Um, yeah, that's not how Churches work. They have a schedule and stick to it. So we finally start and the priest did one of the fastest wedding masses ever. His homily was about 2 minutes. And guess what? After all that, we got kicked out of the church afterwards and were not allowed to have pictures taken there after. So you should not be withholding the little facts that you want to release pew by pew AND have pictures in the church after. It could very well be that you are asked to leave because you will be cutting into another church function.

Cookie Pusher · October 2015

I've only been to one wedding with a gap. It was a Friday afternoon Catholic wedding. The couple needed the gap because reasons. We had 2 hours to wander around aimlessly while the WP sat in the hotel lobby waiting for the couple to take pictures (the WP was required to show up at like 8am and were not provided food/drink or time to procure food/drink until the 6pm reception). As we were not staying overnight, I had no hotel room. I also didn't have my date since he was in the WP. The venue wouldn't let anyone in until 6pm. You know what happened? A bunch of us guests went to the liquor store and we got pretty buzzed in the parking lot of the venue and bitched about how awful it was being stuck there with nothing to do and nowhere to go.

missa011 · October 2015

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

This is NOT OKAY. I'm having a Catholic wedding and no gap. I don't understand, if you want an evening wedding, why you can't have the mass at 5:30 and reception at 7 (or later depending on drive from ceremony to reception) with no cocktail hour? ESPECIALLY because you have the option of an evening mass, there is absolutely no reason to have a gap. Most brides I hear of do a gap because they can only do an early afternoon ceremony.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2015

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie1431965334 said:

This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass.
If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding.
Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

Always laugh at this reasoning. What exactly are you making your guests do during your ceremony that would require them to go back to their home or hotel room and get refreshed and relax? Are you making them run a marathon? Are you having the church be the same temperature as a hot yoga class? People do not need to refresh themselves or relax after a ceremony.

And stop using the "well it is a Catholic wedding" excuse. There is a gap because YOU have decided to have one. That is the only reason so stop with the excuses because they are crap.

I've always wondering this myself.

I grew up in a huge Catholic family. All but 2 have managed to get married without a gap. It takes planning, but it's possible.

It doesn't even take planning- it's not like this is some complex issue that needs to be careful resolved with an algorithm. It's very simple- you schedule your mass 1st, then you schedule your reception to begin right after your mass. Bam!

What it actually takes is consideration for your guests and the realization that the "atmosphere" of your evening reception is irrelevant to everyone else involved in your wedding. No one wants to endure a gap just because you want an evening reception.

madamerwin · October 2015

Knottie1431965334 said: This is the first time I am commenting because I wanted to say do not worry about it. I am having a 3 hour gap because the Saturday nite mass is at 4 so you can only have weddings at 11, 1 or 5:30. While I want a night time wedding 5:30 is way too late to do the ceremony. (my Church is at 1 and my reception is at 5). Do not worry about it. Every Catholic wedding I have been to has a gap and Catholics realize that this is a problem because of Saturday mass. If you think about it the gap is not that big because they can go back to the hotel and get changed or refreshed (I usually wear a different dress) and have some down time. Some people will use this gap to check into the hotel for the first time. It is not a big deal and you don't have to do anything special. All I would do is suggest places people can go in between - that would be good to put into welcome bags or a flyer when they check into the hotel. I have also had an email with information sent to me before the wedding. Do not stress over this (or the comments on here). It is normal for Catholic weddings. While I have to have a gap because of the timing I actually wanted the gap so this way I don't have to do first look and can get my pictures done so I can be at my cocktail hour and spend more time with my guests.

---DAMNED BOXES---

Whoa, whoa, whoa.... You are seriously choosing a 3 hour gap instead of going straight from a 5:30 ceremony into a reception? Even if you have a full mass, the reception would still start at dinner time. If you want an evening reception, then you should be having a late afternoon wedding. I'm guessing here that the problem is that you want to do photos after your ceremony, before the reception. You are putting your special vision above the comfort of guests. I can say for sure that I would much rather attend a 5:30 ceremony followed by a 7pm reception than have a 3 hour gap where I have nothing to do.

Your guests' comfort needs to come before your vision. You had an opportunity to have a Catholic ceremony with no gap, but you chose a gap anyway.

And in what world is 5:30 WAY too late for a ceremony? I have been to many weddings with ceremonies as late as 6:30pm, and no one was falling asleep in their seats... If you want an evening reception, then you need to have an evening ceremony.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

I feel like a crap ton of brides having a Catholic church ceremony would kill to have the option of a 5:30 start time. So to reject that time and choose to have a gap instead is kind of mind boggling to me.

missa011 · October 2015

@Maggie0829 YES. I would've given anything for a 5:30 ceremony but my parish doesn't offer it for weddings. She is SO LUCKY and doesn't even realize it.

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

Maggie0829 said:

I feel like a crap ton of brides having a Catholic church ceremony would kill to have the option of a 5:30 start time. So to reject that time and choose to have a gap instead is kind of mind boggling to me.

And you get the added bonus of it being considered your Mass obligation for the Sabbath! Even an early afternoon full mass, doesn't fulfill your weekly Mass obligation. The mass needs to start after 4 or 4:30 (don't remember which), for it to "count".

Lizzieyounce · October 2015

Maggie0829 said:

I feel like a crap ton of brides having a Catholic church ceremony would kill to have the option of a 5:30 start time. So to reject that time and choose to have a gap instead is kind of mind boggling to me.

We would have loved a 5:30 start time for our mass, but alas..we had to have the wedding at 3. I didn't have a gap. We found a reception venue that worked with us, because we had people flying in from all over the world and there was no way in hell we were going to let them cool their heels while we took pictures.

Even if I hadn't had international guests, I wouldn't have had a gap because gaps are rude.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

Knottie31628346 said:

There are towns that small. There was one other place and I had called 3 days after we got engaged and it was already booked. I'm assuming you haven't been to Northern Iowa before.

I have been to catholic weddings and experienced a gap at the exact time difference as what mine is scheduled to be. People weren't miserable... I'm just trying to be more considerate and give more options. My parents and family were able to have theirs at 2 and 2:30 but they had a different priest and our parish wasn't joined with neighboring ones.

I am hosting everything? I just wasn't sure what I could do to be different with the gap.

TrixieJess said:

Gaps are rude as hell. I've only been to one wedding with a gap and it was excruciating. It was an etiquette disaster as a whole, thankfully the bride's father paid for an open bar, or it would have ticked every box.

I grew up going to Catholic weddings and never dealt with these gaps. People just hosted the entire event including having something between ceremony and reception and never for longer than an hour and a half.

You need to change something, either the ceremony or reception. I don't buy that there is only one reception space. No town is that small, unless it's a Hamlet. Improvise and host everything.

__________________________________________________________________

BOX: I LIVE IN NORTHERN IOWA. Guess what?? Catholic wedding here. NO GAP. Did you post this on FB too cause pretty sure it sounds similar.. and I said there which didn't go over well this is why you plan your ceremony first then plan your reception hall.. It can be avoided. You just don't want to. OWN IT. DO NOT BLAME THE CHURCH. That annoys me. .... And starting a post of on these boards saying "I've posted before and people were mean to me" never ends well. Just sayin.

Knottie52923642 · January 2016

Can you have a two hour cocktails immediately afterwards? Maybe have the ceremony at the hotel as well to eliminate your gap? People may skip the ceremony and only show up at the reception or just attend the ceremony the gap is too long.

MandyMost · January 2016

There's one point that has me confused: If there are ANY options within a reasonable distance where you can host the gap (whether it be a restaurant, private home, rented home, VFW or some sort of hall, bowling alley, etc.) then that is where your reception should be! That means that there are venues that will allow you to host an event with no gap.

As someone said earlier, most people can't have their ideal 1) date, 2) ceremony, and 3) reception venue. So we have to choose. You seem to have chosen the ceremony as the most important part, so then something else has to give. In this case it seems to be the reception venue. Maybe you can't have a "traditional" reception with dinner and dancing, because instead of that you chose your ceremony site. It's a trade-off you should make in order to host your guests appropriately.

If you continue to decide that you are too important to have to do any trade-offs to host your guests properly, and you find a way to host the gap (i.e. the hotel bar), I would expect most of your guests to leave your reception by 7pm at the latest. You mentioned college friends who are big drinkers...no matter what you do with the gap, they're most likely all going to show up to the reception drunk after killing 3 hours in a bar! They'll loudly eat dinner, and then pass out early. And your older relatives will be tired after being "on" and dressed up all day, and want to leave early as well.

6 hours is really what you can expect guests to give you. If you have a 1:30 ceremony, expect guests to be done by about 7pm.

Fill the gap? Catholic Wedding and Reception issues. HELP!

Re: Fill the gap? Catholic Wedding and Reception issues. HELP!

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