Feeling Left Out

Knottie1440604088.defunct635810523342048963 · October 2015

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.

Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"

I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.

In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.

Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

justsie · October 2015

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

Picking a wedding party is not a contest, its someone picking their nearest and dearest and for your friend you just aren't that. You clearly can see that she only hangs out with you when everyone is hanging out, so I think it was a bit ridiculous to expect to be a part of her wedding party. Does it suck that you're the only one in the friend group that isn't in the WP? Sure, but take a day and get over it.

If she invites you to events and you would like to go, then go. Don't start expecting invitations though, which it sounds like you may have a habit of doing....

It is proper etiquette to invite SOs of WP members to the rehersal dinner, so your FI can address that with the groom if the invitation is not also extended to you. Also an invitation is not a summons, you don't have to attend the wedding if you do not want to, although I would think its a bit petty.

Jen4948 · October 2015

I think you need to let this go.

I am not a fan of "will you be my bridesmaid/groomsman" gifts to begin with. Asking someone to be in one's wedding party should be done in private, separately and without gifts, because they make the asked persons feel pressured to say yes and if others who are not going to be asked are present, they may feel just as you do now-left out and unhappy.

That said, she was not obliged to ask you to be in her wedding party, and if you get any invitations to wedding events for her, the more you cop an "I don't think she really wants me" vibe, the more likely it is to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The best thing you can do for everyone is let it go.

climbingsingle · October 2015

You say you're not even close with these people. Why would you feel offended by not being in the wedding if you're not close friends?

Also, your friend was extremely rude for asking this bride why you weren't in the wedding.

Listen, you're not going to click with everyone. That's just life. My husband has a few friends where I really just don't like their wives. We have nothing in common, and I don't want to be best buddies just because our SOs are friends. If we had decided to have a bridal party, and my H asked his friend Brad, am I all of a sudden required to have Brad's wife Jenny as a bridesmaid, even if I don't feel close to her, and don't really with to be more than acquaintances? No, that would be silly.

ETA: another example. All of my friends are friends with this girl Karen. I personally don't like Karen. We don't click, and I've known her for years. If I asked my 4 best friends to be in my bridal party, I'm not obligated to ask Karen, just because she's friends with my friends.

I think you're overreacting. You don't have to go to the shower or bach party if you don't want. I think skipping the RD and the wedding is a little ridiculous though.

mommysolt · October 2015

justsie said:

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

Picking a wedding party is not a contest, its someone picking their nearest and dearest and for your friend you just aren't that. You clearly can see that she only hangs out with you when everyone is hanging out, so I think it was a bit ridiculous to expect to be a part of her wedding party. Does it suck that you're the only one in the friend group that isn't in the WP? Sure, but take a day and get over it.
If she invites you to events and you would like to go, then go. Don't start expecting invitations though, which it sounds like you may have a habit of doing....
It is proper etiquette to invite SOs of WP members to the rehersal dinner, so your FI can address that with the groom if the invitation is not also extended to you. Also an invitation is not a summons, you don't have to attend the wedding if you do not want to, although I would think its a bit petty.

I don't think it sounds like she has a habit of expecting invitations. It sounds like she just mentioned potential events that may or may not come up.

aurianna · October 2015

Well I'd stop looking at it as 4 of 5.
Her FI is in charge of who stands on his side, and it's independent of her choices.

I think it's always natural to have feelings hurt when we don't feel wanted. But I don't think you should fixate too much.
You've stated you aren't close to this woman and that you don't think she feels close to you either. A bride is supposed to pick the people she's closest to to stand beside her. If you never felt close, then you shouldn't be surprised. You also shouldn't expect a spot in her wedding just because some mutual friends are in her wedding.

If this were your best friend in the world, and she asked all your mutual friends to be in her bridal party but not you, I'd understand being really sad. But that's not who she is. It's a gal you hang out with sometimes because she's friends with some of your other friends. Not standing beside her on her wedding day will not impact your life much at all, or at least it shouldn't. Don't let it.

Now... the day of the wedding could potentially not be that fun if you don't know anyone. You're not wrong there. But here's the deal:
1. If you are not invited to the rehearsal dinner, that is incredibly rude and your FI should decline going to it. Because SO's should always be invited to things like this together. (He doesn't need to make big waves. Just something like, "I can make the rehearsal, but I'm going to have dinner with my FI afterwards.")
2. The ceremony may be lonely, but it's not as if you'd be talking to anyone through it. Just play on your phone until it starts, beam at your husband to be up there, watch a wedding.
3. During cocktail hour will any of the bridal party have dates that you'll know? If so, I suggest hanging out with them. If not, you could always run errands or chill in a hotel room [if you have one] before dinner.
4. Once the bridal party returns to the reception, you should be reunited with your FI. If they have any sense of politeness they will not separate you two at dinner (though it may be worth a casual inquiry about how they plan to do the seating at the wedding. If it sounds like they plan on doing a head table without SOs, your FI should speak to the groom and request that he be seated elsewhere with you instead)

Alternatively, you don't have to go. But a night of potentially dinner, drinking and dancing with your FI and some of your closest friends could be fun.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

You get to go to a wedding comprised of all your closest friends and you DON'T have to buy a one-time-use dress to do it!!! You get to have the day to yourself rather than sitting in salon watching other women get their hair done! While your fiance is wearing a suit and standing on a golf course taking pictures and drinking beer, you get to lay around in your skivvies, drinking champagne and watching a terrible LifeTime movie on cable! I think you win this wedding. Stop whining and enjoy not having to be involved.

mommysolt · October 2015

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

I think it's perfectly human and justified to have hurt feelings. It happens to everyone, many times in their lives, and I don't think there is anything you can do to control the fact that something or someone said or did something that hurt you. Everyone's perception is different, as everyone's intentions are equally different.

That being said, I think you have a perfect opportunity to take the high road and show that you are happy for her, even if that can be a hard thing to do when your feelings are hurt.

I think you need to try to address your hurt feelings first, so that you can take on this situation with a clear mind, because it is obviously something that is going to come up many times over however long her engagement is, because your FI is in the wedding. If you need to vent to your mom, a wedding blog (lol) or a best friend who maybe doesn't know these people, then let it out girl, but to people that aren't directly involved or can be trusted to understand that everyone needs to vent, and who won't go back to the bride and say all these other things that could potentially get back around. Taking the high road isn't about causing more drama, but I do think it is perfectly acceptable to vent and let it out, before giving her the cold shoulder and acting like less than an adult based off your emotions in the moment.

I'm sure you've realized that there are multiple potential reasons why she didn't choose you, (not enough room, etc) but it sounds like you came to terms with that before it happened. I know that doesn't lessen the blow, and it sucks getting your feelings hurt, but see above about venting, and then maybe try looking at the positives. I would say to try to look at things from her point of view, and I'm sure that would help some people, but it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you, just because it sounds like this is more about trying to do the right thing in this situation.

I think you need to externally be happy for her and act like it's no big deal. Be the bigger person in the situation and handle it with grace, even though you may not feel that way. You're right that she has the right to choose her wedding party, and there are many times that feelings get hurt when that happens, and it sucks to have your feelings hurt, but you definitely have control over how to handle your reaction, and I'm sure that your close group of friends that are in the wedding will respect you for that.

If you don't feel like she has any interest in being your friend, then whatever. I wouldn't want someone to "fake" be my friend, and I wouldn't want them to only ask me to be their bridesmaid just because she felt pressured into it, so honestly, I don't think it's really something you would want anyways. I don't know if she will end up inviting you to things or if you will be able to sit with your FI during the reception, but don't worry too much about it right now. See how things play out.

It's ok to feel hurt. It happens to all of us. Just breathe, don't worry about the details, and take the high road!

climbingsingle · October 2015

mommysolt said:

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

I think it's perfectly human and justified to have hurt feelings. It happens to everyone, many times in their lives, and I don't think there is anything you can do to control the fact that something or someone said or did something that hurt you. Everyone's perception is different, as everyone's intentions are equally different.

That being said, I think you have a perfect opportunity to take the high road and show that you are happy for her, even if that can be a hard thing to do when your feelings are hurt.

I think you need to try to address your hurt feelings first, so that you can take on this situation with a clear mind, because it is obviously something that is going to come up many times over however long her engagement is, because your FI is in the wedding. If you need to vent to your mom, a wedding blog (lol) or a best friend who maybe doesn't know these people, then let it out girl, but to people that aren't directly involved or can be trusted to understand that everyone needs to vent, and who won't go back to the bride and say all these other things that could potentially get back around. Taking the high road isn't about causing more drama, but I do think it is perfectly acceptable to vent and let it out, before giving her the cold shoulder and acting like less than an adult based off your emotions in the moment.

I'm sure you've realized that there are multiple potential reasons why she didn't choose you, (not enough room, etc) but it sounds like you came to terms with that before it happened. I know that doesn't lessen the blow, and it sucks getting your feelings hurt, but see above about venting, and then maybe try looking at the positives. I would say to try to look at things from her point of view, and I'm sure that would help some people, but it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you, just because it sounds like this is more about trying to do the right thing in this situation.
I think you need to externally be happy for her and act like it's no big deal. Be the bigger person in the situation and handle it with grace, even though you may not feel that way. You're right that she has the right to choose her wedding party, and there are many times that feelings get hurt when that happens, and it sucks to have your feelings hurt, but you definitely have control over how to handle your reaction, and I'm sure that your close group of friends that are in the wedding will respect you for that.

If you don't feel like she has any interest in being your friend, then whatever. I wouldn't want someone to "fake" be my friend, and I wouldn't want them to only ask me to be their bridesmaid just because she felt pressured into it, so honestly, I don't think it's really something you would want anyways. I don't know if she will end up inviting you to things or if you will be able to sit with your FI during the reception, but don't worry too much about it right now. See how things play out.

It's ok to feel hurt. It happens to all of us. Just breathe, don't worry about the details, and take the high road!

By saying the OP should take the high road, IMO you're implying that this bride did something wrong. And she didn't.

missa011 · October 2015

PPs have it covered.

I have a close group of 3 other girls, we've all been friends since high school. When I got engaged I only asked 1 to be in my BP. When one of the other girls got engaged, she also only asked this same friend. When the 3rd girl got married none of us were in her BP because she and H have an extended family. No one cared or was offended. There's no reason she has to choose all or nothing when it comes to a friend group.

mommysolt · October 2015

climbingwife said:

mommysolt said:

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

I think it's perfectly human and justified to have hurt feelings. It happens to everyone, many times in their lives, and I don't think there is anything you can do to control the fact that something or someone said or did something that hurt you. Everyone's perception is different, as everyone's intentions are equally different.

That being said, I think you have a perfect opportunity to take the high road and show that you are happy for her, even if that can be a hard thing to do when your feelings are hurt.

I think you need to try to address your hurt feelings first, so that you can take on this situation with a clear mind, because it is obviously something that is going to come up many times over however long her engagement is, because your FI is in the wedding. If you need to vent to your mom, a wedding blog (lol) or a best friend who maybe doesn't know these people, then let it out girl, but to people that aren't directly involved or can be trusted to understand that everyone needs to vent, and who won't go back to the bride and say all these other things that could potentially get back around. Taking the high road isn't about causing more drama, but I do think it is perfectly acceptable to vent and let it out, before giving her the cold shoulder and acting like less than an adult based off your emotions in the moment.

I'm sure you've realized that there are multiple potential reasons why she didn't choose you, (not enough room, etc) but it sounds like you came to terms with that before it happened. I know that doesn't lessen the blow, and it sucks getting your feelings hurt, but see above about venting, and then maybe try looking at the positives. I would say to try to look at things from her point of view, and I'm sure that would help some people, but it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you, just because it sounds like this is more about trying to do the right thing in this situation.
I think you need to externally be happy for her and act like it's no big deal. Be the bigger person in the situation and handle it with grace, even though you may not feel that way. You're right that she has the right to choose her wedding party, and there are many times that feelings get hurt when that happens, and it sucks to have your feelings hurt, but you definitely have control over how to handle your reaction, and I'm sure that your close group of friends that are in the wedding will respect you for that.

If you don't feel like she has any interest in being your friend, then whatever. I wouldn't want someone to "fake" be my friend, and I wouldn't want them to only ask me to be their bridesmaid just because she felt pressured into it, so honestly, I don't think it's really something you would want anyways. I don't know if she will end up inviting you to things or if you will be able to sit with your FI during the reception, but don't worry too much about it right now. See how things play out.

It's ok to feel hurt. It happens to all of us. Just breathe, don't worry about the details, and take the high road!

By saying the OP should take the high road, IMO you're implying that this bride did something wrong. And she didn't.

No, that's not what I was implying. In fact, I even said that she has the right to choose her own wedding party, and no where did I say the bride was wrong.

Taking the high road can reference acting like an adult as opposed to a child. Taking the high road to me means doing what is right even though it is not easy. Taking the higher road implies that you have to work harder to get to that road, as opposed to staying on the easy, lower one.

I guess everyone has different definitions, but again that's where perception comes into play.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify!

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

OP - You are right to feel hurt. These are your feelings and you have a right to them. But the way you worded your opening paragraph also says you aren't very close to that couple. Did you really expect to be asked to be a BM?

I think your friend was wrong to ask the bride why you weren't chosen to be a BM. It is up to the B&G to choose their own WP members. We always tell brides on this board to pick those nearest and dearest to them and you just didn't measure up for the bride. And that is ok! That is how the world works. Not everyone you meet will be your BFF. There will be people you don't get along with that you need to be civil to.

As for their wedding. You should be invited to the RD, because SO should always be included. If you don't get invited, your FI should ask the groom about bringing you because that is proper etiquette. If groom says no, then I would decline the invite to the RD, if I were your FI. That doesn't mean he will skip the wedding the next day. As for the ceremony and cocktail hour, just go and enjoy yourself. You don't have to talk to anyone during the ceremony. Then for cocktail hour, just go around and enjoy the food and drinks. Hopefully, the B&G won't have a head table and the rest of the evening you can enjoy with your FI. I wouldn't not go to the wedding just because you won't know anyone. But you are free to decline any of the pre-wedding parties, if you are invited to them.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2015

mommysolt said:

climbingwife said:

mommysolt said:

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

I think it's perfectly human and justified to have hurt feelings. It happens to everyone, many times in their lives, and I don't think there is anything you can do to control the fact that something or someone said or did something that hurt you. Everyone's perception is different, as everyone's intentions are equally different.

That being said, I think you have a perfect opportunity to take the high road and show that you are happy for her, even if that can be a hard thing to do when your feelings are hurt.

I think you need to try to address your hurt feelings first, so that you can take on this situation with a clear mind, because it is obviously something that is going to come up many times over however long her engagement is, because your FI is in the wedding. If you need to vent to your mom, a wedding blog (lol) or a best friend who maybe doesn't know these people, then let it out girl, but to people that aren't directly involved or can be trusted to understand that everyone needs to vent, and who won't go back to the bride and say all these other things that could potentially get back around. Taking the high road isn't about causing more drama, but I do think it is perfectly acceptable to vent and let it out, before giving her the cold shoulder and acting like less than an adult based off your emotions in the moment.

I'm sure you've realized that there are multiple potential reasons why she didn't choose you, (not enough room, etc) but it sounds like you came to terms with that before it happened. I know that doesn't lessen the blow, and it sucks getting your feelings hurt, but see above about venting, and then maybe try looking at the positives. I would say to try to look at things from her point of view, and I'm sure that would help some people, but it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you, just because it sounds like this is more about trying to do the right thing in this situation.
I think you need to externally be happy for her and act like it's no big deal. Be the bigger person in the situation and handle it with grace, even though you may not feel that way. You're right that she has the right to choose her wedding party, and there are many times that feelings get hurt when that happens, and it sucks to have your feelings hurt, but you definitely have control over how to handle your reaction, and I'm sure that your close group of friends that are in the wedding will respect you for that.

If you don't feel like she has any interest in being your friend, then whatever. I wouldn't want someone to "fake" be my friend, and I wouldn't want them to only ask me to be their bridesmaid just because she felt pressured into it, so honestly, I don't think it's really something you would want anyways. I don't know if she will end up inviting you to things or if you will be able to sit with your FI during the reception, but don't worry too much about it right now. See how things play out.

It's ok to feel hurt. It happens to all of us. Just breathe, don't worry about the details, and take the high road!

By saying the OP should take the high road, IMO you're implying that this bride did something wrong. And she didn't.

No, that's not what I was implying. In fact, I even said that she has the right to choose her own wedding party, and no where did I say the bride was wrong.

Taking the high road can reference acting like an adult as opposed to a child. Taking the high road to me means doing what is right even though it is not easy. Taking the higher road implies that you have to work harder to get to that road, as opposed to staying on the easy, lower one.

I guess everyone has different definitions, but again that's where perception comes into play.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify!

No, the actual interpretation of that phrase is to make the morally proper choice. Which is why climbingwife disagreed with your use of it in this situation.

randomslove · October 2015

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be friends with everyone who is friends with your friends. It's okay for her not to really like you, despite like your other friends. After all, it seems the feeling is mutual on your end. That's okay.

What's not okay is letting it eat you up to the point where it may damage your friendships with others. If everyone else in your circle of friends is in the wedding, to include your FI, maybe you should just be happy for them and the couple, since your friends and FI are being honored? Or at least try to focus on that when around your friends.

As far as the rehearsal dinner, you should be invited as the FI of one of the groomsmen. And I'd personally also advise against skipping the wedding, since it could lead to wondering if you resent being left out.

TL;DR version:

Don't let your resentment of being left out lead you to damage your friendships.

mommysolt · October 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

mommysolt said:

climbingwife said:

mommysolt said:

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

I think it's perfectly human and justified to have hurt feelings. It happens to everyone, many times in their lives, and I don't think there is anything you can do to control the fact that something or someone said or did something that hurt you. Everyone's perception is different, as everyone's intentions are equally different.

That being said, I think you have a perfect opportunity to take the high road and show that you are happy for her, even if that can be a hard thing to do when your feelings are hurt.

I think you need to try to address your hurt feelings first, so that you can take on this situation with a clear mind, because it is obviously something that is going to come up many times over however long her engagement is, because your FI is in the wedding. If you need to vent to your mom, a wedding blog (lol) or a best friend who maybe doesn't know these people, then let it out girl, but to people that aren't directly involved or can be trusted to understand that everyone needs to vent, and who won't go back to the bride and say all these other things that could potentially get back around. Taking the high road isn't about causing more drama, but I do think it is perfectly acceptable to vent and let it out, before giving her the cold shoulder and acting like less than an adult based off your emotions in the moment.

I'm sure you've realized that there are multiple potential reasons why she didn't choose you, (not enough room, etc) but it sounds like you came to terms with that before it happened. I know that doesn't lessen the blow, and it sucks getting your feelings hurt, but see above about venting, and then maybe try looking at the positives. I would say to try to look at things from her point of view, and I'm sure that would help some people, but it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you, just because it sounds like this is more about trying to do the right thing in this situation.
I think you need to externally be happy for her and act like it's no big deal. Be the bigger person in the situation and handle it with grace, even though you may not feel that way. You're right that she has the right to choose her wedding party, and there are many times that feelings get hurt when that happens, and it sucks to have your feelings hurt, but you definitely have control over how to handle your reaction, and I'm sure that your close group of friends that are in the wedding will respect you for that.

If you don't feel like she has any interest in being your friend, then whatever. I wouldn't want someone to "fake" be my friend, and I wouldn't want them to only ask me to be their bridesmaid just because she felt pressured into it, so honestly, I don't think it's really something you would want anyways. I don't know if she will end up inviting you to things or if you will be able to sit with your FI during the reception, but don't worry too much about it right now. See how things play out.

It's ok to feel hurt. It happens to all of us. Just breathe, don't worry about the details, and take the high road!

By saying the OP should take the high road, IMO you're implying that this bride did something wrong. And she didn't.

No, that's not what I was implying. In fact, I even said that she has the right to choose her own wedding party, and no where did I say the bride was wrong.

Taking the high road can reference acting like an adult as opposed to a child. Taking the high road to me means doing what is right even though it is not easy. Taking the higher road implies that you have to work harder to get to that road, as opposed to staying on the easy, lower one.

I guess everyone has different definitions, but again that's where perception comes into play.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify!

No, the actual interpretation of that phrase is to make the morally proper choice. Which is why climbingwife disagreed with your use of it in this situation.

LOL, no?

Where in your that interpretation does it say anything about accusing someone of being wrong?

Wouldn't you say that it is "morally proper" to act like an adult and not a child when faced with a choice of how to act. Because "taking the high road" is a just a saying or a phrase, I don't believe that there is a firm "Webster's dictionary" definition.

I didn't realize this was an English paper, wow. Just trying to help a girl out.

levioosa · October 2015

mommysolt said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mommysolt said:

climbingwife said:

mommysolt said:

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

I think it's perfectly human and justified to have hurt feelings. It happens to everyone, many times in their lives, and I don't think there is anything you can do to control the fact that something or someone said or did something that hurt you. Everyone's perception is different, as everyone's intentions are equally different.

That being said, I think you have a perfect opportunity to take the high road and show that you are happy for her, even if that can be a hard thing to do when your feelings are hurt.

I think you need to try to address your hurt feelings first, so that you can take on this situation with a clear mind, because it is obviously something that is going to come up many times over however long her engagement is, because your FI is in the wedding. If you need to vent to your mom, a wedding blog (lol) or a best friend who maybe doesn't know these people, then let it out girl, but to people that aren't directly involved or can be trusted to understand that everyone needs to vent, and who won't go back to the bride and say all these other things that could potentially get back around. Taking the high road isn't about causing more drama, but I do think it is perfectly acceptable to vent and let it out, before giving her the cold shoulder and acting like less than an adult based off your emotions in the moment.

I'm sure you've realized that there are multiple potential reasons why she didn't choose you, (not enough room, etc) but it sounds like you came to terms with that before it happened. I know that doesn't lessen the blow, and it sucks getting your feelings hurt, but see above about venting, and then maybe try looking at the positives. I would say to try to look at things from her point of view, and I'm sure that would help some people, but it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you, just because it sounds like this is more about trying to do the right thing in this situation.
I think you need to externally be happy for her and act like it's no big deal. Be the bigger person in the situation and handle it with grace, even though you may not feel that way. You're right that she has the right to choose her wedding party, and there are many times that feelings get hurt when that happens, and it sucks to have your feelings hurt, but you definitely have control over how to handle your reaction, and I'm sure that your close group of friends that are in the wedding will respect you for that.

If you don't feel like she has any interest in being your friend, then whatever. I wouldn't want someone to "fake" be my friend, and I wouldn't want them to only ask me to be their bridesmaid just because she felt pressured into it, so honestly, I don't think it's really something you would want anyways. I don't know if she will end up inviting you to things or if you will be able to sit with your FI during the reception, but don't worry too much about it right now. See how things play out.

It's ok to feel hurt. It happens to all of us. Just breathe, don't worry about the details, and take the high road!

By saying the OP should take the high road, IMO you're implying that this bride did something wrong. And she didn't.

No, that's not what I was implying. In fact, I even said that she has the right to choose her own wedding party, and no where did I say the bride was wrong.

Taking the high road can reference acting like an adult as opposed to a child. Taking the high road to me means doing what is right even though it is not easy. Taking the higher road implies that you have to work harder to get to that road, as opposed to staying on the easy, lower one.

I guess everyone has different definitions, but again that's where perception comes into play.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify!

No, the actual interpretation of that phrase is to make the morally proper choice. Which is why climbingwife disagreed with your use of it in this situation.

LOL, no?

Where in your that interpretation does it say anything about accusing someone of being wrong?

Wouldn't you say that it is "morally proper" to act like an adult and not a child when faced with a choice of how to act. Because "taking the high road" is a just a saying or a phrase, I don't believe that there is a firm "Webster's dictionary" definition.

I didn't realize this was an English paper, wow. Just trying to help a girl out.

JFC, it's not a phrase that's up for that much interpretation. It has a meaning, and you misinterpreted/misused it.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2015

levioosa said:

JFC, it's not a phrase that's up for that much interpretation. It has a meaning, and you misinterpreted/misused it.

This.

No, it's not an English paper, but in life it's a good idea to be able to properly communicate with people. . . especially when on a forum where the only communication is the written word. . . with some snarky GIFs thrown in.

I was trying to explain to you why climbingwife responded to your post in the way that she did. I had the same reaction. The OP doesn't need to take the high road because the bride hasn't done anything wronmg or offensive in this situation.

mommysolt · October 2015

levioosa said:

mommysolt said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mommysolt said:

climbingwife said:

mommysolt said:

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

I think it's perfectly human and justified to have hurt feelings. It happens to everyone, many times in their lives, and I don't think there is anything you can do to control the fact that something or someone said or did something that hurt you. Everyone's perception is different, as everyone's intentions are equally different.

That being said, I think you have a perfect opportunity to take the high road and show that you are happy for her, even if that can be a hard thing to do when your feelings are hurt.

I think you need to try to address your hurt feelings first, so that you can take on this situation with a clear mind, because it is obviously something that is going to come up many times over however long her engagement is, because your FI is in the wedding. If you need to vent to your mom, a wedding blog (lol) or a best friend who maybe doesn't know these people, then let it out girl, but to people that aren't directly involved or can be trusted to understand that everyone needs to vent, and who won't go back to the bride and say all these other things that could potentially get back around. Taking the high road isn't about causing more drama, but I do think it is perfectly acceptable to vent and let it out, before giving her the cold shoulder and acting like less than an adult based off your emotions in the moment.

I'm sure you've realized that there are multiple potential reasons why she didn't choose you, (not enough room, etc) but it sounds like you came to terms with that before it happened. I know that doesn't lessen the blow, and it sucks getting your feelings hurt, but see above about venting, and then maybe try looking at the positives. I would say to try to look at things from her point of view, and I'm sure that would help some people, but it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you, just because it sounds like this is more about trying to do the right thing in this situation.
I think you need to externally be happy for her and act like it's no big deal. Be the bigger person in the situation and handle it with grace, even though you may not feel that way. You're right that she has the right to choose her wedding party, and there are many times that feelings get hurt when that happens, and it sucks to have your feelings hurt, but you definitely have control over how to handle your reaction, and I'm sure that your close group of friends that are in the wedding will respect you for that.

If you don't feel like she has any interest in being your friend, then whatever. I wouldn't want someone to "fake" be my friend, and I wouldn't want them to only ask me to be their bridesmaid just because she felt pressured into it, so honestly, I don't think it's really something you would want anyways. I don't know if she will end up inviting you to things or if you will be able to sit with your FI during the reception, but don't worry too much about it right now. See how things play out.

It's ok to feel hurt. It happens to all of us. Just breathe, don't worry about the details, and take the high road!

By saying the OP should take the high road, IMO you're implying that this bride did something wrong. And she didn't.

No, that's not what I was implying. In fact, I even said that she has the right to choose her own wedding party, and no where did I say the bride was wrong.

Taking the high road can reference acting like an adult as opposed to a child. Taking the high road to me means doing what is right even though it is not easy. Taking the higher road implies that you have to work harder to get to that road, as opposed to staying on the easy, lower one.

I guess everyone has different definitions, but again that's where perception comes into play.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify!

No, the actual interpretation of that phrase is to make the morally proper choice. Which is why climbingwife disagreed with your use of it in this situation.

LOL, no?

Where in your that interpretation does it say anything about accusing someone of being wrong?

Wouldn't you say that it is "morally proper" to act like an adult and not a child when faced with a choice of how to act. Because "taking the high road" is a just a saying or a phrase, I don't believe that there is a firm "Webster's dictionary" definition.

I didn't realize this was an English paper, wow. Just trying to help a girl out.

JFC, it's not a phrase that's up for that much interpretation. It has a meaning, and you misinterpreted/misused it.

A high road could be:

a. The easiest or surest path or course: the high road to happiness.
b. The most positive, diplomatic, or ethical course.
Chiefly British A main road; a highway.
Well since I'm clearly not telling her to take a highway, maybe I could be possibly referring to taking "the most positive, diplomatic, or ethical course"?

PrettyGirlLost said:

levioosa said:

mommysolt said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mommysolt said:

climbingwife said:

mommysolt said:

Knottie1440604088 said:

My FI and I have a very close knit group of friends, 5 of us total (3 guys 2 girls). We do everything together and all even lived in the same apartment complex at one point. This other couple that we know and sometimes hangs out in our group got engaged in July and recently choose their wedding party. I have had a feeling for a while that this newly engaged girl preferred my friend over me. Why I'm not sure.
Last weekend her FI gave "Will you be by groomsmen?" gifts to the three guys of our group including my FI. My FI and the groom are not even close. When she didn't give my friend her "Be my Bridesmaid gift" I told my friend it was because she didn't want to do it in front of me because I'm not in her wedding. My friend tried to give the girl the benefit of the doubt saying that "she wouldn't have one of us and not the other". The next week came and that newly engaged girl went out of her way to travel from Austin to Houston to see my friend to give her the official "Be my bridesmaid gift" When my friend asked why I wasn't a part of the WP she said "she just didn't have enough room for everyone"
I mean its her wedding she can do what she wants but I still have this feeling that she shouldn't have taken a group of 5 close friends and only choose 4 for her wedding including my FI. Now I'm dreading this wedding because I won't know anyone else at the ceremony or the cocktail hour afterwards and won't know if I get to go to the rehearsal dinner with my FI. My FI asked me if I wanted him to back out. I told him he could do whatever he wants. I just feel hurt still. I feel like she should taken only 3 if she couldn't have all of us so it wouldn't be so obvious that 1 person was excluded.
In my mind this girl has no interest in a friendship with me. Over the past year she has time and time again shown me that she only hangs out with me because of our other friends. I was actually thinking of asking her to be in my wedding until all of this happened.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I just being immature? I don't know if I should even go to the wedding or any of the events (showers, bachelorette party etc)I don't want her to invite me because she feels like she has to instead of because she wants me there.

Thoughts?

I think it's perfectly human and justified to have hurt feelings. It happens to everyone, many times in their lives, and I don't think there is anything you can do to control the fact that something or someone said or did something that hurt you. Everyone's perception is different, as everyone's intentions are equally different.

That being said, I think you have a perfect opportunity to take the high road and show that you are happy for her, even if that can be a hard thing to do when your feelings are hurt.

I think you need to try to address your hurt feelings first, so that you can take on this situation with a clear mind, because it is obviously something that is going to come up many times over however long her engagement is, because your FI is in the wedding. If you need to vent to your mom, a wedding blog (lol) or a best friend who maybe doesn't know these people, then let it out girl, but to people that aren't directly involved or can be trusted to understand that everyone needs to vent, and who won't go back to the bride and say all these other things that could potentially get back around. Taking the high road isn't about causing more drama, but I do think it is perfectly acceptable to vent and let it out, before giving her the cold shoulder and acting like less than an adult based off your emotions in the moment.

I'm sure you've realized that there are multiple potential reasons why she didn't choose you, (not enough room, etc) but it sounds like you came to terms with that before it happened. I know that doesn't lessen the blow, and it sucks getting your feelings hurt, but see above about venting, and then maybe try looking at the positives. I would say to try to look at things from her point of view, and I'm sure that would help some people, but it doesn't sound like that would be helpful for you, just because it sounds like this is more about trying to do the right thing in this situation.
I think you need to externally be happy for her and act like it's no big deal. Be the bigger person in the situation and handle it with grace, even though you may not feel that way. You're right that she has the right to choose her wedding party, and there are many times that feelings get hurt when that happens, and it sucks to have your feelings hurt, but you definitely have control over how to handle your reaction, and I'm sure that your close group of friends that are in the wedding will respect you for that.

If you don't feel like she has any interest in being your friend, then whatever. I wouldn't want someone to "fake" be my friend, and I wouldn't want them to only ask me to be their bridesmaid just because she felt pressured into it, so honestly, I don't think it's really something you would want anyways. I don't know if she will end up inviting you to things or if you will be able to sit with your FI during the reception, but don't worry too much about it right now. See how things play out.

It's ok to feel hurt. It happens to all of us. Just breathe, don't worry about the details, and take the high road!

By saying the OP should take the high road, IMO you're implying that this bride did something wrong. And she didn't.

No, that's not what I was implying. In fact, I even said that she has the right to choose her own wedding party, and no where did I say the bride was wrong.

Taking the high road can reference acting like an adult as opposed to a child. Taking the high road to me means doing what is right even though it is not easy. Taking the higher road implies that you have to work harder to get to that road, as opposed to staying on the easy, lower one.

I guess everyone has different definitions, but again that's where perception comes into play.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify!

No, the actual interpretation of that phrase is to make the morally proper choice. Which is why climbingwife disagreed with your use of it in this situation.

LOL, no?

Where in your that interpretation does it say anything about accusing someone of being wrong?

Wouldn't you say that it is "morally proper" to act like an adult and not a child when faced with a choice of how to act. Because "taking the high road" is a just a saying or a phrase, I don't believe that there is a firm "Webster's dictionary" definition.

I didn't realize this was an English paper, wow. Just trying to help a girl out.

JFC, it's not a phrase that's up for that much interpretation. It has a meaning, and you misinterpreted/misused it.

This.

No, it's not an English paper, but in life it's a good idea to be able to properly communicate with people. . . especially when on a forum where the only communication is the written word. . . with some snarky GIFs thrown in.

I was trying to explain to you why climbingwife responded to your post in the way that she did. I had the same reaction. The OP doesn't need to take the high road because the bride hasn't done anything wronmg or offensive in this situation.

Again, I never said she did.

So the OP doesn't need to make a "morally proper choice"? Your words.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2015

A choice as to what? I'm confused.

She wasn't asked to be in the wedding of a couple she's not really friends with. There's no choice involved or nothing to do about that situation, except, as PP's mentioned, to be thankful she doesn't have to buy a dress she'll wear only once.

Feeling Left Out

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