My fiance and I got engaged just under 2 weeks ago. We've been together for over 4 years, and I get along very well with his family and fit in with them. We are at his parents' house every Sunday for lunch and haven't had any conflicts. Until now.
I am not religious. At all. I did not go to any church, I was not baptized, nothing. His parents, on the other hand, are very Catholic (old world eastern European). His dad was in school to become a priest when he was much younger, until he got married of course. My fiance was raised Catholic, but neither him nor his siblings have practiced the religion for at least a decade. His parents know this, and they also know about my non-religious history.
My fiance had called his mom to say that we were finalizing the budget and wanted to know if they would want to contribute anything, and his mom says "Oh you'll need to talk the priest now and make sure he's available on the day you're looking at" to which he replied "Mom we're not getting married in the church". Well shit hit the fan. His mom started hysterically crying, refused to listen to the part about it being our day, saying that it's not real if it's not in a church, and she's scared to tell his dad for fear of him refusing to attend at all. My fiance had started considering doing the church wedding just for the sake of appeasement, but it is NOT something that I want (or have ever wanted) on my wedding day. I feel like it would be a slap in the face of Catholicism to pretend to be something I'm not on that day, and I don't ever want to regret the way we get married. I told him that there's no way I'm comfortable doing that just to make them happy, when it goes against what I believe in.
My fiance is now going to talk to them again (both of them, including his dad) and say "This is what we want and we'd like you to be supportive of us, because it's our choice", but does anyone have any ideas as to how to make them understand better? Ways to say it? Should other people get involved, like my parents, or their priest? Any help or advice would be appreciated