Wedding Party
Knottie1439576573
member
Wedding Party Dilemma
We are getting married in April 2016 and are having trouble finalizing our wedding party. Our first issue is that I have a MOH but my fiance does not have a best man. He does have groomsmen (our sides are even) but does not want to ask either of them to be BM b/c he doesn't feel that close to them. We don't mind this- I don't have a problem with it and anyone can sign the marriage license, so I don't see the point in making a big deal out of it. But it has become a large topic of discussion for my mom and I- leading to her conclusion that because of this, we are not having a "traditional" wedding.
Our other issue is with the kiddos. We have a ring bearer and want my niece to be flower girl, but she will only be 1 year old. My fiance's idea was to have another family friend, around 12 years old (a junior bridesmaid), walk with the kiddos and carry my niece, if necessary. Once again, our family does not like this idea. I'm not sure what to tell them... help!
Thoughts? Is this all too weird?
Our other issue is with the kiddos. We have a ring bearer and want my niece to be flower girl, but she will only be 1 year old. My fiance's idea was to have another family friend, around 12 years old (a junior bridesmaid), walk with the kiddos and carry my niece, if necessary. Once again, our family does not like this idea. I'm not sure what to tell them... help!
Thoughts? Is this all too weird?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
(Edited because for some reason mobile posting hates me today, and lost half my reply.)
Stop discussing the wedding party with your mom, and if she keeps bringing up how the wedding is not traditional, just respond, "That's right, mom, it's not your idea of 'traditional.' That said, we are not going to be making any changes just to have 'even sides.' Please consider the subject closed."
I agree with your family about not having a 1 year old flower girl walk down the aisle or be carried down. I would just take photos with the 1 year old and let it go at that.
My family gets hung up on titles - I'm fine with dropping the "junior", I just thought that was the accepted term for a young teenager in a wedding. I was a junior bridesmaid for my cousin and never thought twice about it.
I do agree that I need to stop talking to my mom about the wedding party, but she insists. Thanks for the ideas of how to shut that down!
Don't do the bolded. Even assuming that your venue will allow a wagon, this is not a safe way for a 1 year old to get down the aisle. And any child that is too small to get up and down the aisle under his or her own power or to understand what's being asked of him or her is just too young for more than photos. Limit the 1 year old's involvement to that.
With regard to the 12 year old, if you want her as a bridesmaid, ask her to be a bridesmaid and treat her the same way you would treat any other bridesmaid. The only 3 things she won't be able to do that an adult bridesmaid can are sign your license as a witness, drink alcohol, or go into adult establishments.
If your mom keeps insisting on talking about dissing your wedding party, tell her, "Mom, this is a closed subject. I'm sorry you're not happy, but I refuse to discuss this with you anymore." Then hang up, walk away, delete the email/post, or otherwise indicate that the conversation is at an end.
Also as PP have said the 1 year old is unpredictable, my 5 year old didn't want to cooperate and didn't walk. The wagon is a bad idea, kids climb out when they don't want to be in them and where will the wagon go after the ceremony, who is in charge of getting it there, and home again? the kids parents assuming that they have the wagon, or are you buying a $100 wagon for a 2 minuet or less walk.. It all sounds like a lot of work for people that are supposed to be enjoying the day and not working the day..
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home Buying"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt1cd146.aspx" alt="Anniversary" border="0" /></a>
You are not thinking of the child's well being. You are thinking of how cute she might look in your wedding. This is the wrong reason to include someone in your wedding party! If she cries and is unhappy, or falls out of the wagon (horrible idea), YOU will get the blame. For shame!
Yes, the 12yo is a bit on the "old" side to be a Flower Girl - I agree with that... Junior BM/BM whichever you decide along with her.
As for the wagon idea, they do make wagons designed for kids that age (NOT cheap - spend that money on a cake upgrade instead!). That said - skip it because the best thing to do is simply say "Honorary Flower Girl" and just have the 1yo stay with Mom or Dad... 12mo is really unpredictable. You can get some absolutely adorable 24mo/2T dresses (about the size a 1yo will be unless she's a tiny mite) in after Christmas and/or Easter sales without breaking the bank. Have her there for pictures, but don't expect any type of performance out of the deal (walking down the aisle, smiling for pictures, etc.). Some 1yo have been walking for months, then there are others that still are crawling, can't use words to communicate, and not very often are they potty trained, which means they may need to go out during the ceremony for who knows what reason... And, depending on the time of day your ceremony is, it could be in the middle of nap time. Nap time is SACRED at that age, an under slept 12mo is a force to be reckoned with! I'd say buy a cute outfit, have them as honorary, and leave it at that. If they're all for performing you could have a parent go down the aisle carrying them, but I wouldn't expect that to happen.
My nephew was 2 when I married. He was always considered a RB, was given a gift as if he were RB and his name was in the program as if he were a RB. However, he was in no way interested in walking down the aisle with his brother and cousin. So he hung out in the child's room with his mom during our ceremony at our Church. He was always going to be a game time decision. But at the rehearsal, it was very clear he had no interest in being a RB. I still consider him to be one of my RB.
And when my sister married, my other niece was only 1 month old. She also attended the ceremony, was listed and considered a FG, but it was in name only. She stayed in the back with her mom while the ceremony was going on. My mom made a small gown in the same color as the BM dresses. My sister has a very sweet picture of the two of them after the ceremony. Since my niece was so young, my brother & SIL decided to send my niece home for the reception.
So even if you want your niece to be a FG, she doesn't have to actually walk down the aisle to earn that title. Just don't ask for your niece's parents to buy a super expensive dress for her to wear. Just ask them to buy any dress in your color of choice.
My cousin's son was an honorary ring bearer at his uncle's wedding. He was about 18 mos. He walked in holding his grandparents' hands and sat with them during the ceremony. He was fine, but it was because the ceremony didn't interfere with nap or feeding time, its was maybe 20 minutes, and his grandparents care for him regularly. In the same wedding, the bride's 3 year old niece/FG threw the biggest tantrum I had ever witnessed at a wedding (pulling up the runner, sobbing, screaming... the basket hit a guest... not good). She had to deal with a 3 hour time change, and was already a shy kid. Frankly, we didn't judge the bride as much as we judged the little girl's parents for forcing her into it.