STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation

NariaD · February 2013

DH and I had an intimate (8 person) civil wedding August 2011 after my father was diagnosed with cancer. It was important to me to have my father present at my wedding. I was a practicing Catholic, DH was baptized but not confirmed. He is going through the confirmation process currently, and as we embark on growing our family, we have decided that it is time to have our marriage validated by the church.

In the eyes of the Church, this will be our wedding day, and as such we have decided we want to celebrate our sacramental marriage. We are hoping for a late 2013 convalidation (november/december). I do plan to wear a full wedding dress, and DH will be wearing a Tux. There will be a small wedding party (3 on each side) comprised of our siblings and our two best friends.

We have a guest list of approximately 50- family and a few close friends only. We will be hosting a dinner after the ceremony for those who attend, but there will most likely be no DJ/bouqet toss/reception type things.

I'm struggling with two things

A) Do we need to send Save the Dates to family and friends? Those who come to witness the ceremony will be traveling 4-6 hours.

I'm *really* struggling with how to word our invitations. Our family all know that we are were married (in a civil ceremony) and many of DH's family members are not Catholic. I'm not sure how to express that this is an important step in our joureny as a married couple for those who are not familiar with our faith.

Any advice would be appreciated.

SlothGoals · February 2013

I thnk you should post this on the Catholic Weddings Board, under "Cultural Wedding Boards" to yur left. You'll get better advice there on what to do.

AdeleDazeem · February 2013

I'm sorry about your father.

I'm assuming you've met with the priest and understand about convalidations? I was under the assumption that they were quiet affairs and done with small gatherings (no wedding party). But, I know it is up to every priest how they will handle them!

I would say "Please join us for the blessing of our marriage at a convalidation ceremony on xxx" or something. Blessing says what is actually going on and convalidation is the legit term that people can look up.

strlzfan11 · February 2013

Ditto checking the Catholic Weddings board, but you will also want to check with your priest to see what your parish's policies are regarding a convalidation ceremony.

NariaD · February 2013

I did also post on the Catholic board

I was hoping to get a more diverse response as well! We've talked with our Priest, and he is fully on-board with having it be a larger affair given the circumstances of our civil ceremony.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

Follow the lead of the priest who is marrying you. Despite what some people say, your wedding day is the day you are married legally.

lyndausvi · February 2013

1)   STDs not required for an events. Actually, a lot of times they are more trouble then they are work. I would just spread it via word of mouth.

2)   I have no idea.   But it makes want to google to see.

I see Stage's point, however my family would happily attend a convalidation.   27 years later my aunts still ask my cousin when they are going to make their marriage real in the church's eyes.

OliveOilsMom · February 2013

Ditto Stage.

I know that your priest is allowing you to have a bigger ceremony, but traditionally convalidations are not big to dos. They were performed to make your marriage valid in the eyes of the Church.

I think you should forego the wedding parties, walk into the church together, and no big wedding gown. A beautiful cocktail dress would be perfect, but you are not a bride, you are a wife and should not have a big ball gown. I also think it would be a bit overkill for H to be in a tux, a nice suit would be best.

I would also be keeping the guest list very small. I would probably only include immediate family only and a few close friends. If I was invited to a convalidation and I wasn't immediate family or very close with the H&W, I would probably decline and think this was a gift grabbing move.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:ddff2295-16e1-4879-8e72-acf3837c8e34">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]1) STDs not required for an events. Actually, a lot of times they are more trouble then they are work. I would just spread it via word of mouth. 2) I have no idea. But it makes want to google to see. <strong>I see Stage's point, however my family would happily attend a convalidation. 27 years later my aunts still ask my cousin when they are going to make their marriage real in the church's eyes.</strong>
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Same here. My parents don't care but all of the extended family would be overjoyed to attend a convalidation ceremony. I do agree though that any WP is overkill. A simple white dress and tux I'd be okay with but nothing elaborate. Again OP - despite what some say, you already had your wedding day - which if you've filed taxes since then, I think you know. This is entirely different.

kmmssg · February 2013

I'm Protestant, married into a Catholic family. A friend of mine from work had a convalidation last year that had all the trappings of a wedding. Everyone knew they were married pre-deployment, Priest ok'd the whole thing, and it went fine.

My thing about these sort of affairs is this: if everyone knows you are married beforehand, knock yourself out. What your guests do about it is up to them.

DH's family would happily attend a convalidation ceremony as you describe.

Simply Fated · February 2013

In Response to Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation : Actually, if you still side-eye the ones you attend (as you claim you do), it does not appear that you appreciate and respect what this means to the bride and groom. One of my friends & her husband are in their mid 50s and had their marriage convalidated a few years ago. They both had annulments to go through for this and they both abstained from receiving the Eucharist in preparation. In the eyes of the church, although they already have grandchildren and have been filing joint taxes for a few decades, their marriage date was only a few years ago. If I had gone through all of that and had a close family friend there giving me the stink eye, I would be deeply offended and would have wished she had simply not shown up.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
She said she side-eyed the ones where the husband and wife play dress-up as though they are bride and groom.
There's a big difference.

Put yourself in a non-Catholic's shoe:
It's fantastic that the church views the convalidation ceremony as the "real" ceremony, but if it looks like a redo wedding, people who are Catholic (me!) would be confused as hell.
If I got an invitation to religious ceremony I'd go because I totally get that it's important to the couple, but if I got there and it looked like a <em>real</em> wedding to me, I'd wonder what kind of theatrics was going on. Because to me, they already had their <em>real</em> wedding.

And this is what the OP was wondering about. OP, if all the Catholics attending are totally cool with you having a bridal party and everything, do it. Just take a moment to explain to all the people who might be confused as to what's going on. You can do this over the phone or in an email. They might not like it or understand it, but at least it'll be easier to clarify anything or answer any questions via phone or email as opposed to trying to get the wording perfect on the invitations.
I have never even heard the term "convalidation" until I came to The Knot and the majority of my friends, including my bf are all Catholic. I love learning new things about other religions and cultures and would not at all be offended if I received an email explaing what kind of ceremony thing you'd be having.

I'd skip the STDs.

Simply Fated · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:095d05fd-3d10-45ee-b8a0-8cb41aabe1f9">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation : Right - which is why I suggested an invitation insert to explain. I did not fully appreciate what a convalidation is until my friend had her marriage convalidated a few years ago. Most people wouldn't go through that trouble, which is why I didn't learn about it until recently. And I have a great respect for people who go through the trouble of having their marriage recognized by the Catholic Church. It says a lot about their faith. And I have said that I think the secular wedding details (big dress, bridal party, DJ at a reception) are not necessary.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
I wasn't disagreeing with your views on convalidation ceremonies, just saying that stage didn't side-eye all convalidation ceremonies. I think it's mainly agreed that there is no reason for a huge ppd, other than preferences, if the convaldiation ceremony is truly for religious purposes.

The rest of my post was directed to the OP, not at you lol.

OP, I'm confused about one thing, though. Which ceremony is "real" to you? It was important for you to have her father at your wedding, but if your real wedding is the convalidation ceremony, then.... I don't know. Would there have been a way to have done the legal and religious ceremony in one go back in 2011, even if your fiance wasn't confirmed, yet?

NariaD · February 2013

The only reason that we even considered having a wedding party is that my siblings were not a part of my life when we had our civil ceremony (I am adopted) and it has only been in the last several months that they have been a part of my life, and I would like to include them in the ceremony.

Simply Fated · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:afddb274-0cb6-4f12-86eb-e08f7746d789">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]The only reason that we even considered having a wedding party is that my siblings were not a part of my life when we had our civil ceremony (I am adopted) and it has only been in the last several months that they have been a part of my life, and I would like to include them in the ceremony.
Posted by NariaDreaming[/QUOTE]
You can include them in other ways. Just by inviting them, they're included, kwim? You don't have to ask them wear a particular dress and walk down an aisle and stand next to you to honor them.

audreyecu61 · February 2013

I'm sorry about your dad, you did what you had to do under the circumstances.
I applaud you for taking this step in your life. Do what you feel is best for you. If you have guests traveling a distances, send them an e-mail or a phone call notifying them of such, giving them enough time to make arrangements.

This is a blessing of a marriage as I see it, if I received an invitation saying that a marriage was being blessed, I would understand it. But I'm Catholic.

I was married the first time by a JOP in Vegas. Very upsetting to my very Catholic Mom. Second wedding is being performed by a Episcopalian Minister. He is not Catholic, my mom is holding her tongue.

I'm not a practicing Catholic, but most of my family is very Catholic. I get what you doing. Good luck to you.

NariaD · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:31536865-edf4-4248-856c-4b2ae3694005">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]I OP, I'm confused about one thing, though. Which ceremony is "real" to you? It was important for you to have her father at your wedding, but if your real wedding is the convalidation ceremony, then.... I don't know. Would there have been a way to have done the legal and religious ceremony in one go back in 2011, even if your fiance wasn't confirmed, yet?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>When my father was diagnosed, we were unsure as to how surgeries and treatment would affect him, so we planned our civil ceremony in 3 weeks- the time between his 2nd oncology appointment to plan his treatment and his surgery date. There is no way we would have been able to meet Catholic wedding prep requirements. </div>

lyndausvi · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:31536865-edf4-4248-856c-4b2ae3694005">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation : I wasn't disagreeing with your views on convalidation ceremonies, just saying that stage didn't side-eye all convalidation ceremonies. I think it's mainly agreed that there is no reason for a huge ppd, other than preferences, if the convaldiation ceremony is truly for religious purposes. The rest of my post was directed to the OP, not at you lol. OP, I'm confused about one thing, though. Which ceremony is "real" to you? It was important for you to have her father at your wedding, but if your real wedding is the convalidation ceremony, then.... I don't know. <strong>Would there have been a way to have done the legal and religious ceremony in one go back in 2011, even if your fiance wasn't confirmed, yet?</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

It doesn't have to be about the FI not being confirmed. You normally have to wait at least 6 months after you get engaged to get married in the Catholic church. You also have to go through Pre-Cana and among other things. It might have been a case where they could not finish all the obligations in time.

AddieCake · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:c04a8181-1da1-4a94-830c-fbb15eeb3f1e">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry about your father. I'm assuming you've met with the priest and understand about convalidations? I was under the assumption that they were quiet affairs and done with small gatherings (no wedding party). But, I know it is up to every priest how they will handle them! I would say "Please join us for the blessing of our marriage at a convalidation ceremony on xxx" or something. Blessing says what is actually going on and convalidation is the legit term that people can look up.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This. As a non Catholic and being ignorant of all that goes with it, this would let me know what was I was attending.

QueerFemme · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:ac0d86d6-d9d8-462d-8ae8-57f6f179bb56">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]With all due respect, Stage - <strong>In the eyes of the Catholic Church, this IS her wedding.</strong> This is not a blessing of an existingi union. In the eyes of the Catholic Church, she is not sacramentally married to her husband (no offense to OP - I've read what you posted on the Catholic boards). I have been invited to a convalidation before and it was absolutely beautiful. It was just like a wedding - exchange of vows and rings. This bride wore a lavender dress and had a bouquet. Her husband wore a suit. Their granddaughter was the flower girl. They had a reception afterwards at their house. They didn't have a DJ, but there was cake. I don't think Save the Dates are really appropriate / necessary, though. I''d share via word of mouth and then send the formal invitation. I would do an invitation (the women on the Catholic boards can help you with the wording). I would also find a way to have an insert to explain the convalidation to family that may want more explanation. When I attended our friends' convalidation, I didn't know much about what it was. She explained it to me and I better understood what she & her husband went through to have their marriage convalidated. It was really cool to know her faith and better understand what the Church teaches. This is a great opportunity to help share your faith with your family.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

The thing is, the eyes of the church don't tell her to go buy a big white puffy dress or have a wedding party, or throw a pretty princess day all over again. They are blessing the marriage, not the dress or the party after.

I don't see anything wrong with inviting your friends and family to witness the blessing of your marriage and have a nice big party to celebrate. The problem with these is trying to recreate a wedding. This isn't a wedding. It's a marriage blessing.

Jager1219 · February 2013

I haven't been to a convalidation but I'm assuming it's similar to a Catholic ceremony (be it full mass or just readings with the rite of marriage)? If so, then I would have the people that would be your WP be involved through doing readings. One can do the first reading, one can do the responsorial psalm, one can do the second reading, and the last one can do the prayer of the faithful.

This way you can have them more involved than just as a guest and you don't need to have anyone stand up with you.

I would also wear something other than a wedding gown (cocktail dress or even a floor-length sheath gown would be appropriate).

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

I dunno, this is kind of not adding up for me. OP on one hand states how important the faith is, but then on the other is trying to modify a ceremony to fit her tastes. Wearing innapropriate clothing for the event is just not respecting it, in my mind. Kind of like showing up to mass in yoga pants. And to have people present for the ceremony that don't belong up there us jarring to me. I mean you wouldn't stand at the altar during a sermon because you feel its more impactful that way right? You don't belong at the altar at that moment. The church's traditions and rites aren't really ala cart, to be modified to make you happy. Seems off to me.

kmmssg · February 2013

Pele - if the Priest buys off on all of that, do you still see a problem? My friend's convalidation ceremony had attendants, tuxes, and a wedding gown. Priest was down with all of it.

STARMOON44 · February 2013

But her priest is fine with it.

QueerFemme · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:929bd2e0-56b5-4ad9-9cbb-47184db8d175">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]Pele - if the Priest buys off on all of that, do you still see a problem? My friend's convalidation ceremony had attendants, tuxes, and a wedding gown. Priest was down with all of it.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

It doesn't matter if the priest is ok with it. They don't probably don't care either way. ETIQUETTE says its not ok. The priest doesn't care if you are breaking etiquette, they care if you are breaking the church's rules.

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

Even if the priest was fine with me standing at the altar during the sermon, I'd feel wrong about it. Ceremonies are jusy conducted a certain way. I'm not so amazing and earthshakingly important that I'm ok with asking for that kind of thing.

Simply Fated · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:929bd2e0-56b5-4ad9-9cbb-47184db8d175">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]Pele - if the Priest buys off on all of that, do you still see a problem? My friend's convalidation ceremony had attendants, tuxes, and a wedding gown. Priest was down with all of it.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
I might see a problem with the <em>priest</em>.

allychase · February 2013

I guess I don't understand why people have simple, "plain" ceremonies for their dying loved ones if they're still gonna have a big huge party and get dolled up after they pass. If it was good enough for your dying loved one to witness before they passed, why isn't it good enough...period?

NariaD · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:7f8204a9-f3e0-4a18-8649-85535a6cb639">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]If it was good enough for your dying loved one to witness before they passed, why isn't it good enough...period?
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

<div>Because in the eyes of the church, we weren't married. That is first and foremost the reason we are having our marriage convalidated. We *want* to include our friends and family, I do want to wear a white dress (but nothing elaborate- simple, a-line, no crinoline, modest, no lace/beadwork/etc).

I guess I should have clarified my thoughts on the wedding party. We are not planning on having a big all-out processional- and as such I woudln't expect the WP to have the matchy matchy outfits, nor do I anticipate them standing at the altar (except possibly MOH and Best Man for the blessing of the rings)- it was more of a group of our closest family members and best friends who have been our rock through the trials of the last year of our lives. </div><div>
</div><div>Would I have preferred my father to be at my sacramental marriage? You betcha. I would have given ANYTHING to have him with me at the church, for my mother and father to walk me down the aisle, and for him to have a dance with me in frotn of our family and friends, but we had no clue how much/how little time we had with him.</div><div>
</div><div>In my eyes, *any* wedding with my father present was better than NO wedding, even if it meant giving up my dreams of a big Catholic wedding. I have struggled with my faith from the time of my father's diagnosis through the months after his death, but now that I have found my way back to the Church, and my husband is finally going to be in full communion wiht his faith, this ceremony is something very important to us, and the fact that our priest embraced the idea of us getting "dolled up" and celebrating the start of our Catholic journey together... well, that's why I'm here. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

team3142020 · February 2013

NOT CATHOLIC, HOWEVER . . .

The blessing of a civil marriage is an event worth celebrating to the hilt. You are placing your marriage under the protection and authority of God. Sorry, but that is waaaaaay more of a reason to celebrate than the legal right to file taxes together or share health insurance. After all, plenty of folks do that without any marriage at all. A white dress whatever the poof, it sometimes thought to symbolize virginity. (Rationale for nixing the dress at a convalidation) However, many Christians would argue that true purity has to do with your soul and your relationship with God. Seeing as how your marriage wasn't recognized by the church the first time, and now you are seeking to have it blessed, your very actions would indicate a desire for purity in your marriage. So wear the white dress. Another thought. The civil service was to address a specific situation, and your celebration was probably muted by the very upsetting circumstances surrounding your father's illness. I would be surprised if you even had a chance to do anything other than exchange vows. Most people who care about your family prbably get this and wish you and your family had an opportunity to celebrate your union. Your convalidation is both a blessing AND a celebration. Your priest seems to get that. Anyone that can't wrap their mind around that is doing you a favor by staying home. Finally. . . .

YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO REJOICE IN THE LORD AT ALL TIMES THAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU SOMEONE TO BUILD A LIFE WITH, WORSHIP WITH AND LIVE IN A WAY THAT GLORIFIES HIM. GO BIG WITH YOUR CONVALIDATION!

OUR GOD IS BIG AND AWESOME AND WORTHY TO BE PRAISED. AND GETTING DRESSED UP, INVITING FAMILY GOD HAS RETURNED TO YOU, IS A PART OF THAT.

ANYONE THAT THINKS A CONVALIDATION IS A GIFT GRAB PROBABLY DOESN'T NOT GET THIS, AND IS PROBABLY NOT ON YOUR LIST! GOD BLESS!

QueerFemme · February 2013

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:2474d8a5-37a0-4d08-aea1-a45fcf23a478">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]NOT CATHOLIC, HOWEVER . . . The blessing of a civil marriage is an event worth celebrating to the hilt. You are placing your marriage under the protection and authority of God. Sorry, <strong>but that is waaaaaay more of a reason to celebrate than the legal right to file taxes together or share health insurance</strong>. After all, plenty of folks do that without any marriage at all. A white dress whatever the poof, it sometimes thought to symbolize virginity. (Rationale for nixing the dress at a convalidation) However, many Christians would argue that true purity has to do with your soul and your relationship with God. Seeing as how your marriage wasn't recognized by the church the first time, and now you are seeking to have it blessed, your very actions would indicate a desire for purity in your marriage. So wear the white dress. Another thought. The civil service was to address a specific situation, and your celebration was probably muted by the very upsetting circumstances surrounding your father's illness. I would be surprised if you even had a chance to do anything other than exchange vows. Most people who care about your family prbably get this and wish you and your family had an opportunity to celebrate your union. Your convalidation is both a blessing AND a celebration. Your priest seems to get that. Anyone that can't wrap their mind around that is doing you a favor by staying home. Finally. . . . YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO REJOICE IN THE LORD AT ALL TIMES THAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU SOMEONE TO BUILD A LIFE WITH, WORSHIP WITH AND LIVE IN A WAY THAT GLORIFIES HIM. GO BIG WITH YOUR CONVALIDATION! OUR GOD IS BIG AND AWESOME AND WORTHY TO BE PRAISED. AND GETTING DRESSED UP, INVITING FAMILY GOD HAS RETURNED TO YOU, IS A PART OF THAT. ANYONE THAT THINKS A CONVALIDATION IS A GIFT GRAB PROBABLY DOESN'T NOT GET THIS, AND IS PROBABLY NOT ON YOUR LIST! GOD BLESS!
Posted by faye79[/QUOTE]

There aren't too many things on TK that REALLY make me mad. Some irritate me, some are just downright funny and/or rude, but the bolded comment above is HORRIBLY offensive.

Speaking as someone who DID have the big white dress and big ceremony, and STILL can't get insurance or file joint taxes, you take the cake on bogus jerkoff comments. My desire to get legally married to my partner and have the legal benefits of said marriage is no less important of a reason than the OPs desire to marry her partner in a church and have the church recognize it</div>.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stds-and-invitations-for-catholic-convalidation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:69d5e8e0-41c6-470f-ab43-2ff0931870e6Post:2474d8a5-37a0-4d08-aea1-a45fcf23a478">Re: STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation</a>:
[QUOTE]NOT CATHOLIC, HOWEVER . . . The blessing of a civil marriage is an event worth celebrating to the hilt. You are placing your marriage under the protection and authority of God. Sorry, but that is waaaaaay more of a reason to celebrate than the legal right to file taxes together or share health insurance. After all, plenty of folks do that without any marriage at all. A white dress whatever the poof, it sometimes thought to symbolize virginity. (Rationale for nixing the dress at a convalidation) However, many Christians would argue that true purity has to do with your soul and your relationship with God. Seeing as how your marriage wasn't recognized by the church the first time, and now you are seeking to have it blessed, your very actions would indicate a desire for purity in your marriage. So wear the white dress. Another thought. The civil service was to address a specific situation, and your celebration was probably muted by the very upsetting circumstances surrounding your father's illness. I would be surprised if you even had a chance to do anything other than exchange vows. Most people who care about your family prbably get this and wish you and your family had an opportunity to celebrate your union. Your convalidation is both a blessing AND a celebration. Your priest seems to get that. Anyone that can't wrap their mind around that is doing you a favor by staying home. Finally. . . . YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO REJOICE IN THE LORD AT ALL TIMES THAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU SOMEONE TO BUILD A LIFE WITH, WORSHIP WITH AND LIVE IN A WAY THAT GLORIFIES HIM. GO BIG WITH YOUR CONVALIDATION! OUR GOD IS BIG AND AWESOME AND WORTHY TO BE PRAISED. AND GETTING DRESSED UP, INVITING FAMILY GOD HAS RETURNED TO YOU, IS A PART OF THAT. ANYONE THAT THINKS A CONVALIDATION IS A GIFT GRAB PROBABLY DOESN'T NOT GET THIS, AND IS PROBABLY NOT ON YOUR LIST! GOD BLESS!
Posted by faye79[/QUOTE]

This is definitely in the top five most offensive things I have ever read on TK. I honestly don't know where to start.</div>

STDs and Invitations for Catholic Convalidation

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