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Destination Weddings

'Destination' wedding...but only for some

Hi all, I'm new here as I just got engaged last Saturday!

So, I'm originally from NYC. My parents now live in Florida. I live in Texas, as does my fiancee's family- albeit 3+ hours from us. The rest of my family lives between Mass and DC.  So really anywhere would be a destination wedding for a large percentage of our guests.

We settled on NYC, getting married where my parents did. Not an issue for any family members, but fiancee has indicated it may be an issue for some of his friends (he hasn't spoken with any of them about it, he just thinks it will be) and they may not be able to attend. 

So fiancee wants to have 'another reception' in Texas after we get back from our honeymoon, which most likely puts us in early/mid november, which means the "easy fun ranch party" (held at the back of the ranch where I board my horses) won't be easy or fun because most likely it will be cold and rainy. And if by chance it's sunny, the ground will still be very very muddy--which is how it is from late October through April every.single.year. 

Plus, I don't really see why we *need* to have another party, all of our family will be at the main event. AND the ranch is at least 2.5 hours away for most of his friends anyway, so they'd still need to get a hotel. Plus, do I then invite those people who also came to the wedding? That seems silly and odd. But if not, then it's us and 10-15 people... so why bother? Not that they aren't important, but why don't we just go down to where they all live one weekend and have a big dinner or something- I feel like that would make more sense. But Fiancee wants it to be like a second reception... outside in the mud... 

I'd feel differently if we were going to Italy or Aruba or something to get married and only inviting 15-20 people, but we're having a full wedding/reception already, and all the people we'd invite to the 'second reception' would already be invited to the wedding and declined to attend...

What do those with more wedding experience say?


Re: 'Destination' wedding...but only for some

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Go with your gut - don't have a second party. 

    [Deleted User]YogaSandyjaprincess24
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited November 2015

    Agree- no need for a second party. Technically, it's not a destination wedding anyway because not everyone has to travel, so the whole "AHR" thing doesn't apply. Invite his friends to the wedding in NY and if certain people cannot make it, perhaps plan to meet up with a few of them informally over dinner and or drinks when you get home.


    ETF- I seriously cannot write today

     







    SP29
  • Glad I'm not crazy!

    What's AHR?
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Glad I'm not crazy!

    What's AHR?
    At home reception.

    Agree with PPs.
  • People know when they're being offered a consolation prize. Skip it.

    However, perhaps you should sit down with your fiancé. If it's important to him to have his friends attend, he can clear the date/location with them ahead of time. How equally was the decision made on NYC? Would he prefer to get married in Texas? I don't have much to go on here, but since he suggested a second party, maybe he's not entirely on board with the original plan.
    image
    [Deleted User]SP29japrincess24
  • People know when they're being offered a consolation prize. Skip it.

    However, perhaps you should sit down with your fiancé. If it's important to him to have his friends attend, he can clear the date/location with them ahead of time. How equally was the decision made on NYC? Would he prefer to get married in Texas? I don't have much to go on here, but since he suggested a second party, maybe he's not entirely on board with the original plan.

    He repeatedly says 'whatever you want' in regards to plans. I wasn't 100% on NYC since it will be more expensive than Texas but my Dad -who is paying- wants NYC. When FI heard that he said 'must do NYC'.

    We had talked about getting married abroad at one point- with maybe 10 people invited- and then having a ranch party/second reception for everyone. So I guess he hasn't put it together that inviting everyone the first time means no need for round 2.
  • I agree with all PPs, skip it. Invite your friends to the wedding and if they come they come. You might want to consider STD so they have an opportunity to make plans since they will be traveling- although STDs are not required. If you do send STDs though remember that everyone that gets one must be invited to the wedding. 
    image
  • People know when they're being offered a consolation prize. Skip it.

    However, perhaps you should sit down with your fiancé. If it's important to him to have his friends attend, he can clear the date/location with them ahead of time. How equally was the decision made on NYC? Would he prefer to get married in Texas? I don't have much to go on here, but since he suggested a second party, maybe he's not entirely on board with the original plan.
    He repeatedly says 'whatever you want' in regards to plans. I wasn't 100% on NYC since it will be more expensive than Texas but my Dad -who is paying- wants NYC. When FI heard that he said 'must do NYC'. We had talked about getting married abroad at one point- with maybe 10 people invited- and then having a ranch party/second reception for everyone. So I guess he hasn't put it together that inviting everyone the first time means no need for round 2.
    Okay, that's fair. He who pays gets the say. And it's okay to do something casual if it's 100% not labeled as wedding-related. Have a holiday party or a BBQ or whatever for friends back home. Invite who you would like regardless of whether they attended the wedding.
    image
  • justsie said:
    I agree with all PPs, skip it. Invite your friends to the wedding and if they come they come. You might want to consider STD so they have an opportunity to make plans since they will be traveling- although STDs are not required. If you do send STDs though remember that everyone that gets one must be invited to the wedding. 
    I'm new to this whole wedding thing, but would people really send STDs and then NOT invite people to the wedding? That's crazy rude!  :o 
    How early are STDs supposed to go out? We're currently planning on Oct '16, and should have ceremony and reception sites nailed down this week.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    justsie said:
    I agree with all PPs, skip it. Invite your friends to the wedding and if they come they come. You might want to consider STD so they have an opportunity to make plans since they will be traveling- although STDs are not required. If you do send STDs though remember that everyone that gets one must be invited to the wedding. 
    I'm new to this whole wedding thing, but would people really send STDs and then NOT invite people to the wedding? That's crazy rude!  :o 
    How early are STDs supposed to go out? We're currently planning on Oct '16, and should have ceremony and reception sites nailed down this week.
    You would be surprised at the number of rude things people do.

    And STDs typically go out between 6-12 months prior to the wedding.  So you could send them out at any point.

    SP29
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Like others said, it would be fine to do an informal get-together or go out to dinner with friends back home, but it shouldn't be a do-over reception.  His friends will know its not the real thing... and honestly, all they probably want is to congratulate you and have a drink or two anyway.  You can do that without having a repeat reception.

    And, yeah, you would be surprised at some of the rude things that people suggest on this site.  Sending out STD without inviting someone is just the tip of that iceburg.  An easy offender of this is people that get over-excited and post a general STD on facebook to all of their "friends", then only invite a select few. Lurk around some of the old threads, especially on the etiquette page, and you'll find some interesting stories of how not to do a wedding.

    image 

    [Deleted User]SP29
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hi all, I'm new here as I just got engaged last Saturday!

    So, I'm originally from NYC. My parents now live in Florida. I live in Texas, as does my fiancee's family- albeit 3+ hours from us. The rest of my family lives between Mass and DC.  So really anywhere would be a destination wedding for a large percentage of our guests.

    We settled on NYC, getting married where my parents did. Not an issue for any family members, but fiancee has indicated it may be an issue for some of his friends (he hasn't spoken with any of them about it, he just thinks it will be) and they may not be able to attend. 

    So fiancee wants to have 'another reception' in Texas after we get back from our honeymoon, which most likely puts us in early/mid november, which means the "easy fun ranch party" (held at the back of the ranch where I board my horses) won't be easy or fun because most likely it will be cold and rainy. And if by chance it's sunny, the ground will still be very very muddy--which is how it is from late October through April every.single.year. 

    Plus, I don't really see why we *need* to have another party, all of our family will be at the main event. AND the ranch is at least 2.5 hours away for most of his friends anyway, so they'd still need to get a hotel. Plus, do I then invite those people who also came to the wedding? That seems silly and odd. But if not, then it's us and 10-15 people... so why bother? Not that they aren't important, but why don't we just go down to where they all live one weekend and have a big dinner or something- I feel like that would make more sense. But Fiancee wants it to be like a second reception... outside in the mud... 

    I'd feel differently if we were going to Italy or Aruba or something to get married and only inviting 15-20 people, but we're having a full wedding/reception already, and all the people we'd invite to the 'second reception' would already be invited to the wedding and declined to attend...

    What do those with more wedding experience say?


    JIC


    image
  • Like others said, it would be fine to do an informal get-together or go out to dinner with friends back home, but it shouldn't be a do-over reception.  His friends will know its not the real thing... and honestly, all they probably want is to congratulate you and have a drink or two anyway.  You can do that without having a repeat reception.

    And, yeah, you would be surprised at some of the rude things that people suggest on this site.  Sending out STD without inviting someone is just the tip of that iceburg.  An easy offender of this is people that get over-excited and post a general STD on facebook to all of their "friends", then only invite a select few. Lurk around some of the old threads, especially on the etiquette page, and you'll find some interesting stories of how not to do a wedding.
    Ha, I'll have to go take a look!!

    Also, what is 'JIC'? Just in case?
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Like others said, it would be fine to do an informal get-together or go out to dinner with friends back home, but it shouldn't be a do-over reception.  His friends will know its not the real thing... and honestly, all they probably want is to congratulate you and have a drink or two anyway.  You can do that without having a repeat reception.

    And, yeah, you would be surprised at some of the rude things that people suggest on this site.  Sending out STD without inviting someone is just the tip of that iceburg.  An easy offender of this is people that get over-excited and post a general STD on facebook to all of their "friends", then only invite a select few. Lurk around some of the old threads, especially on the etiquette page, and you'll find some interesting stories of how not to do a wedding.
    Ha, I'll have to go take a look!!

    Also, what is 'JIC'? Just in case?
    JIC is "Just in case".  (Just in case you don't like the honest answers you get from people and want to delete your post... you can't delete the reply's or quotes.)

    Honestly, I got married in June 2014 and the main reason I stick around is the entertainment factor of some of the horror stories. And to occasionally help steer new brides on the correct path.

    From your few posts, you seem to have a decent head on your shoulders and seem to be here to confirm that your instincts of a redo reception being rude and to throw a proper event.  There are many that come on here and will argue that it's "their day" and they can do whatever they want and it doesn't matter if it's considered rude.  Or very common is "my family & friends love me, so they won't care if I do [insert rude behavior]".  Hopefully you stick around and take the advice of the smart ladies on this site.  They often get accused of being rude, but that's because they are brutally honest and will tell you straight out if you are being incredibly rude to your guests or that your event isn't just for you and you need to host your guests properly.  Many of your guests/family won't tell you if you are making etiquette mistakes... they will just talk about it behind your back.


    image 

    [Deleted User]edenisleSP29
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    justsie said:
    I agree with all PPs, skip it. Invite your friends to the wedding and if they come they come. You might want to consider STD so they have an opportunity to make plans since they will be traveling- although STDs are not required. If you do send STDs though remember that everyone that gets one must be invited to the wedding. 
    I'm new to this whole wedding thing, but would people really send STDs and then NOT invite people to the wedding? That's crazy rude!  :o 
    How early are STDs supposed to go out? We're currently planning on Oct '16, and should have ceremony and reception sites nailed down this week.
    This happened to me.  It sucked hard core, especially since I had already bought my plane ticket for the wedding.
  • Like others said, it would be fine to do an informal get-together or go out to dinner with friends back home, but it shouldn't be a do-over reception.  His friends will know its not the real thing... and honestly, all they probably want is to congratulate you and have a drink or two anyway.  You can do that without having a repeat reception.

    And, yeah, you would be surprised at some of the rude things that people suggest on this site.  Sending out STD without inviting someone is just the tip of that iceburg.  An easy offender of this is people that get over-excited and post a general STD on facebook to all of their "friends", then only invite a select few. Lurk around some of the old threads, especially on the etiquette page, and you'll find some interesting stories of how not to do a wedding.
    Ha, I'll have to go take a look!!

    Also, what is 'JIC'? Just in case?
    JIC is "Just in case".  (Just in case you don't like the honest answers you get from people and want to delete your post... you can't delete the reply's or quotes.)

    Honestly, I got married in June 2014 and the main reason I stick around is the entertainment factor of some of the horror stories. And to occasionally help steer new brides on the correct path.

    From your few posts, you seem to have a decent head on your shoulders and seem to be here to confirm that your instincts of a redo reception being rude and to throw a proper event.  There are many that come on here and will argue that it's "their day" and they can do whatever they want and it doesn't matter if it's considered rude.  Or very common is "my family & friends love me, so they won't care if I do [insert rude behavior]".  Hopefully you stick around and take the advice of the smart ladies on this site.  They often get accused of being rude, but that's because they are brutally honest and will tell you straight out if you are being incredibly rude to your guests or that your event isn't just for you and you need to host your guests properly.  Many of your guests/family won't tell you if you are making etiquette mistakes... they will just talk about it behind your back.


    I don't see why I'd delete my post, I asked a question, and got answers, not of which were rude, nor did I take offense to any... weird. 

    I haven't been to a wedding in years, so I'm lost, hence the questions. I think FI has given up on the idea of a second reception, thankfully. Once I pointed out that we'd be inviting a bunch of people who came to the wedding it seemed to click in his head that two parties may be redundant.
    Plus, I told him he'd have to plan it. ;)
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Like others said, it would be fine to do an informal get-together or go out to dinner with friends back home, but it shouldn't be a do-over reception.  His friends will know its not the real thing... and honestly, all they probably want is to congratulate you and have a drink or two anyway.  You can do that without having a repeat reception.

    And, yeah, you would be surprised at some of the rude things that people suggest on this site.  Sending out STD without inviting someone is just the tip of that iceburg.  An easy offender of this is people that get over-excited and post a general STD on facebook to all of their "friends", then only invite a select few. Lurk around some of the old threads, especially on the etiquette page, and you'll find some interesting stories of how not to do a wedding.
    Ha, I'll have to go take a look!!

    Also, what is 'JIC'? Just in case?
    JIC is "Just in case".  (Just in case you don't like the honest answers you get from people and want to delete your post... you can't delete the reply's or quotes.)

    Honestly, I got married in June 2014 and the main reason I stick around is the entertainment factor of some of the horror stories. And to occasionally help steer new brides on the correct path.

    From your few posts, you seem to have a decent head on your shoulders and seem to be here to confirm that your instincts of a redo reception being rude and to throw a proper event.  There are many that come on here and will argue that it's "their day" and they can do whatever they want and it doesn't matter if it's considered rude.  Or very common is "my family & friends love me, so they won't care if I do [insert rude behavior]".  Hopefully you stick around and take the advice of the smart ladies on this site.  They often get accused of being rude, but that's because they are brutally honest and will tell you straight out if you are being incredibly rude to your guests or that your event isn't just for you and you need to host your guests properly.  Many of your guests/family won't tell you if you are making etiquette mistakes... they will just talk about it behind your back.


    I don't see why I'd delete my post, I asked a question, and got answers, not of which were rude, nor did I take offense to any... weird. 

    I haven't been to a wedding in years, so I'm lost, hence the questions. I think FI has given up on the idea of a second reception, thankfully. Once I pointed out that we'd be inviting a bunch of people who came to the wedding it seemed to click in his head that two parties may be redundant.
    Plus, I told him he'd have to plan it. ;)
    The second reception topic tends to be a hot button issue on this site.  A lot of people want to do at home receptions, but redo all the wedding elements (wear dress, cake cutting, even saying vows).  And a lot of the brides get upset when people tell them that it's not a great idea. It's a common topic where brides get honest answers and the originally poster feels hurt that nobody agrees with them or tells them that it's okay to do and they delete the post.  For some people, it doesn't take much for them to get hurt and delete.  For example, there is a whole slew of delete posts from one person that posted on several boards today (look at chit chat, etiquette board, reception board, etc.). The post wasn't about redo reception, but people were not rude in their responses and now all the boards have a topic called "deleted", because she didn't like the answers.  So, nothing personal, but usually someone will do a JIC quote whenever there is a potential hot button topic. 

    image 

    [Deleted User]
  • Ah interesting!

    Again, would never imagine re-wearing my wedding dress/re-doing vows (well maybe re-doing vows in 10 years!) that seems umm odd. Ha!  Going to check those threads out...
  • You have a great attitude. Please change your name to something that's not Knottie#s (PM KnotHolly or KnotRiley) and stick around!
    image
    Jells2dot0
  • It's been changed :)
    artbyallie[Deleted User]princessleia22SP29
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