I'll try to make this short but I'm looking for advice.
I decided I'd have only 2 bridesmaids- my sister as MOH and my future SIL as matron of honor. To keep things simple. Haha.
I also thought I'd be a cool bride and let the bridesmaids choose their own dresses within a given color scheme with my approval. So my SIL, who is older than me, went shopping, found a dress she liked in my color scheme, texted me pictures, and I approved it, so she bought it.
So my sister, who is 27 years old, said she couldn't afford to buy a dress and so never went shopping for one herself until my mom offered to buy it for her. We all went shopping together over the Xmas break. She pulled a beaded dress in a dusty blush color (I'd given blush as an acceptable color choice) to try on.
She looked nice in it and at first I said it would be acceptable, but then she tried on another dress that I liked more and thought went better with my SIL's dress and my vision for the wedding, as I'd been thinking flowy chiffon from the get go, since it's an outdoor garden ceremony in the spring.
My sister has always been immature for her age but I was not ready for the sh*tstorm she was about to bring because I rejected the ($300) beaded dress. She told me it was "the ugliest dress ever," "disgusting," "hideous" and that she would be "miserable the entire night" if I "forced" her to wear this dress. By this time, she had tried on over 20 dresses and refused them all except the beaded dress. She was literally screaming what a terrible person I am in the Nordstrom's dressing room. Other people in the dressing room said she must be my sister as that's the only way anyone could talk to me like that.
I considered just getting the beaded dress to make her happy but my mom said it's my wedding, my theme, and I get final say in the dress, and especially since she's paying for it. So I chose the grey dress. My sister continued to berate me the entire drive home until I snapped and said I'd be fine if she wears the beaded dress, then she can sit in the audience and not be a bridesmaid. She refused to respond and has not spoken to me since.
Was I wrong to tell her to wear the grey dress? Should I ask my SIL to change her dress to go with the beaded dress? Should I just not care about coordination to make everyone happy? Oh, and I forgot to mention, I just finished chemotherapy for breast cancer 3 weeks ago, and I'm starting radiation on Wednesday. I really don't need this drama.