Website RSVPs for wedding guests and afterparty guests alike

Re: Website RSVPs for wedding guests and afterparty guests alike

• KnickerGold member

  

  January 2016

  Would you invite people not invited to the wedding to your rehearsal dinner? No, right? 
  
  Do it the next weekend, or after your honeymoon so people don't think this is a gift grab/tiered wedding. 

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• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  January 2016

  delujm0 said:

  Technically having a separate event after your ceremony and reception with a different guest list isn't against etiquette.  You send separate invitations, you don't call it a wedding, and you host it fully.  "Celebration of marriage" is fine.  I wouldn't personally do this the same day as the wedding, but that's because i was exhausted after my wedding and wouldn't have wanted to deal with hosting a second event a few hours later.

   

  As long as the guests are properly hosted, and you are not calling this a wedding or reception, but rather a celebration of marriage, proceed.  However, if you are not planning on fully hosting it, it would be better for you to just tell friends via word of mouth that you'll be at X bar on X night at X time and be done with it.  Sending invitations and having RSVPs indicates that you are hosting this party, and that means drinks, etc for the full time that the party is occurring (if the invitation says 8pm-11pm, you can cut off your tab at 11 even if some guests decide to stay later though - that's not on you).

  I don't think it would be correct to have a celebration of marriage the same day as the wedding (and reception) and have two different guest lists. I wouldn't even have a party that evening and invite people not invited to the wedding. As PP stated people might get miffed about not being invited to the wedding - and you know they are aware it is your wedding day.

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• delujm0 member

  

  January 2016

  KnickerGold said:

  Would you invite people not invited to the wedding to your rehearsal dinner? No, right? 
  
  Do it the next weekend, or after your honeymoon so people don't think this is a gift grab/tiered wedding. 

  
  But think of this in reverse.  The rehearsal dinner is clearly an event that is associated with the wedding.  But you are not required to invite all of the wedding guests to the rehearsal dinner, right?  The rehearsal dinner is for only a subset of the wedding guests.  And this is totally acceptable.

   

  This is what the Royal Wedding was.  To say that was tiered is inaccurate.  Everyone invited to the wedding ceremony was invited to the reception.  And then there were a few separate events where smaller groups were invited, after the reception was over.  And that's fine, because everyone who witnessed the ceremony attended the reception.  To say that was inappropriate is to say that if a regular couple had a morning wedding and subsequent brunch reception, and then wanted to treat their VIPs to dinner at a restaurant the night of the wedding, that would be inappropriate.  And that is a ridiculous standpoint.  if i want to treat my wedding party to dinner the night of my brunch wedding, but i don't want to invite all 100 wedding guests to dinner with us, THAT IS FINE.  It is a separate event, still generally associated with the wedding, but it's not the actual wedding.  To say any differently is to say that any couple that has a brunch wedding basically has to go and sit in their house by themselves for the rest of the day after the reception ends, because if they try to host anything with any of their guests, they would have to invite ALL of their guests to attend. 

   

  Additionally, we see on here all the time mentions of the "morning after brunch."  I recall reading that most people find it totally acceptable to only invite a subset of wedding guests to an event like this (like only family, for example).  Why is that appropriate to do the morning after an evening wedding, but it's "tiered" if you try to host a dinner hours after your brunch wedding ends?  I think we're splitting hairs here.  The only reason this looks tiered in relation to the Royal Wedding is because all of the events were publicized, so the people that weren't invited to all of the events were made publically aware of that fact.  If a normal couple did this, the people that only attended the actual wedding would likely not even know that the other events existed.  I don't feel slighted when i'm not invited to a rehearsal dinner for a wedding i'm not in, because i don't know anything about it.

   

  The difference here, i guess, is that the attendees at the subsequent Royal Wedding parties were also invited to the ceremony and reception.  They didn't just add randoms who didn't make the original cut for the ceremony to the additional events (to my knowledge).  I can see how people might be hurt by knowing that they've only been invited to the second-class party.  However if this is a common event in the couple's social circle, perhaps it won't bother them.  I don't know.  But i do know that it's not strictly against etiquette to do this.

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2016

  I'm not a fan or using the royal wedding as an example.    When a future monarch gets married there are WAY more politics and protocol involved than do we need to invite my 3rd-cousin-once-removed should be invited or not.  
  
  If they had their way,  I'm sure they would have kept it to the 200 people or so people they had at the night party.   But that is not always possible when you are talking about a future monarch. 
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• LondonLisa member

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  @delujm0 But she doesn't want to invite wedding guests to the after party- she wants to invit wedding guests PLUS additional friends who weren't invited to the wedding. Fundamental difference. If you wanted to throw a non-wedding event, fine, but don't call if a wedding after party and don't direct people to your website. its against etiquette because everyone realises it is going to descend into a wedding party no matter what, and it's rude to invite non wedding guests to wedding events.

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• SP29 member

  

  January 2016

  I with you @delujm0. Not every wedding related event needs to have EVERY guest invited. Not all guest get invited to the RD, or to the shower, or bacchelorette, or a morning after brunch. That's why I think a separate "after-party" with a select guest list is fine. Same with a VIP dinner, that occurs AFTER the wedding is over.
  
  BUT- every guest invited to any wedding related event needs to be invited to the wedding itself. Which is different than what the OP initially proposed. Not cool to have a wedding after party with people who were not invited to the wedding. 

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  January 2016

  Kate's reaction to being compared to peasants in the USA getting married:
  
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2016

  and let's face it.    Saying you attended a royal wedding is going to far outweigh any thoughts the couple  may have been rude not including them in the night wedding.     Who cares about the party?  They can say they attended.  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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