The No-Kids Dilemma

[Deleted User] · January 2016

Jen4948 said:

I'd consider not inviting your mom's friend's children if they can't be counted on to understand that if their kids are not listed on the invitation envelope, they're not invited and not welcome at the wedding. That does assume you're not locked into having to invite her children because you sent them a save-the-date or otherwise indicated that they will be invited. If you're stuck with having to invite her children and they show up with their uninvited kids, you do have the right to tell them, "I'm sorry, but your kids were not invited and we can't accommodate them. We're sorry, but we can't admit your family." If they take it badly, they're the ones being rude for bringing their uninvited children and then pushing back.

STARMOON44 said:

Tell your mom's friend that since she apparently raised rude inconsiderate children you won't be needing to invite them at all? Like, nope to her.

YES! So much what they said!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2016

MobKaz said:

whoabethers said:

aurianna said:

I would think if each "ticket" not only says "1 seat has been reserved in your honor" (or something like it) AND has the name of the person invited, that you should be good.

I agree with a PP that if there are a few key people that know it's an adult's only wedding, it could help in the word getting spread. If the bride & groom's parents, the bridal party and maybe a blabbermouth aunt or two know, that's usually pretty sufficient.

If anyone just shows up with their kids, that will be awkward since there won't be a place to sit... (I suggest making a seating chart for this reason if you weren't already)

Oh I'm definitely doing a seating chart too. Covering all my bases.

Someone mentioned that we could do an on-site event babysitter if people do show up with kids, but like... I'm not sure I want to shell out more money just for people who can't read invitations.

I'm sorry to say that you can "cover your bases" six ways to Sunday and it may not matter. My husband and I were invited to a wedding years ago and it was made EXPLICITLY clear that NO children were invited. Everyone in the family was aware of this. My husband's sister brought their two children anyway.

For my daughter's wedding, we did not invite children. The son of my husband's sister (our nephew) added his daughter's name to the bottom of the invitation with a note. The note read, "We will bring food for Jenna, and she can sit on our lap. No worries for you." No joke. To keep a long story short, the kids attended the wedding.

My son married the following year. Although not appropriate, I head them off at the pass for this wedding. I made it perfectly clear directly to them prior to sending out the invitation that under NO circumstance were children welcome. I said they would be sent home. I know it was wrong in terms of manners and etiquette, but I would rather face that indiscretion from the get-go than at the start of the reception. If someone is going to be that obnoxious and obtuse, I'm not going to sweat my etiquette faux pas.

Yeah I agree with MobKaz and other PP's; The problem lies with your mother's friend and her adult children, which friend actively encourages to disregard etiquette. They all know that they are in the wrong and they are being rude, and they give zero fucks about it.

There's no way to "cover your bases" and prevent these ppl from just showing up with their kids. They are going to do it, if invited.

So don't invite them. Invite your mother's friend if you want to, in order to cut down on drama, but do not invite her adult kids.

RachelR1977+RB · January 2016

Just to chime in on unpredictability, i think that yes, adults can be just as unpredictable as kids, but it's easier to deal with the antics of the adults, cuz you can just get someone to get them out of there asap. when it's somebody's kid(s) that are acting out, you have to deal with the parents rather than the kids and oftentimes if they're already letting their kid go wild, they're more apt to disagree that they need to corral their kid and then will be pissy about it.

i'd much rather deal with annoying adults than annoying kids.

thisismynickname2 · January 2016

Someone on a somewhat recent thread said that someone showed up to their wedding with their uninvited kid. This bride basically ignored the child ("who just wanted to see you in your wedding dress!") and left the parent to awkwardly sort out finding a seat for the kid and procuring a meal from the caterer.
I actually kind of love that.
If you're a rude-ass person who insists on showing up with more in tow than invited, then you can figure out how to seat and feed your guest.
With OP's obnoxious friend's kids, that's one way to handle it I guess!

lembaslover · January 2016

Wow your mom's friend and her adult children sounds really rude. I agree with PPs and probably wouldn't invite them if they are going to just ignore who's invited. If you do need to invite them though I think it's ok to single them out and make sure they realize there won't be a place for their kids if they decide to bring them. Your mom's friend and her children have brought this special treatment on themselves but saying they will bring kids regardless of the invitation and knowing it's a child-free wedding. If they still show up then I agree I like the idea of just letting them figure it out. If they make a big fuss or scene then they will be the ones who look stupid for bringing kids to an adult-only wedding.

LD1970 · January 2016

thisismynickname said:

Someone on a somewhat recent thread said that someone showed up to their wedding with their uninvited kid. This bride basically ignored the child ("who just wanted to see you in your wedding dress!") and left the parent to awkwardly sort out finding a seat for the kid and procuring a meal from the caterer.
I actually kind of love that.
If you're a rude-ass person who insists on showing up with more in tow than invited, then you can figure out how to seat and feed your guest.
With OP's obnoxious friend's kids, that's one way to handle it I guess!

That was me.

I do love OP's idea, though, for the RSVPs with having the names on them and ONE seat reserved in your honor.

The rudeness of her mom's friends, though. The rudeness! Boggles the mind.

whoabethers · January 2016

I am SO glad that I'm not the only one that thinks this is bananas.

@MobKaz That is exactly what I'm afraid of! People just showing up with kids despite directions. I honestly can't believe the level of rude from some people...

@RachelR19772BRBExactly!!! I can't scold someone else's child if they're being ridiculous, but if one of my adult friends is doing something dumb, I can tell them to cut it out, lol. It's just a completely different dynamic.

@LD1970 Love the idea of making people sort their own crap out if they show up with kids, anyway.

You all have been very helpful! I think I am going to keep my tickets as is - with the name of the adult invited and saying # of seats reserved for them. And then this "problem friend," I will just have to tell them directly since they won't follow invite instructions. It is a situation where I DO have to invite them, so I'll just have to be blunt about it. But with everyone else, I think the names on the invites will be clear enough.

pinkcow13 · January 2016

I have nothing to really add, but I think your wedding sounds very awesome and lovely

We only invited 2 kids to our wedding - the flower girl and ring bearer. When we received the RSVP's I see that my cousin and his wife RSVP'd for 3 - they included their 2 year old. The ONLY reason I let that fly is because they live in Miami (we're in NYC), and my cousin told me months before that they had purchased their plane tickets. Mind you, I sent them STD's addressed to only them.

whoabethers · January 2016

pinkcow13 said:

I have nothing to really add, but I think your wedding sounds very awesome and lovely

We only invited 2 kids to our wedding - the flower girl and ring bearer. When we received the RSVP's I see that my cousin and his wife RSVP'd for 3 - they included their 2 year old. The ONLY reason I let that fly is because they live in Miami (we're in NYC), and my cousin told me months before that they had purchased their plane tickets. Mind you, I sent them STD's addressed to only them.

It's tricky for out-of-town people! My FI's family is coming from California to Ohio for the wedding, and the ONLY possible children we have to worry about are his cousin's toddler and baby. We'll offer to find an in-town babysitter for them if they don't want to leave the kids with the grandparents (though they ALWAYS leave the kids with the grandparents for EVERYTHING as it is now...) But FI is afraid to tell them that the wedding itself is adults only because he doesn't think they'll understand the invitation either, lol. Adults not knowing how to adult.

KnickerGold · January 2016

Love the tickets, much cuter than I imagined (I was thinking of those ugly concert tickets from ticketmaster... ha)

I just don't get why people think their children/animals are welcome everywhere. I was at a bridal salon the other day and there was a sign that said 'No Children under 10'- which was odd at first, but everything was SO CRAMPED that they were probably worried about losing one...

As we were leaving a woman walked in with HER DOG. Granted it was in her bag, but really you brought your DOG to a bridal appointment? I'm so sad we had to leave before what I can only assume was a massive blow up!

whoabethers · January 2016

KnickerGold said:

Love the tickets, much cuter than I imagined (I was thinking of those ugly concert tickets from ticketmaster... ha)

I just don't get why people think their children/animals are welcome everywhere. I was at a bridal salon the other day and there was a sign that said 'No Children under 10'- which was odd at first, but everything was SO CRAMPED that they were probably worried about losing one... As we were leaving a woman walked in with HER DOG. Granted it was in her bag, but really you brought your DOG to a bridal appointment? I'm so sad we had to leave before what I can only assume was a massive blow up!

HAHA! I'm imagining Ticketmaster tickets now too. Can you imagine opening that up? I'd be like "WTF is this?" xD

YogaSandy · January 2016

whoabethers said:

madamerwin said:

whoabethers said:

Honestly, I'm mostly worried about this one particular group I keep referencing since the mom basically came out and said her adult kids would bring their children no matter what was on the invitation.

This is your mom's friend, right? Are they close? Maybe your mom could talk to her about it, and let her know that there will not be extra seats for uninvited guests. Then friend could talk to her children privately about how it is not appropriate to bring uninvited guests to a wedding.

Yeah, they're best friends, and we grew up next door to each other. She refuses to talk to her kids about it (she's even encouraged them to bring their kids to weddings in the past that they hadn't been invited to.) So she was the one that told me that I had to send a blast email so no one felt singled out because she thinks it needs to come directly from me. It's bananas!

I don't know how close you are with these people. I know there maybe family politics involve do, and mayb I'm just bitchy right now, but if this is scream concern and they're not going to respect you enough to be sneaky like that, I wouldn't invite them.

Keep in mind, I am the person who would decline an invite if my son (2yo) wasn't invited, so I don't say this as someone who doesn't get the deep desire to bring your child with you.

The No-Kids Dilemma

Re: The No-Kids Dilemma

Choose Another Board

Search Boards