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Wedding related vacation etiquette...

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Re: Wedding related vacation etiquette...

  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    adk19 said:
    KnickerGold said:
    SP29 said:
    Since you've already booked the time off, bought your tickets, and you went through the proper channels of getting the time off (including checking with your co-worker), I would NOT change your dates and let your manager/director figure it out for your co-worker. It's your co-workers problem, not yours. Keep yourself out of it. 

    I get it when there are only two people and ideally only one person can be off at a time. My husband's company is like this- there are literally 2 structural engineers. He had planned to take the day off for our anniversary last week, but his co-worker had already taken vacation time and an emergency file came in, so off he went to work that day. You plan things out before hand, deal with what you must, and even more reason why you don't book something and expect it to work out. 
    To be fair, I didn't check with him regarding the August date, just my wedding date (October) because at the time he 1)hadn't put anything in the system 2)wasn't even engaged yet, so I had no reason to think this might be an issue!
    Wait.  So YOU checked with HIM before you scheduled your WEDDING???  But he didn't check with his company before he scheduled his?  Nope.  So much nope.  Not your circus, not your monkeys.  You have plans, you have approved vacation time, you have plane tickets.  Nope.
    It was more of 'I'm putting these days off in the system, just in case you were planning to take time off!' I did check with my boss/global team before finalizing the date. Once I got her verbal approval I told him, in case he had any issues, then put it in the system. 
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  • anjemonanjemon member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    KnickerGold said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    So you guys are involved in stocks and finance to some extent?  And your coworker couldn't figure out how not to screw up scheduling his wedding date?

    *shudder*  That doesn't give me great confidence that he should be involved in handling large sums of other people's money :-P

    Sorry, but I have null tolerance for stupidity today.

    You are not making his life harder- he made his life harder by not using common sense related to your company's vacation scheduling policies.  Let go of these feelings of guilt and let your boss handle this.  It's what he/she gets paid to do.
    Bonds, not stocks, but yeah. I don't think he 'didn't think to screw it up' I think he saw my dates, didn't care and did what he wanted. He's a jerk like that. He asks me a few times a week 'Oh you haven't started your wedding diet I see?"
    ORLY?!

    Guy is a fucking dick.  This changes my hypothetical responses if I were you. . .

    "Guy, you have much bigger worries in your life than my wedding diet. . .like how fucking furious your FI is going to be when she find out you have to work the Friday of your own rehearsal since apparently you forgot how scheduling PTO works around here.  Have fun with that.  I sure wouldn't want to deal with a pissed off bride the night before my wedding."
    Tune changed. I'm with PrettyGirlLost on this, screw him! You don't get to go around making comments like that and expect me to bend over backwards for you.

    You have tickets, as far as your boss knows, they're non-refundable. That's what special European person is for. Or dick boy can work his own wedding day. You have previous plans out of the state and can't do anything to reschedule them.
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  • SP29SP29 member
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    adk19 said:
    KnickerGold said:
    SP29 said:
    Since you've already booked the time off, bought your tickets, and you went through the proper channels of getting the time off (including checking with your co-worker), I would NOT change your dates and let your manager/director figure it out for your co-worker. It's your co-workers problem, not yours. Keep yourself out of it. 

    I get it when there are only two people and ideally only one person can be off at a time. My husband's company is like this- there are literally 2 structural engineers. He had planned to take the day off for our anniversary last week, but his co-worker had already taken vacation time and an emergency file came in, so off he went to work that day. You plan things out before hand, deal with what you must, and even more reason why you don't book something and expect it to work out. 
    To be fair, I didn't check with him regarding the August date, just my wedding date (October) because at the time he 1)hadn't put anything in the system 2)wasn't even engaged yet, so I had no reason to think this might be an issue!
    Wait.  So YOU checked with HIM before you scheduled your WEDDING???  But he didn't check with his company before he scheduled his?  Nope.  So much nope.  Not your circus, not your monkeys.  You have plans, you have approved vacation time, you have plane tickets.  Nope.
    Agreed. He should have checked with you. 

    At my work, the team/manager also dislikes more than one person off at a time uncovered (we have *some* ability to back fill). We try to put in vacation dates with as much notice as possible in the group calendar, and then everyone discusses time off, as we don't really have a policy (we organize ourselves), and seniority doesn't trump, so I think it's good to discuss vacation beforehand if time off is challenging in some way- BUT you booked your time off before co-worker was engaged, so it's not like you would've had to negotiate over his wedding date, and he still booked a venue and asked for the time off without talking to you about it first anyway, so he's still wrong ;). 
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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    aurianna said:
    KnickerGold said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    So you guys are involved in stocks and finance to some extent?  And your coworker couldn't figure out how not to screw up scheduling his wedding date?

    *shudder*  That doesn't give me great confidence that he should be involved in handling large sums of other people's money :-P

    Sorry, but I have null tolerance for stupidity today.

    You are not making his life harder- he made his life harder by not using common sense related to your company's vacation scheduling policies.  Let go of these feelings of guilt and let your boss handle this.  It's what he/she gets paid to do.
    Bonds, not stocks, but yeah. I don't think he 'didn't think to screw it up' I think he saw my dates, didn't care and did what he wanted. He's a jerk like that. He asks me a few times a week 'Oh you haven't started your wedding diet I see?"

    Oh helllll no

    Don't feel bad about being the "bad guy" here. It's not possible.

    Now, I suppose you could talk to your boss first. Let boss know that coworker had recently mentioned also wanting to take PTO the days you had approved and you just wanted to let him know as far in advance as possible in case special arrangements need to be made. But I'm not sure you even really need to do that.

    And seriously... what? He's the groom and it's an in-town wedding? I just took off two hours early the Friday before my wedding. Not sure what he thinks he needs to be doing the two days before his wedding, but he has months and months and months to get those things done ahead of time.
    Well he was on the phone with her, that's how I 'found out', when he told her. So she knows! But she doesn't know I know, so I plan on playing dumb/ not saying a word... and checking the vacation system daily haha.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    frenchiekin said:
    aurianna said:

    Oh helllll no

    Don't feel bad about being the "bad guy" here. It's not possible.

    Now, I suppose you could talk to your boss first. Let boss know that coworker had recently mentioned also wanting to take PTO the days you had approved and you just wanted to let him know as far in advance as possible in case special arrangements need to be made. But I'm not sure you even really need to do that.

    And seriously... what? He's the groom and it's an in-town wedding? I just took off two hours early the Friday before my wedding. Not sure what he thinks he needs to be doing the two days before his wedding, but he has months and months and months to get those things done ahead of time.
    I wouldn't even go there if your boss can also be kind of a jerk.  That could potentially open yourself up to being asked if you could change your dates, since it's "his WEDDING!!!" and being put on the spot/pressured/threatened by my boss I'm not sure what kind of concessions I'd be strong-armed into making.  Don't invite that shit in.  It's his problem.
    Agree. It really depends on the manager/situation. I'd only suggest it if your boss is a reasonable person, if you think it would legitimately help boss out and/or you think there's a high chance that if you don't say something first co-worker could go to boss first with sob story and then they blind-side you.
    In most other cases you're better off just leaving it up to co-worker to deal with.
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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
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    anjemon said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    KnickerGold said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    So you guys are involved in stocks and finance to some extent?  And your coworker couldn't figure out how not to screw up scheduling his wedding date?

    *shudder*  That doesn't give me great confidence that he should be involved in handling large sums of other people's money :-P

    Sorry, but I have null tolerance for stupidity today.

    You are not making his life harder- he made his life harder by not using common sense related to your company's vacation scheduling policies.  Let go of these feelings of guilt and let your boss handle this.  It's what he/she gets paid to do.
    Bonds, not stocks, but yeah. I don't think he 'didn't think to screw it up' I think he saw my dates, didn't care and did what he wanted. He's a jerk like that. He asks me a few times a week 'Oh you haven't started your wedding diet I see?"
    ORLY?!

    Guy is a fucking dick.  This changes my hypothetical responses if I were you. . .

    "Guy, you have much bigger worries in your life than my wedding diet. . .like how fucking furious your FI is going to be when she find out you have to work the Friday of your own rehearsal since apparently you forgot how scheduling PTO works around here.  Have fun with that.  I sure wouldn't want to deal with a pissed off bride the night before my wedding."
    Tune changed. I'm with PrettyGirlLost on this, screw him! You don't get to go around making comments like that and expect me to bend over backwards for you.

    You have tickets, as far as your boss knows, they're non-refundable. That's what special European person is for. Or dick boy can work his own wedding day. You have previous plans out of the state and can't do anything to reschedule them.
    It's not even his wedding day- it's the two days before! Ha! 
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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    PrettyGirlLost said:
    frenchiekin said:
    aurianna said:
    KnickerGold said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    So you guys are involved in stocks and finance to some extent?  And your coworker couldn't figure out how not to screw up scheduling his wedding date?

    *shudder*  That doesn't give me great confidence that he should be involved in handling large sums of other people's money :-P

    Sorry, but I have null tolerance for stupidity today.

    You are not making his life harder- he made his life harder by not using common sense related to your company's vacation scheduling policies.  Let go of these feelings of guilt and let your boss handle this.  It's what he/she gets paid to do.
    Bonds, not stocks, but yeah. I don't think he 'didn't think to screw it up' I think he saw my dates, didn't care and did what he wanted. He's a jerk like that. He asks me a few times a week 'Oh you haven't started your wedding diet I see?"

    Oh helllll no

    Don't feel bad about being the "bad guy" here. It's not possible.

    Now, I suppose you could talk to your boss first. Let boss know that coworker had recently mentioned also wanting to take PTO the days you had approved and you just wanted to let him know as far in advance as possible in case special arrangements need to be made. But I'm not sure you even really need to do that.

    And seriously... what? He's the groom and it's an in-town wedding? I just took off two hours early the Friday before my wedding. Not sure what he thinks he needs to be doing the two days before his wedding, but he has months and months and months to get those things done ahead of time.
    I wouldn't even go there if your boss can also be kind of a jerk.  That could potentially open yourself up to being asked if you could change your dates, since it's "his WEDDING!!!" and being put on the spot/pressured/threatened by my boss I'm not sure what kind of concessions I'd be strong-armed into making.  Don't invite that shit in.  It's his problem.
    This.

    OP- Do Not Talk To Your Boss!

    You have nothing to discuss with her- your vacation was approved 4 months ago.

    Again, this is an issue between your boss and your coworker, and it's your boss' job to come up with a solution.  Again, that's what she gets paid for.

    It only becomes your issue if your boss approaches you about the situation.
    Have no plans to :) Was just worried I was off base here, but thankfully I'm not! I won't say anything and let them deal with the issue! 
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    frenchiekin said:
    aurianna said:

    Oh helllll no

    Don't feel bad about being the "bad guy" here. It's not possible.

    Now, I suppose you could talk to your boss first. Let boss know that coworker had recently mentioned also wanting to take PTO the days you had approved and you just wanted to let him know as far in advance as possible in case special arrangements need to be made. But I'm not sure you even really need to do that.

    And seriously... what? He's the groom and it's an in-town wedding? I just took off two hours early the Friday before my wedding. Not sure what he thinks he needs to be doing the two days before his wedding, but he has months and months and months to get those things done ahead of time.
    I wouldn't even go there if your boss can also be kind of a jerk.  That could potentially open yourself up to being asked if you could change your dates, since it's "his WEDDING!!!" and being put on the spot/pressured/threatened by my boss I'm not sure what kind of concessions I'd be strong-armed into making.  Don't invite that shit in.  It's his problem.
    This.

    OP- Do Not Talk To Your Boss!

    You have nothing to discuss with her- your vacation was approved 4 months ago.

    Again, this is an issue between your boss and your coworker, and it's your boss' job to come up with a solution.  Again, that's what she gets paid for.

    It only becomes your issue if your boss approaches you about the situation.

    My concern though would be co-worker going to boss and trying to drum up a bunch of sympathy that OP wasn't being reasonable because zomg it's his wedding!!
    And then somewhere way down the road, co-worker and boss both blind-siding OP with a united front, trying to get her to retract her vacation request.

    But, I suppose if that were to happen it could still happen even if OP talked to boss first.

    Hopefully boss is reasonable person and none of co-worker's whining will sway boss away from the company policy.
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  • Sherbie25Sherbie25 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    KnickerGold said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    So you guys are involved in stocks and finance to some extent?  And your coworker couldn't figure out how not to screw up scheduling his wedding date?

    *shudder*  That doesn't give me great confidence that he should be involved in handling large sums of other people's money :-P

    Sorry, but I have null tolerance for stupidity today.

    You are not making his life harder- he made his life harder by not using common sense related to your company's vacation scheduling policies.  Let go of these feelings of guilt and let your boss handle this.  It's what he/she gets paid to do.
    Bonds, not stocks, but yeah. I don't think he 'didn't think to screw it up' I think he saw my dates, didn't care and did what he wanted. He's a jerk like that. He asks me a few times a week 'Oh you haven't started your wedding diet I see?"
    Fuck him. Fuck him to heck and back! My god how can you feel guilty when he is such an asshole? (Adopting the American term lol) You booked first and in the correct way. Unlucky for dickhead over there xx
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    KnickerGold said:
    I'll do a quick timeline to make this simple:

    September 2015- Best Friend sets her wedding date, I put the two days off in our vacation system at work- approved.
    October 2015- Coworker gets engaged.
    November 2015- I get engaged, I check the vacation system and ask my 1 coworker if my date works-- everything approved.
    January 2016- Coworker announces that his wedding date is the same as my best friend's, and can see I've already taken the two days off before in the system, so we'll need to 'work something out'.

    I'm pissed. I got approval for these days before he was even engaged! I booked my tickets! And now I'm supposed to move my days/miss the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and possibly the wedding? I'm a BM! And this is my closest friend! 

    Her wedding is at the family farm which is 2 flights and a 2 hour drive, and if I have to fly in the day of the wedding, there's a good chance I won't make it- wedding is at 2pm, earliest I could land is 11AM... 

    Of course, if I say no, and my director backs me up, I look like the bad guy... ugh. His wedding is legitimately 12 minutes away... so he could work! I can't work remotely from the farm as there's only dial up and zero cell service...
    Am I wrong to be pissed?

    Not at all.  I'd be pissed too.

    "Coworker, the only thing to be 'worked out' is who will be on call instead of me. As you noted, my time off was already approved for that time, and I am not switching days.  End of story."
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  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    KnickerGold said:

    I don't think he 'didn't think to screw it up' I think he saw my dates, didn't care and did what he wanted. He's a jerk like that. He asks me a few times a week 'Oh you haven't started your wedding diet I see?"
    Okay, fuck this guy.

    The fact that you checked in with him before firming up your own wedding vacation days just a couple months ago means that he can't even claim to have forgotten that's a thing he needed to do.

    If someone plans time off without checking that the one other person on the continent who can do their job is available those days, they're an idiot. And someone planning their wedding should be extra mindful of the domino effect of making plans.

    He thinks his wedding (the two days before his wedding...?) takes priority over your vacation and it doesn't. Hell, remove your friend's wedding and your already-purchased plane ticket from the equation. If you'd booked that day off to sit on your couch and watch Netflix you'd still be in the right. You don't look like the bad guy at all, he looks like a diva.

    I second @MobKaz's suggestion to make copies of the proof that your time off was approved in September. And if he brings it up to you tell him to work it out with management. Hopefully this blows over!
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    edited January 2016
    I have nothing to add, except fuck this guy! And I agree with @MobKaz that you should print/screen shot the approvals and any emails related to your request - just in case the boss tries to get you to switch.

    And fuck needing two days off before his local wedding... Friday afternoon? Sure, I get that. But he made his bed here, he needs to lie in it. 

    ETA: Keep us updated on this!
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't think I've "loved" so many posts in one thread before. Fuck that guy.
    And oh by the way, my fiance didn't take the Friday off work before our wedding. Granted, we didn't have a rehearsal, but we did pack up and get to our hotel and get ourselves a nice dinner. 
    It's called planning ahead. You do enough of it and you don't need to miss work. Sure, it's a great luxury to have but not necessary. 
    ________________________________


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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My sister worked everyday the week of her wedding.  10 hour days.  Even the day of her rehearsal.  Ideal?  Not really.   Necessary to keep her job?  Absolutely.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Nothing to add, except that this guy is a freaking turd. You did nothing wrong. He sounds extremely self absorbed and selfish. Gross.
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  • VicTim328VicTim328 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Is this the same asshole who asked your boss what her return on investment was per head, who also purchased cz earrings for his FI because she wasn't a great investment???

    After documenting everything, I'd respond to any words from him that, perhaps his FI should be considering her investments with him...
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm also on Team Document Everything.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Any updates?!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • whoabetherswhoabethers member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm dying to know the outcome of this! I'm on board with what everyone else has been saying. F your coworker! DON'T GIVE IN!
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  • Knottie1452378986Knottie1452378986 member
    First Comment
    Can't you both be off on vacation?  
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  • pinupbride6189pinupbride6189 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Knottie1452378986 said:
    Can't you both be off on vacation?  
    Apparently not. KnickerGold said in pps that there's only two of them to cover the work in the States. 

    I'm also solidly in camp fuck-that-asswipe.  

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