Big Fat Assyrian wedding

Knottie1451714641 · January 2016

Fiance guest list has 800 people and he wants two bands. A assyrian band and a regular band how to get him to cut it? I know they have large weddings of 900 to 1000 plus people and we are heading into 900 people.

RlovesR · January 2016

Can you afford it? Can you find a venue that will host it? I'd start by asking him to consider those two questions. It might serve a a bit of a wake-up call if he realizes that the two of you will need to pay per person for all 900.

missfrodo · January 2016

First, determine your budget. Then, find a venue that can hold 900 people. If you can't find a place to host everyone, then cuts need to be made and FI will have to deal with it. If you find a place that works for your guest list, look carefully at what comes with the venue for the price, and what additional costs per person you'll have (food/drinks, how many centerpieces for how many tables if you want them, are linens and tableware included, etc). Once you have that roughly calculated, show it to FI. You'll either be able to afford it or you won't, and will either have to cut guests or extras (ie, no centerpieces, no live music). How far off is the wedding?

Knottie1451714641 · January 2016

RlovesR said:

Can you afford it? Can you find a venue that will host it? I'd start by asking him to consider those two questions. It might serve a a bit of a wake-up call if he realizes that the two of you will need to pay per person for all 900.

yes we can afford it and the venue holds 1600 people

Viczaesar · January 2016

Well, if you can afford it and the venue is big enough, why do you want him to cut the guest list?

thisismynickname2 · January 2016

Viczaesar said:
Well, if you can afford it and the venue is big enough, why do you want him to cut the guest list?

Just a hunch, but maybe because 900 people is anxiety-inducing? I can't imagine trying to greet/meet 900 guests in the space of maybe 6 hours or so. Talk about overwhelming.

jenna8984 · January 2016

I mean, what number are you looking to cut it down to? Because if that's the type of wedding he is interested in then I can't see him being ok with a 200 person wedding, or even a 500 person wedding. And maybe this is just me, but I feel like once you're over 500 who the hell cares. At that point, what's another couple hundred lol (since budget doesn't seem to be an issue).

STARMOON44 · January 2016

thisismynickname said:

Viczaesar said:
Well, if you can afford it and the venue is big enough, why do you want him to cut the guest list?
Just a hunch, but maybe because 900 people is anxiety-inducing? I can't imagine trying to greet/meet 900 guests in the space of maybe 6 hours or so. Talk about overwhelming.

You don't. Obviously. In cultures where inviting 900 people is an expectation, greeting everyone individually is not.

thisismynickname2 · January 2016

STARMOON44 said:

Well, if you can afford it and the venue is big enough, why do you want him to cut the guest list?
Just a hunch, but maybe because 900 people is anxiety-inducing? I can't imagine trying to greet/meet 900 guests in the space of maybe 6 hours or so. Talk about overwhelming.
You don't. Obviously. In cultures where inviting 900 people is an expectation, greeting everyone individually is not.

Well, obviously, even if a couple wasn't required to greet every single guest because culture, I'd still be out of my mind with people tapping me on the shoulder all night to say congrats. This doesn't sound like fun, at all.

JediElizabeth · January 2016

thisismynickname said:

STARMOON44 said:

thisismynickname said:

Viczaesar said:
Well, if you can afford it and the venue is big enough, why do you want him to cut the guest list?
Just a hunch, but maybe because 900 people is anxiety-inducing? I can't imagine trying to greet/meet 900 guests in the space of maybe 6 hours or so. Talk about overwhelming.

You don't. Obviously. In cultures where inviting 900 people is an expectation, greeting everyone individually is not.

Well, obviously, even if a couple wasn't required to greet every single guest because culture, I'd still be out of my mind with people tapping me on the shoulder all night to say congrats. This doesn't sound like fun, at all.

Same. Even just having that many people watch you can be terrifying, especially if you don't know the vast majority of them.

Who's paying? Is it you and your FI, or is family? If you're paying, you have a lot more say on the guest list size

snowcat67 · January 2016

Did you find a venue yet?

Iamnowmrsjms · January 2016

It sounds like OP is asking how to get the FI to cut out one of the bands (he wants two, for some reason), not cut the guest list down.

Am I correct, OP?
Your wedding isn't a concert. You don't need to entertain people with two bands. Can you find a band that plays Assyrian as well as more mainsteam/popular music?

AddieCake · January 2016

How many bands and people do you want there? Tell him he needs to meet you in the middle here with some compromising.

Knottie1451714641 · January 2016

JediElizabeth said:

STARMOON44 said:

Well, if you can afford it and the venue is big enough, why do you want him to cut the guest list?
Just a hunch, but maybe because 900 people is anxiety-inducing? I can't imagine trying to greet/meet 900 guests in the space of maybe 6 hours or so. Talk about overwhelming.
You don't. Obviously. In cultures where inviting 900 people is an expectation, greeting everyone individually is not.

Well, obviously, even if a couple wasn't required to greet every single guest because culture, I'd still be out of my mind with people tapping me on the shoulder all night to say congrats. This doesn't sound like fun, at all.
Same. Even just having that many people watch you can be terrifying, especially if you don't know the vast majority of them. Who's paying? Is it you and your FI, or is family? If you're paying, you have a lot more say on the guest list size

We are paying.

Knottie1451714641 · January 2016

AddieCake said:

How many bands and people do you want there? Tell him he needs to meet you in the middle here with some compromising.

I only wanted one and only wanted like 150 people. He says he can only cut back to 800 people minimum.

Knottie1451714641 · January 2016

Iamnowmrsjms said:

It sounds like OP is asking how to get the FI to cut out one of the bands (he wants two, for some reason), not cut the guest list down.

Am I correct, OP?
Your wedding isn't a concert. You don't need to entertain people with two bands. Can you find a band that plays Assyrian as well as more mainsteam/popular music?

I don't think just because he knows that many people he should invite them all. We had to changed venue one that hold 2500 people for a sit down dinner and 7500 for a cocktail style. I would like for him to cut the list and just choose one band.

Knottie1451714641 · January 2016

snowcat67 said:

Did you find a venue yet?

yes we did!

Image: http://www.chooseyourevent.com/images/company/3793_1.jpg

JediElizabeth · January 2016

To be honest, it sounds like you and your fiance are not on the same page. Has he been listening to your wants/needs, and is he usually open to compromise?

If you're ok with 900 people but not ok with 2 bands, maybe that can be your compromise: something like 6x the amount of people you originally wanted, but scaled back on the band and elsewhere. I'd approach it like that: "FI, you know I want a small wedding under 200 people, with just one band. I'm compromising with you and having a large guest list, but I need you to meet me halfway and make a concession on trimming the list a bit, and only having one band."

MyNameIsNot · January 2016

Knottie1451714641 said:

AddieCake said:

How many bands and people do you want there? Tell him he needs to meet you in the middle here with some compromising.

I only wanted one and only wanted like 150 people. He says he can only cut back to 800 people minimum.

Compromise and working out conflict are hugely important parts of marriage. You two need to sit down and discuss this. "I will only bend up to X" and asking outsiders to get him to budge are not how you work out disagreements with your spouse.

How would you address this if you disagreed about where to live or having kids?

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