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Facebook bride groups. The thing of entertainment.

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Re: Facebook bride groups. The thing of entertainment.

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2016
    RomanceManaged said:
    Welp. Looks like I got hate mail for being a douche.
    You should forward it to Liatris2010 or KnotRiley. Using the PM system to harass members is a violation of the TOS.
                       
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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I joined a few local FB groups post wedding to try and sell some items, but then etiquette questions started popping up.

    OMG- I had to leave all of the groups because I kept getting sucked in responding to them all, trying to give good advice, and then defending anything I said.

    Things like gaps, cash bars, what BMs should pay for.... My favourite was when I said, "No, don't have a cash bar, you should cover everything, but that can be as simple as beer and wine", and then people would post, "OMG not everyone has an unlimited budget to host an open bar! I'm not paying for people to get drunk!". Did you not see me post a simple solution?!?! A "not cash bar" does not equate to a full top shelf open bar, there are options in between!! And of course when you suggest, "if you can't afford it, having no bar at all is also an option", and the same people who say they aren't paying for their guests to get drunk are the same people who say, "oh no! I could never have a wedding without any alcohol!"- so you want it, you just want other people to pay for it.

    Fortunately there were some people who did *like* what I said, or responded that they agreed. At least there is some hope. But I had to leave. 
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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie78583467 said:
    She is being nice and thinking of ways to help her friend. This Knottie has read all of the comments on that post. Every last one of them and never once did she say that her friend had lost her job. In fact, this random Knottie does, in fact, know that the posters friend did not lose her job so why would she say. that. She's not a bully, she's a friend. Which is what you are not. Keep your thoughts to yourself.
    Holy convoluted phrasing, Batman.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    RomanceManaged said:
    Welp. Looks like I got hate mail for being a douche.
    Lawl with a side of *eyeroll*

    Did you get a nasty PM because you're trying to inject some reality into that group?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Oh lord, sounds like someone got their panties in a twist! Yeah, I know what you mean sometimes I can lose hrs on things like that...I know its not exactly a good use of my time but some of the conversations are train wrecks! Its like I don't want to see but can't look away!
                 
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    mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    SP29 said:
    I joined a few local FB groups post wedding to try and sell some items, but then etiquette questions started popping up.

    OMG- I had to leave all of the groups because I kept getting sucked in responding to them all, trying to give good advice, and then defending anything I said.
    It's a struggle now that I ~know better~ to not spread the good word to folks in need! It's one thing to respond to people asking questions, but I twitch a little when acquaintances discuss their rude wedding plans. Only in the rarest of circumstances would I offer unsolicited advice, like if my very very very best friend used the phrase "doesn't that sound great?" at some point lol. But when i see people on social media talking potlucks or BYOChair I just gotta grimace & scroll....

    It's made me realize that there seems to be a link missed when the decision is to throw a casual wedding. As if formal goes hand-in-hand with notions of etiquette, and if your reception isn't in a ballroom "no one will care" about hosting faux pas. Like if you asked everyone to sit on the ground in a cathedral that'd be weird but if you're in a meadow it's sweet & quirky.
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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    mollybarker11 said:
    SP29 said:
    I joined a few local FB groups post wedding to try and sell some items, but then etiquette questions started popping up.

    OMG- I had to leave all of the groups because I kept getting sucked in responding to them all, trying to give good advice, and then defending anything I said.
    It's a struggle now that I ~know better~ to not spread the good word to folks in need! It's one thing to respond to people asking questions, but I twitch a little when acquaintances discuss their rude wedding plans. Only in the rarest of circumstances would I offer unsolicited advice, like if my very very very best friend used the phrase "doesn't that sound great?" at some point lol. But when i see people on social media talking potlucks or BYOChair I just gotta grimace & scroll....

    It's made me realize that there seems to be a link missed when the decision is to throw a casual wedding. As if formal goes hand-in-hand with notions of etiquette, and if your reception isn't in a ballroom "no one will care" about hosting faux pas. Like if you asked everyone to sit on the ground in a cathedral that'd be weird but if you're in a meadow it's sweet & quirky.
    I agree with you. If it's someone I know, I would never say anything unless they asked my opinion, or they were headed for a complete train wreck. Even then, my approach would be different- "have you thought of this instead?". 

    Just proves what Knotties on here say, 'We're being blunt and honest with you here, because none of your friends or family will tell you what you're doing is a bad idea'. Yup.



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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    SP29 said:
    mollybarker11 said:
    SP29 said:
    I joined a few local FB groups post wedding to try and sell some items, but then etiquette questions started popping up.

    OMG- I had to leave all of the groups because I kept getting sucked in responding to them all, trying to give good advice, and then defending anything I said.
    It's a struggle now that I ~know better~ to not spread the good word to folks in need! It's one thing to respond to people asking questions, but I twitch a little when acquaintances discuss their rude wedding plans. Only in the rarest of circumstances would I offer unsolicited advice, like if my very very very best friend used the phrase "doesn't that sound great?" at some point lol. But when i see people on social media talking potlucks or BYOChair I just gotta grimace & scroll....

    It's made me realize that there seems to be a link missed when the decision is to throw a casual wedding. As if formal goes hand-in-hand with notions of etiquette, and if your reception isn't in a ballroom "no one will care" about hosting faux pas. Like if you asked everyone to sit on the ground in a cathedral that'd be weird but if you're in a meadow it's sweet & quirky.
    I agree with you. If it's someone I know, I would never say anything unless they asked my opinion, or they were headed for a complete train wreck. Even then, my approach would be different- "have you thought of this instead?". 

    Just proves what Knotties on here say, 'We're being blunt and honest with you here, because none of your friends or family will tell you what you're doing is a bad idea'. Yup.



    A friend at work just got engaged this past weekend.  I am trying to quickly get all the proper etiquette info into her brain now before she realizes what's happening.  If I stuff it all in there before she's really planning, she might make good decisions.  At the very least, I'm hoping she'll come to me before she decides to do something heinous, like let a friend who isn't invited to the wedding throw her a shower or engagement party and invite other non-invited folk.
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    RomanceManagedRomanceManaged member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I haven't been in many weddings, maybe three, so I don't pretend to know everything there is to know, that being said, I really do not understand where a lot of these trends of entitlement come from. With the little wedding experience I have, I still know that making your BM's your slaves is a bad thing, the ceremony is for me and my FI, and the reception at all costs is a gift for our guests. I would think it rude if someone got me a Christmas present and then expected me to pay them back for it. Why are weddings so different these days ?

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    softkittywarmkittysoftkittywarmkitty member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Are you the bride referenced? Cause you're awful emotional about it. I'm sure there is a salve for butthurt somewhere. Big girl,panty time. This is not helping a friend, it's embarrassing a friend having a tough time. This bride was kind and pointed out that if you demand anything, YOU PAY, not them.

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    RomanceManagedRomanceManaged member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I got more hate mail today. These women are pissssseeedddd

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    RomanceManaged said:
    I got more hate mail today. These women are pissssseeedddd
    More butthurt telegrams?  After you were already kicked out of their FB group?

    Those women need a fucking hobby. . .like maybe they should get off FB and back on Pinterest and work on their weddings.

    Just block em all.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    RomanceManaged said:

    I got more hate mail today. These women are pissssseeedddd

    Do they feel sorry for your husband yet?

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    classyduckclassyduck member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Where ARE these facebook wedding groups? I can't fiiiiiiiiiiiind theeeeeeeeem.....
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    kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    RomanceManaged said:
    I got more hate mail today. These women are pissssseeedddd
    But you're the bully, right?!  Laughable.
    image
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2016
    Yeah, it's quite comical and ironic that you telling someone the right thing to do is considered bullying, but it's ok for them to continually harass you privately after you are no longer in the group. Pot, meet kettle. 

    I agree you should just block them. And the ones who do slip through, don't even open the messages. They will see that you didn't open, it will drive them nuts, and eventually it will stop. Win all around for you.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Been reading all weekend... these girls are crazy! I'm lurking on the brides club and whenever I go to post something, I close out of FB because I just *know* one voice of dissent will just be over run by 10 people saying ' No one cares if there's a 6 hour gap it's YOUR DAY' and then the one asking will feel justified in their horrible faux pas (what's the plural for this? my 8 years of french is failing me)
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I am of the impression that you can set your Facebook messages to filter out anyone you're not friends with. Basically, you'll never see the "hate mail" unless you specifically look for it somewhere. It's a black hole I've never found. 
    ________________________________


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    TNDancerTNDancer member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @knickergold  I think it would always be faux pas, just depend un or les prior
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    On the flip side, I also think it's a little weird if any of you are going and joining that group for the sole purpose of the drama and train wreck advice. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    RomanceManagedRomanceManaged member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I genuinely joined for some great resales, and the womanly bonding of June 11th Michigan weddings. I made it one post. Lesson learned.

    I have my privacy settings in which they can message me, but even if I read the message I have the option to click 'Accept' or 'Ignore'. If I click 'Ignore' they don't even see that I read the message. I so hope they keep checking for a 'read' status, and imagine them shaking their fists in anger that I did not.

    It really is astounding to me the lengths some people go on to feel justified. Yes, I disagreed (rather politely IMHO), and had a laugh at your expense. I was kicked from the group and a random Knottie yelled at me. Why do you (general) feel its ok to continue sending me harrassing messages about your damn special day ? I do not GET it.

    Also, I agree @AddieCake , not cool to join just for the sole purpose of mockery. No matter how well deserved.

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