Unity Ceremony Ideas?

zerostarzombie · February 2016

FI and I were discussing on what we should to for the "Unity" part of our ceremony. We've run through the tree planting, sand, love letter, etc ones, and although we like them, they don't stand out to us. We are heavy believers in the Red String of Fate idea, which comes from Chinese folklore of Gods tying a red string to a couple's ankles (or in the Japanese tradition, the little fingers) and is meant to represent how these two individuals are to meet and be with one another.

Would this be too much for a unity ceremony? FI also wants to try and keep his parents from participating in anything as well, since they are not social people and don't want spotlight (Which I'm kind of sad about, but oh well). We were thinking of having our officiant say some words while we each tie a red string on each others' pinky fingers, and then handing her a letter to each other to be saved until our 1 year anniversary.

Thoughts?

[Deleted User] · February 2016

zerostarzombie said:

FI and I were discussing on what we should to for the "Unity" part of our ceremony. We've run through the tree planting, sand, love letter, etc ones, and although we like them, they don't stand out to us. We are heavy believers in the Red String of Fate idea, which comes from Chinese folklore of Gods tying a red string to a couple's ankles (or in the Japanese tradition, the little fingers) and is meant to represent how these two individuals are to meet and be with one another.

Would this be too much for a unity ceremony? FI also wants to try and keep his parents from participating in anything as well, since they are not social people and don't want spotlight (Which I'm kind of sad about, but oh well). We were thinking of having our officiant say some words while we each tie a red string on each others' pinky fingers, and then handing her a letter to each other to be saved until our 1 year anniversary.

Thoughts?

Isn't a wedding one giant unity ceremony? You show up as two single people and leave as a married couple. I always thought the exchange of rings, the I DOs, and the pronouncement of being married was a unity ceremony.

zerostarzombie · February 2016

adk19 said:

zerostarzombie said:

FI and I were discussing on what we should to for the "Unity" part of our ceremony. We've run through the tree planting, sand, love letter, etc ones, and although we like them, they don't stand out to us. We are heavy believers in the Red String of Fate idea, which comes from Chinese folklore of Gods tying a red string to a couple's ankles (or in the Japanese tradition, the little fingers) and is meant to represent how these two individuals are to meet and be with one another.

Would this be too much for a unity ceremony? FI also wants to try and keep his parents from participating in anything as well, since they are not social people and don't want spotlight (Which I'm kind of sad about, but oh well). We were thinking of having our officiant say some words while we each tie a red string on each others' pinky fingers, and then handing her a letter to each other to be saved until our 1 year anniversary.

Thoughts?

Isn't a wedding one giant unity ceremony? You show up as two single people and leave as a married couple. I always thought the exchange of rings, the I DOs, and the pronouncement of being married was a unity ceremony.

Well, yes it is. I've seen ideas for sand ceremonies, or tree planting as well, just a little something to represent the couple. I just thought maybe throwing in something fun would be a nice touch.

justsie · February 2016

zerostarzombie said:

adk19 said:

zerostarzombie said:

FI and I were discussing on what we should to for the "Unity" part of our ceremony. We've run through the tree planting, sand, love letter, etc ones, and although we like them, they don't stand out to us. We are heavy believers in the Red String of Fate idea, which comes from Chinese folklore of Gods tying a red string to a couple's ankles (or in the Japanese tradition, the little fingers) and is meant to represent how these two individuals are to meet and be with one another.

Would this be too much for a unity ceremony? FI also wants to try and keep his parents from participating in anything as well, since they are not social people and don't want spotlight (Which I'm kind of sad about, but oh well). We were thinking of having our officiant say some words while we each tie a red string on each others' pinky fingers, and then handing her a letter to each other to be saved until our 1 year anniversary.

Thoughts?

Isn't a wedding one giant unity ceremony? You show up as two single people and leave as a married couple. I always thought the exchange of rings, the I DOs, and the pronouncement of being married was a unity ceremony.

Well, yes it is. I've seen ideas for sand ceremonies, or tree planting as well, just a little something to represent the couple. I just thought maybe throwing in something fun would be a nice touch.

Honestly, unless the ceremony is a custom tradition in the couples culture I roll my eyes at unity ceremonies. They just scream "IM TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT" and not in a good way.

missfrodo · February 2016

I believe a unity ceremony depends on the couple and their beliefs. Certain religions/demographics may have different ceremonies that are traditionally a part of weddings that they wish to carry on (jumping the broom, stepping on the glass, etc). Are either of you Chinese or Japanese in heritage? I think what you have in mind would work in that case, especially if the officiant is able to briefly explain the significance of the ceremony to your guests. It might seem kind of odd if it's not part of either of your cultures, but it's one thing I don't think will make or break your wedding, as it doesn't have an impact on guests' comfort. Would I, as a guest, find it odd? If it's not a normal thing for you guys, then probably. But if you guys are super into this lore, it won't hurt anyone to go through with it as part of your ceremony. If you are having a religious ceremony, just double-check with your officiant that they are ok with talking about this story, since it includes Gods from a different religion.

Jen4948 · February 2016

justsie said:

zerostarzombie said:

adk19 said:

zerostarzombie said:

FI and I were discussing on what we should to for the "Unity" part of our ceremony. We've run through the tree planting, sand, love letter, etc ones, and although we like them, they don't stand out to us. We are heavy believers in the Red String of Fate idea, which comes from Chinese folklore of Gods tying a red string to a couple's ankles (or in the Japanese tradition, the little fingers) and is meant to represent how these two individuals are to meet and be with one another.

Would this be too much for a unity ceremony? FI also wants to try and keep his parents from participating in anything as well, since they are not social people and don't want spotlight (Which I'm kind of sad about, but oh well). We were thinking of having our officiant say some words while we each tie a red string on each others' pinky fingers, and then handing her a letter to each other to be saved until our 1 year anniversary.

Thoughts?

Isn't a wedding one giant unity ceremony? You show up as two single people and leave as a married couple. I always thought the exchange of rings, the I DOs, and the pronouncement of being married was a unity ceremony.

Well, yes it is. I've seen ideas for sand ceremonies, or tree planting as well, just a little something to represent the couple. I just thought maybe throwing in something fun would be a nice touch.

Honestly, unless the ceremony is a custom tradition in the couples culture I roll my eyes at unity ceremonies. They just scream "IM TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT" and not in a good way.

OP, do you or your FI actually come from Chinese or Japanese backgrounds? Aside from what PPs say about unity ceremonies not being necessary because the wedding itself is a "unity ceremony," it could be seen as patronizing to a culture to borrow their tradition if you don't actually belong to it. For example, I'm Jewish and I don't take kindly to people borrowing Jewish traditions to "throw in something fun" at their weddings that wouldn't normally be there.

That said, you could include songs, poems, or readings that are meaningful to you and your FI that come from your cultures - even "fun" ones - in your ceremony, but the wedding ceremony itself is what will "unite" you as a couple as opposed to sand ceremonies, tree ceremonies, or anything like that.

[Deleted User] · February 2016

Honestly, unless the ceremony is a custom tradition in the couples culture I roll my eyes at unity ceremonies. They just scream "IM TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT" and not in a good way.

OP, do you or your FI actually come from Chinese or Japanese backgrounds? Aside from what PPs say about unity ceremonies not being necessary because the wedding itself is a "unity ceremony," it could be seen as patronizing to a culture to borrow their tradition if you don't actually belong to it. For example, I'm Jewish and I don't take kindly to people borrowing Jewish traditions to "throw in something fun" at their weddings that wouldn't normally be there.

That said, you could include songs, poems, or readings that are meaningful to you and your FI that come from your cultures - even "fun" ones - in your ceremony, but the wedding ceremony itself is what will "unite" you as a couple as opposed to sand ceremonies, tree ceremonies, or anything like that.

The working version of my wedding ceremony includes an excerpt from a book I love. Also a reading of lyrics from a song from a broadway musical. This is "fun" and represents us. Our vows have been personalized. But we're not going to add a tree ceremony just because I like gardening. Maybe we'll plant a tree in our backyard after the wedding as a reminder of our wedding, but it won't be part of the ceremony.

It sounds like you're trying too hard to find something special. If it doesn't come naturally, it probably isn't meant to be.

artbyallie · February 2016

adk19 said:

Honestly, unless the ceremony is a custom tradition in the couples culture I roll my eyes at unity ceremonies. They just scream "IM TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT" and not in a good way.

OP, do you or your FI actually come from Chinese or Japanese backgrounds? Aside from what PPs say about unity ceremonies not being necessary because the wedding itself is a "unity ceremony," it could be seen as patronizing to a culture to borrow their tradition if you don't actually belong to it. For example, I'm Jewish and I don't take kindly to people borrowing Jewish traditions to "throw in something fun" at their weddings that wouldn't normally be there.

That said, you could include songs, poems, or readings that are meaningful to you and your FI that come from your cultures - even "fun" ones - in your ceremony, but the wedding ceremony itself is what will "unite" you as a couple as opposed to sand ceremonies, tree ceremonies, or anything like that.

The working version of my wedding ceremony includes an excerpt from a book I love. Also a reading of lyrics from a song from a broadway musical. This is "fun" and represents us. Our vows have been personalized. But we're not going to add a tree ceremony just because I like gardening. Maybe we'll plant a tree in our backyard after the wedding as a reminder of our wedding, but it won't be part of the ceremony.

It sounds like you're trying too hard to find something special. If it doesn't come naturally, it probably isn't meant to be.

Once more for the cheap seats!

ernursej · February 2016

I agree with PP. if something is meaningful to you or part of your culture, go ahead, but don't feel you need to add something in. I posted something back in another thread about witnessing a meaningful sand ceremony. The sand portion completely linked the couples past with present as they used sand from previous trips they had collected and put it with sand from the beach they were standing on. It was absolutely them and did not feel like an add on. If you do something, just make sure it is not too long. B

zerostarzombie · February 2016

Okay, thanks for all the feedback. I probably will not go with it, then. I don't want it to seem out of the blue, and it seems that these "unity" traditions are going away.

AddieCake · February 2016

I feel like if you have to ask for ideas for a unity ceremony, it's something you just thought you needed to do. If there isn't something you already want and are hung-ho to do, I just wouldn't.

ChelleJayne · February 2016

FI and I both really like wine and he proposed at a vineyard, so we are going to put a bottle of wine from the winery that he proposed at with a letter to each other to be opened on our first anniversary and we are going to nail it closed. This is our "unity" ceremony.

zerostarzombie · March 2016

For some reason, "reply" isn't working, but @ChelleJayne
we decided to do something similar. FI isn't a drinker, but we do plan on exchanging letters to be read on our one year anniversary.

[Deleted User] · March 2016

zerostarzombie said:

For some reason, "reply" isn't working, but @ChelleJayne
we decided to do something similar. FI isn't a drinker, but we do plan on exchanging letters to be read on our one year anniversary.

"reply" has never worked the way we think it should. We prefer the Quote function so we all know to whom you are replying.

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