Hey , I'm so sorry you r going thru this. Not seeing you on mother's day bc mother in law more important. Nonsense . Sounds like the gf is a chip off old block of mom. Sounds like sons gf is a well....brat. idk best advice other than talk to your soon about how you'd like to be with him more , or make plans to take walks, lunches , etc things that don't break the bank. Invite son and gf or if gf doesn't come just son. Start to do all you can to make effort to be with son away from this so he can make sure it's what he wants . You are his mother , you deserve to be held high
July 12
Re: just finished making the menu, wine labels and midnight snack cards :)
As for forcing assumptions on others, what does that even mean? We are all telling OP that tiered wedding receptions are rude and against proper etiquette. That is not an assumption (which, again, does not mean what you think it means, apparently), nor even an opinion. Etiquette has nothing to do with anyone's opinions, and in this culture (western culture), it is always considered rude to b-list guests or have a tiered reception.
And to the bolded: Others have said it and I will say it again - these boards are all very pro-proper etiquette. When someone posts something that goes against proper etiquette (even if it was not the point of their post), people will call them out. If you do not want people to comment on what you say, don't say it to begin with.
ETF typo
But I am not buying the "budget" wedding. You have:
- 3 course meal
- Dessert
- midnight snack
-Karaoke
-Photobooth
- custom wine labels (!)
I once got invited to the "evening" portion of a wedding. It was hurtful and insulting. Would I ever say anything to the bride or groom? No, of course not. But I (and almost everyone I know who also received this pity invite) have let the friendship die. We aren't aged 7- we understand we can't be invited everywhere. But unintentionally or not, you are telling these people that they aren't good enough. You are also (I'm sure not-purposefyully) saying: I can't buy you dinner, but buy me a gift.
You should reshift your catering so those 20 people can come. Cut out your photobooth and karaoke, that must easily be enough to cover those dinners. Cut back to only 1 dinner option.
Inviting evening guests to a wedding because of "budget" but had a 3 course meal, karaoke AND a photobooth is beyond rude.
Even just cutting out the pasta and only having 2 courses must be enough for 20 extra people.
I get that you are really trying to convince yourself that this is OK because no one is saying anything to your face. Newsflash: no one is going to say it to your face. If 99% of random people (including plenty of Canadians) are telling you its rude, maybe its time to cancel the photobooth and the print costs of a custom wine label and put that money into the meal for 20 people.
seriously this is really tiring. my mistake for pointing out my 'faux pas' on a public forum apparently known for etiquette and other things.
i won't be responding anymore so please don't waste your energy. i've moved on.:)
Except you're not and you don't, and as someone who is paying for their own wedding, I find this outrageous and borderline offensive. Do not use this is an excuse to treat people poorly.
We're on a budget --> small guest list --> venue that accommodates all our guests at our budget --> the end
1. It's your day. Do what you want. You have a license to break etiquette rules and to be immune from the hurt feelings of your guests.
2. You are entitled to your wedding vision - even if you can't afford it. Putting on a big show is more important than the comfort and feelings of your guests.
3. Ignore the advice from experienced and knowledgeable people if it conflicts with your own desires and wedding vision.
4. There are other websites that will tell you anything you want to hear and blow rainbows where the sun don't shine. You will learn nothing from them, but they will agree with anything you say.
To plan a wedding, first you set your budget, (Good! You did this!), then you make up your guest list (Oops! You forgot this.) Only then do you select a venue based on both the budget AND the guest list. If either the budget or the guest list does not fit into the venue, then you downscale things, cut your guest list, or find a venue that will satisfy your requirements.
If you have not sent out the invitations, you have options.
1. Cut your guest list to the number of people your venue will hold and you can afford. Remember, no one has the right to expect an invitation to your wedding. If they demand one, then THEY are being very rude.
2. Cut the booze. It is not necessary. Maybe just wine and beer?
3. Find a venue that will hold all of your guests, and cut the menu to the bone.
My husband is president of our local astronomy society, and I like your designs.
My sister had a lovely wedding in a city park shelter with just picnic food. People loved it, and everyone got enough to eat and drink. My own wedding was a simple church ceremony followed by cake and punch in the fellowship hall. Yes, we understand budget weddings here!
You can always have a casual celebration party for your other friends at a later date. This would not be a part of your wedding.
There are standard etiquette books in every public library that will explain the rules of wedding etiquette to you. When we give opinions and advice, it is usually based on these books and websites, not just our personal feelings.
Before giving anymore wrong advice, you might want to read a book or two about etiquette. I like Miss Manners, who is very conservative, and who likes budget weddings. Emily Post used to be the standard, but Ms. Post died in 1960, and her family members have continued to publish under her name. Some of their advice is not good - especially about wording invitations! They have fallen victim to the wedding industry. I also use Amy Vanderbilt.
If you search the internet, you will find sites that agree with any rude idea you can find. You know there is a lot of garbage out there on he internet, so take advice with caution.
You can read and learn, or you can fume and pout. The ladies here are very knowledgeable, and most of them have already planned and had their own weddings, so they know most of the problems.
if if you aren't willing to cut back your dinner wedding for these 20 people, then you shouldn't be inviting them, full stop.