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Budget Weddings

Divorced parents...no money

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Re: Divorced parents...no money

  • OP- your original post came off as very "I'm a good daughter so my parents should help pay for my wedding". 

    You are not entitled to your parents' money. They ARE entitled to spend their money anyway they wish- whether that's a car or a vacation- that is none of your business. The fact that you posted about it is saying you clearly feel it's inappropriate and that they should be helping you instead- or else why even bring it up?

    $6000 is plenty. 

    Well the good thing is, you have a budget. Next is your guest list. Who do you WANT there? If you haven't sent STDs, I would look at trimming that guest list considerably. If you and your FI are paying, then the guest list is entirely up to the two of you. Your parents do not get to dictate that their friends and family are invited.

    Once you have that, THEN you figure out what kind of reception you can host. 
    While having a private ceremony, then a celebration of marriage later, is fine, I really don't get the idea of only you and your groom at the courthouse then a reception for all your friends and family as a way to save money- the reception is the expensive part!

    PPs gave you good advice- you need to change your expectations for your wedding day based on your budget. Plain and simple.

    Cowgirl8238 (and others) gave you great ideas. Pick one.

    -You and FI have a private ceremony at the courthouse. No guests means no reception to host. Lots of money saved. 
    - Intimate ceremony + reception with immediate family and VERY close friends only. The reception can be as simple as hosting the meal at a restaurant (you can host 30 people at a restaurant for less than $6k). Or it could be pizza and pop back at your home. Or a backyard BBQ. 
    -Have a larger guest list, with a more "traditional" (or perhaps I should say, popular) reception, but have your wedding earlier in the day; do a brunch or lunch reception. You don't require a DJ. It would generally be a shorter affair, so you'll be spend less total on food and drink. 
    -Extend your engagement and wait until you can afford the wedding you envision. 


    randomslove[Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • Sherbie25Sherbie25 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    ajones25 said:
    Alright wow I am appalled by the amount of hate on this thread. This girl is trying to get married and have a wedding- she is asking for advice, not your criticism. By the way, having just been married, hosting a wedding is not really about the bride and groom so much as it is about pleasing the guests. For those who elope or only go to courthouse- it's a self thing. But when you want to invite all your friends and family and the friends and family of your parents as well, I can understand wanting their help (ESPECIALLY if they had led you to believe that they would help pay for your wedding one day). I know that a lot of people lead much harsher lives and have needed to "grow up" quickly. That clearly isn't the case for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that. 

    OP, I have a client who is getting married at the courthouse BUT hosting a reception for all their friends and family. They saved costs on the ceremony which helps a little. Sometimes a simple "party" is much cheaper than a wedding. Photographers, DJ's, even catering will be cheaper when you say it's a party rather than a wedding.  As much as I hate to recommend this- if you or your FI have any friends who work in the industry who will help you out (even for trade if you have something you can offer them) or if you post an ad on craigslist explaining you're trying to keep your wedding low budget- while you will not get the best quality in all your vendors- there are people out there dying to build their portfolio. But these options might be much better than a gofundme. 
    You proved ***Removed for TOS Violation*** on another thread. Keep moving.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    ajones25 said:
    Alright wow I am appalled by the amount of hate on this thread. This girl is trying to get married and have a wedding- she is asking for advice, not your criticism. By the way, having just been married, hosting a wedding is not really about the bride and groom so much as it is about pleasing the guests. For those who elope or only go to courthouse- it's a self thing. But when you want to invite all your friends and family and the friends and family of your parents as well, I can understand wanting their help (ESPECIALLY if they had led you to believe that they would help pay for your wedding one day). I know that a lot of people lead much harsher lives and have needed to "grow up" quickly. That clearly isn't the case for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that. 

    OP, I have a client who is getting married at the courthouse BUT hosting a reception for all their friends and family. They saved costs on the ceremony which helps a little. Sometimes a simple "party" is much cheaper than a wedding. Photographers, DJ's, even catering will be cheaper when you say it's a party rather than a wedding.  As much as I hate to recommend this- if you or your FI have any friends who work in the industry who will help you out (even for trade if you have something you can offer them) or if you post an ad on craigslist explaining you're trying to keep your wedding low budget- while you will not get the best quality in all your vendors- there are people out there dying to build their portfolio. But these options might be much better than a gofundme. 
    Yeah, I don't get why a couple would do this and still host a party later.  The cost is pretty much all in the reception.  I would also expect this "party" to not have the elements of a wedding reception of course.  Hope they're not doing a PPD!

    And no, friends are not a good option.  Not only because friends and business should not mix, but because you should want your friends to enjoy your "party", not work it!
    SP29[Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • I can see where she is coming from.
    When we are little girls we begin to create fantasies about our lives and how they should go. The reality of things is often much different than the vision in our head.  It can be VERY difficult to let go of the vision we have in our head. 
    It is not easy, but I would encourage you to let go of the vision you have in your head and be creative. How can you have an event that is tailored for you and your fiance but does not go beyond your budget? Does that mean doing it for free at the place where you love to watch sunsets, or in a beautiful little chapel that happens to be at a hospital, or maybe you find your dress in thrift bridal shop for a $100.
  • I can see where she is coming from.
    When we are little girls we begin to create fantasies about our lives and how they should go. The reality of things is often much different than the vision in our head.  It can be VERY difficult to let go of the vision we have in our head. 
    It is not easy, but I would encourage you to let go of the vision you have in your head and be creative. How can you have an event that is tailored for you and your fiance but does not go beyond your budget? Does that mean doing it for free at the place where you love to watch sunsets, or in a beautiful little chapel that happens to be at a hospital, or maybe you find your dress in thrift bridal shop for a $100.
    I accidentally hit the button before I was done.
    Anyways. I think it can be very difficult when reality smacks you in the face. However, the sooner you get over the sting of the smack the sooner you can plan an event that symbolizes the love you and your fiance share rather than and extravagant event that matches the vision in your head.
    GOOD LUCK!
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I can see where she is coming from.
    When we are little girls we begin to create fantasies about our lives and how they should go. The reality of things is often much different than the vision in our head.  It can be VERY difficult to let go of the vision we have in our head. 
    It is not easy, but I would encourage you to let go of the vision you have in your head and be creative. How can you have an event that is tailored for you and your fiance but does not go beyond your budget? Does that mean doing it for free at the place where you love to watch sunsets, or in a beautiful little chapel that happens to be at a hospital, or maybe you find your dress in thrift bridal shop for a $100.
    I can understand having a vision, or even never having seen anything except an elaborate wedding. I can even understand being a little sad that your parents wouldn't contribute, especially if all you've known is people whose parents have.

    However, I think that someone who is an adult and wants to live as an adult (e.g., getting married) should realize the difference between wants (a vision, even from childhood) and needs and be able to act accordingly. Entitlement about her parents' money aside, the GFM and inability to maintain a supposed "budget" even after saving for two years prove to me that the OP does not have this adult life skill. It should not be this hard to let go.
    charlotte989875JediElizabeth[Deleted User]kimmiinthemitten
  • missfrodo said:
    What the actual fuck?

    I've always thought the gofundme brides were just urban legend. Thanks for proving me wrong. If it weren't so easy to actually see your gofundme page I might have thought you were just here to start drama, but no. You actually are that tacky. 


    Here's hoping she's just a very elaborate, thorough troll...
    I just searched the word "wedding" on the events tab on GoFundMe...and my heart is weeping for society.
    I was curious so I did the search as well....speechless!
    crowsgirl15
  • I think the general advice here is that if you simply can not afford the wedding then you should not be having one. My parents don't have the money to help me out so we have a very small budget as well. and at this point I am really considering the court house. I see no reason anyone should go in to debt (or sell there belongings) to pay for a wedding.  
    But if YOU want to (go into debt or sell your belongings), YOU can, but you can't expect anybody else, like your parents, to do so.
  • I really do feel for you as most readers will.  The “Budget” just eats up way to much of my thinking every day. 

  • When I was little, I wanted a different car for every day of the week and a closet like Kimora Lee Simmons'.

    I think I'll start a GoFundMe because my parents won't pay for it and I deserve it. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • edited February 2016
    I think you should give your mom and dad a break. I understand that you're concerned and stressed about the financial cost of the wedding, but it's not your parents' responsibility to shell out the cash to pay for it. My parents are helping with the ceremony flowers and bridal/BM bouquets (centerpieces were included in our wedding package), and my aunt bought my dress. I'm unbelievably grateful for their help, but I never demanded it. It's their money, and they worked hard for it.  If they decided to go on vacation instead of helping out with the wedding, I wouldn't be mad at them.      

    It sounds like you already signed your venue's contract, so it's probably too late to change the date and cancel the venue (without losing money). but you should still have time to adjust the guest list. Keep it small and intimate. The less people you invite, the less you're spending on food and drinks. I'm not sure the proper approach you would take if STDs were sent out, but I'm sure the ladies in the Etiquette Board could help you come up with something.  

    If you're still working with the caterer, try looking into a buffet or pasta options. I'm not the biggest buffet fan, so we're doing a sit down, but normally buffets are cheaper. Have you done some price comparisons? You need to provide food and drinks, but the food doesn't need to be lavish, and drinks don't have to be alcoholic. Soft drinks are just fine. Please don't have a cash bar!     

    Flowers can be pricey, but I bet you could save by getting your flowers from Sams Club, Whole Foods or another retailer. What about DIY centerpieces? I hear brides save a lot of money making their own decorations. If you're not crafty, check with your venue. Like I said above, our floral centerpieces were included in our wedding package. You could also just use candles. 

    How about cutting back on fancy transportation? While a limo is lovely, do you really need one? If you decide to forgo a limo, make sure your WP has proper transportation.

    I'm assuming you already bought dress, but you should know that alterations can be expensive, so maybe look into a local seamstress instead of using the boutique where you purchased your dress. 

    There are lots of ways to save on a wedding. You shouldn't be selling your possessions, asking for charity, or being angry with your parents. Have you purchased a house, yet? If not, you're in for a rude awakening. Now that's an expense! 


    [Deleted User]charlotte989875SP29
  • I think you should give your mom and dad a break. I understand that you're concerned and stressed about the financial cost of the wedding, but it's not your parents' responsibility to shell out the cash to pay for it. My parents are helping with the ceremony flowers and bridal/BM bouquets (centerpieces were included in our wedding package), and my aunt bought my dress. I'm unbelievably grateful for their help, but I never demanded it. It's their money, and they worked hard for it.  If they decided to go on vacation instead of helping out with the wedding, I wouldn't be mad at them.      

    It sounds like you already signed your venue's contract, so it's probably too late to change the date and cancel the venue (without losing money). but you should still have time to adjust the guest list. Keep it small and intimate. The less people you invite, the less you're spending on food and drinks. I'm not sure the proper approach you would take if STDs were sent out, but I'm sure the ladies in the Etiquette Board could help you come up with something.  

    If you're still working with the caterer, try looking into a buffet or pasta options. I'm not the biggest buffet fan, so we're doing a sit down, but normally buffets are cheaper. Have you done some price comparisons? You need to provide food and drinks, but the food doesn't need to be lavish, and drinks don't have to be alcoholic. Soft drinks are just fine. Please don't have a cash bar!     

    Flowers can be pricey, but I bet you could save by getting your flowers from Sams Club, Whole Foods or another retailer. What about DIY centerpieces? I hear brides save a lot of money making their own decorations. If you're not crafty, check with your venue. Like I said above, our floral centerpieces were included in our wedding package. You could also just use candles. 

    How about cutting back on fancy transportation? While a limo is lovely, do you really need one? If you decide to forgo a limo, make sure your WP has proper transportation.

    I'm assuming you already bought dress, but you should know that alterations can be expensive, so maybe look into a local seamstress instead of using the boutique where you purchased your dress. 

    There are lots of ways to save on a wedding. You shouldn't be selling your possessions, asking for charity, or being angry with your parents. Have you purchased a house, yet? If not, you're in for a rude awakening. Now that's an expense! 


    Just want to point out that the normally buffets are cheaper is not true... I think that's a common misconception and it can be true but as we found out in a lot of cases buffets are more expensive because the caterer has to provide extra food in case uncle bob takes both a chicken and a steak and cousin alex takes 2 fish. Where as if it is plated then they just make what is ordered. You have to check with your caterer and see. We saved quite a bit by going plated.

    The other advice sounds really good though!
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    [Deleted User]JCocco219
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Just want to point out that the normally buffets are cheaper is not true... I think that's a common misconception and it can be true but as we found out in a lot of cases buffets are more expensive because the caterer has to provide extra food in case uncle bob takes both a chicken and a steak and cousin alex takes 2 fish. Where as if it is plated then they just make what is ordered. You have to check with your caterer and see. We saved quite a bit by going plated.

    The other advice sounds really good though!
    Normally this will depend on the number of guests,  Food costs in most areas are less expensive than personnel costs.  For example, here in Detroit a buffet is cheaper for a party of 250 than a plated, seated dinner because the cost of the additional servers is more than the overrun on food.  But yes, very valid point.
    image
  • We also found the plated to be as much or a little less than the buffet option, so we were all about having the dinner served rather than making our guests stand in line. Buffets are not necessarily a money-saving option.
  • Just want to point out that the normally buffets are cheaper is not true... I think that's a common misconception and it can be true but as we found out in a lot of cases buffets are more expensive because the caterer has to provide extra food in case uncle bob takes both a chicken and a steak and cousin alex takes 2 fish. Where as if it is plated then they just make what is ordered. You have to check with your caterer and see. We saved quite a bit by going plated.

    The other advice sounds really good though!
    That Darn Uncle Bob ruins everything! marriedhamstermom awesome screen name BTW! 
  • MCmeow said:
    I can never unsee this.

    crowsgirl15Pinksatin91016
  • Oh.....I can't even^^^. I just checked that link out too!  :s
    Pinksatin91016
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MCmeow said:
    I can never unsee this.
    It makes me feel better that the one that's raised $26K is actually for a new school building in Ghana.  It's still "in lieu of gifts," but I can make peace with that.  


    image
  • Oh.....I can't even^^^. I just checked that link out too!  :s
    OMG there is one for a bachelor party, are you kidding me!!
  • MCmeow said:
    levioosa said:
    MCmeow said:
    I can never unsee this.
    It makes me feel better that the one that's raised $26K is actually for a new school building in Ghana.  It's still "in lieu of gifts," but I can make peace with that.  
    Yeah I saw that too, it was definitely a bright point of that list. Made me happy to see people who care about something important.

    But the saddest thing is, there's a list on the left that show popular categories. Within them are issues like the flint crisis, dying babies, people with cancer, people trying to start a business from scratch, people losing their homes, communities trying to improve life for its citizens, etc, and yet so many newlyweds see these and think it's ok to act like a person in need, as if having a lavish wedding is comparable to any of that, as if their life is "so hard" because they want a television worthy wedding. They completely ignore the privilege they have. The fact that they think a wedding is something worthy of people giving their own money to instead of a real cause is gross.
    I was just about to post this myself - these people have to scan over all these horrific world realities to donate to someones wedding? GTFO.
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