Hi everyone! This isn't an urgent issue, just something kinda tricky.
So my fiance and I love planning our future, cause we feel pretty optimistic (Unless Trump is president) when it comes to our jobs, wedding planning is going great, we know we want kids in about 5 years, blah blah. One of those plans is to get a house within two years of getting married.
Ok problem is, my mom knows this. But first some info on my mom: She's divorced and lives with my younger brother and our adorable husky, but she is a lot to handle, (*edited out*). She spends a lot of her time trying to ruin my dad's reputation (who was a terrible husband to her but he's a perfect dad to us and she admits this). She spreads rumors about him, and rather spend her time talking about him than being happy spending time with her kids. Also she blows things out of proportion and thinks people are scheming against her when they do anything slightly negative towards her at work. It becomes very hard to be around her for too long, she takes out her anger on people around her, which was why I had to move out the second I got a stable job. When I lived with her and spent too much time indoors I was pretty depressed, so I spent a lot of time outside even in bad weather.
Now things are better because I'm not around her as often which makes her visits enjoyable, I never thought I'd become friends with her! My fiance can handle visits with her and they get along, but too much time with her drives both of us crazy. She goes to a therapist but it doesn't help.
Ok, that explanation is out of the way. She's very excited for us and loves talking about the wedding, future kids and such, and then mentioned she's going to move into the basement of our future house... uh what? According to her the future kids need a babysitter. But I can picture this being chaotic, and unfair for us to not even get a say. Plus for my introverted fiance who loves peace and quiet. Building a life together and we don't get a chance to truly live it together? This is nyc so she has problems finding affordable apartments, so I'd be willing to help her find a place any day, but I don't want her living with us.
I feel bad and selfish for feeling this way but she's really bad at giving people space and we want to start our newly wed life happy and peaceful.
My cousins suggested finding a house without a basement or livable basement, ha. But have any of you dealt with parents that just refused to give you needed space? How do you deal with it without hurting their feelings?