H can't make wedding but what about RD?

Re: H can't make wedding but what about RD?

• thisismynickname2 member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  Holy shit. 
  
  You are the MOH and you're getting treated like this? And it's three weeks out?
  I don't think there's anything you can do, nor should do. I sure as hell hope this can be chalked up to temporary bridezilla crazy stress and is not indicative of her normal behavior towards you or your husband. 
  
  If it were me, I'd let it go, attend everything as usual, but keep this on a private shit list. No idea what else she does or how your relationship with her normally is, but man, I'm questioning your friendship right now. 
  
  Sorry you experienced this. 
  
  ETA: I mean, if you wanted to, you could call her out on this. Depends how comfortable you are with confrontation. 

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• Knottie1455043087 member

  

  March 2016

  Thanks for the quick reply @thisismynickname
  
  Until this everything seemed fine, she talked to me privately about budget and asked for advice & opinions since she doesn't have many friends who are married yet. The only time we clashed was when I didn't want to wear matching pyjamas 
  
  I don't mind confrontation if I feel something's been done unfairly or isn't right, I just want to know if I'm okay to bring it up with her 

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• glasgowtolondon member

  

  March 2016

  You didn't want to wear matching pj's? Shocked, I tell you. 
  
  I think @thisismynickname is probably right about the temporary bridezilla, but I would be pretty upset too. I probably wouldn't make a big issue out of it as I don't think I would see it as a hill to die on unless it was just one more thing in a long list of unreasonable behaviour. I would definitely remember it though. Put it in the burn book!

               

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• MobKaz member

  

  March 2016

  Knottie1455043087 said:

  I'm the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks and unfortunately, H will be unable to attend the wedding due to work that cannot be changed or rescheduled. The other day the bride and I were talking about the RD and she said my H is not invited since he won't be at the wedding.
  
  What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

  Those are two completely different events and should be treated as such.  Your husband should ABSOLUTELY be invited to the rehearsal dinner.  This bride is absolutely wrong to not include your husband. 
  

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• JediElizabeth member

  

  March 2016

  Knottie1455043087 said:

  Thanks for the quick reply @thisismynickname
  
  Until this everything seemed fine, she talked to me privately about budget and asked for advice & opinions since she doesn't have many friends who are married yet. The only time we clashed was when I didn't want to wear matching pyjamas 
  
  I don't mind confrontation if I feel something's been done unfairly or isn't right, I just want to know if I'm okay to bring it up with her 

  Given the bolded, I think this is probably ignorance more than anything. If it were my MOH, I know she would be comfortable calling me out on it and using it as a teachable moment (and vice versa). I think the bride will probably thank you for pointing out the faux pas, instead of pretending everything's fine and keeping her on a secret shit list, as another PP suggested.
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  Yeah, like Jedi points out, now it does sound more like ignorance. 
  We have a good line around here how you should honor your loved ones' relationships when you host a wedding. You are more or less "required" to show up to this rehearsal, and if she was planning on hosting him at the dinner to begin with, she needs to realize that dis-inviting him on a silly technicality is disrespectful to you. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2016

  Wow, that's rude of her not to invite him to the rehearsal dinner.
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  March 2016

  Knottie1455043087 said:

  I'm the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks and unfortunately, H will be unable to attend the wedding due to work that cannot be changed or rescheduled. The other day the bride and I were talking about the RD and she said my H is not invited since he won't be at the wedding.
  
  What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

  Buy her a metal chicken as a wedding gift.
  

  

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• AddieCake member

  

  March 2016

  Your friend is being an asshole.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2016

  Not only is she not inviting your H to the RD, she's making you wear matching pajamas?!!? Guuuurl. I feel for you. Seriously. 

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• levioosa member

  

  March 2016

  Oh man.  This seems like one of those weddings with a lot of pressure to "perform BM duties."  BM duties aren't a thing, btw, OP.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• ernursej member

  

  March 2016

  When were you supposed to wear the matching pajamas????

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  March 2016

  Not only is it rude to invite you and not your H to an event like this, but I'd be pissed I'd have to give up the only night of the weekend (assuming Saturday wedding) that my H has off. We both work crazy hours and use our weekends to connect. I'd be super pissed if a bride told me that because he had to work Saturday night I also couldn't spend Friday night with him. 

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  CMGragain said:

  show previous quotes

  Knottie1455043087 said:

  I'm the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks and unfortunately, H will be unable to attend the wedding due to work that cannot be changed or rescheduled. The other day the bride and I were talking about the RD and she said my H is not invited since he won't be at the wedding.
  
  What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

  Buy her a metal chicken as a wedding gift.
  

  Or a brass cricket. (My late aunt and uncle did this for my brother and SIL's wedding.)

  

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• CMGragain member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  My MIL gave me a padded toilet seat. Yes, for real.
  

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2016

  Knottie1455043087 said:

  I'm the MOH in a wedding in 3 weeks and unfortunately, H will be unable to attend the wedding due to work that cannot be changed or rescheduled. The other day the bride and I were talking about the RD and she said my H is not invited since he won't be at the wedding.
  
  What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

  Yeah, that isn't how it works.  Your friend shouldn't just not invite your H to the RD because he can't make the wedding.  I am hoping she doesn't realize how ridiculous she sounds and is having a momentary lapse of judgment.  If not, then she is basically being a bitch and punishing you because your H couldn't get off of work for her wedding.

  
  

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• Knottie1455043087 member

  

  March 2016

  @glasgowtolondon Unfortunately, if I hadn't been lurking since before I got engaged I would've thought I had to do it. The other BMs who were with us when the bride brought it up were trying to tell me I had to since the bride wanted it, etc... it still won't happen though. I will be there in whatever I'm comfortable wearing in front of the rest of the people who will be at the hotel getting ready. 

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• Knottie1455043087 member

  

  March 2016

  @climbingwife No, I'm not wearing matching pj's. She's dropped the subject since I first refused to wear them and hopefully that subject will remain dropped because it just won't happen, maybe the other 3 BMs will wear them anyway and I'll just look like the odd one out... not that my purple hair doesn't already do that.
  
  
  
  

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• Knottie1455043087 member

  

  March 2016

  @levioosa I haven't been doing any other BM 'duties', I know those aren't a thing and made it clear when I got married that I just need them to show up on time the day of, in their dress, and sober, so I think she gets that her FI needs to help and not her BMs.
  

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• Knottie1455043087 member

  

  March 2016

  @AddieCake, @Jen4948, @MobKaz& @Maggie0829 I'm hoping it's just her having a lapse in judgement, I'm seeing her for lunch today and I'll talk to her then. 
  
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  March 2016

  Knottie1455043087 said:

  @AddieCake, @Jen4948, @MobKaz& @Maggie0829 I'm hoping it's just her having a lapse in judgement, I'm seeing her for lunch today and I'll talk to her then. 
  
  

  Looking forward to hearing the outcome of that conversation.  I am hoping she had a moment of clarity and apologized for her momentary lapse in judgment and manners!
  
  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2016

  Knottie1455043087 said:

  @AddieCake, @Jen4948, @MobKaz& @Maggie0829 I'm hoping it's just her having a lapse in judgement, I'm seeing her for lunch today and I'll talk to her then. 
  
  

  What happened?  What happened?  What happened?

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• Knottie1455043087 member

  

  March 2016

  MobKaz said:

  show previous quotes

  Knottie1455043087 said:

  @AddieCake, @Jen4948, @MobKaz& @Maggie0829 I'm hoping it's just her having a lapse in judgement, I'm seeing her for lunch today and I'll talk to her then. 
  
  

  Looking forward to hearing the outcome of that conversation.  I am hoping she had a moment of clarity and apologized for her momentary lapse in judgment and manners!
  
  
  

  Turns out her future MIL is the one who said H can't come since she's hosting the dinner. I told my friend how I felt about it, she understood and apologized for not thinking about how unfair it sounded since it wasn't his fault he wouldn't be at the wedding and how she would've felt had it been done to her and FI. She also decided to talk with her future MIL and FI about it. Long story short my H is going to the RD with me and the dinner is no longer at MIL's place for many reasons, some of which I didn't even realize were happening.
  
  Thanks everyone for the advice and laughs! Really happy I asked you all. 

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  March 2016

  Glad to hear it's worked out!
  P.S. @OurWildKingdom
  I want a picture of this brass cricket. 

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  thisismynickname said:

  Glad to hear it's worked out!
  P.S. @OurWildKingdom
  I want a picture of this brass cricket. 

  I'll ask my brother to text me a picture.  Our aunt and uncle were wonderful people but had rather odd taste in gift giving. They once gave my parents a double-sided jigsaw puzzle; one side had the picture turned 90 degrees from the other side. Weird.
  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2016

  OurWildKingdom said:

  show previous quotes

  thisismynickname said:

  Glad to hear it's worked out!
  P.S. @OurWildKingdom
  I want a picture of this brass cricket. 

  I'll ask my brother to text me a picture.  Our aunt and uncle were wonderful people but had rather odd taste in gift giving. They once gave my parents a double-sided jigsaw puzzle; one side had the picture turned 90 degrees from the other side. Weird.
  

  I LOVE those puzzles!!!  They're also cut in one direction from the top, and in the other direction from the bottom so you can't even tell which side of each piece is "right side up".

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• countryup member

  

  March 2016

  When parents are involved in the payment of anything in the wedding, their opinions are always going to be there and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.  But, regardless of who is attending the actual wedding or not, the spouses of attendants are always invited to the RD.  Also, let's just say your spouse intended on going to the wedding but last minute could not.  He still would have been at the RD, right?  Glad it was solved quickly!

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