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Irrationally irritated - assumptions about last name change

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Re: Irrationally irritated - assumptions about last name change

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona
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    When I was on my honeymoon two of my coworkers went ahead and took the initiative to ask IT to change my email address to my new last name. I did take H's last name but I don't think they even knew I was going to at that time. I was super annoyed - first because it's MY email address, but also because I was planning on adding my new last name to my email signature for a month or two before I changed the email address.. Changing it immediately caused A LOT of confusion for people in my company who didn't know I had gotten married.
    This is just insane to me. At my work you have to show proof that your name has changed before they'll change anything!
    When I changed my e-mail at work to reflect my new last name I didn't realize that it made my old account invalid so anything sent there got sent back to the sender. It took a few days to figure this out. Anyone within the company could still search for me by my old name and find the new address but anyone not in the company couldn't so I had to send out e-mails to vendors and let them know that my e-mail had changed and I had to change my email on any distributions... Big pain in the ass and if that had happened while I was on my honeymoon I'd have been pissed because that would have been a mess to come back to!
    Yuck!  Luckily, I was able to just create a second e-mail address and keep both.  I have them both routed to my Outlook, so I don't notice any difference on which one people are sending to.  I kept my old address as default for a while and hyphenated my name on my e-mails, then switched to the new one as default.  But, I plan to keep both e-mail addresses indefinitely, so people I'll still get communications from people that still send to my old address.

    image 

  • When I was on my honeymoon two of my coworkers went ahead and took the initiative to ask IT to change my email address to my new last name. I did take H's last name but I don't think they even knew I was going to at that time. I was super annoyed - first because it's MY email address, but also because I was planning on adding my new last name to my email signature for a month or two before I changed the email address.. Changing it immediately caused A LOT of confusion for people in my company who didn't know I had gotten married.
    This is just insane to me. At my work you have to show proof that your name has changed before they'll change anything!
    When I changed my e-mail at work to reflect my new last name I didn't realize that it made my old account invalid so anything sent there got sent back to the sender. It took a few days to figure this out. Anyone within the company could still search for me by my old name and find the new address but anyone not in the company couldn't so I had to send out e-mails to vendors and let them know that my e-mail had changed and I had to change my email on any distributions... Big pain in the ass and if that had happened while I was on my honeymoon I'd have been pissed because that would have been a mess to come back to!
    I am so glad the IT guy set up my email to forward from my old email to my new one, he set it up along with my out of office reply for my wedding. The reason why I'm glad is that my boss still emails my old email, ~6 months after I changed my name. I've deleted my old email from his contacts but for some reason he continues to find ways to bring it back.
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    When I was on my honeymoon two of my coworkers went ahead and took the initiative to ask IT to change my email address to my new last name. I did take H's last name but I don't think they even knew I was going to at that time. I was super annoyed - first because it's MY email address, but also because I was planning on adding my new last name to my email signature for a month or two before I changed the email address.. Changing it immediately caused A LOT of confusion for people in my company who didn't know I had gotten married.
    This is just insane to me. At my work you have to show proof that your name has changed before they'll change anything!
    When I changed my e-mail at work to reflect my new last name I didn't realize that it made my old account invalid so anything sent there got sent back to the sender. It took a few days to figure this out. Anyone within the company could still search for me by my old name and find the new address but anyone not in the company couldn't so I had to send out e-mails to vendors and let them know that my e-mail had changed and I had to change my email on any distributions... Big pain in the ass and if that had happened while I was on my honeymoon I'd have been pissed because that would have been a mess to come back to!
    I am so glad the IT guy set up my email to forward from my old email to my new one, he set it up along with my out of office reply for my wedding. The reason why I'm glad is that my boss still emails my old email, ~6 months after I changed my name. I've deleted my old email from his contacts but for some reason he continues to find ways to bring it back.
    Auto-fill. The WORST for these kinds of cases. 
    I e-mailed my boss from my personal account once to report a sick day and now I've gotten some calendar invites from her to my personal account. Sigh.
    When our e-mails change, IT makes sure that anything to the old address routes to the new. 
    Now that I keep seeing my old name on address lines, I take extra care to ensure I write to people's proper address after name change situations, whatever the reason may be for the change. 
    Had a coworker change her name after her second divorce and we had a spirited conversation about the patriarchy after IT actually screwed up her e-mail change and she ended up with 3 accounts on file. 
    ________________________________


    OurWildKingdomahoywedding
  • @thefanciestbeckler we're supposed to show that proof too but since we're in HR the women kinda circumvented the rules (plus I processed that paperwork at the time so I basically showed myself my own marriage cert

    @marriedhamstermom I can't believe they didn't forward your old email! That seems crazy
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    This is why I never congratulate anyone on their marriages, pregnancies, never wish people happy holidays, etc.   No matter what I say, someone is going to get a bee up their ass because I didn't use the proper salutation for their particular situation and sensibilities, and rather than just being gracious and accepting the goodwill and cheer I'm offering them, they are going to be an asshole and correct me.

    So fuck everyone.

    Now in all seriousness, if you don't start correcting people on what your last name really is, they will never know and continue to aggravate you.  And even if you do, some ppl may still get it wrong ><
    People say "congratulations" to both sexes on all big life events. I don't know why brides are special and can't be congratulated but instead must be told "best wishes." 

    I think part of the annoyance is that I was always very open about not changing my name and now that I'm actually married I guess people thought I changed my mind? Like I was just bluffing or grandstanding before, but now that I got married I would obviously come to my senses! 
    It was explained previously in this thread why congratuating the bride is actually rude. . .it's because it's sexist.  "Congrats honey on actually snagging a man!"

    It's not that you can't say Congrats, but that best wishes is preferable based on previous explanations.  And even so, ppl shouldn't really get their panties so twisted no matter what you say to wish them well that they make a big enough deal to correct you. . .that was the point of my snarky reply; most ppl will understand your intent no matter if they like the delivery or not.

    I feel you on the irritation about the name, but you just have to correct ppl, remind them, and then either keep correcting them or grin and bear it; I was engaged for 2 years and told ppl everytime names came up that I wasn't changing mine.  There are ppl who still call me Mrs Hubby Lastname, even after I have gently corrected them.  I don't think they are doing it on purpose to irritate me or disrespect me, so I just ignore it now.  I'm not suggesting you ignore it too, I just wanted to warn you that pplace still might get it wrong, even if you correct them.  So brace yourself, lol!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    OurWildKingdomspockforprez
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    sarals24 said:
    Ha! I didn't change my name either, and people at my job just assume my husband has my last name, so when he comes to work stuff they call him by my last name. I find it hilarious and only occasionally correct them. (He also finds it funny, don't worry)
    FMIL is a doctor and didn't change her name.  Whenever there are fancy work parties, his dad calls them "Mr. [FMIL's last name] Events."  Whenever anyone used to say, "Oh, you must be Mr [FMIL's last name]," he would respond, "actually, I kept my maiden name," until she made him stop.
    That's pretty hilarious- I like it. No different than a woman trying to explain the same thing, "I kept my maiden name".
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
  • My mom kept her name when she and my dad married 35+ years ago.  Decades later, she still has to deal with people calling her Mrs HisLast on the regular.  Plus anyone who knows the family even the slightest bit ought to know better, particularly since we kids have hyphenated names HerLast-HisLast.  Oy.

    I am not 100% decided on what I am going to do about my name after I get married next year.  My name is a behemoth that no one can ever, ever even hope to spell or pronounce without assistance.  18 letters, Czech and German derivation hyphenated.  Nobody stands a chance.  It would be nice not to have to deal with that any more.  But it is unique and it is MINE. 

    Right now we are leaning toward creating a new name that has parts of each of our surnames combined into a pleasant-sounding and easy-to-spell moniker.  The ardent feminist in me kind of hates the idea of new acquaintances I make in the future thinking that took his name, but on the flip side that same inner feminist loves the idea that we would both have an equal experience of giving up our birth names and taking on a married name.  Good thing there is plenty of time left to decide.

    OurWildKingdomGreenjinjo
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    I just got a check addressed to my nickname + H's last name. (Think something like Trish instead of Patricia.) No idea if I'll be allowed to deposit it. Any advice?
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  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    edited April 2016
    I would bring a copy of you marriage license with you to the bank as that has your legal name and his last name on it. Just in case.
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
  • I just got a check addressed to my nickname + H's last name. (Think something like Trish instead of Patricia.) No idea if I'll be allowed to deposit it. Any advice?
    Are you both on the account? If so shouldn't be a problem, but like @SP29 said bring a copy of your marriage license. I never needed to deposit a check even before I changed my name, but might not be a bad idea. Also, I deposited most through the banking app with no problems. 
    OurWildKingdom
  • I just got a check addressed to my nickname + H's last name. (Think something like Trish instead of Patricia.) No idea if I'll be allowed to deposit it. Any advice?
    I deposited a check made out to my first name and a completely different last name (my husbands grandma was slowly losing her marbles and decided my last name was something nothing like my actual last name). Though I do have a relatively unique first name so that might have helped. I don't think you'll have a problem, but PPs suggestion of taking it to the bank with your marriage certificate are good ones. I just use the app and cross my fingers :P
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I would sign it as the name written on the check and then your actual name right underneath it.  Bring that to the bank with your marriage certificate.  The bank should accept it.
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    No issues with the check; I didn't even have to endorse it. Thank you peeps!
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  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    edited April 2016
    Yeah I usually use the mobile app to deposit checks but with the whole POA thing I didn't want to risk H's paychecks (which they are sending to us in paper form while he's on disability)

    edit-- okkkkkk, nothing after my emoji got posted!

    Just don't want there to be an issue with endorsing H's checks and the mobile app so I've been going to the bank instead. 
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  • I don't know who Emily Gilmore is but I'm pretty sure the tradition originated because the man is to be congratulated for his "conquest" which is pretty gross. So yeah, I'm still not on board!

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  • Haha. @Heffalump I second your shock. My favorite thing about this thread was the Emily Gilmore reference.


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