Post wedding celebration-tacky or acceptable?

Re: Post wedding celebration-tacky or acceptable?

• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2016

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  charlotte989875 said:

  I love parties; parties don't need a reason, and I think everyone should have more fun parties. 
  
  But i guess I don't understand having to save up for a wedding related celebration after you're married. Why not just save up for a wedding you can invite your friends and family to? Your plans a certainly fine etiquette wise, I guess I'm just curious as to why you want/need to save up to celebrate with people after the wedding they didn't get invited to when you could just have the wedding later and save up so you can invite the people you want to in the first place. 

  I honestly didn't want to wait any longer to get married. I also wanted a sit down dinner which wouldn't fit at my moms. Also, any venue I liked was over 3 hours away. I couldn't find a venue that fit my idea, but surprisingly, my moms house has the feel I wanted. 
  
  The  reason for the post wedding is that I still want my friends to meet my husband and I'd like to meet his cousins. 
  
  I just feel like most people wouldn't make the drive just for a party lol. 

  This is a choice an adult is forced to make.  You make your decision and you own it.  Choose to get married now and have a smaller guest list.  Choose to postpone the wedding and have a longer engagement and increase the wedding guest list.  Neither is wrong, but you need to deal with the choice you make.  Welcome to adulting.  It sucks.

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• Paper_Kitten member

  

  April 2016

  adk19 said:

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  charlotte989875 said:

  I love parties; parties don't need a reason, and I think everyone should have more fun parties. 
  
  But i guess I don't understand having to save up for a wedding related celebration after you're married. Why not just save up for a wedding you can invite your friends and family to? Your plans a certainly fine etiquette wise, I guess I'm just curious as to why you want/need to save up to celebrate with people after the wedding they didn't get invited to when you could just have the wedding later and save up so you can invite the people you want to in the first place. 

  I honestly didn't want to wait any longer to get married. I also wanted a sit down dinner which wouldn't fit at my moms. Also, any venue I liked was over 3 hours away. I couldn't find a venue that fit my idea, but surprisingly, my moms house has the feel I wanted. 
  
  The  reason for the post wedding is that I still want my friends to meet my husband and I'd like to meet his cousins. 
  
  I just feel like most people wouldn't make the drive just for a party lol. 

  This is a choice an adult is forced to make.  You make your decision and you own it.  Choose to get married now and have a smaller guest list.  Choose to postpone the wedding and have a longer engagement and increase the wedding guest list.  Neither is wrong, but you need to deal with the choice you make.  Welcome to adulting.  It sucks.

  I don't want people to get me wrong. I LOVE that I'm having a small wedding and reception. It affords me the ability to actually interact with my guests. I hate weddings where you only see the bride and groom once. 
  
  My thing is I want those left out to still have a chance to meet him as they live farther away and we don't see each other often. Also, we didn't have room to invite cousins and I still haven't met a few of the cousins. 
  
  If I have another party, I don't want something formal. I don't even plan on wearing white. It's not about having a second wedding (because quite frankly, I'm not too thrilled about the first one. I hate attention.) 

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2016

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  adk19 said:

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  charlotte989875 said:

  I love parties; parties don't need a reason, and I think everyone should have more fun parties. 
  
  But i guess I don't understand having to save up for a wedding related celebration after you're married. Why not just save up for a wedding you can invite your friends and family to? Your plans a certainly fine etiquette wise, I guess I'm just curious as to why you want/need to save up to celebrate with people after the wedding they didn't get invited to when you could just have the wedding later and save up so you can invite the people you want to in the first place. 

  I honestly didn't want to wait any longer to get married. I also wanted a sit down dinner which wouldn't fit at my moms. Also, any venue I liked was over 3 hours away. I couldn't find a venue that fit my idea, but surprisingly, my moms house has the feel I wanted. 
  
  The  reason for the post wedding is that I still want my friends to meet my husband and I'd like to meet his cousins. 
  
  I just feel like most people wouldn't make the drive just for a party lol. 

  This is a choice an adult is forced to make.  You make your decision and you own it.  Choose to get married now and have a smaller guest list.  Choose to postpone the wedding and have a longer engagement and increase the wedding guest list.  Neither is wrong, but you need to deal with the choice you make.  Welcome to adulting.  It sucks.

  I don't want people to get me wrong. I LOVE that I'm having a small wedding and reception. It affords me the ability to actually interact with my guests. I hate weddings where you only see the bride and groom once. 
  
  My thing is I want those left out to still have a chance to meet him as they live farther away and we don't see each other often. Also, we didn't have room to invite cousins and I still haven't met a few of the cousins. 
  
  If I have another party, I don't want something formal. I don't even plan on wearing white. It's not about having a second wedding (because quite frankly, I'm not too thrilled about the first one. I hate attention.) 

  I don't think people have enough parties.  I think you should host dinner parties and game nights and backyard BBQs.  If most of his cousins are all in one place, you and your husband should travel to meet them.  Make it a month or two after the wedding.  Meet them in a restaurant, buy the first round of drinks or apps for the table to share, and everyone is on their own to pay for their dinner.  Or meet people one or two at a time during day trips or long weekend trips.
  
  Enjoy your wedding, then figure out how to meet people you'd still like to meet.  Don't make gatherings anything about your wedding.  "Hey cousin, my wife would like to meet you and I'd really like to see you.  We're thinking of taking a long weekend off work next month to visit you and Aunt/Uncle.  Is there a weekend next month that is particularly bad or good?  We'd love to take you somewhere for lunch if you have a restaurant you particularly like."

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• Paper_Kitten member

  

  April 2016

  adk19 said:

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  adk19 said:

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  charlotte989875 said:

  I love parties; parties don't need a reason, and I think everyone should have more fun parties. 
  
  But i guess I don't understand having to save up for a wedding related celebration after you're married. Why not just save up for a wedding you can invite your friends and family to? Your plans a certainly fine etiquette wise, I guess I'm just curious as to why you want/need to save up to celebrate with people after the wedding they didn't get invited to when you could just have the wedding later and save up so you can invite the people you want to in the first place. 

  I honestly didn't want to wait any longer to get married. I also wanted a sit down dinner which wouldn't fit at my moms. Also, any venue I liked was over 3 hours away. I couldn't find a venue that fit my idea, but surprisingly, my moms house has the feel I wanted. 
  
  The  reason for the post wedding is that I still want my friends to meet my husband and I'd like to meet his cousins. 
  
  I just feel like most people wouldn't make the drive just for a party lol. 

  This is a choice an adult is forced to make.  You make your decision and you own it.  Choose to get married now and have a smaller guest list.  Choose to postpone the wedding and have a longer engagement and increase the wedding guest list.  Neither is wrong, but you need to deal with the choice you make.  Welcome to adulting.  It sucks.

  I don't want people to get me wrong. I LOVE that I'm having a small wedding and reception. It affords me the ability to actually interact with my guests. I hate weddings where you only see the bride and groom once. 
  
  My thing is I want those left out to still have a chance to meet him as they live farther away and we don't see each other often. Also, we didn't have room to invite cousins and I still haven't met a few of the cousins. 
  
  If I have another party, I don't want something formal. I don't even plan on wearing white. It's not about having a second wedding (because quite frankly, I'm not too thrilled about the first one. I hate attention.) 

  I don't think people have enough parties.  I think you should host dinner parties and game nights and backyard BBQs.  If most of his cousins are all in one place, you and your husband should travel to meet them.  Make it a month or two after the wedding.  Meet them in a restaurant, buy the first round of drinks or apps for the table to share, and everyone is on their own to pay for their dinner.  Or meet people one or two at a time during day trips or long weekend trips.
  
  Enjoy your wedding, then figure out how to meet people you'd still like to meet.  Don't make gatherings anything about your wedding.  "Hey cousin, my wife would like to meet you and I'd really like to see you.  We're thinking of taking a long weekend off work next month to visit you and Aunt/Uncle.  Is there a weekend next month that is particularly bad or good?  We'd love to take you somewhere for lunch if you have a restaurant you particularly like."

  We will try this
  
  thanks everyone for your advice!
  i believe we will forgo the post wedding celebration 
  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  April 2016

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  adk19 said:

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  adk19 said:

  Knottie1459130283 said:

  charlotte989875 said:

  I love parties; parties don't need a reason, and I think everyone should have more fun parties. 
  
  But i guess I don't understand having to save up for a wedding related celebration after you're married. Why not just save up for a wedding you can invite your friends and family to? Your plans a certainly fine etiquette wise, I guess I'm just curious as to why you want/need to save up to celebrate with people after the wedding they didn't get invited to when you could just have the wedding later and save up so you can invite the people you want to in the first place. 

  I honestly didn't want to wait any longer to get married. I also wanted a sit down dinner which wouldn't fit at my moms. Also, any venue I liked was over 3 hours away. I couldn't find a venue that fit my idea, but surprisingly, my moms house has the feel I wanted. 
  
  The  reason for the post wedding is that I still want my friends to meet my husband and I'd like to meet his cousins. 
  
  I just feel like most people wouldn't make the drive just for a party lol. 

  This is a choice an adult is forced to make.  You make your decision and you own it.  Choose to get married now and have a smaller guest list.  Choose to postpone the wedding and have a longer engagement and increase the wedding guest list.  Neither is wrong, but you need to deal with the choice you make.  Welcome to adulting.  It sucks.

  I don't want people to get me wrong. I LOVE that I'm having a small wedding and reception. It affords me the ability to actually interact with my guests. I hate weddings where you only see the bride and groom once. 
  
  My thing is I want those left out to still have a chance to meet him as they live farther away and we don't see each other often. Also, we didn't have room to invite cousins and I still haven't met a few of the cousins. 
  
  If I have another party, I don't want something formal. I don't even plan on wearing white. It's not about having a second wedding (because quite frankly, I'm not too thrilled about the first one. I hate attention.) 

  I don't think people have enough parties.  I think you should host dinner parties and game nights and backyard BBQs.  If most of his cousins are all in one place, you and your husband should travel to meet them.  Make it a month or two after the wedding.  Meet them in a restaurant, buy the first round of drinks or apps for the table to share, and everyone is on their own to pay for their dinner.  Or meet people one or two at a time during day trips or long weekend trips.
  
  Enjoy your wedding, then figure out how to meet people you'd still like to meet.  Don't make gatherings anything about your wedding.  "Hey cousin, my wife would like to meet you and I'd really like to see you.  We're thinking of taking a long weekend off work next month to visit you and Aunt/Uncle.  Is there a weekend next month that is particularly bad or good?  We'd love to take you somewhere for lunch if you have a restaurant you particularly like."

  We will try this
  
  thanks everyone for your advice!
  i believe we will forgo the post wedding celebration 
  

  I love @adk19's suggestion about just making time to see the family and friends you can't invite. It doesn't need to be something big where you do it all at one time. Introducing your new H will be exciting, you don't need a special party to do that, especially if you're not fond of being the center of attention.
  
  Also, I totally agree people don't have enough parties. 
  

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