Background: FI and I are getting married in August, wedding is in our church, reception is on the beach. Bridesmaids are in navy dresses. FI is currently OOT on business travel. For him & GM, we had previously discussed either a light gray or light khaki color suit, but no specifics.
On Saturday, I got a JosABank mailer about a huge suit sale, and found a summer weight cotton/wool suit in a light greyish khaki for $150. I sent FI a link & picture and he liked the cut and color, I asked if it was the suit and he said yes, so I ordered it. I asked him to send the info to his GMs (his 2 brothers), and he said he would. He finally sent them the info on Monday, but the price had gone up to $399 w/ BOGO free. He did say that he told them they should/could wait for the next sale since there's still plenty of time. Today, he told me that one of his GMs "has other ideas for a suit" and sent him a link for a different suit from JCrew, in a medium heather grey 100% wool with skinny leg pants that costs $620. We also know his other brother really isn't in a position to pay that much. Who suggests a different color, more expensive suit for someone else's wedding?!
Re: Suits. (Vent)
To a lot of guys spending $150 on a suit they wouldn't wear again is a waste of money, where $620 on one they will wear again just makes sense. Light grey is a lot more wearable for any occasion, this guy is probably looking at the options and thinking 'If I spend x amount I have a great quality suit I will wear time and again, if I spend x amount I have a suit I will wear once for someone else's wedding'. It makes sense, should we stone him for daring to suggest this? I say go for the grey and let the men chose their own suit in that colour, then they can buy to whatever budget suits them individually. I promise you it won't ruin your pictures. Let this be one less stress.
Eta: budgets
I know grey is a more versatile color, but everyone lives in SoCal, khaki suits/jackets are pretty common and socially acceptable for just about anything besides funerals. The cut of the grey suit is also really trendy, with super-skinny lapels and pant legs, so it's definitely not a "forever" piece.
The bottom line is that you and your FI should have checked with the groomsmen on what their budget and desire before you decided the suit color, let alone before you picked out a specific suit. Not everyone can pull off or feel comfortable in a light-colored suit. That suit has also now significantly gone up in price. I think you need to go back to the drawing board, and start by having FI meet with his groomsmen, individually and privately, to discuss what they're comfortable wearing and spending.
To paraphrase your own words: "Who does that?"
Have your FI talk to your GMs about color, fit and price. The matching thing isn't really a big deal, but if you think it is, let them match in whatever they like. Having the groom in a different cut or color will definitely not look ridiculous. It will help him stand out.
Can your FI return the suit? If so go back to the drawing board for something they all are comfortable in. If not then have him wear that and have the GMs choose the same color as each other.
We bought the suits and ties for our GM, and it took 3 months for them to get us their measurements. I doubt even if your FI had sent the GM the suit information, they would have dropped everything to go out and buy it that weekend.
Everyone is allowed to have opinions and preferences for clothing choice. If a trendy suit is the one this GM wants to wear, who are you to judge?
Also, not sure why you would buy a suit without seeing it on your FI first. Some cuts and colors can just look weeeeiiirddd.
As the wife of a BM in a wedding, I have warned him that the manufacturer that the groom chose for suits make them notoriously slim cut. It may look fine on the groom but I don't think it's the best style for DH. And it's just not a smart investment to buy a suit that makes you look anything less than fantastic.
As for the tan suits, I have to agree that tan is just not a great color for a suit vs. gray.
And as the wife of someone who isn't a fan of being told "Buy that suit" (it's really freaking expensive) why can't you just pick a color?
I'm aware that FI tends to procrastinate. "Oh, I was supposed to pay that bill when you originally asked me, not after we got a past-due notice 2 weeks later?" It's something I can't change about him, and so I need to work on communicating things that are urgent better.
I told FI that I can return his suit and the GM can decide what they're wearing.
If they look ridiculous because only the 2 of them buy the suit, and/or because they're not-exactly-skinny men in skinny-cut suits, we can laugh at the pictures for the next 50 years.
You are being ridiculous, OP.
If these guys have to buy a suit, let them buy a suit in a classic color that they can wear to pretty much any event for the rest of their lives- grey or black suit. A khaki suit just looks silly and overly trendy, and they aren't going to get much wear out of it.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I don't understand why there is a sense of urgency here. The sale ended in two days, and your FI was OOT. That's putting a lot of pressure on him and his GM to get a suit at a "generally acceptable" price.
As to the last bolded... IMO, that's a pretty judgmental and cruel statement for someone who ordered a suit for her FI without seeing how it looked on him first. Especially considering all three of your GM could look ridiculous in the suit you bought on what sounds like a whim. These are your nearest and dearest friends, and I'd be pretty pissed if my FI laughed at my BMs because he thought they looked "ridiculous" in the dresses they picked out.
I have been scouring the internet for a gif on how I feel about khaki as a suit color. Can't find the one I'm looking for, so in the words of Jane Bingum from Drop Dead Diva, "...which my client disparaged as, I quote, 'Blech.'"
Where are these slim fit suits coming from now?
The whole point of getting fitted for a suit is having it tailored so that it looks like it was made specifically for you.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
sdani73675 said:
BUT- I do agree that grey, or likewise navy, is a MUCH more versatile colour. I do also agree that I would have your FH pick a colour and let each person pick their own suit from there. Suit rentals are expensive, so I think buying a suit is a good investment, but it does have to be something that the wearer is happy with.
I will agree with you OP that the suit your GM brought back is not the best pick for EVERYBODY (maybe for himself though), but asking them to order a suit online in a short time period is also not the way to go. Give them a colour and let them find their own deal or a suit in a price point they are happy with.
DH also bought a suit for the wedding, as did the GMs. He found them from an online made to measure company (Canadian)- EPH apparel. He chose navy for the colour, but the nice part for the GM was they were able to pick from various styles and add details that they liked (number of buttons, lapel width, pleats or not, etc). This also allowed them some freedom with their budget (DH initially asked what they would be comfortable spending and found EPH to be in that budget).
For my wedding, H wore a charcoal gray suit (we also had a summer wedding - it was not "heavy"), and he just asked the GM to wear medium to dark gray slacks, ivory shirts, and suspenders. We got their ties for them so they would all match, and the ties really pulled it all together. Yes, the GM's pants did not all match perfectly, but it was only noticeable if you got right up close next to them (which no one would do).
I think you're making too much of this. In reality, you and FI should have asked the GM for their budgets before H bought a suit, if you were requiring matching attire. Either have FI return the suit and get something in gray, and then allow the GM to wear whatever shade of gray they want, or do what I suggested above.
ETA words
@PrettyGirlLost - The suit that the GM picked out was a very slim fit medium/dark grey suit, with tapered pants that are almost snug-looking through the ankles, and very narrow lapels. FI is not super-skinny or athletic, so that cut of suit would be really unflattering on him, and probably on his other GM too.
I was more frustrated by the GM's push to switch to a way more expensive super-trendy cut suit than the different/darker color in and of itself, because a) FI probably wouldn't look good in it and b) it's not a good investment if it'll look dated in 2-3 years.
@AtomicBlonde - We've had really good experiences w/ JAB suits/jackets/pants before (in store & online), FI absolutely loves the stuff he already has from there and he gets the same fits and sizes every time, just in new colors/fabrics. They also have a good return/exchange policy (90 days), and have stores close to us and the GMs, so I didn't think it was unreasonable to ask them to order at that price before it changed. I probably should've immediately/explicitly told FI after we found out about the price change that i'd be happy to monitor it for them and let them know when it drops below $200, but that ship has sailed.
@levioosa - My understanding of wedding party etiquette is that you don't accept unless you're willing to show up sober and wearing whatever the bride and groom asked you to buy/rent. When I was a BM for my friend's wedding, I wasn't a huge fan of the dress color, but it was what she wanted so I smiled, told her i loved it, and then stuck it in the back of my closet after the reception. It wasn't wasted money if it made her feel happy and supported for the day. I've never expected to be able to wear a BM dress a second time or that the bride/groom would change their color or style preference based on what i liked best or what was easiest/cheapest for me.
Why is there a double standard that the BMs just go along with it (barring major logistical issues like dress not available in their size, the girls falling out of a strapless neckline, etc) but everyone seems to think that groomsmen should be able to wear things they already own or buy wardrobe staples?
You want your pics to look a certain way, regardless of how this man wants to look as an adult. Fine. Don't fake concern about whether the cut will suit them or whether it will be a good investment due trendiness of cut. Don't for one second think your wedding pics won't look dated in 20yrs regardless of how classic you think your look is now, but isn't that to be expected? I don't look like I did at my grad ball in 2005, and I probably wouldn't rock twists in my hair anymore. Such is life.
I'm not saying the OP is necessarily like that, but just pointing out that it doesn't have to be a double standard. And honestly, whenever I see "matchy matchy" these days where it's clear that people aren't comfortable or wouldn't have picked the same thing themselves, I assume the people who asked them to do that don't actually care about their friends or care more about superficial things and props than their friends. I'd like to think that we're in an era now where we've stopped thinking of our friends as dress up dolls and treat them as the wonderful individuals we presumably love since we asked them to be at our side. Nowhere else in life, save for really bad 1980s family portraits where everyone is wearing the same ugly Christmas sweater, do you see people match.
For what it's worth, DH was in a beach wedding once and the bride's vision was her groom and groomsmen in khaki suits. Not one of the guys owned a khaki suit so they all had to go out and buy one. DH said that all of the guys were privately talking about how much they hated the suits and DH even went as far as getting rid of it in a clothes donation we did last year, claiming he would never ever wear it again. Just some food for thought.
Me neither. It didn't move with us.
ETA he was a GM in that wedding.
In my situation, I was lucky enough that all of my bridemaids were available to go dress shopping at the same time and actually all fell in love with the same dress (a different one than I had in mind, in fact), so we went with what they loved. (Of note: I had already been an advanced lurker by this point and had no issue with mismatched dresses, I just happened to like a particular one going into the shopping trip.)
At no point did I force them to choose any particular dress because I'm a SS, and I'm *gasp* cool with whatever shoes they want, because they're my friends and I want them to be comfortable. Also, I really don't give a shit how they do their hair and make-up or if they wear jewelry.
ETA: I'm another vote for the gray suit.