Am I too late?

Re: Am I too late?

• JaxInBlue member

  

  May 2016

  Since you haven't asked anyone, I don't think its too late to start now.  The advice given is typically to asked your BP 6-9 months out, so while you're definitely on the 6 month end of that, I don't think that would be a bad thing.  Especially because it sounds like you have a good grasp on how the whole attendant thing should work, i.e.: they're standing up with you to honor the friendships you have, not to spend $$; you've got pretty loose attire guidelines, etc.  The one thing you may need to flexible about is the rehearsal & rehearsal dinner, as people may have begun to make travel arrangements without factoring that it, but since attendance there is never required, you should be good to go. 
  
  If your FI is super worried about the potential GM dress, would you be willing to make the requirements a little more liberal, for example, saying navy pants, white shirt, tie, instead of vest?  I see the vest as potentially the biggest obstacle for the GM, depending on what they already have in their wardrobe and whether or not a vest would be a wear again piece.
  
  I also think your BM dress guidelines offer a lot of flexibility.  Do be aware that there have been cases where a bride, trying to be flexible, has stymied her party with such open guidelines.  Not to say you should be less flexible, but that you might need to really reassure people that you mean any dress in which they are comfortable in burnt orange/cranberry/pumpkin, etc.  Or maybe consider adding a standard color, such as navy blue, to the mix in case the "fall" color is problematic for some.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• ernursej member

  

  May 2016

  With only having 22 guests, I would stick with your original idea of no bridal party. If you are changing your mind, I think you've got a good idea to keep things simple with required attire. I would agree with @JaxInBlue that nixing the vests would make it simpler for the men. Matchy-matchy is a trend that is starting to die. I also agree that offering up something of a standard colour to your fall colours might make it easier for the ladies.

  Any bridal party members need to be properly thanked with an individualized gift and I would nix the rehearsal (and therefore RD) for a wedding this small.

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• JediElizabeth member

  

  May 2016

  PaperTigersx said:

  my wedding is in October. We've been planning since about February. It's a small wedding (22 guests) and initially I wanted a MOH and FI wanted a BM. 
  I ended up deciding not to have a wedding party because I did not want to have to decide between my childhood best friend and my best friend I met within the last 6 years. Recently the thought popped into my head that I probably could have not made anyone a MOH but just had two or three bridesmaids and arrange us in height order as to not hurt anyone's feelings. Now I'm really wanting to have my friends involved, but is it too late? 
  The only thing I would ask is they wear a fall colored dress and that if they don't own one and can't afford one, it honestly doesn't matter. 
  
  As fAr as groomsmen,(there would be 3) do they have to match FI? (Grey vest, navy blue pants, white shirt) he's concerned it's too late for them to purchase attire. I figured it would be okay just to get something of those colors - the greys don't have to match (although my mom insisted my dads outfit matches FIs exactly) 
  
  i dont really know what is expected of bridesmaids and groomsmen but I wouldn't be asking them to pay for anything. Just show up, preferably not naked. Haha 
  
  any thoughts? 
  Thanks !

  Ok, you are super down to earth, and 100% on the right track. Ask them! Chances are, they already have what you're asking for, and if they don't, they have 5-6 months to get it. That's more than enough time. Given that you're not expecting them to order dresses or anything, 2-3 months would be enough time. 
  
  Since all the guys may not have a grey suit, you may want to ask them to wear grey or black. Most adult men have at least one of those. 
  
  
  

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  May 2016

  JaxInBlue said:

  Since you haven't asked anyone, I don't think its too late to start now.  The advice given is typically to asked your BP 6-9 months out, so while you're definitely on the 6 month end of that, I don't think that would be a bad thing.  Especially because it sounds like you have a good grasp on how the whole attendant thing should work, i.e.: they're standing up with you to honor the friendships you have, not to spend $$; you've got pretty loose attire guidelines, etc.  The one thing you may need to flexible about is the rehearsal & rehearsal dinner, as people may have begun to make travel arrangements without factoring that it, but since attendance there is never required, you should be good to go. 
  
  If your FI is super worried about the potential GM dress, would you be willing to make the requirements a little more liberal, for example, saying navy pants, white shirt, tie, instead of vest?  I see the vest as potentially the biggest obstacle for the GM, depending on what they already have in their wardrobe and whether or not a vest would be a wear again piece.
  
  I also think your BM dress guidelines offer a lot of flexibility.  Do be aware that there have been cases where a bride, trying to be flexible, has stymied her party with such open guidelines.  Not to say you should be less flexible, but that you might need to really reassure people that you mean any dress in which they are comfortable in burnt orange/cranberry/pumpkin, etc.  Or maybe consider adding a standard color, such as navy blue, to the mix in case the "fall" color is problematic for some.

  Would that mean FI couldn't wear a vest? 
  It wouldnt bother me if people don't match. I feel like matching is just to make pictures look more uniformed, which is not something I super care about. I don't know if guests would find it odd for them not to match though. (At the very least, the boutonnieres would match.) 
  
  if the bridesmaids asked for a certain color, I would probably say cranberry. Although I think it would be cute if there were different colors. 
  

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• ernursej member

  

  May 2016

  Your FI can wear anything he would like, including a vest. I love it when the groom stands out from his wedding party members.

  If your guests have concerns about the wedding party matching, they need to have their head examined! Do what you would like and it will be fine. By being okay with not having matching attire, you are rising above so many brides and you are reducing your stress.

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  May 2016

  ernursej said:

  Your FI can wear anything he would like, including a vest. I love it when the groom stands out from his wedding party members.

  If your guests have concerns about the wedding party matching, they need to have their head examined! Do what you would like and it will be fine. By being okay with not having matching attire, you are rising above so many brides and you are reducing your stress.

  Thanks! Honestly, before coming on this website, I thought everyone had to match perfectly and I was the crazy one for never caring about that. I've never been in a wedding, but always find when brides dictate exact outfits, no one ends up looking very flattering :x 
  
  wedding planning has been stressful at times only because everyone else around me (okay, maybe just my mom haha) is trying to make things so precise. I just wanna get married and be with my nearest and dearest 

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• ernursej member

  

  May 2016

  Unfortunately, the wedding industry has led to a lot of "must haves". Besides someone to officiate, the couple and potentially witnesses, everything else is extra.

  I find that parents mean well, but they are often stuck in what was normal back when they got married. They also had the experience of it was the Mother's day and so decisions were often made by or influenced by the Mother of the Bride. It is completely acceptable to do what you want. As long as you take care of any guests you invite, you can have the day you want.

  I have learned that my favourite word is no. It is very powerful.

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• climbingsingle member

  

  May 2016

  I don't think it's too late. Ask them. And yes, let them wear whatever they want! Their attire doesn't have to match, and the amount of people don't have to match either! You can have 3 people, and your FI can have 2. You just choose who you want to stand up. That's it. Super simple. 

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• SP29 member

  

  May 2016

  Agree with the above.
  
  Still OK to ask, as you are asking them all at the same time.
  
  Don't worry about even sides. You could have two MOHs or two BMs. Same for the groom's side. You don't need to distinguish.
  
  No one has to match- NO ONE- there are no rules on this. I would give them a colour or two and a style. Such as navy or grey suit, or navy/grey dress pants with white shirt, for the guys. For the women, tell them the colours you are using in your flowers, such as red, green, brown, purple, etc- fall colours is really a big range, and I think most colours fit in with fall, it's more the shade that makes it work or not. Or, give them a specific neutral, such as navy cocktail dress.
  
  I find it a bit weird that *your* dad has to match FI, exactly. Personally, I'd give my mom push back on this if it were me ("Mom, our wedding colours are X,Y,Z. Let dad wear what he likes and feels most comfortable in"). I have commonly seen that family members will choose to match the wedding colours, but not the full attire exactly. For example, our colours were navy, plum and lavender. DH wore a 3 piece navy suit, white shirt with lavender striped tie. My dad wore a 2 piece black suit he already owned with a plum tie he already owned. I also think if the bride is only person who is allowed to wear a white wedding dress, then the groom should be allowed to wear whatever he wants and stand out a bit too. Not saying that because the groom decides to wear a black suit that no one else can, I just find it odd other people are making decisions that certain guests *must* wear the same thing as the groom.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2016

  To make things easy & to maybe make things easier, see if each of the girls you want to ask has a black dress they could wear, you can add the fall colors with their flowers. For the men, ask them if they all own navy blue pants & just have them skip the vest, FI having a vest will make him stand out as the groom. Then you can bring in the fall color with their ties. This would be the compliment to the girls flowers. If they don't all have navy blue pants, ask if they all own black & if so, maybe have FI change his pants to black. Gray vest would still work with black pants.

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  May 2016

  SP29 said:

  Agree with the above.
  
  Still OK to ask, as you are asking them all at the same time.
  
  Don't worry about even sides. You could have two MOHs or two BMs. Same for the groom's side. You don't need to distinguish.
  
  No one has to match- NO ONE- there are no rules on this. I would give them a colour or two and a style. Such as navy or grey suit, or navy/grey dress pants with white shirt, for the guys. For the women, tell them the colours you are using in your flowers, such as red, green, brown, purple, etc- fall colours is really a big range, and I think most colours fit in with fall, it's more the shade that makes it work or not. Or, give them a specific neutral, such as navy cocktail dress.
  
  I find it a bit weird that *your* dad has to match FI, exactly. Personally, I'd give my mom push back on this if it were me ("Mom, our wedding colours are X,Y,Z. Let dad wear what he likes and feels most comfortable in"). I have commonly seen that family members will choose to match the wedding colours, but not the full attire exactly. For example, our colours were navy, plum and lavender. DH wore a 3 piece navy suit, white shirt with lavender striped tie. My dad wore a 2 piece black suit he already owned with a plum tie he already owned. I also think if the bride is only person who is allowed to wear a white wedding dress, then the groom should be allowed to wear whatever he wants and stand out a bit too. Not saying that because the groom decides to wear a black suit that no one else can, I just find it odd other people are making decisions that certain guests *must* wear the same thing as the groom.
  

  I just gave into my mom and said fine, dad can match, because she kept asking me to pick out his outfit. In any case, what my mom got my dad looks nice. He's wearing a tie instead of a Bow tie (FI is wearing a bow tie) and the patterns don't match. But the vest and pants do. 
  It doesn't bother me. I just wish my mom would have listened when I said I really don't care. Apparently at weddings she's been to, they always match. (I've never paid attention to FOB before at a wedding tbh)
  
  i will give the bridesmaids a color scheme fitting my bouquet then. 

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  May 2016

  
  

  Erikan73 said:

  To make things easy & to maybe make things easier, see if each of the girls you want to ask has a black dress they could wear, you can add the fall colors with their flowers. For the men, ask them if they all own navy blue pants & just have them skip the vest, FI having a vest will make him stand out as the groom. Then you can bring in the fall color with their ties. This would be the compliment to the girls flowers. If they don't all have navy blue pants, ask if they all own black & if so, maybe have FI change his pants to black. Gray vest would still work with black pants.

  So they could just have a dress shirt? Or do they need jackets too. FI isn't wearing a jacket. His grandmother has been giving me flack about this (and I have read other negative opinions on this. But Just the vest looks so good)

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• flantastic member

  

  May 2016

  PaperTigersx said:

  
  

  Erikan73 said:

  To make things easy & to maybe make things easier, see if each of the girls you want to ask has a black dress they could wear, you can add the fall colors with their flowers. For the men, ask them if they all own navy blue pants & just have them skip the vest, FI having a vest will make him stand out as the groom. Then you can bring in the fall color with their ties. This would be the compliment to the girls flowers. If they don't all have navy blue pants, ask if they all own black & if so, maybe have FI change his pants to black. Gray vest would still work with black pants.

  So they could just have a dress shirt? Or do they need jackets too. FI isn't wearing a jacket. His grandmother has been giving me flack about this (and I have read other negative opinions on this. But Just the vest looks so good)

  They don't need anything. If you want them to coordinate some, you could request that, but it doesn't sound like you care. You're free to tell them, "eh, look nice."

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2016

  flantastic said:

  PaperTigersx said:

  
  

  Erikan73 said:

  To make things easy & to maybe make things easier, see if each of the girls you want to ask has a black dress they could wear, you can add the fall colors with their flowers. For the men, ask them if they all own navy blue pants & just have them skip the vest, FI having a vest will make him stand out as the groom. Then you can bring in the fall color with their ties. This would be the compliment to the girls flowers. If they don't all have navy blue pants, ask if they all own black & if so, maybe have FI change his pants to black. Gray vest would still work with black pants.

  So they could just have a dress shirt? Or do they need jackets too. FI isn't wearing a jacket. His grandmother has been giving me flack about this (and I have read other negative opinions on this. But Just the vest looks so good)

  They don't need anything. If you want them to coordinate some, you could request that, but it doesn't sound like you care. You're free to tell them, "eh, look nice."

  Guys, wear gray pants and a white shirt.  If you don't have gray pants, navy blue or black will do.  Just look nice.  There's only going to be three of you, so matching does not even come close to being important to me.
  
  Ladies, wear a non-patterned outfit; dress, skirt/shirt, suit, pants/blouse, doesn't matter.  I'd just prefer no huge flowers or stripes or something too busy.  Color doesn't matter, but "think fall" so brown/orange/burgundy are on the top of my list, but navy/evergreen/gray or pretty much anything else is fair game.  Just look nice.  There's only going to be two of you, so matching does not even come close to being important to me.

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• OurWildKingdom member

  

  May 2016

  We told our bridesmaids "something blue," and I told my dad, brother, and nephew that jackets and ties aren't necessary and my SIL that my niece can wear any seasonally appropriate dress. (She's going to be 6, so my guess is that she'll want to wear pink or purple.)

  

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  May 2016

  Thank you everyone! I'm going to be contacting my bridesmaids this week  

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• CMGragain member

  

  May 2016

  Some guys might have an issue with wearing a vest instead of a sports jacket, since vests should not be worn alone without a jacket.
  

  

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• ei34 member

  

  May 2016

  It's definitely not too late.  H and I were engaged for just over 5 months, which means our BP (3 on each side, like you ) had as much time as yours will.  Your laid back outlook is fantastic.  Happy planning!
  

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  May 2016

  Here's another question, 
  what do their s.o's do during us getting ready? 
  the wedding will be over an hour away from FIs best man. Should I have her get ready with us? And my bridesmaids have boyfriends as well. 

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• ernursej member

  

  May 2016

  If the SOs are from out of town, I think it is appropriate to extend an invitation to join in on the getting ready if you are making the wedding party members get ready together.

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• ernursej member

  

  May 2016

  CMGragain said:

  Some guys might have an issue with wearing a vest instead of a sports jacket, since vests should not be worn alone without a jacket.
  

  
  I think this is a newer style thing that is starting to become more popular. I see guys in my downtown wearing just a vest all the time.
  

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• Tyvm member

  

  May 2016

  No one has to match, and in fact, it can often look quite nice  
  
  I stole these from another TK thread somewhere about boutonnieres without suit jackets! Some nice examples of the mismatch stand-out groom look:
  
  
  
  

  larger_image.jpg 75.5K

  d4f3533dc9738a3c56a8807675b2bec1.jpg 87.4K

  bow-tie-600x399.jpg 79.2K

  bridesmaids_sparkly.jpg 215.7K

  bridal-party.jpg 118.3K

  ---

  k thnx bye

  

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• PaperTigersx member

  

  May 2016

  ernursej said:

  If the SOs are from out of town, I think it is appropriate to extend an invitation to join in on the getting ready if you are making the wedding party members get ready together.

  I'm thinking I'd like us all to so we can get most pictures out of the way. My photographer is only there a limited time. 

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• lnixon8 member

  

  May 2016

  PaperTigersx said:

  Here's another question, 
  what do their s.o's do during us getting ready? 
  the wedding will be over an hour away from FIs best man. Should I have her get ready with us? And my bridesmaids have boyfriends as well. 

  Depends on the relationship. Do the S.O.'s know each other? Close at all? DH would rather hang out in the hotel if he doesn't know the groom or grab a beer with the other boyfriends, but it never hurts to offer!

  
  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2016

  PaperTigersx said:

  
  

  Erikan73 said:

  To make things easy & to maybe make things easier, see if each of the girls you want to ask has a black dress they could wear, you can add the fall colors with their flowers. For the men, ask them if they all own navy blue pants & just have them skip the vest, FI having a vest will make him stand out as the groom. Then you can bring in the fall color with their ties. This would be the compliment to the girls flowers. If they don't all have navy blue pants, ask if they all own black & if so, maybe have FI change his pants to black. Gray vest would still work with black pants.

  So they could just have a dress shirt? Or do they need jackets too. FI isn't wearing a jacket. His grandmother has been giving me flack about this (and I have read other negative opinions on this. But Just the vest looks so good)

  
  Have just FI in a vest & do GM in same dress pants (either blue or black) with a white dress shirts and then you can buy them ties that have the colors that you want to be reflected. They can each have a different color tie, all the same tie in a solid color or get a multi colored tie in colors you like. Most men own a white dress shirt, and if they don't it's not a bad investment, they can go to Wal-Mart and pick up an inexpensive one.

  Another option would be bow ties in fall colors. Bowties are making a come back and it could make it look hip but yet a little more formal then just a tie. Someone I know did this for their beach wedding, Groom in pants & vest & the GM were in dress pants & white shirts, it looked great & kept things super affordable for the GM, which was nice since it was a destination wedding. They skipped the ties, but it was a beach wedding so it was more fitting for them not to have them.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2016

  PaperTigersx said:

  Here's another question, 
  what do their s.o's do during us getting ready? 
  the wedding will be over an hour away from FIs best man. Should I have her get ready with us? And my bridesmaids have boyfriends as well. 

  
  It's not required to extend an invitation to SO to get ready to with you, but it's a nice gesture if you want to do it.
  

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