Names after marriage - what did you do?

Greenjinjo · May 2016

I'm interested to see what everyone here has done /is going to do about their names once married.

At the moment I'm leaning towards keeping my name and FH has expressed he does not want to change his. I am also toying with the idea of adding his name as a second middle name or moving my maiden name to a middle name and taking his.

It would also be interesting to hear why people chose what they did plus any comments people have shared with them regarding their choice. I feel as though I'm going to be getting comments from people in the future about my choice (if I do choose to keep my name) and would like to mentally prepare.

kimmiinthemitten · May 2016

Greenjinjo said:

I'm interested to see what everyone here has done /is going to do about their names once married.

At the moment I'm leaning towards keeping my name and FH has expressed he does not want to change his. I am also toying with the idea of adding his name as a second middle name or moving my maiden name to a middle name and taking his.

It would also be interesting to hear why people chose what they did plus any comments people have shared with them regarding their choice. I feel as though I'm going to be getting comments from people in the future about my choice (if I do choose to keep my name) and would like to mentally prepare.

I'm hyphenating which for me was a big compromise. I have a few friends who are traditionalists who give me shit about it, but not in a disrespectful way. It's more of a half-tease half-chide for not holding my ground and for being a feminist.

Tell anyone who thinks they are entitled to a real opinion on your last name to go eff themselves.

cgss11 · May 2016

I changed my name. I never really thought twice about it, I just always assumed I would. I did think my new name would be easier for people to spell/pronounce, but that turned out to be not true...people can butcher any name lol.

tigerlily6 · May 2016

I have gone back and forth on the issue for a while, but I recently decided that I am going to make my maiden name my middle name and take FI's last name. Both our names are long, ethnic names, so I really dislike the idea of hyphenating -- it just seems too cumbersome. This way I get to keep my maiden name, though, which I do love very much, but also share a name with FI, too.

spockforprez · May 2016

Neither my husband nor I changed our names.

Casadena · May 2016

I took my husband's name because I didn't really think about when I applied for a marriage license. Looking back I REALLY wish I would have at least added his to mine, if not kept mine altogether.

OliveOilsMom · May 2016

I changed my last name to H's. I sometimes wished I moved my maiden to my middle, but overall I don't regret my decision.

OurWildKingdom · May 2016

We're going to switch last names. FW wants to hyphenate, but we'd end up with seven syllables (my last name has three, hers has four).

ETA: @cgss11, my last name is Irish and very easy to pronounce, but people still butcher it!

bohobrideCA · May 2016

We are going to both have two last names, keep our own and add each other's. FI is Hispanic so he already has two, he's switching out his maternal last name for mine and I'm adding his. Not sure which order yet!

We haven't told many people so not sure what kind of response we will get until everything is changed.

KeptInStitches · May 2016

I kept my name. I published papers before he proposed and did not want to change my name or use a separate name professionally, plus I read the book "A Summer to Die" by Lois Lowry when I was a kid which featured a woman who kept her name when she married. Put the idea in my head at a young age.

downtondiva · May 2016

I kept my name, which my husband fully supported. I'm having a little trouble getting it through to some people that my name is still the same, but I'm willing to deal with it.

charlottesmom0626 · May 2016

Dropped mine for his...it was important to him and it didn't really matter to me. I had an Italian last name that's hard to spell and pronounce. In school teachers would just call my first name and hoped there was only one. At work, people would stumble on it. H has an easy last name for everyone to spell and pronounce.

That being said, my previous careers didn't "build" a history on my last name, but I've recently started my own business with my new last name. I think if I would have started the business earlier I may have kept my maiden name for brand consistency.

I also wanted our future kids/family to all have the same name, and we both had longish last names, so hyphenating wasn't a good option. I didn't see the point of moving my last name to my middle name, I liked my middle. I also just like the ease of being "Mr. and Mrs. S"

I think there's a lot of good reasons to change, and a lot of good reasons not to..if you're trying to decide for yourself it's truly a personal thing; don't let anyone tell you what's right or wrong for you

NavyBlue143 · May 2016

I kept mine, didn't add his. He was upset for like a minute and got over it, and it's never been an issue. I got some comments from family and friends before the wedding, and I get called Mrs. Hislast at like, the grocery store or when handling bills or something, but sometimes he gets Mr. Mylast as well. It's been commented on exactly twice since we got married, once by a rando on FB telling me to change my name already and once by my sexist douche FIL who used it as an example of how bad of a job H was doing at "Controlling his woman." So....yeah. Not a big deal at all. Even with two surgeries, handling accounts, getting loans, etc, it's never been an issue that our names aren't the same.

I'm Hispanic, so our children will be getting the Hispanic last name treatment, both of our names. If they don't like it, they can change it when they get older and my feelings won't be hurt, because it's their name.

londinium215 · May 2016

FH didn't want to change his name and made it very clear it's 100% up to me whether or not I change mine.

I decided to, in part because it just felt right to me. It's important to me that our kids have to same last name as both of us, and hyphenating is out (19 letters, 6 syllables, no thank you!). Since it's important to me and not important to him, it made sense that I be the one to change.

Funnily enough, his entire family is very surprised that I'm changing my name, all the way up to his super traditional grandparents!

photokitty · May 2016

I kept my name. Personally, I couldn't get past the idea that just bc I got married, the person I had been for what will probably be third of my life, ceased to exist. I still have no idea what we'll do when kids come along, but I'm glad I'm still me with my name.

cupcait927 · May 2016

I took my H's last name. It was so important to him and I didn't have strong opinions either way. I had always assumed I'd take his name anyway so that settled it. Like @OliveOilsMom, I sometimes wish I had moved my maiden name to my middle name but I don't regret not doing it.

missJeanLouise · May 2016

I plan on taking FH's name. It never occured to me not to. Even after I heard other options, I still want to.

lnixon8 · May 2016

Maiden is another middle name. I did it because of future children. No matter what you choose you will get rude comments. But after 2 people asked if my plain, thin, white gold wedding band was that way because we ran out of money/ went over budget on the wedding I think weddings/concepts of marriage bring out the rudeness in people.

charlottesmom0626 · May 2016

lnixon8 said:

Maiden is another middle name. I did it because of future children. No matter what you choose you will get rude comments. But after 2 people asked if my plain, thin, white gold wedding band was that way because we ran out of money/ went over budget on the wedding I think weddings/concepts of marriage bring out the rudeness in people.

what the fuck!? I hope you asked them if their attitude was because they ran out of poise and dignity.

InLoveInQueens · May 2016

I took my husband's name. I have a very unique first name, it's an uncommon spelling of an even more uncommon name. Paired with an ethnic and mildly hard to pronounce last name I was constantly spelling every part of my name whenever someone else had to take it down. I weighed the pros and cons and ultimately decided that my husband's last name was easier to spell and pronounce (though it's a name that could have 2 spellings, once you see it you can pronounce it and once it's spelled for you once it's hard to mess up) and it worked alright with my first name. I like having the same name and he vetoed the amalgamation of our last names (I would have loved to both pick a new name together but our state only allows the party[ies] to change their names to one name either party has had or a mashup of both names, no new names without petitioning the Court and :effort:). I still call us the "MeHims" sometimes because out names together sound hilarious, but taking his name was the right choice for me.

badbnagdway · May 2016

I intended to change my last name but it's been a year and I still haven't. I've never been particularly attached to my last name and the name change would be an "upgrade" in the alphabet which would be cool. Plus, people probably would find it slightly easier to spell. But, even given all that, I just haven't been motivated to change it. If we have kids I think I would feel more motivated to get it done - makes it easier to deal with doctors, schools, etc if you all have the same name. Plus we'd probably go on the same health insurance if we had a third member of the family, which, right now is actually cost prohibitive to do.

SP29 · May 2016

Took his name. I like the idea of it, of being "The Smiths" (for example). But I also 100% "get" people who don't want to change their name.

I was going to move my maiden name to a middle name, but then I thought it seemed more of a hassle. A married name is an assumed name change, not a legal name change, so it seemed like moving my maiden name to a second middle name wouldn't affect anything- not like I'd be writing out my full name on much of anything.

I still have my birth certificate with my maiden name on it- that will always remain. I do still sign legal documents at work with my maiden last name (I kept it for my profession), but no one really sees it, and otherwise at work I use my married last name for HR type things, like insurance, because it matches my health card and bank info.

lembaslover · May 2016

I always thought I'd keep my last name until DH. He said he was fine with it either way but I wanted to change it to his and he was really happy I did and so am I. I feel like it'll be easier if we have kids too.

I totally understand the reason for keep your maiden name though as I felt that way before DH. I have some friends who are going to mush together their names and make a new one that they both take. I think that's a great idea but DH wasn't into it and honestly I like his (and now my) last name.

ILoveBeachMusic · May 2016

Can I be really dumb here? I don't understand the argument of it being a hassle to change a name. All I had to do was send in birth certificate and marriage license to social security administration. My DD only did that too. There was no going to court or anything like that. Just wondering if I'm missing something? This isn't to mean I'm against not changing your name, I just don't understand that particular reason.

princessleia22 · May 2016

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Can I be really dumb here? I don't understand the argument of it being a hassle to change a name. All I had to do was send in birth certificate and marriage license to social security administration. My DD only did that too. There was no going to court or anything like that. Just wondering if I'm missing something? This isn't to mean I'm against not changing your name, I just don't understand that particular reason.

I think it's more of the hassle of changing it on everything else. Making the legal name change was easy. It was changing it on all my bills, changing my professional licensing, changing with all my work contacts that have known me as maiden name for several years, e-mail addresses... those were the things that were a hassle.

princessleia22 · May 2016

I personally didn't really have a preference either way. But, DH felt very strongly about me taking his name and my dad is also the traditional type that thought I should take DH's name. So, I took his name, since it meant more to them than it did to me. The biggest drawback has been changing it at work. I was 35 years old when I got married and had professional licenses and a career established with my maiden name, so that part has been a pain. My business partner thinks I should have kept my maiden name, but DH's opinion weighs heavier than his, so whatever.

emmaaa · May 2016

@ILoveBeachMusic The process for changing your name varies state to state and I'm sure in other countries.

In NC, I had to go to the Social Security office (which meant leaving work 2 hours early) with a copy of my current SSC, DL, and marriage license. Then, you have to wait a full 24 hours before you can go to the DMV to change your DL so that another day that you have to leave work.

Then changing your name for bills and at the bank and whatnot takes time and you generally have to wait until your new SSC and DL come in (10 - 14 business days).

I mean I wouldn't say it was the worse thing ever but it is just a little bit of a hassle. With that being said, it was worth it to me because I wanted to take DH's name.

ILoveBeachMusic · May 2016

Thanks for the explanations gals!

madamerwin · May 2016

I dropped my old middle name, kept my maiden name as my middle name, and took H's last name. I did not want to completely drop my maiden name, since it is important to me - as my dad only has daughters and sisters, it is dying out in our branch of the family. Also, I was never a fan of my birth middle name, so I was happy to get rid of it. It was equally important to both me and H that we have the same last name, and we are pretty traditional so I took his name.

kvruns · May 2016

princessleia22 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Can I be really dumb here? I don't understand the argument of it being a hassle to change a name. All I had to do was send in birth certificate and marriage license to social security administration. My DD only did that too. There was no going to court or anything like that. Just wondering if I'm missing something? This isn't to mean I'm against not changing your name, I just don't understand that particular reason.

I think it's more of the hassle of changing it on everything else. Making the legal name change was easy. It was changing it on all my bills, changing my professional licensing, changing with all my work contacts that have known me as maiden name for several years, e-mail addresses... those were the things that were a hassle.

A hassle, exactly. although I'm not changing my personal email, I've had it since college and have too many things tied to it. I think it throws people off since my email is FirstName_MaidenName but that's really just if I have to give my email to sign up for something.

Not to mention new passport and license cost $$, new checks at my bank cost $$

charlotte989875 · May 2016

This is such a personal choice and there are so many options you have. I moved my maiden to a second middle name and took his. However, I go by my maiden name professionally because I have published papers and built a career under that name.

H honestly didn't care, he just didn't want to hyphenate. I liked the idea of us having one name and didn't have any other attachments to my maiden name besides professional ones.

Names after marriage - what did you do?

Names after marriage - what did you do? 94 votes

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