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Ceremony-Reception Time Gaps

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Re: Ceremony-Reception Time Gaps

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    lnixon8lnixon8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I may have missed if you said you're having a full mass but if you aren't  your ceremony may be shorter than you think. (Our ceremony started at 3. Our priest was replaced a week before the wedding and no one told us until we met the new guy at 2:50 and we were already in our car driving to the reception at 3:30)"Freshening up" is stupid but even if someone does care to do that there's no guarantee their rooms will be ready before 3. So everyone will be playing cards in the hotel lobby? Church rectory?

    You aren't taking people's advice about etiquette so how about this (which is going to negatively affect YOU): 

    People are going to be hammered. I have seen it many times, including the groom that pulling the garter off my friend, looked at his buddies and screamed "WHOOO-EEE!" while waving his hand in front of his nose like she stunk. People will hit up a bar because they're bored but won't order food because they know they're about get free food at your reception.


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    I hope all of your guests are able to check into the hotel so they can suffer this 3 hour gap at least comfortably. 

    Also, no one on this planet needs 3 hours to "freshen up" after a wedding ceremony. Were they running laps around the church? Lifting weights? And who wants to play cards for 3 hours?! The least you could do would be to put out some refreshments at the hotel since you seem so set on doing this. 

    What you're doing is rude. Your loved ones will not tell you this to your face. Why you'd want to treat your loved ones like this is beyond me. I've had to deal with gaps like this for weddings before, and it's annoying and a huge pain in the ass. 
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    I hope all of your guests are able to check into the hotel so they can suffer this 3 hour gap at least comfortably. 

    Also, no one on this planet needs 3 hours to "freshen up" after a wedding ceremony. Were they running laps around the church? Lifting weights? And who wants to play cards for 3 hours?! The least you could do would be to put out some refreshments at the hotel since you seem so set on doing this. 

    What you're doing is rude. Your loved ones will not tell you this to your face. Why you'd want to treat your loved ones like this is beyond me. I've had to deal with gaps like this for weddings before, and it's annoying and a huge pain in the ass. 
    That's what I find the most ridiculous part of every "but it's my day and if I want to have a 3 hour gap people will just have to freaking deal with it!" post is they always use the same stupid line "they'll have time to freshen up". From what?!? I've literally never left a wedding ceremony and thought "You know what I could use right now? 3 hours to "freshen up"." I didn't just go to the gym, I sat and sometimes stood and watched you get married, that doesn't require ~freshening up~. Plus, I'm in my nice clothes, I'm made up, all I'll be able to do is sit and twiddle my thumbs for the entirety. And if I can avoid it I'm not staying overnight anywhere, so I get to sit in a random lobby for 3 hours? Thanks for your consideration, that sure makes me feel appreciated.

    I'm both too polite and too scared of having someone react like OP is reacting if I were to tell them just how rude they're being and just how much shit their guests are going to talk behind their backs about a gap like that. It's absolutely possible to have a 2pm ceremony and evening reception without a gap, like PPs have shared, but that means making compromises and how could we possibly ask someone that's such a speshul snowflake like OP to compromise a single iota of her perfect wedding vision for her guests comfort?!?
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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Posters gave you the best advice- there is nothing "cute and fun" to put into your Welcome Bag to help guests "kill time"- because your guests shouldn't be killing time at your wedding. The end.

    Your wedding is from the time your ceremony starts until your reception ends. You should be hosting your guests the entire time.

    You don't invite people over to your house for a birthday celebration, sing happy birthday and cut some cake, then tell them all to leave for 2 hours and then come back for dinner. People do not do this for any other event, so why is it OK for a wedding?

    If you refuse to adjust your reception timeline, then you should be hosting your guests for that 3 hour gap, essentially turning it into a 3 hour cocktail hour, then start dinner right at 6pm. Rent out a large room at the hotel, provide beverages and a light lunch. Guests are free to do what they wish, but they should have somewhere to go that has something to drink and something to eat that is covered by yourself and the groom. Guests shouldn't be expected to amuse themselves on their own dime during YOUR wedding.
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    I hope all of your guests are able to check into the hotel so they can suffer this 3 hour gap at least comfortably. 

    Also, no one on this planet needs 3 hours to "freshen up" after a wedding ceremony. Were they running laps around the church? Lifting weights? And who wants to play cards for 3 hours?! The least you could do would be to put out some refreshments at the hotel since you seem so set on doing this. 

    What you're doing is rude. Your loved ones will not tell you this to your face. Why you'd want to treat your loved ones like this is beyond me. I've had to deal with gaps like this for weddings before, and it's annoying and a huge pain in the ass. 
    That's what I find the most ridiculous part of every "but it's my day and if I want to have a 3 hour gap people will just have to freaking deal with it!" post is they always use the same stupid line "they'll have time to freshen up". From what?!? I've literally never left a wedding ceremony and thought "You know what I could use right now? 3 hours to "freshen up"." I didn't just go to the gym, I sat and sometimes stood and watched you get married, that doesn't require ~freshening up~. Plus, I'm in my nice clothes, I'm made up, all I'll be able to do is sit and twiddle my thumbs for the entirety. And if I can avoid it I'm not staying overnight anywhere, so I get to sit in a random lobby for 3 hours? Thanks for your consideration, that sure makes me feel appreciated.

    I'm both too polite and too scared of having someone react like OP is reacting if I were to tell them just how rude they're being and just how much shit their guests are going to talk behind their backs about a gap like that. It's absolutely possible to have a 2pm ceremony and evening reception without a gap, like PPs have shared, but that means making compromises and how could we possibly ask someone that's such a speshul snowflake like OP to compromise a single iota of her perfect wedding vision for her guests comfort?!?
    Yes, because that's what most weddings are missing: the hospital waiting room experience!

    To our guests: Please enjoy this three-hour interlude of sitting in a chair playing on your phone and dozing off occasionally. We will be with you after we have finished our photoshoot.

    I think it's partially Pinterest's fault. Taking group photos and simple couples photos' isn't enough now. You have to have props, and unique poses, and multiple locations. That's why it takes 3 hours for photos now.
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    banana468 said:
    I don't get the evening reception thing. Why does it have to be dark out to get drunk and dance? Especially since most dance floors are inside or at least covered. What is it that makes some one want an evening reception? Get married in November, it will be dark by 4:30. 
    I agree with you.

    BUT, in my circle, when you have the AM wedding with the afternoon reception that includes a lot of dancing, the party isn't over when the reception is over.   All the afternoon weddings in our families also have after-parties.   And we knew that with the OOT families it would be expected to either have an evening reception OR the after party.  And having the after party meant someone in the family opening up their home for all the relatives.

    Before you say, "But you don't HAVE to do it," and "Guests shouldn't force this onto the hosts," of course you're right.   But that doesn't change the family expectation that the wedding is this big all day event and when the family is all in town, they want to stay together and keep talking, and drinking and at least listening to music even if the dancing part is over.

    The last thing I wanted for our parents was for the sets to feel like this was something they had to do when they witnessed it before.   I knew that they'd be exhausted after the big day.   

    So that's why we went with the 2 PM Mass (the latest the church offered), and the 4 PM reception (long-winded priest made the Mass well over an hour, receiving line added time and so did the drive) and the reception went until 10.   Those that wanted to leave early did.   Those that wanted to party until 10 did.   Those that wanted to continue met us in the hotel at the bar.  Those who had 12 Heinekens like the FOB went home and crashed.    Everyone had a great time, everyone was hosted the entire time and no homes were also hosting reception part deux. 


    That makes sense and I am glad you were able to pull both off. I have never been to a wedding that was over when the venue closed. There is always an afterparty somewhere, though generally a much smaller group of those I was close to/ hanging out with just going to a bar. Not an official event hosted at someone's house. But I don't come from a large family and most of the weddings I have been to have been for friends so maybe there was a family party somewhere I just didn't know about? 

    Given the option as a guest though, I would rather not have a gap than stay out later. I mean there is always the option of going out afterwards if I want to, even if it is not hosted; but if I am going to be sitting around with nothing to do, I want to do it in my yoga pants.
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    banana468 said:
    I don't get the evening reception thing. Why does it have to be dark out to get drunk and dance? Especially since most dance floors are inside or at least covered. What is it that makes some one want an evening reception? Get married in November, it will be dark by 4:30. 
    I agree with you.

    BUT, in my circle, when you have the AM wedding with the afternoon reception that includes a lot of dancing, the party isn't over when the reception is over.   All the afternoon weddings in our families also have after-parties.   And we knew that with the OOT families it would be expected to either have an evening reception OR the after party.  And having the after party meant someone in the family opening up their home for all the relatives.

    Before you say, "But you don't HAVE to do it," and "Guests shouldn't force this onto the hosts," of course you're right.   But that doesn't change the family expectation that the wedding is this big all day event and when the family is all in town, they want to stay together and keep talking, and drinking and at least listening to music even if the dancing part is over.

    The last thing I wanted for our parents was for the sets to feel like this was something they had to do when they witnessed it before.   I knew that they'd be exhausted after the big day.   

    So that's why we went with the 2 PM Mass (the latest the church offered), and the 4 PM reception (long-winded priest made the Mass well over an hour, receiving line added time and so did the drive) and the reception went until 10.   Those that wanted to leave early did.   Those that wanted to party until 10 did.   Those that wanted to continue met us in the hotel at the bar.  Those who had 12 Heinekens like the FOB went home and crashed.    Everyone had a great time, everyone was hosted the entire time and no homes were also hosting reception part deux. 


    That makes sense and I am glad you were able to pull both off. I have never been to a wedding that was over when the venue closed. There is always an afterparty somewhere, though generally a much smaller group of those I was close to/ hanging out with just going to a bar. Not an official event hosted at someone's house. But I don't come from a large family and most of the weddings I have been to have been for friends so maybe there was a family party somewhere I just didn't know about? 

    Given the option as a guest though, I would rather not have a gap than stay out later. I mean there is always the option of going out afterwards if I want to, even if it is not hosted; but if I am going to be sitting around with nothing to do, I want to do it in my yoga pants.
    Totally agree.

    And most after parties are far more casual.   I wen to a bar after my wedding and I was in my gown because when was I going to wear it again?   DH's rented tux stayed in a pile on the bed though.   

    Most after parties I have attended are catered events with things like trays of pasta, garlic breads, salads and sometimes they're tented just to make sure they can be outside even with a drizzle.    This is why I knew we didn't want one.   My parents needed to enjoy the event and not worry that they needed to GTFO early because they were going to have a house full of guests. 
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    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
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    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    I think it serves a few functions
    -gives a venue time to plate all the meals.   That's particularly relevant if they do two weddings a day.  
    -Guests don't all arrive at the same time.  
    -People mingle and get drinks first.

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    banana468 said:
    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    I think it serves a few functions
    -gives a venue time to plate all the meals.   That's particularly relevant if they do two weddings a day.  
    -Guests don't all arrive at the same time.  
    -People mingle and get drinks first.

    OK, that makes sense.
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    banana468 said:
    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    I think it serves a few functions
    -gives a venue time to plate all the meals.   That's particularly relevant if they do two weddings a day.  
    -Guests don't all arrive at the same time.  
    -People mingle and get drinks first.

    I may be wrong, but what I took @kvruns and @OurWildKingdom's comments to mean was that, if you have a gap already (the ceremony ends, guests are aimlessly left to their own devices for however long), that then having a "cocktail hour" when things do start up again doesn't seem to make sense. I agree. 

    We are having a cocktail hour directly after the ceremony while the wedding party finishes some photos, and it does allow the guests to settle in and the venue to get ready. But if I were a guest who had sat around for 2 hours and it was now 5pm, I would probably want to just cut to the chase and get the party started already. 
                        


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    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    Bc people who have gaps are the same people who close the bar during dinner to save money.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    TyvmTyvm member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    "Whenever I see a "I didn't ask for your advice/opinion" post, I think "deja vu."
    @Jen4948 I haven't even been here for a week, and I too get deja vu already! I'm guessing people just don't really read the boards here too much before doing their first post?

    Maybe OP didn't want to miss her cocktail hour (heck, even a cocktail hour and a half or two might be okay!), and she's a bit thoughtless? What's done is done, I suppose.


    k thnx bye

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    kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    banana468 said:
    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    I think it serves a few functions
    -gives a venue time to plate all the meals.   That's particularly relevant if they do two weddings a day.  
    -Guests don't all arrive at the same time.  
    -People mingle and get drinks first.


    Eh the venue time thing doesn't work for me, you already have a gap just start it at dinner time, the venue would still be set up for 6pm or whatever time you had planned the reception to start.

    Guests arriving at different times/mingling I do see that part. I'm going to a wedding in a little over a month where there is a private ceremony sometime earlier that week and just a "reception" that Saturday (although it's going to have all of the wedding stuff like dress, cake, dances.......). I think the invite said something like dinner will start promptly at 7 or whatever but I did wonder about those who are always late and if they'll walk in dinner 15 min late or whatever.

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    lnixon8lnixon8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    Bc people who have gaps are the same people who close the bar during dinner to save money.
    A lot of venues (at least in Maryland) require closing the bar during dinner. It has to do with liquor licenses- this is still a state where it's difficult if not impossible to find a liquor store that sell hard liqour or is even open on Sundays.

    I would never equate a closing a bar during dinner to a gap.


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    lnixon8 said:
    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    Bc people who have gaps are the same people who close the bar during dinner to save money.
    A lot of venues (at least in Maryland) require closing the bar during dinner. It has to do with liquor licenses- this is still a state where it's difficult if not impossible to find a liquor store that sell hard liqour or is even open on Sundays.

    I would never equate a closing a bar during dinner to a gap.
    I totally agree with you, @lnixon8. As much as I enjoy a wine during my meal, I would not side eye closing a bar during dinner. As long as the bar reopens afterwards, I'm good. 

    And I hadn't thought about how the liquor license might affect that, but that's a great point. I'm in Indiana which is fairly tight in restrictions also. It's illegal for stores to sell alcohol of any kind (even wine or beer) on a Sunday; you have to go to a brewery or winery, or can be served at a bar/restaurant. I will have to check with our vendor about if there are any sort of limitations for the bar during our reception. Thanks for putting that on my radar as a question to ask!
                        


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    kvruns said:
    banana468 said:
    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    I think it serves a few functions
    -gives a venue time to plate all the meals.   That's particularly relevant if they do two weddings a day.  
    -Guests don't all arrive at the same time.  
    -People mingle and get drinks first.


    Eh the venue time thing doesn't work for me, you already have a gap just start it at dinner time, the venue would still be set up for 6pm or whatever time you had planned the reception to start.

    Guests arriving at different times/mingling I do see that part. I'm going to a wedding in a little over a month where there is a private ceremony sometime earlier that week and just a "reception" that Saturday (although it's going to have all of the wedding stuff like dress, cake, dances.......). I think the invite said something like dinner will start promptly at 7 or whatever but I did wonder about those who are always late and if they'll walk in dinner 15 min late or whatever.

    Right about the venue time.   My point is that I wonder (and I'm not in food service so someone else will have to chime in) if part of the reason for cocktail hour is plating meals.   In my area one of the "reasons" specified for the gap is that the venue does two events a day.   I wonder if part of the reason for the cocktail hour is that they need that hour ish before the food is served to prepare and plate it.   

    As a guest, when I do show up I generally like the cocktail hour but if there was a long gap I want to eat something (like shrimp cocktail) and then I also want to mingle.   Dinner signifies that there's no mingling and the seated portion has begun.


     
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    lnixon8 said:
    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    Bc people who have gaps are the same people who close the bar during dinner to save money.
    A lot of venues (at least in Maryland) require closing the bar during dinner. It has to do with liquor licenses- this is still a state where it's difficult if not impossible to find a liquor store that sell hard liqour or is even open on Sundays.

    I would never equate a closing a bar during dinner to a gap.
    My venue required closing the bar during dinner if we had a plated dinner (stations or buffet it could remain open) due to ensuring everyone was served and had time to eat within the hour the guarantee for dinner. Since we had roughly 200 guests they said we couldn't keep it open because people would be in the servers way, things would get delayed and off schedule. We could have wine (or whatever we wanted) on the table, which we could buy from them or bring in.

    I hated closing the bar during dinner, it's one of those things that just bugs me, but I didn't have a choice if I wanted a seated dinner.
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    lnixon8 said:
    kvruns said:
    Am I the only one who doesn't understand having a cocktail hour whe you're already having a Giant gap? Why make me wait yet another hour?
    Now that you mention it . . .
    Bc people who have gaps are the same people who close the bar during dinner to save money.
    A lot of venues (at least in Maryland) require closing the bar during dinner. It has to do with liquor licenses- this is still a state where it's difficult if not impossible to find a liquor store that sell hard liqour or is even open on Sundays.

    I would never equate a closing a bar during dinner to a gap.
    Yeah I see no major problem with closing the bar during dinner, especially if there's wine service during dinner or wine on the tables. Usually that's the time when first dances, toasts, etc. are going on so it's not a time to be getting up out of your seat anyway. I always just get a drink towards the end of cocktail hour to take to my table. 
    --

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    I totally agree with you, @lnixon8. As much as I enjoy a wine during my meal, I would not side eye closing a bar during dinner. As long as the bar reopens afterwards, I'm good. 

    And I hadn't thought about how the liquor license might affect that, but that's a great point. I'm in Indiana which is fairly tight in restrictions also. It's illegal for stores to sell alcohol of any kind (even wine or beer) on a Sunday; you have to go to a brewery or winery, or can be served at a bar/restaurant. I will have to check with our vendor about if there are any sort of limitations for the bar during our reception. Thanks for putting that on my radar as a question to ask!
    I guess I should stop complaining about Oregon liquor laws! At least we can buy beer and wine in grocery stores until 2am, and while it's difficult to find a liquor store that's open on Sunday, it's not impossible... You just can't expect to find any liquor stores open after 6pm, at the latest.
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    kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2016
     

    And I hadn't thought about how the liquor license might affect that, but that's a great point. I'm in Indiana which is fairly tight in restrictions also. It's illegal for stores to sell alcohol of any kind (even wine or beer) on a Sunday; you have to go to a brewery or winery, or can be served at a bar/restaurant. I will have to check with our vendor about if there are any sort of limitations for the bar during our reception. Thanks for putting that on my radar as a question to ask!
    Yeah us! haha. H was just complaining about the Sunday thing the other day and it is like dude we've both lived here our whole lives it is just something you get used to. Although he grew up along the OH border so in theory someone could just go over there
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    tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2016
    kvruns said:
     

    And I hadn't thought about how the liquor license might affect that, but that's a great point. I'm in Indiana which is fairly tight in restrictions also. It's illegal for stores to sell alcohol of any kind (even wine or beer) on a Sunday; you have to go to a brewery or winery, or can be served at a bar/restaurant. I will have to check with our vendor about if there are any sort of limitations for the bar during our reception. Thanks for putting that on my radar as a question to ask!
    Yeah us! haha. H was just complaining about the Sunday thing the other day and it is like dude we've both lived here our whole lives it is just something you get used to. Although he grew up along the OH border so in theory someone could just go over there
    I attended undergrad in OH and it was hard to switch over to IN. It's been 6 years now though, so I've adjusted pretty well, and know to shop on Saturdays. But definitely invested in some growlers and learned about the nearest breweries. 
                        


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