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Wedding Etiquette Forum
kahluakoala
member
Etiquette rules that aren't my preference
So I have to say, I understand the rules of etiquette are such to offend as few people as possible and treat your guest with respect, but a few of them really aren't my preference as a guest. I won't be breaking these myself (not having a religious wedding therefore no reasoning behind a gap and having a full open bar) but my preference is:
1.) I'd rather have a 2 hour gap than be forced to eat dinner at 4:30. Honestly, eating that early will make me feel kind of ill, if I live more than 30 minutes away from the venue (i.e. more than taxi distance) I'll have booked a hotel, and I would prefer to watch tv in my room for an hour or so before the reception. Sorry, reading these boards I guess I'm the only one, but that's what I prefer. Maybe that will change if my budget changes or I have kids or whatever, but those are my feelings right now.
2.) I'd rather have a cash bar than a dry wedding. I get that it's rude and I see why, but I'd rather be able to buy a glass of wine than not have one, especially if there's dancing. Again, I get it, but this is my preference.
Does anyone else have any personal preferences that go against etiquette rules?
1.) I'd rather have a 2 hour gap than be forced to eat dinner at 4:30. Honestly, eating that early will make me feel kind of ill, if I live more than 30 minutes away from the venue (i.e. more than taxi distance) I'll have booked a hotel, and I would prefer to watch tv in my room for an hour or so before the reception. Sorry, reading these boards I guess I'm the only one, but that's what I prefer. Maybe that will change if my budget changes or I have kids or whatever, but those are my feelings right now.
2.) I'd rather have a cash bar than a dry wedding. I get that it's rude and I see why, but I'd rather be able to buy a glass of wine than not have one, especially if there's dancing. Again, I get it, but this is my preference.
Does anyone else have any personal preferences that go against etiquette rules?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Etiquette rules that aren't my preference
I also don't mind if the booze stops during dinner as a cost-saving measure. Weddings are expensive, and no one's going to die without booze while they eat. I wouldn't do any of these things at my own event, but as a guest, I just don't care enough about this part of etiquette.
Also, I'm totally cool with skipping the gift-opening portion of a Bridal Shower.
Invitation wording that includes "Dinner and dancing to follow," does not bother me. It's nice to know what's happening afterwards, so I'm not surprised when there's just appetizers! This is, however, a piece of etiquette that I might break for my own wedding.
Completely agree with this one too! Nobody seems to enjoy it. My "shower" is going to be a bridal brunch. My cousins have all had one of these (or a tea or luncheon). It'll be at a restaurant (which people here also seem to think is extravagant, but my mom is hosting and our house isn't really large enough to comfortable hold more than 12 or so guests). Nobody has to, but for all my cousins the family (at least) brings gifts or gift cards / money gifts but since it's not a shower and maybe not everyone brings a gift (who knows!) we don't have to do the whole opening thing. I've really enjoyed these events in the past - it's a great time to spend time with my female cousins and aunts. I'm looking forward to it because it's not about the gifts at all, though I will likely get a few.
Also don't care about a simple dress code on the invitation. "Cocktail attire requested" is good useful information.
I don't mind a tiered receptions. I know I am in the minority but unless you are my bff or my sibling I don't really care about your ceremony. Probably because I don't include a lot of people in my inner circle so I guess I don't expect to be in someone elses. It does not hurt my feelings for someone to say, "I am not as close to you as I am to Zach, Kelly, and Slater but I still want you to come to the party."
I agree about bridal showers. I don't care what you (general you) have or receive. The whole thing just rubs the anti-consumer in me the wrong way. Reduce, reuse, recycle; in that order.
Cash bars are wrong. I will either get drunk before I go, bring a flask, or leave early. I am not going to pay those outrageous hotel/venue prices just because you couldn't figure out how to host properly. I will take that drink ticket though, while I side eye the fuck out of you.
Just because individually we don't mind certain breaches of etiquette doesn't mean we should tout them as "oh, many people won't care anyway."
I also don't mind HoneyFund registries, which I know is a big no-no here. It's definitely frustrating that the websites take X percent, but I like giving to them and think it's a fun, unique way to help the couple have a great honeymoon. It's not the end of the world to me that a business is going to take 3 percent of my gift.
I don't mind attending a PPD, as long as the couple is upfront about it. Even if they do all the traditional stuff. I find it to be pointless when they do a reenactment, but if I'm properly hosted, I don't care as much.
I don't care if the envelope is not handwritten, I'm just gonna trash it anyways. I too would prefer if gifts were not opened at a shower, that's the worst part of any shower lol. I'm not sure about gaps. I live in NYC, so if the wedding is local, I can easily find something to do. IDK how I would feel if the wedding were in a different area, though. That's all that comes to mind right now.
That being said, there are plenty of things that people do in the name of etiquette that, while good for the masses, are not so important to the individual. More specifically, this individual. That's kind of what I gathered this thread being about. No one is saying to go against etiquette or that it doesn't matter, just saying what doesn't bother them personally.
I think showers as a thing just need to go away, but if someone's bringing a gift to a gift party, it definitely should be opened there. Otherwise don't have the stupid gift party.
While I have become a master at filling the gap time, and don't like to eat early, I would rather eat early and avoid the gap for the sake of those without a place to go or a TV to watch.
I personally can't imagine ever welcoming a gap just to not eat dinner at 4:30. I am always hungry for food.
It's also awkward for other guests. We recently attended a wedding where the hosts only provided a champagne toast. But a lot of people on the groom's side brought their own, very openly. I spent a good bit of time trying to figure out where I could get a beer before I figured it out. It was annoying since I had pumped and brought bottles for DD. So I "stole" the champagne that had been poured for the kids on the bride's side that they obviously weren't going to drink.
That's why at the very beginning of my post I indicated that I always will follow this rule of etiquette as a host. But I don't have to like it in the situations I described. And given that this thread is about etiquette we don't like and at times wish we didn't have to follow, I don't appreciate being called out on it.
I can't stand it when it's "open bar until xx p.m." because I think more people will drink a TON at the beginning of the night.
Around here it's often said that it's okay to have a small, intimate ceremony and a large reception, but I think that is horrible and not okay at all. A wedding is one event. Please don't invite me to only half of it.
I don't mind if the bride is involved in the planning of the Bachelorette or shower as long as they aren't essentially throwing the party for themselves. It is their party after all, and I do think it's appropriate to make sure they'll enjoy it.
IDGAF about "and guesting" a person who is in a serious relationship - especially if you aren't sure of your friend's/cousin's partner's name.
Not an etiquette issue, but I think 4 hours for a reception is way to short. Mine was 9 hours. How the hell do you cram that into 4? When do people get to dance?!
On another note, I'm going to piggyback on the whole "social unit" thing. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with the etiquette, but I do believe that children should be considered part of the social unit. It's a family...1...so yeah they should be considered part of that unit.
That being said, I have no problem with adult-only weddings...and children don't have to be invited and...yup units can be broken up.
So I'm going to be a dissenter and say that dry weddings are not necessarily rude.
I'm another one for envelopes don't have to be handwritten. Just choice a font that is clear and doesn't look childish. The post office I'm sure was very grateful that I didn't handwrite all my invitation envelopes out...lol
I agree - my SO needs to be invited, but I don't care if he's invited by name. I also take it to mean "you can bring a guest of your choice, if that's your SO, great, but if that's your sister / friend, that's fine too"
I agree - a dry wedding is not rude at all, just not my preference as a guest or host. With you and your FW in recovery, this is super appropriate for your crowd.