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How to avoid conflict with FSIL

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Re: How to avoid conflict with FSIL

  • Not to go off topic, but are ushers seriously not a thing? I envisioned it as a role where my brother could greet people and tell them to sit anywhere, nothing else. But I guess he could be a reader too.
    Knottie1452098987
  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    @Knottie54371746 I think there's a sliding scale on the belief of usherdom.

    In general, it's not really an honor to ask someone to work your wedding. This is why BMs aren't actually required to throw/host bridal showers or bachelorettes as part of their "duties". Oh man, or look up some threads on TK about "house party". Ushering is considered work, and therefore is not really a way to honor someone...but as stated, there's varying views on this.


    k thnx bye

    kimmiinthemitten
  • I agree with all the PPs talking about your FI sticking up for you.  If he has a good relationship with her otherwise then they should be able to have this talk.  And he should also be able to address any questions of her not being in the bridal party with his family.  (I really won't include her, honestly it's ripe to make things worse between the two of you). I hate to say it, but with him ignoring the situation and not doing anything to change her behavior, the only message she receives from this is that it's okay to continue to treat you poorly. 

    I get it.  My FSIL is not the most friendly.  After several pa "jokes" made at my expense early on, my FI, then boyfriend, shut it down hard.  We haven't had an issue since.  It's good to establish boundaries early. FSIL will be in our wedding, standing on her brother's side.  Maybe rethink your wedding party if it's really important for her to be included?
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I think this weekend is the perfect opportunity for your FI to say something to his sister.  I would encourage you to tell your FI to speak to FSIL about her behavior towards you.  And it should all come from him, "Sister, I have seen the way you treat Knottie#s.  I just need you to know it stops now.  You don't have to be best friends, but you do have to be cordial.  She is not going anywhere, so you better just get used to it."

    Also, even though other family has seen the way FSIL treats you.  FI should first speak to his sister privately.  The last thing to help with situation is for FI to say something in front of everyone and they gang up on her.  It could cause her to dig her heels in further in regards to you.

    OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I don't have any advice for you, OP, but I can sympathize. This thread has reminded me that I need to go to bat more for my FW. Most of my family adores her, but SIL and brother can be really cold sometimes. My Mom's been advising me that "that's just the way SIL is and we need to be the bigger people," but I'm really over it. 

    Hugs to you, OP.
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I don't have any advice for you, OP, but I can sympathize. This thread has reminded me that I need to go to bat more for my FW. Most of my family adores her, but SIL and brother can be really cold sometimes. My Mom's been advising me that "that's just the way SIL is and we need to be the bigger people," but I'm really over it. 

    Hugs to you, OP.
    O/T: My MIL tried to defend SIL's behavior by saying, "She's just very protective of her husband."

    ...okay? I married the brother. Logic is faulty. Please try again.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    OurWildKingdom
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Not to go off topic, but are ushers seriously not a thing? I envisioned it as a role where my brother could greet people and tell them to sit anywhere, nothing else. But I guess he could be a reader too.
    That's not a thing. If you need someone greeting people and telling the where to go, your venue staff should be doing it.

    If you ask your brother to be an usher as in he would escort your mothers and/or grandmothers to their seats at the beginning of the processional, it's perfectly fine. 
    OurWildKingdomkimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueenslc07
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