"Plan to stand, or get wet."

[Deleted User] · May 2016

AtomicBlonde said:

If you want pictures in the rain (which I didn't think were all that remarkable, TBH), fine. Take pictures in the rain. But do NOT drag me into it. I really hate the "it's our day so it's okay for us to treat our guests as props" mentality.

1st - Thank you so much for starting this discussion! TONS of traffic to my blog this weekend thanks to this post, and getting a link from TheKnot.com never hurts!

2nd - No guests were dragged or harmed in the making of my wedding. In fact, everyone had a certified blast. The ceremony was only 15 minutes (maybe even less, actually) and no one had a problem standing. And of course guests were welcome to wait indoors if they didn't want to go outside in rain, with an umbrella, for 15 minutes, to watch the two of their favorite people get married. So, there was that.

3rd - The camaraderie was actually quite legit and it's a shame you don't agree.

I was really nervous about my ceremony but the rain took all of that away. My wedding was already small-ish (75ppl) and a destination wedding (we live in Florida, married in North Carolina), so it wasn't a "show up, eat, drink, watch people get hitched, leave" type of wedding. We wanted to create a sense of community to surround us for an entire weekend. We ended that weekend by getting married in the rain, and it was absolutely unforgettable. My guests loved it and to this day we get compliments on the sense of oneness we created with friends and family from various parts and pieces of our lives. I'm not entirely sure that would have been possible with better weather.

Anyway - I know all of these posts have been pretty much straight hate for my wedding and I know responding to internet trolls is never a good idea. But I thought in this instance - on this site - some additional context would help so I felt compelled to reply.

Thanks again for all the blog traffic!

[Deleted User] · May 2016

scrunchythief said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

I stopped reading at "we wanted an outdoor wedding no matter what."

The tornado made our pictures so amazing! Like in a movie! And none of our guests cared that they lost their cars, since it was OUR WEDDING DAY!!!1!1

/sarcasm

I live in Florida so hurricanes are a real threat. We had the wedding in North Carolina and still didn't escape the rain - but at least we traded a tropical storm for a mere drizzle.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

ShesSoCold said:

luckiestgirlever28 said:

eileenrob said:

I was annoyed that she kept reiterating "This is YOUR day. Everyone will be happy to do what YOU want!". Then she had the nerve to lump guests and vendors together. Yes, the vendors are professionals and have a job to do and are getting paid and (hopefully) tipped accordingly, so the rain isn't the end of the world. You can't say the same for guests, aka the people important enough to you to have been invited to such a special event. Way to treat them

Interesting perspective. Ultimately, it was my day, and I did pay for, well, everything. (Parent's didn't help, it was all us). So, yeah we had the day we wanted which included a 15 minute ceremony in the rain.

For what it's worth: My friends and family still reference my wedding as the best they've been to. The reception was indoors and absurdly fun. I fed everyone well and had an open bar - no complaints, rain and all.

Oh no! You poor dear!
Of course no one has complained to you, they appear to have manners.

I understand your disagreement with my wedding ceremony. I don't understand the bitchy attitude about me paying for my own wedding and mentioning it.... but hey, it's the internet and you're entitled to troll all you want. You do you, girl. You. Do. You.

ShesSoCold · May 2016

luckiestgirlever28 said:

ShesSoCold said:

luckiestgirlever28 said:

eileenrob said:

I was annoyed that she kept reiterating "This is YOUR day. Everyone will be happy to do what YOU want!". Then she had the nerve to lump guests and vendors together. Yes, the vendors are professionals and have a job to do and are getting paid and (hopefully) tipped accordingly, so the rain isn't the end of the world. You can't say the same for guests, aka the people important enough to you to have been invited to such a special event. Way to treat them

Interesting perspective. Ultimately, it was my day, and I did pay for, well, everything. (Parent's didn't help, it was all us). So, yeah we had the day we wanted which included a 15 minute ceremony in the rain.

For what it's worth: My friends and family still reference my wedding as the best they've been to. The reception was indoors and absurdly fun. I fed everyone well and had an open bar - no complaints, rain and all.

Oh no! You poor dear!
Of course no one has complained to you, they appear to have manners.

I understand your disagreement with my wedding ceremony. I don't understand the bitchy attitude about me paying for my own wedding and mentioning it.... but hey, it's the internet and you're entitled to troll all you want. You do you, girl. You. Do. You.

Luckily for my friends and family "me doing me" also means not treating them like shit and putting immature "visions" ahead of them.

My husband and I (I think you have one too - remember him? or was it not his day?) also paid for our wedding in its entirety but it wasn't "my day". Our guests also experienced that particular day and managed to give a rat's ass about them while enjoying our wedding day.

bleve0821 · May 2016

luckiestgirlever28 said:

AtomicBlonde said:

If you want pictures in the rain (which I didn't think were all that remarkable, TBH), fine. Take pictures in the rain. But do NOT drag me into it. I really hate the "it's our day so it's okay for us to treat our guests as props" mentality.

1st - Thank you so much for starting this discussion! TONS of traffic to my blog this weekend thanks to this post, and getting a link from TheKnot.com never hurts!

2nd - No guests were dragged or harmed in the making of my wedding. In fact, everyone had a certified blast. The ceremony was only 15 minutes (maybe even less, actually) and no one had a problem standing. And of course guests were welcome to wait indoors if they didn't want to go outside in rain, with an umbrella, for 15 minutes, to watch the two of their favorite people get married. (Right... because after your guests traveled ALL THAT WAY and the bride and groom were STILL SELFISH ENOUGH to have it outside...) So, there was that.

3rd - The camaraderie was actually quite legit and it's a shame you don't agree. I'm calling bullshit here.

I was really nervous about my ceremony but the rain took all of that away. My wedding was already small-ish (75ppl) and a destination wedding (we live in Florida, married in North Carolina), so it wasn't a "show up, eat, drink, watch people get hitched, leave" type of wedding. We wanted to create a sense of community to surround us for an entire weekend. We ended that weekend by getting married in the rain, and it was absolutely unforgettable. My guests loved it and to this day we get compliments on the sense of oneness we created with friends and family from various parts and pieces of our lives. I'm not entirely sure that would have been possible with better weather.

Anyway - I know all of these posts have been pretty much straight hate for my wedding and I know responding to internet trolls is never a good idea. But I thought in this instance - on this site - some additional context would help so I felt compelled to reply.

Thanks again for all the blog traffic!

Oh, sweetie... the fact that you thought any of this was okay is what's wrong with the wedding industry. It's NOT okay to ask your guests to stand in the rain for any reason. Contrary to the overwhelming belief of the majority, there IS such a thing called being a good host. No, the day is NOT all about you. If it was all about you, you would have had a courthouse wedding or eloped with no guests or family as witnesses. The moment you invited guests to your ceremony, the day was no longer about you. It was about treating your guests with decency and respect. And if that meant holding your ceremony inside, out of the rain, that was what it meant.

Your wedding is a prime example of how horrible the industry has gotten, in that telling brides it is okay to treat their guests with this kind of disrespect is the norm--and totally acceptable. No, no one said anything to you because that would be rude. No one stood inside because they traveled all that way to see you get married. Asking, or expecting anything less of them, was what was rude. I don't care if you are my best friend (and, incidentally my best friend was the one who directed me to your blog because it was supposed to rain on her wedding day, and I had to talk her out of doing exactly what you did because of how rude it is and how inconsiderate it is and how bridezilla you and your husband were in asking, nay, demanding, that your guests stand outside with you, and how this is absolutely not the way to treat your guests regardless of how much you think it is your day), I would not stand outside with you and I would side-eye the shit out of you for the duration for even asking. At that point, sweetie, it was no longer a request. These people were guests at the wedding that you hosted. And because you hosted, you owed it to them, and to yourselves to be good hosts and have the ceremony indoors.

I could go on, but I know a lost cause when I see one. Your blog ended up on TK because it truly is reprehensible. This is a prime example of "look, but don't follow," and any traffic your blog received was not the kind of traffic I think you really want. Just be grateful none of the people who were directed to your blog chose to add their comments, and were big enough to leave their opinions on a less personal medium. The so-called "advice" you're doling out to other brides who face inclement weather on their wedding day is reprehensible. And whether your guests actually said anything to you or not, they're thinking it.

While I'm glad you enjoyed your day and had the ceremony of your dreams, it is appalling that you did so at the expense of your guests. THAT is why your blog was shared.

ETF words.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

ShesSoCold said:

I understand your disagreement with my wedding ceremony. I don't understand the bitchy attitude about me paying for my own wedding and mentioning it.... but hey, it's the internet and you're entitled to troll all you want. You do you, girl. You. Do. You.

Luckily for my friends and family "me doing me" also means not treating them like shit and putting immature "visions" ahead of them.
My husband and I (I think you have one too - remember him? or was it not his day?) also paid for our wedding in its entirety but it wasn't "my day". Our guests also experienced that particular day and managed to give a rat's ass about them while enjoying our wedding day.

Your level of rudeness and anger toward a complete and total stranger on The Internet is impressive. +1 for the aside-style comment to remind me of my husband.

Listen, Oh Great Cold One. This is a wedding-focused forum. A link to my wedding-focused blog was shared on it with commentary, and I (perhaps mistakenly?) believed additional context and clarification about my hotly debated ceremony choice would be beneficial given the audience.

Yes, it was my husbands day as well. He's the one who disliked the indoor/back-up option the most, actually. I was okay with it (having a good inclement weather plan is why I loved the venue, TBH) but my husband thought the rain was light enough, and I agreed with him, and so did my vendors, and ultimately so did my guests, so we forged ahead. And I don't regret it for one single second.

But hey - don't read any of that to expand your perspective and change that little mind of yours in any way. Find something in there to ding me for and respond. You clearly excel at this, so why stop now?

BTW: If you think asking your friends and family to stand in rain for 15 minutes to witness them celebrate their love and follow it with good food, great music, and free drinks is treating them like shit, then you have led a blessed life. I wish I had your perspective.

[Deleted User] · May 2016

I saw the link - and hundreds of visits - from this post to my blog and thought "oh awesome! My rainy wedding day post helped someone else!"

Because that's what I've heard over and over and over again in the last two years. I've been thanked by hundreds of people - brides, grooms, bridesmaids, vendors of every kind. Over the years my rainy wedding day post has helped a lot of women who were extremely distraught, and that has been incredibly gratifying.

Imagine my surprise to see nothing but anger, hatred, and negativity about me, my husband, my wedding photos, my entire wedding ceremony. And on a site I used to help me plan my wedding. (Though to be fair, I like WeddingBee's forum better and actively participated more there).

And the most rude and inflammatory of those comments are from a moderator of this forum.

I responded to a few comments, gave some additional context to others. If even ONE of you reads my comments and comes away with an "oh... I guess I could get that..." then I'll consider my job done.

But for those of you who think I'm the worst person in the world because I asked the people I know and love the most in the world to stand in a drizzle for 15 minutes - you have led one hell of a charmed existence if that's something you consider horrible treatment and selfish behavior. If you can't back up enough to reconsider how horrible of a person I am, I hope you can back up enough to see how blessed YOU are.

As for TheKnot - I won't be back. But feel free to keep sending my (old) blog the traffic. It just helps my blog become easier to find for those frantically Googling what to do if it rains on their wedding day. And right or wrong, my experience has helped.

levioosa · May 2016

I am laughing so hard that you think it's okay to ask people to stand in the rain for something so trivial as photos. It is treating people like shit. It's telling people who spent the time, money, and effort to witness your union that you don't care about their comfort. You cared only for "rainy pictures" and not inconveniencing yourself. So what, you paid for your own wedding? You are an adult, yes? Adults pay for their own things. You don't get a cookie for paying for your own wedding. You should feel ashamed that you placed your vision over a contingency plan for your guests' comfort. You didn't care that they had to slog through mud. You didn't care that it was chilly. You didn't care that it was uncomfortable. You didn't care that women who spent time and effort on their hair and makeup had it frizzed out and ruined. You didn't care that there might have been people with health conditions which made it painful or dangerous to stand out in rain. You only cared about you. So keep patting yourself on the back. Your family and friends care enough not to say anything to you, but I guarantee they got to the ceremony and thought, "WTF is this?!"

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

What a shock...the blogger prefers Wedding Bee.

I know now you're already deleted but I'm sure you're still reading these. It's laughable that your complaint in the criticism is that people here disagreed with your choice even without context without taking a step back to think to yourself, "maybe they have something."

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

***Removed for TOS Violation***

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

[Deleted User] said:

It just helps my blog become easier to find for those frantically Googling what to do if it rains on their wedding day. And right or wrong, my experience has helped.

Just in case the answer isn't adubdantly clear yet it is:
Outdoor ceremony and/or reception: move to plan B
indoor ceremony and reception: enjoy your wedding as planned

kmmssg · June 2016

[Deleted User] said:

I saw the link - and hundreds of visits - from this post to my blog and thought "oh awesome! My rainy wedding day post helped someone else!"

Because that's what I've heard over and over and over again in the last two years. I've been thanked by hundreds of people - brides, grooms, bridesmaids, vendors of every kind. Over the years my rainy wedding day post has helped a lot of women who were extremely distraught, and that has been incredibly gratifying.

Imagine my surprise to see nothing but anger, hatred, and negativity about me, my husband, my wedding photos, my entire wedding ceremony. And on a site I used to help me plan my wedding. (Though to be fair, I like WeddingBee's forum better and actively participated more there).

And the most rude and inflammatory of those comments are from a moderator of this forum.

I responded to a few comments, gave some additional context to others. If even ONE of you reads my comments and comes away with an "oh... I guess I could get that..." then I'll consider my job done.

But for those of you who think I'm the worst person in the world because I asked the people I know and love the most in the world to stand in a drizzle for 15 minutes - you have led one hell of a charmed existence if that's something you consider horrible treatment and selfish behavior. If you can't back up enough to reconsider how horrible of a person I am, I hope you can back up enough to see how blessed YOU are.

As for TheKnot - I won't be back. But feel free to keep sending my (old) blog the traffic. It just helps my blog become easier to find for those frantically Googling what to do if it rains on their wedding day. And right or wrong, my experience has helped.

I must touch base with my married daughters (four have gone down the aisle) to thank them for their care and courtesy they thought was obligatory towards their guests. NOT ONE OF THEM would even dream of asking people to stand outside with an umbrella to witness their vows. They have been reared to have FAR better manners and courtesy towards others.

This is what happens when the wedding industry - and Wedding Bee, a place where ANYTHING is a good idea - tells couples it is your day and you can have anything you want. If any of my girls would have pulled that shit there would have been a come to Jesus meeting before any wedding ever happened. Being the gracious young women they are, this would have never crossed their minds as acceptable.

thisismynickname2 · June 2016

Hey, DeletedUser (who's surely still watching this thread), let me give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe your 70-odd guests weren't deterred by a little drizzle. I once attended an outdoor wedding and got drizzled on while we waited for the ceremony to start. A little annoying for my hair, but we all lived.

It's your blog post. Rain is Ok! Do what you want! You deserve this! People won't care!

THAT is the problem. You have no right to tell tens or hundreds or however many brides/couples to disregard their guests' feelings. Just because a little drizzle didn't affect your day doesn't mean you can parade around boasting of entitlement and that rain (not drizzle, rain!) is like totally ok. This thread is full of reasons why having an outdoor ceremony in rain is terrible hosting on your guests and I won't repeat them. So congrats for spreading the gospel of bad manners. We at TK will be here to help talk the crazy out of other nervous couples.

ShesSoCold · June 2016

I'm gunna need you guys to start calling me "Oh Great Cold One".

Thanks.

kmmssg · June 2016

ShesSoCold said:

I'm gunna need you guys to start calling me "Oh Great Cold One".

Thanks.

Oh Great Cold One - we hail thee! (get that little pun?)

ei34 · June 2016

Why's she referring to us as trolls? She came here, made her comments, and deleted her account. By definition, isn't a troll someone who drops the bomb and bounces?

InLoveInQueens · June 2016

eileenrob said:

Why's she referring to us as trolls? She came here, made her comments, and deleted her account. By definition, isn't a troll someone who drops the bomb and bounces?

Didn't you know, anyone on the Internet who disagrees with you is a troll. That way you can justify your shitty opinions and attitude by saying "they're just trolls, I don't have to consider their opinions at all, I can keep thinking treating your closest friends and family like props for pictures is an acceptable thing to do and they don't talk shit behind my back about how rude I was to make them stand in the rain. It's my day! "

scrunchythief · June 2016

I can't believe I missed this!

It's exactly BECAUSE I've been treated like shit, instead of leading a charmed existence, that I would never consider treating someone else like this.

Also, if your blog was doing so well among people who agree with you, you wouldn't have noticed the uptick in traffic from us. So I guess you were here to continue to try to get more eyeballs to your site?

kmmssg · June 2016

Well, a bride over on Wedding Bee posted her wedding pictures from yesterday. It rained and her guests had to use umbrellas. She and everyone else did not appreciate a poster asking her why she didn't have a plan B.

drunkenwitch · June 2016

I'm curious to know how many guests of deleted users wedding still speak to her. My guess, very few.

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

kmmssg said:

Well, a bride over on Wedding Bee posted her wedding pictures from yesterday. It rained and her guests had to use umbrellas. She and everyone else did not appreciate a poster asking her why she didn't have a plan B.

And now I have "Umbrella" stuck in my head.

https://youtu.be/CvBfHwUxHIk

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

Et tu, New York Times?

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/06/05/fashion/weddings/rain-the-uninvited-wedding-guest.html

ei34 · June 2016

OurWildKingdom said:

Et tu, New York Times?

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/06/05/fashion/weddings/rain-the-uninvited-wedding-guest.html

I read this article yesterday - I actually thought of this post too!

badbnagdway · June 2016

eileenrob said:

OurWildKingdom said:

Et tu, New York Times?

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/06/05/fashion/weddings/rain-the-uninvited-wedding-guest.html

I read this article yesterday - I actually thought of this post too!

It's true that things go wrong at any wedding, and with an outdoor ceremony you could have a day that seems lovely and then there is sudden rain and there's no time to switch everything out. I was outside on Saturday when a downpour started suddenly and my weather app didn't even show that it was raining - as mere humans we cannot perfectly predict the weather. With an outdoor ceremony, even if you have a plan B you could inadvertently subject your guests to bad weather.

The thing I don't get is not even trying to prevent your guests from getting soaked by rain, or being frozen in the cold, or baked in the heat. The original blog post selfishly celebrated putting all of her nearest and dearest in a miserable situation. The Times article isn't quite as bad (one bride elected NOT to have her wedding on a beach during a hurricane, smart girl) but does include a bride who clearly knew way in advance it was going to rain and just told guests to be ready to get wet. No, just, no.

I keep thinking also of guests who are not in perfect health and who could get really ill from getting wet and then sitting in those wet clothes in the reception hall.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2016

Why would anyone edit the link out of this thread?

Linking to blogs or posts on other sites and then discussing them is not against the TOS. . . or has there been a new interpretation/change in the TOS that no one cared to share with the rest of us?

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:

Why would anyone edit the link out of this thread?

Linking to blogs or posts on other sites and then discussing them is not against the TOS. . . or has there been a new interpretation/change in the TOS that no one cared to share with the rest of us?

I'm guessing the bridezilla blog author threatened The Knot Gods despite thanking us for sending hundreds of clicks her way.

MairePoppy · June 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:

Why would anyone edit the link out of this thread?

Linking to blogs or posts on other sites and then discussing them is not against the TOS. . . or has there been a new interpretation/change in the TOS that no one cared to share with the rest of us?

kimmiinthemitten said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Why would anyone edit the link out of this thread?

Linking to blogs or posts on other sites and then discussing them is not against the TOS. . . or has there been a new interpretation/change in the TOS that no one cared to share with the rest of us?

I'm guessing the bridezilla blog author threatened The Knot Gods despite thanking us for sending hundreds of clicks her way.

I take full responsibility for editing out the link, which promoted her blog, pinterest page and photographer. It looked like an ad to me. We were not threatened by op, she actually was happy to get the extra hits on her blog.

@PrettyGirlLost is correct. Linking blogs and other websites isn't a TOS violation.

ShesSoCold · June 2016

We edit out people who post links to their own blogs to get clicks, I see linking others' blogs and getting them lots of clicks as the same thing.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2016

ShesSoCold said:

We edit out people who post links to their own blogs to get clicks, I see linking others' blogs and getting them lots of clicks as the same thing.

This was different though.

Atomic was the OP and she was not the owner of the blog, she wasn't actually promoting anything. . . she was just sharing something she thought was gag worthy so that we could all gag and roll our eyes along with her ;-)

bleve0821 · June 2016

Weird box?

When I initially posted the link, it didn't even occur to me that the author would see the traffic. (Blonde Moment.) If I had thought about it a little harder (beyond my initial "Wtf? Oh, hell no," reaction) I may not have posted the link at all. However, if Deleted User hadn't come back to gloat about all the traffic she was receiving, the link might still be posted, and she might still be getting all this traffic.

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