Honoring the Deceased

holyguacamole79 · May 2016

@katsandtatts , this is an old thread. It's bad form to resurrect a zombie.

katsandtatts · May 2016

@holyguacamole79 People were commenting on it off and on from January to March... It was at the top of the section, I didn't even think to look at the dates. Anyway, I'm just here for information....

CMGragain · May 2016

I second @holyguacamole. @katsandtatts, if you need more information, then start a new thread. Please leave the zombies alone!

@emmaaa Please close this zombie thread.

emmaaa · May 2016

@CMGragain @holyguacamole79 Usually we close threads as "zombies" after there has been no activity after about 6 months as long as the conversation remains on topic.

thatgirl2 · June 2016

Both of my grandfathers (including one who was more like my dad) are deceased. My mom and dad are deceased, too. I struggled with this, then realized I'm listening to what everyone has said and am doing what makes me happy. My program has the bridal party listed, then notes at the bottom in memory of my mom/MOB. At the reception, there's a full list of everyone (grandparents and parents). I'm sure my dad's side/aunts and uncles will be annoyed about me not mentioning my dad in the program, but the person I've missed most during this process has been my mom. I wanted to leave an empty seat, but felt I'd see it during the ceremony and lose it. Just my thoughts/what I'm doing.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

tigerlily6 said:

Something a lot of people in my area do, which I really like and plan on doing, is having photos of not only the current bride and groom on a table (usually the guestbook table), but flanking it on either side, wedding photos from the parents and grandparents. It's a nice homage of marriages that have inspired you and your husband-to-be if you have them.

A short note in the program is also common and a nice gesture. I agree to keep things subtle, though.

I really like this idea, but my mom is remarried. Would it be rude, inappropriate, or whatnot to have a picture of my mom & dad and not my mom & stepdad?

MobKaz · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

tigerlily6 said:

Something a lot of people in my area do, which I really like and plan on doing, is having photos of not only the current bride and groom on a table (usually the guestbook table), but flanking it on either side, wedding photos from the parents and grandparents. It's a nice homage of marriages that have inspired you and your husband-to-be if you have them.

A short note in the program is also common and a nice gesture. I agree to keep things subtle, though.

I really like this idea, but my mom is remarried. Would it be rude, inappropriate, or whatnot to have a picture of my mom & dad and not my mom & stepdad?

I'm curious to see responses to your question, @DrillSargeantCat. This strikes me as a very sensitive issue and one that may rely heavily upon your personal relationship with your stepdad. I could understand how some might interpret a photo of your mom and dad as disrespectful and almost mean spirited toward your stepdad. If your stepdad has been in your life for some time, I would be curious to see if people might suggest photos of both, perhaps? I understand the desire to honor/acknowledge your dad, but wonder if perhaps adding a photo of you and your dad might be a way to honor/remember him without creating any unnecessary or inadvertent hurt to your mom and stepdad?

MobKaz · June 2016

thatgirl2 said:

Both of my grandfathers (including one who was more like my dad) are deceased. My mom and dad are deceased, too. I struggled with this, then realized I'm listening to what everyone has said and am doing what makes me happy. My program has the bridal party listed, then notes at the bottom in memory of my mom/MOB. At the reception, there's a full list of everyone (grandparents and parents). I'm sure my dad's side/aunts and uncles will be annoyed about me not mentioning my dad in the program, but the person I've missed most during this process has been my mom. I wanted to leave an empty seat, but felt I'd see it during the ceremony and lose it. Just my thoughts/what I'm doing.

Excluding your dad, unless there is a back story, seems particularly hurtful and deliberate. Is it your intention to be cruel to family you have chosen to invite?

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2016

MobKaz said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

tigerlily6 said:

Something a lot of people in my area do, which I really like and plan on doing, is having photos of not only the current bride and groom on a table (usually the guestbook table), but flanking it on either side, wedding photos from the parents and grandparents. It's a nice homage of marriages that have inspired you and your husband-to-be if you have them.

A short note in the program is also common and a nice gesture. I agree to keep things subtle, though.

I really like this idea, but my mom is remarried. Would it be rude, inappropriate, or whatnot to have a picture of my mom & dad and not my mom & stepdad?

I'm curious to see responses to your question, @DrillSargeantCat. This strikes me as a very sensitive issue and one that may rely heavily upon your personal relationship with your stepdad. I could understand how some might interpret a photo of your mom and dad as disrespectful and almost mean spirited toward your stepdad. If your stepdad has been in your life for some time, I would be curious to see if people might suggest photos of both, perhaps? I understand the desire to honor/acknowledge your dad, but wonder if perhaps adding a photo of you and your dad might be a way to honor/remember him without creating any unnecessary or inadvertent hurt to your mom and stepdad?

Yep! My parents were divorced, my dad remarried. When DD was married we had a picture of my dad and stepmother not my parents (I thought that would be weird). We did have a picture of my mom with me on my wedding day though since DD was very close to my mom before her death. We also had pictures of me and DH, SIL's parents and grandparents, and my DH's parents on their wedding days.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

MobKaz said:
I'm curious to see responses to your question, @DrillSargeantCat. This strikes me as a very sensitive issue and one that may rely heavily upon your personal relationship with your stepdad. I could understand how some might interpret a photo of your mom and dad as disrespectful and almost mean spirited toward your stepdad. If your stepdad has been in your life for some time, I would be curious to see if people might suggest photos of both, perhaps? I understand the desire to honor/acknowledge your dad, but wonder if perhaps adding a photo of you and your dad might be a way to honor/remember him without creating any unnecessary or inadvertent hurt to your mom and stepdad?

I don't know that there are any. I have a picture of the three of us that would have been just a few years after they were married (I was 4 and my dad adopted me). I just remember looking through my mom's wedding album and seeing how happy they were that day. There's nothing as jubilant from her wedding to her current husband. They've been married 10 or 12 years btw. Maybe like you said, a picture from both?

OliveOilsMom · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

MobKaz said:
I'm curious to see responses to your question, @DrillSargeantCat. This strikes me as a very sensitive issue and one that may rely heavily upon your personal relationship with your stepdad. I could understand how some might interpret a photo of your mom and dad as disrespectful and almost mean spirited toward your stepdad. If your stepdad has been in your life for some time, I would be curious to see if people might suggest photos of both, perhaps? I understand the desire to honor/acknowledge your dad, but wonder if perhaps adding a photo of you and your dad might be a way to honor/remember him without creating any unnecessary or inadvertent hurt to your mom and stepdad?

I don't know that there are any. I have a picture of the three of us that would have been just a few years after they were married (I was 4 and my dad adopted me). I just remember looking through my mom's wedding album and seeing how happy they were that day. There's nothing as jubilant from her wedding to her current husband. They've been married 10 or 12 years btw. Maybe like you said, a picture from both?

Did your dad pass while still married to your mom? If yes, then I would put a picture of both your mom & dad and your mom & stepdad up. If your dad and mom were separated or divorced at the time of his passing, I would probably skip it all together though. I always look at those photos as happy marriages that you are going to try and model your own marriage after, so if your parents were divorced, I'd think it might be a little odd to have a picture of your parents on display.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

@OliveOilsMom yes they were still married.

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

@OliveOilsMom yes they were still married.

Then I would include a picture of your Mom and Dad and Mom and stepdad if you have a good relationship with SD. For some reason I thought your parents were divorced. Sorry about the error.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

ILoveBeachMusic said:
Then I would include a picture of your Mom and Dad and Mom and stepdad if you have a good relationship with SD. For some reason I thought your parents were divorced. Sorry about the error.

Nothing to be sorry for! I think, since I was the flower girl at their wedding, I might look for a picture of the three of us on that day. It won't be my favorite picture from their wedding, but it will look less (possibly) offensive since it is me at a wedding. Thoughts on that?

Honoring the Deceased

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