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Tacky to deposit checks the next day?

rebecca+mrebecca+m member
Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Eight more days to go, and I appreciate the feedback I've gotten on my pregnant attendants' comfort (looks like the MOH might make the ceremony, twins and all!), our food, and the seating. This may be my last question: would it be gauche to deposit any checks we get in the card box the day after the wedding? 
In general, I'm in favor of cashing gift checks ASAP but /after/ a thank you note is sent - sure, in a perfect world, everyone would keep a perfectly balanced checkbook, but especially with online balances easily available, a lot don't. So if, for example, I receive a check in the mail Monday, I would usually send the thank you note out on Tuesday and deposit/ cash the check Wedneday. Maybe the deposit beats the thank you, but not by more than a day or two.
But we're leaving the day after the wedding for our honeymoon - I'm not likely to get thank you cards out before we leave (though I am taking some pre-stamped notes with me to do on the plane and drop in the mail Monday, partly just so my memories from the reception are fresh and I can be more specific). If we wait until we get back, it will have been a full ten days since the wedding, and right after the first of the month, too, when lots of people are balancing and checking accounts, etc. Also, there is a branch of our bank literally across the street from our venue.  It's maybe forty steps from one front door to the other. 
So: would having a check cashed the day after a wedding look grabby and tacky to you? Better to wait the ten days?
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Re: Tacky to deposit checks the next day?

  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I can't speak for the etiquette side of it, but if I wrote you a check and you didn't deposit it for a week and a half I'd forget I wrote it because I always forget to put checks I've written in my register. I wouldn't be upset unless you cashed the check immediately but waited 6 months to thank me for it. I'm anxiously awaiting other replies though.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ok, I'm going to be brutally honest. 

    Etiquette-wise, I honestly think prompt check-cashing is helpful because not everyone keeps a balanced checkbook. Plus, then the guest knows you got the check and the card wasn't lost/stolen.

    But. There was one time my check was cashed the morning after a wedding. As in, the wedding ended at 11pm Sunday night and the check was cashed Monday morning. That bride had exhibited a list of tacky behavior a mile long in regards to her wedding and in other behavior in the proceeding year, and I was just done. I had this image of them racing off to the bank to get their money from their guests ASAP (it's a long story to add context). So in that one case, I thought the immediate cashing was tacky. 

    My point is, I think cashing the next bank day is fine for the usual gracious couple. And OP, you sound like a nice normal person, haha. So I highly doubt anyone would side-eye you for cashing right away, particularly if it's right before a long honeymoon. 
    But for tacky couples, it adds on to an overall tacky impression, in my opinion. Sorry! 
    ________________________________


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  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    My sister didn't actually open cards checks until the Monday after her Saturday wedding.  It felt weird and grabby to do it the next day.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We did cash our checks the next day.  We married on a Friday and was leaving on Sunday for our little getaway.  So we wanted to make the deposit on Saturday before we left.  We just did not use the money until we got the thank you notes out.
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  • rebecca+mrebecca+m member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Ok, I am liking everyone's feedback, and I like that it is mostly a consensus if not completely one. Waiting until a couple of days after would be great, like at least the weekend, but it's either open them the next morning (Saturday) or wait until we get back (the next Sunday). I am thinking through it now, though, and if we deposit Saturday afternoon, when we pick up our bags for the airport...maybe nothing will go through until Monday? This is such a weird line - Monday feels fine, but Saturday feels weird, but waiting a full week plus weekend feels worse, which other people seem to agree with, in general terms.
    Unless we get a lot of comments in the other direction, for now I think we'll plan on opening them over a nice breakfast in bed the next day, then settling stuff with the hotel and going to lunch with family, handing off the actual cards to go back to our house with dress, etc., so they don't get lost, and making a deposit when we pick up our car and luggage from the hotel to head to the airport. Ours isn't a huge wedding - not small, but not huge - so maybe I can get all of the thank you cards sent out Monday from the hotel, which I would feel better about. Gives me something to do on the plane, anyway! And then we can come home and re-read cards when we open any other gifts. 
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    ScottishSarah said:
    My sister didn't actually open cards checks until the Monday after her Saturday wedding.  It felt weird and grabby to do it the next day.
    My cousin and his wife opened their cards within 15 minutes of getting home from the reception (I know because I was there and yes it did feel very gift grabby). 
    image
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am also in favour of prompt cheque cashing.


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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Honestly, I always think it's pretty tacky to cash it right away.  

    But I guess there's no reason for it other than I personally think it seems kind of gift grabby.  I fully expect when I go to wedding and write a check that it will probably take a couple weeks while you're writing thank you notes, honeymooning, etc.  


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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't see a problem with you depositing it the next day. I also don't see any problem at all with waiting a week and a half. That's not that long. 
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  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    rebecca+m said:
    Ok, I am liking everyone's feedback, and I like that it is mostly a consensus if not completely one. Waiting until a couple of days after would be great, like at least the weekend, but it's either open them the next morning (Saturday) or wait until we get back (the next Sunday). I am thinking through it now, though, and if we deposit Saturday afternoon, when we pick up our bags for the airport...maybe nothing will go through until Monday? This is such a weird line - Monday feels fine, but Saturday feels weird, but waiting a full week plus weekend feels worse, which other people seem to agree with, in general terms.
    Unless we get a lot of comments in the other direction, for now I think we'll plan on opening them over a nice breakfast in bed the next day, then settling stuff with the hotel and going to lunch with family, handing off the actual cards to go back to our house with dress, etc., so they don't get lost, and making a deposit when we pick up our car and luggage from the hotel to head to the airport. Ours isn't a huge wedding - not small, but not huge - so maybe I can get all of the thank you cards sent out Monday from the hotel, which I would feel better about. Gives me something to do on the plane, anyway! And then we can come home and re-read cards when we open any other gifts. 
    I then would cash them on the Saturday rather than waiting a full week later.  

    The banks won't touch them till Monday morning anyway, so if any guests notice (and WERE to think it grabby to cash straight away) they would assume you went in on Monday anyway.

    If you want to know something really grabby I heard of a wedding where the couple COUNTED THEIR CASH AT THE TOP TABLE during dinner!
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Casadena said:
    Honestly, I always think it's pretty tacky to cash it right away.  

    But I guess there's no reason for it other than I personally think it seems kind of gift grabby.  I fully expect when I go to wedding and write a check that it will probably take a couple weeks while you're writing thank you notes, honeymooning, etc.  


    Huh? You already gave them the gift!
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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I'm ok with the next day or a week later. We waited until after the honeymoon, mostly because we decided to set up a joint account and put them in there but we hadn't done it before the wedding. I suppose ours took 2 weeks to cash since we didn't go to the bank until the weekend after we got back.

    While on honeymoon we did store them in the fireproof safe just in case although someone could have stolen that I suppose but it all worked out.

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  • kylexokylexo member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I'm 6 weeks away from my wedding and was wondering about this too. We do mobile check cashing (taking a photo of the check with our phones) so i feel like we'd probably do it the next day (Sunday). Interesting to read everyone's thoughts on it.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    DrillSergeantCat said:
    Casadena said:
    Honestly, I always think it's pretty tacky to cash it right away.  

    But I guess there's no reason for it other than I personally think it seems kind of gift grabby.  I fully expect when I go to wedding and write a check that it will probably take a couple weeks while you're writing thank you notes, honeymooning, etc.  


    Say you gave a margarita machine instead of a check. Would it be tacky for them to use the next day? You'd never know and even if they called you up and said, "Hey we just poured a perfect pitcher of margaritas from this machine. It's awesome" I doubt you'd have issue with them using it. Why is the fact that it's a check they're using instead make it gift grabby? 

    BOX BOX BOX

    Considering I'm a person who had that reaction to a tacky couple, I'm trying to put the feeling into words. 
    How about this- if you got a lot of boxed gifts at your wedding (or at your shower, and properly didn't use any until after your wedding), what are the odds you're going to use everything that first day? You may unpack the new stuff (and write down what everyone gave you for TY note purposes). Or you may not, because you're damn tired from your reception and just wanna chill / have married sex. You may pick out one or two fun things to try (i.e. the margarita machine or a popcorn maker). But you're not using everything. 
    The same could go for cash and checks. You might put the cash in your personal safe, or put a few twenties in your wallet for odds and ends, or to buy some lunch that next day. I would hope that you have enough funds in your checking account to see you through the next couple of weeks. 
    So to go "running off to the bank" so immediately after a reception makes it seem like you just couldn't wait to use the money. Now then, it's perfectly logical to go the next bank day, or to use a mobile check app as you're opening your cards that next day. Guests want their checks cashed fairly promptly, as many have said. 

    But my one experience was with a couple that was already gift-grabby, treated their bridal party like crap, cheaped out on things... when they went to the bank that early Monday morning, it really felt like icing on the already gift-grabby cake that they just wanted that money ASAP. You know, not even Monday afternoon... Monday morning. Sleep in! Have sex! Make pancakes! Geez. 
    ________________________________


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  • Ghostie625Ghostie625 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    We're having a Saturday evening wedding and will be cashing ours Monday morning before we leave on our honeymoon. Otherwise it will be two weeks before we can. Also, we're getting married in my hometown in upstate NY, flying out of NYC, then when we get back going right back to the city we live in now. Logistically it just makes the most sense to get that money in the bank so we don't have to worry about keeping it safe while we're gone.
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  • rebecca+mrebecca+m member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I really can see how it could come across the wrong way; that's why I wanted to throw this Q out there. But I think it will feel less weird to me if we sort of make a morning of it, focusing more on reading and taking note of cards (I love cards, and we haven't gotten any in the mail), and then stop in at the bank on the way to the airport in the afternoon. Maybe some guests will still side-eye if things go through Monday, but I hope our hosting will have made it clear that this wasn't about a cash-grab. That's going to be our decision, but I hope these perspectives are also useful for others to make their choices!
    Oh, which, maybe I can include this question without branching off too much - I know (I think?) that the usual rule is not to send a thank-you for a card only (as in just a note, not a card+check). But would it be ok to send an informal thank you through text or social media for guests who just leave a nice card or note? Something like "Hi Guest! We just wanted to thank you for the lovely message/beautiful card/etc. Groom had a great time catching up/ Bride loved dancing with you/etc. Thanks for sharing the evening with us and for your thoughtful well-wishes!" 
    Weird? I just...I really love cards, really. And if someone took the time to pick out a card, whether just as well-wishes or in addition to a gift they sent to the house beforehand, I'd like to acknowledge their thoughtfulness. (I'd honestly like to follow up with everyone to thank them for being there, but we are doing that in our toast, and I get why that can be a bad idea. I just wish it wasn't.)
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Why in the world is it "tacky" or "gift-grabby" to immediately use or deposit a wedding gift immediately after the wedding? The couple met the conditions for keeping the gift by getting married, so how much time has to pass after the wedding for them to use what has been their property ever since they were pronounced spouses by the officiant without being judged for it?
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @PrettyGirlLost
    I really was! We're no longer friends and I observe her fuckery only from a distance on Facebook now ;-) 
    ________________________________


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  • luvskittlesluvskittles member
    Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Slightly OT: I had such an issue cashing my checks because some guests wrote Mrs. Jane Husbands Last Name. My bank was SUPER picky, so we had to wait about 3 weeks while my name change went through. I had some guests texting me to make sure I got their checks (or some angry people that wanted to balance their check book ha). Now I make sure to only write it to one person in the couple. 
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