Cake and Punch Reception

PrettyGirlLost · June 2016

lyndausvi said:

banana468 said:

@lyndausvi, your situation is exactly why I think the idea that "the time and location tell you about the reception" is BS.

Add that to the fact that I've been to receptions that have started anywhere between 11 AM and 6 PM and all had a full meal and I'd be one of the people thinking that a lunch / dinner is offered.

Just tell me what you're doing. I'll eat heavy or light before showing up so I know how to pace myself at your event.

I've never attended or worked a cake and punch wedding. Ever. And I've been to some 50+ weddings on my own and lord knows how many weddings I've worked.

I pretty much expect a full meal at a wedding. Regardless of start time. Not saying I would be disappointed attending a cake and punch wedding. It's just not something that is done in my social circle. I would love a heads up because it's just not on my radar that it might be only cake and punch.

This has been my experience over the years as well.

Which is probably why none of us would find an actual "surprise" meal as unpleasant or stressful thing. We all love food :-)

TrixieJess · June 2016

CaitFins said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Other PPs have stated that they have hosted or been to full meal receptions that occurred at a non meal time, so if guests would have been expecting a cake and punch reception due to the time, they would have been pleasantly surprised to have a full meal.

I have to caution that guests being "surprised" by a full meal, perhaps a sit-down, plated meal, due to the time is not necessarily a good thing or pleasant.

If I am to be at a wedding that starts in the afternoon, for instance, it's likely possible that I will run later than I want because I'm scarfing down a lunch. I may even pay more to grab a meal on the way to the wedding. I would be frustrated by the unnecessary stress I had endured, and the embarrassment to myself and being a problem guest because I did not arrive in a timely manner and may have skipped some of my beauty regimen. I'm happy to have a quick lunch for the lovely bride and groom, but when I've completely altered my wedding preparation to make that a possibility and then come to a wedding with a full meal - it would have been nice to just know.

Alternatively, I may have actually had time to have a nice large meal, expecting a cake and punch reception. Then I arrive at the event already full and I am unable to enjoy the meal like I could have, and I am likely enduring some social pressure by trying to treat the meal as it should be when I have just eaten a significant lunch to prepare for the long reception.

The point is: not being notified of a full meal during "cake and punch" times can be quite unpleasant, as can the reverse phenomenon. Yes, I will work with a B&G who do not give information, of course, but the inconvenience does apply in both circumstances.

I know I will be including information about the style of reception on our wedding website. We have not fully decided whether we will include a short note such as, "Reception with hors d'oeuvres and festivities to follow," at the bottom of the invitation or on the back of the card insert. However, we don't currently plan to do so. TBD!

Holy Crap! All that just because you can't just take a nibble?

Man, I'm a total pig. I can eat a full meal and two hours later, eat another full meal and then some. If I'm drinking, it's worse.

As for make-up, are you transforming into a completely different person? I can do full make-up with 12 different products including sunscreen and primer and be out the door in 20 minutes.

You need to chill, I'm type A, and I wouldn't worry this much about a reception that wasn't mine.

levioosa · June 2016

CaitFins said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Other PPs have stated that they have hosted or been to full meal receptions that occurred at a non meal time, so if guests would have been expecting a cake and punch reception due to the time, they would have been pleasantly surprised to have a full meal.

I have to caution that guests being "surprised" by a full meal, perhaps a sit-down, plated meal, due to the time is not necessarily a good thing or pleasant.

If I am to be at a wedding that starts in the afternoon, for instance, it's likely possible that I will run later than I want because I'm scarfing down a lunch. I may even pay more to grab a meal on the way to the wedding. I would be frustrated by the unnecessary stress I had endured, and the embarrassment to myself and being a problem guest because I did not arrive in a timely manner and may have skipped some of my beauty regimen. I'm happy to have a quick lunch for the lovely bride and groom, but when I've completely altered my wedding preparation to make that a possibility and then come to a wedding with a full meal - it would have been nice to just know.

Alternatively, I may have actually had time to have a nice large meal, expecting a cake and punch reception. Then I arrive at the event already full and I am unable to enjoy the meal like I could have, and I am likely enduring some social pressure by trying to treat the meal as it should be when I have just eaten a significant lunch to prepare for the long reception.

The point is: not being notified of a full meal during "cake and punch" times can be quite unpleasant, as can the reverse phenomenon. Yes, I will work with a B&G who do not give information, of course, but the inconvenience does apply in both circumstances.

I know I will be including information about the style of reception on our wedding website. We have not fully decided whether we will include a short note such as, "Reception with hors d'oeuvres and festivities to follow," at the bottom of the invitation or on the back of the card insert. However, we don't currently plan to do so. TBD!

I'm not going to lie, I see a lot of personal time management problems in this that are not the responsibility or the problem of the B & G. I also promise that no one cares about your makeup, and no one is going to notice if you eat the whole meal, or only part of it.

I'm never going to complain if I eat lunch (in a timely manner, whether it's eating something to go, or going out before hand), and then I show up to a full meal. It's not inconvenient unless you make it so, and if something like this is causing you unnecessary stress and the need to cave into "societal pressure" (that is completely in your head, btw) then you might need some counseling for anxiety.

lyndausvi · June 2016

levioosa said:

CaitFins said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Other PPs have stated that they have hosted or been to full meal receptions that occurred at a non meal time, so if guests would have been expecting a cake and punch reception due to the time, they would have been pleasantly surprised to have a full meal.

I have to caution that guests being "surprised" by a full meal, perhaps a sit-down, plated meal, due to the time is not necessarily a good thing or pleasant.

If I am to be at a wedding that starts in the afternoon, for instance, it's likely possible that I will run later than I want because I'm scarfing down a lunch. I may even pay more to grab a meal on the way to the wedding. I would be frustrated by the unnecessary stress I had endured, and the embarrassment to myself and being a problem guest because I did not arrive in a timely manner and may have skipped some of my beauty regimen. I'm happy to have a quick lunch for the lovely bride and groom, but when I've completely altered my wedding preparation to make that a possibility and then come to a wedding with a full meal - it would have been nice to just know.

Alternatively, I may have actually had time to have a nice large meal, expecting a cake and punch reception. Then I arrive at the event already full and I am unable to enjoy the meal like I could have, and I am likely enduring some social pressure by trying to treat the meal as it should be when I have just eaten a significant lunch to prepare for the long reception.

The point is: not being notified of a full meal during "cake and punch" times can be quite unpleasant, as can the reverse phenomenon. Yes, I will work with a B&G who do not give information, of course, but the inconvenience does apply in both circumstances.

I know I will be including information about the style of reception on our wedding website. We have not fully decided whether we will include a short note such as, "Reception with hors d'oeuvres and festivities to follow," at the bottom of the invitation or on the back of the card insert. However, we don't currently plan to do so. TBD!

I'm not going to lie, I see a lot of personal time management problems in this that are not the responsibility or the problem of the B & G. I also promise that no one cares about your makeup, and no one is going to notice if you eat the whole meal, or only part of it.

I'm never going to complain if I eat lunch (in a timely manner, whether it's eating something to go, or going out before hand), and then I show up to a full meal. It's not inconvenient unless you make it so, and if something like this is causing you unnecessary stress and the need to cave into "societal pressure" (that is completely in your head, btw) then you might need some counseling for anxiety.

Yep.

Who knew having an afternoon weddings = arriving late? Really? You can't figure out how budget your time accordingly? So strange.

banana468 · June 2016

Yeah, I think those are weak arguments.

I will say that if you were expecting cake and punch and came to a full meal on a full stomach or if you were dieting, I could see a guest thinking that "all that food went to waste" because it just wasn't eaten.

But I'll venture to say that I'd rather see a guest not eat because s/he's full versus watch them leave because they're still hungry.

LondonLisa · June 2016

Why can you not take a few bites of the meal if you're full? If you are so stuffed, just move it around a bit. Why will it kill you to just be polite? Seriously. This makes no sense.

It's rude to not serve a meal at a meal time. It certainly isn't rude to serve a meal at a non- meal time.

As as for your 'getting ready routine' and paying more for lunch- are you having a laugh?! How do you adult? Seriously. It's not a surprise wedding. You actually know where you need to be ahead of time and what time you are supposed to be there. Work backwards.

JFC it's called a sandwich. You can make them at home. You can even eat it whist doing your makeup.

Dont be ridiculous by saying it is rude to make you get your act together.

ScottishSarah · June 2016

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

LondonLisa said:

Why can you not take a few bites of the meal if you're full? If you are so stuffed, just move it around a bit. Why will it kill you to just be polite? Seriously. This makes no sense.

It's rude to not serve a meal at a meal time. It certainly isn't rude to serve a meal at a non- meal time.

As as for your 'getting ready routine' and paying more for lunch- are you having a laugh?! How do you adult? Seriously. It's not a surprise wedding. You actually know where you need to be ahead of time and what time you are supposed to be there. Work backwards.

JFC it's called a sandwich. You can make them at home. You can even eat it whist doing your makeup.

Dont be ridiculous by saying it is rude to make you get your act together.

I ate one while driving to meet a vendor the other day. They're very portable!

PrettyGirlLost · June 2016

ScottishSarah said:

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

How long?

glasgowtolondon · June 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:

ScottishSarah said:

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

How long?

From what I've seen on here it does seem like in the US there might be a tendancy towards shorter receptions, but I don't actually know. I'd say most weddings I would go to in Scotland and the UK might start around say, 12.30/1pm. The reception would almost certainly still go on till about midnight, if not 1am depending on the venue. No gaps or anything, but so much food and booze (and dancing!). My wedding will be slightly shorter (3pm - 1am), but from my exeprience that's actually a later start than most.

ScottishSarah · June 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:

ScottishSarah said:

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

How long?

@PrettyGirlLost receptions in the UK and Scotland typically exceed 10 hours.

Many start at 1pm-2pm (or sometimes even earlier!) and go on till around midnight or 1am.

The length of these receptions normally leads to an incredibly boring bit of 'hanging around' after the wedding meal and the party starting, it's a nightmare!

I am considered by my vendors to be having a very short reception, with ceremony at 3pm, finishing with band's last song at 11.30pm but I think that is still longer than most USA receptions?

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2016

ScottishSarah said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ScottishSarah said:

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

How long?

@PrettyGirlLost receptions in the UK and Scotland typically exceed 10 hours.

Many start at 1pm-2pm (or sometimes even earlier!) and go on till around midnight or 1am.

The length of these receptions normally leads to an incredibly boring bit of 'hanging around' after the wedding meal and the party starting, it's a nightmare!

I am considered by my vendors to be having a very short reception, with ceremony at 3pm, finishing with band's last song at 11.30pm but I think that is still longer than most USA receptions?

This is not an unusual time line for the USA. The time of the ceremony drives the total length. 11:30-1:00 is a typical time for the reception to end so if the ceremony starts earlier the total time is longer and shorter if the ceremony is later. I would venture to say that non-Catholic ceremonies tend to start later (after 3:00) while Catholic ceremonies are earlier in the afternoon.

photokitty · June 2016

ILoveBeachMusic said:

ScottishSarah said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ScottishSarah said:

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

How long?

@PrettyGirlLost receptions in the UK and Scotland typically exceed 10 hours.

Many start at 1pm-2pm (or sometimes even earlier!) and go on till around midnight or 1am.

The length of these receptions normally leads to an incredibly boring bit of 'hanging around' after the wedding meal and the party starting, it's a nightmare!

I am considered by my vendors to be having a very short reception, with ceremony at 3pm, finishing with band's last song at 11.30pm but I think that is still longer than most USA receptions?

This is not an unusual time line for the USA. The time of the ceremony drives the total length. 11:30-1:00 is a typical time for the reception to end so if the ceremony starts earlier the total time is longer and shorter if the ceremony is later. I would venture to say that non-Catholic ceremonies tend to start later (after 3:00) while Catholic ceremonies are earlier in the afternoon.

I have to disagree. I've never been to a wedding that was more than 10 hours. Typically they are 8 hours total. The only times I've been to ones that start before 3pm and go until midnight, they have had a gap. I've been to weddings where we went to a bar after, but I don't consider a venue change to a non hosted situation to be part of the actual wedding reception.

I guess this could actually be a regional thing...unlike most things SS claim are regional when they are just rude.

ScottishSarah · June 2016

photokitty said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

ScottishSarah said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ScottishSarah said:

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

How long?

@PrettyGirlLost receptions in the UK and Scotland typically exceed 10 hours.

Many start at 1pm-2pm (or sometimes even earlier!) and go on till around midnight or 1am.

The length of these receptions normally leads to an incredibly boring bit of 'hanging around' after the wedding meal and the party starting, it's a nightmare!

I am considered by my vendors to be having a very short reception, with ceremony at 3pm, finishing with band's last song at 11.30pm but I think that is still longer than most USA receptions?

This is not an unusual time line for the USA. The time of the ceremony drives the total length. 11:30-1:00 is a typical time for the reception to end so if the ceremony starts earlier the total time is longer and shorter if the ceremony is later. I would venture to say that non-Catholic ceremonies tend to start later (after 3:00) while Catholic ceremonies are earlier in the afternoon.

I have to disagree. I've never been to a wedding that was more than 10 hours. Typically they are 8 hours total. The only times I've been to ones that start before 3pm and go until midnight, they have had a gap. I've been to weddings where we went to a bar after, but I don't consider a venue change to a non hosted situation to be part of the actual wedding reception.

I guess this could actually be a regional thing...unlike most things SS claim are regional when they are just rude.

You see round here we never have after parties.

lnixon8 · June 2016

Lots of strange reactions about amount of food/being full on the boards this week...

thisismynickname2 · June 2016

ScottishSarah said:

photokitty said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

ScottishSarah said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ScottishSarah said:

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

How long?

@PrettyGirlLost receptions in the UK and Scotland typically exceed 10 hours.

Many start at 1pm-2pm (or sometimes even earlier!) and go on till around midnight or 1am.

The length of these receptions normally leads to an incredibly boring bit of 'hanging around' after the wedding meal and the party starting, it's a nightmare!

I am considered by my vendors to be having a very short reception, with ceremony at 3pm, finishing with band's last song at 11.30pm but I think that is still longer than most USA receptions?

This is not an unusual time line for the USA. The time of the ceremony drives the total length. 11:30-1:00 is a typical time for the reception to end so if the ceremony starts earlier the total time is longer and shorter if the ceremony is later. I would venture to say that non-Catholic ceremonies tend to start later (after 3:00) while Catholic ceremonies are earlier in the afternoon.

I have to disagree. I've never been to a wedding that was more than 10 hours. Typically they are 8 hours total. The only times I've been to ones that start before 3pm and go until midnight, they have had a gap. I've been to weddings where we went to a bar after, but I don't consider a venue change to a non hosted situation to be part of the actual wedding reception.

I guess this could actually be a regional thing...unlike most things SS claim are regional when they are just rude.

You see round here we never have after parties.

Interesting. Yeah, if I go to a ceremony between noon and 2pm, and the party ends at 10pm to 12am, that means there was an unhosted gap. Blah!

So just thinking of a 12 noon to 12am reception makes my inner introvert want to go crawl back into bed.

ETA: We got married at 6pm and the reception was 6:30pm to midnight. That was plenty! People ate a lot and got drunk and danced. Don't need an entire day to have fun.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2016

glasgowtolondon said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ScottishSarah said:

I personally can't see the harm in stating what hospitality you are offering on your website (not on the invites) along with the schedule so guests know what to expect?

Saying that in my family it is expected that a full meal will be offered regardless of the time of day, as receptions in Scotland tend to be longer than in the USA.

How long?

From what I've seen on here it does seem like in the US there might be a tendancy towards shorter receptions, but I don't actually know. I'd say most weddings I would go to in Scotland and the UK might start around say, 12.30/1pm. The reception would almost certainly still go on till about midnight, if not 1am depending on the venue. No gaps or anything, but so much food and booze (and dancing!). My wedding will be slightly shorter (3pm - 1am), but from my exeprience that's actually a later start than most.

That's a common timeline in my circle. Receptions are at least 5 hours long typically, many more like 6. Then sometimes there's an after party.

I think my ceremony was at 3pm, the reception went until 11pm, and then we were supposed to be able to continue hanging out and drinking in the bar but we drank the venue dry so they had to close!

PrettyGirlLost · June 2016

lnixon8 said:

Lots of strange reactions about amount of food/being full on the boards this week...

Oh? Should I go over to Receptions and the Food boards?

Ghostie625 · June 2016

Yeah, most banquet halls here (US) offer a five hour reception as the typical package. Add in ceremony time and that puts most weddings at around 6 hours (assuming no gap).

banana468 · June 2016

Our reception was slotted for 5 hours and we payed for a 6th so there was no departure issue at 9 with guests wondering where the after party would be.

It was a 2 PM ceremony with a 4 PM reception (between a long-winded priest, rec. line and 20 min drive, there was no gap) and then we had a 6 hour reception.

If it went to midnight we wouldn't have had a lot of guests left.

But I think that's the norm for the area.

I have heard of other cultures where longer is typical.

geebee908 · June 2016

The area where I grew up it was typical to have an early afternoon wedding then the reception would start with a receiving line at the venue. The early part of the reception was fairly quiet with people talking, eating snacky food, and maybe some card playing would get going. Then dinner and cake during which the band would be setting up, and then dancing and more snacky food until about 11pm or midnight. As a kid that quiet time seemed very long.

LD1970 · June 2016

In north Jersey & NYC/Long Island, I've never been to a cake and punch reception or even a brunch reception, no matter what time of day the wedding was held, so I'd never be surprised by the full, formal deal, and in fact always expect an actual meal, just based on my own experience. Mine was:

Ceremony 11:30 a.m. - noon
Cocktail Hour 12-1 p.m. with hot & cold buffet, passed hors d'oeuvres, and carving stations
5-course sit down dinner 1-5 p.m.

Then we did an afterparty at the hotel bar next door.

The only different sort of wedding I've ever been to was my best friend's, in Nebraska, when they had cold cut platters in the church basement after the ceremony. I was surprised, but not in any way bothered by it. Sandwiches are fine for me as a meal.

I never heard of a cake & punch reception until TK.

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2016

LD1970 said:

In north Jersey & NYC/Long Island, I've never been to a cake and punch reception or even a brunch reception, no matter what time of day the wedding was held, so I'd never be surprised by the full, formal deal, and in fact always expect an actual meal, just based on my own experience. Mine was:

Ceremony 11:30 a.m. - noon
Cocktail Hour 12-1 p.m. with hot & cold buffet, passed hors d'oeuvres, and carving stations
5-course sit down dinner 1-5 p.m.

Then we did an afterparty at the hotel bar next door.

The only different sort of wedding I've ever been to was my best friend's, in Nebraska, when they had cold cut platters in the church basement after the ceremony. I was surprised, but not in any way bothered by it. Sandwiches are fine for me as a meal.

I never heard of a cake & punch reception until TK.

I don't know when sit down dinners came into fashion for middle class weddings but I know every wedding I attended as a child/teenager ('60s and 70s) was a cake and punch reception. I'm sure for high society they (dinners) were always done.

MairePoppy · June 2016

ILoveBeachMusic said
I don't know when sit down dinners came into fashion for middle class weddings but I know every wedding I attended as a child/teenager ('60s and 70s) was a cake and punch reception. I'm sure for high society they (dinners) were always done.

Nope. Most of my family isn't high society and we had full dinner receptions in the '60s and 70's. Some cousins had buffets. One cousin who thought she was high society had full mass, gap, evening reception - back in the '70s. Her mother made the rounds before the wedding to let everyone know how much it was costing per person so that everyone would cover their plate. The family wasn't too impressed with that cousin and her parents.

SP29 · June 2016

Our reception was 8 hours. I'm used to 6-8 hour evening receptions. The length of the reception has not correlated to gap or no gap.

I have heard of cake and punch receptions, but never attended one.

kahluakoala · June 2016

I had never heard of a cake and punch wedding before joining TK. My understanding is that these were never part of Jewish culture. When the older members say "this is what was traditional in the 60's and 70's" they are clearly only referring to one culture (white, western, christian)

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2016

MairePoppy said:

ILoveBeachMusic said
I don't know when sit down dinners came into fashion for middle class weddings but I know every wedding I attended as a child/teenager ('60s and 70s) was a cake and punch reception. I'm sure for high society they (dinners) were always done.

Nope. Most of my family isn't high society and we had full dinner receptions in the '60s and 70's. Some cousins had buffets. One cousin who thought she was high society had full mass, gap, evening reception - back in the '70s. Her mother made the rounds before the wedding to let everyone know how much it was costing per person so that everyone would cover their plate. The family wasn't too impressed with that cousin and her parents.

OK I said I didn't know. All I know is where I grew up I never heard of a full dinner reception until I was in college. I guess it depends on where you were raised or maybe the church. I was raised in a protestant church in a very protestant area so maybe that was it.

ILoveBeachMusic · June 2016

KahluaKoala said:

I had never heard of a cake and punch wedding before joining TK. My understanding is that these were never part of Jewish culture. When the older members say "this is what was traditional in the 60's and 70's" they are clearly only referring to one culture (white, western, christian)

I never said it was the only tradition. I said I (which means in my albeit limited experience) never attended a dinner reception when I was a child/teenager. You are correct though, I was raised in a primarily white, Christian, culture.

banana468 · June 2016

My parents were some of the first in my mom's family to have a reception in a hall. But there was always plenty of food. And booze.

Irish Catholics don't go hungry or dry.

OurWildKingdom · June 2016

banana468 said:

My parents were some of the first in my mom's family to have a reception in a hall. But there was always plenty of food. And booze.

Irish Catholics don't go hungry or dry.

I concur -- I grew up Irish-German Catholic! Any time you show up at any of my relatives' houses, you get fed, and now I'm the one overfeeding my guests.

I'm the odd one out having a dry wedding, but my family understands why and respects it.

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