Other PPs have stated that they have hosted or been to full meal receptions that occurred at a non meal time, so if guests would have been expecting a cake and punch reception due to the time, they would have been pleasantly surprised to have a full meal.
I have to caution that guests being "surprised" by a full meal, perhaps a sit-down, plated meal, due to the time is not necessarily a good thing or pleasant.
If I am to be at a wedding that starts in the afternoon, for instance, it's likely possible that I will run later than I want because I'm scarfing down a lunch. I may even pay more to grab a meal on the way to the wedding. I would be frustrated by the unnecessary stress I had endured, and the embarrassment to myself and being a problem guest because I did not arrive in a timely manner and may have skipped some of my beauty regimen. I'm happy to have a quick lunch for the lovely bride and groom, but when I've completely altered my wedding preparation to make that a possibility and then come to a wedding with a full meal - it would have been nice to just know.
Alternatively, I may have actually had time to have a nice large meal, expecting a cake and punch reception. Then I arrive at the event already full and I am unable to enjoy the meal like I could have, and I am likely enduring some social pressure by trying to treat the meal as it should be when I have just eaten a significant lunch to prepare for the long reception.
The point is: not being notified of a full meal during "cake and punch" times can be quite unpleasant, as can the reverse phenomenon. Yes, I will work with a B&G who do not give information, of course, but the inconvenience does apply in both circumstances.
I know I will be including information about the style of reception on our wedding website. We have not fully decided whether we will include a short note such as, "Reception with hors d'oeuvres and festivities to follow," at the bottom of the invitation or on the back of the card insert. However, we don't currently plan to do so. TBD!
Shit. I don't wear makeup to weddings. Or work. Or going out. Only if I'm on stage. I had no idea the embarrassment I was causing myself and others.
I had never heard of a cake and punch wedding before joining TK. My understanding is that these were never part of Jewish culture. When the older members say "this is what was traditional in the 60's and 70's" they are clearly only referring to one culture (white, western, christian)
I had always thought "cake and punch" receptions were "country" weddings, as that's what the majority of my mother's family did, more so they could accommodate the hundreds of family members on a small budget.
My father's "city" family had huge sit-down receptions from the 40s on, there are some gorgeous pictures in the family albums.
I had never heard of a cake and punch wedding before joining TK. My understanding is that these were never part of Jewish culture. When the older members say "this is what was traditional in the 60's and 70's" they are clearly only referring to one culture (white, western, christian)
I don't think anyone is making sweeping cultural generalizations or generalizations about eras. People are just relating their personal experiences attending weddings.
As we see time and time again, what's "normal" or "traditional" with weddings is most typically a product of our familues and social circles, and not really anything to do with religion, region, etc.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I had never heard of a cake and punch wedding before joining TK. My understanding is that these were never part of Jewish culture. When the older members say "this is what was traditional in the 60's and 70's" they are clearly only referring to one culture (white, western, christian)
I don't think anyone is making sweeping cultural generalizations or generalizations about eras. People are just relating their personal experiences attending weddings.
As we see time and time again, what's "normal" or "traditional" with weddings is most typically a product of our familues and social circles, and not really anything to do with religion, region, etc.
I don't know, I think family/social circles, time period, region, and culture/religion can all be factors. For example, as a Midwesterner, I thought "House Party" was an early 90s movie till I joined TK. I wouldn't expect to see breaking a glass at a Christian wedding, nor would I expect to see an Asian couple jumping the broom.
ETA: Apologies if this clip offends anyone. I like this band and find the video amusing.
I think the timeline for U.S. weddings is very regional. Most afternoon weddings I've been to here (midwest) will take place at around 3p.m. and end at midnight (including ceremony and all) and rarely have a gap. I don't think I've actually been to a local wedding where there was an unhosted gap. And this isn't just for Catholic weddings. A lot of guests will leave around 9pm-ish if they are getting tired/sick of being there, but the party crowd will stay until last call. Most of the weddings I've been to in my area have also had a late night snack that comes out at 9ish, which is awesome, but not all have done this.
The weddings I've been to on the East coast, however, were much much shorter. Usually the ceremony started at 2-3 p.m. and it was over between 8-9 p.m. I was super confused as to why they were shutting down the party so early since I wasn't used to that at all! I wouldn't say that's the case for all East-coasters - but it was for all my East coast cousins!
I don't think there is anything wrong with either one or anything... they're just different.
ETA: Haha you guys are right - the east coast is massive. My East Coast cousins are from Maryland. I've been to about 4 their weddings so far and they were all done by 9 p.m. - even the one that was held in FL (but they, and 90% of the guests, were from MD). It could also just be a thing in my cousin's family, I suppose, but it seemed like all the guests thought that was pretty typical.
I think the timeline for U.S. weddings is very regional. Most afternoon weddings I've been to here (midwest) will take place at around 3p.m. and end at midnight (including ceremony and all) and rarely have a gap. I don't think I've actually been to a local wedding where there was an unhosted gap. And this isn't just for Catholic weddings. A lot of guests will leave around 9pm-ish if they are getting tired/sick of being there, but the party crowd will stay until last call. Most of the weddings I've been to in my area have also had a late night snack that comes out at 9ish, which is awesome, but not all have done this.
The weddings I've been to on the East coast, however, were much much shorter. Usually the ceremony started at 2-3 p.m. and it was over between 8-9 p.m. I was super confused as to why they were shutting down the party so early since I wasn't used to that at all! I wouldn't say that's the case for all East-coasters - but it was for all my East coast cousins!
I don't think there is anything wrong with either one or anything... their just different.
This is interesting, because most weddings I've been to (all on the west coast, none in a church) start later - ceremony around 5pm, reception until 11pm or so. I have never been to a wedding with a ceremony earlier than 4pm.
I think the timeline for U.S. weddings is very regional. Most afternoon weddings I've been to here (midwest) will take place at around 3p.m. and end at midnight (including ceremony and all) and rarely have a gap. I don't think I've actually been to a local wedding where there was an unhosted gap. And this isn't just for Catholic weddings. A lot of guests will leave around 9pm-ish if they are getting tired/sick of being there, but the party crowd will stay until last call. Most of the weddings I've been to in my area have also had a late night snack that comes out at 9ish, which is awesome, but not all have done this.
The weddings I've been to on the East coast, however, were much much shorter. Usually the ceremony started at 2-3 p.m. and it was over between 8-9 p.m. I was super confused as to why they were shutting down the party so early since I wasn't used to that at all! I wouldn't say that's the case for all East-coasters - but it was for all my East coast cousins!
I don't think there is anything wrong with either one or anything... their just different.
I think you need to be a bit more specific than the entire East Coast of the US.
I think the timeline for U.S. weddings is very regional. Most afternoon weddings I've been to here (midwest) will take place at around 3p.m. and end at midnight (including ceremony and all) and rarely have a gap. I don't think I've actually been to a local wedding where there was an unhosted gap. And this isn't just for Catholic weddings. A lot of guests will leave around 9pm-ish if they are getting tired/sick of being there, but the party crowd will stay until last call. Most of the weddings I've been to in my area have also had a late night snack that comes out at 9ish, which is awesome, but not all have done this.
The weddings I've been to on the East coast, however, were much much shorter. Usually the ceremony started at 2-3 p.m. and it was over between 8-9 p.m. I was super confused as to why they were shutting down the party so early since I wasn't used to that at all! I wouldn't say that's the case for all East-coasters - but it was for all my East coast cousins!
I don't think there is anything wrong with either one or anything... their just different.
I think you need to be a bit more specific than the entire East Coast of the US.
Yes. I am literally on the coast - in the beachy area of Virginia. We are waaaaaaay different from, say, NY/NJ and also waaaaay different from somewhere like Florida.
Most weddings I've been to have a 2:00 ceremony start, 45 minutes to hour ceremony then cocktail hour, then reception. The cocktail hour usually runs about 2 hours but always has tons of food, then the dinner and dancing. There's usually a midnight buffet. Most weddings wrap up between 1 and 2am when the bar has to roll up.
Again, people are just commenting on their experiences. It is difficult to make a generalization about customs in the USA because we are so large and diverse. My middle class, upper South, mid-size city experience will be different from a NYC, upper class experience and a California, small town, middle class experience.
I think the timeline for U.S. weddings is very regional. Most afternoon weddings I've been to here (midwest) will take place at around 3p.m. and end at midnight (including ceremony and all) and rarely have a gap. I don't think I've actually been to a local wedding where there was an unhosted gap. And this isn't just for Catholic weddings. A lot of guests will leave around 9pm-ish if they are getting tired/sick of being there, but the party crowd will stay until last call. Most of the weddings I've been to in my area have also had a late night snack that comes out at 9ish, which is awesome, but not all have done this.
The weddings I've been to on the East coast, however, were much much shorter. Usually the ceremony started at 2-3 p.m. and it was over between 8-9 p.m. I was super confused as to why they were shutting down the party so early since I wasn't used to that at all! I wouldn't say that's the case for all East-coasters - but it was for all my East coast cousins!
I don't think there is anything wrong with either one or anything... their just different.
I live in the North East- PA- and the timeline you have mentioned has been pretty standard for the 30+ weddings I've attended.
So I reiterate that we really need to get away from this "Thus and Such is regional" mentality when it's more accurately "Thus and such is a social circle" thing.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
LondonLisa I never said it was rude to not mention it's a cake and punch reception, or anything regarding the food, for that matter. I certainly don't think that, as I'm considering omitting it as well.
I ask a lot of questions on TK Forums, and I like to get answers with everyone's personal perspective. I like to know what my guests might be feeling or experiencing. So that's the input I was giving - how I feel as a guest - and I felt doing so wasn't a problem considering all the responses to this discussion, many of which seemed like personal opinions. This is just my personal experience, and yes, I do suffer from anxiety and am new to weddings. I have trouble with time management due to side effects of a medication I take. I was merely adding my personal experience, and literally just saying that not everyone thinks a surprise is pleasant. I'm sure other people deal with these sort of problems, although I know it is not the majority of guests. However, I personally already know many of my family members deal with anxiety and other problems, so if there was a guest out there who felt this way, if there was someone who had anxiety or mental illness or a physical affliction like one of my beloved guests, or just was similar in their way of thinking, it would be nice to know their experience. It's just my experience. I wasn't even trying to make it an argument, and I certainly wasn't remarking about anyone else's choices as a guest. Merely my own. Calm down, Knotties.
@PrettyGirlLost Thank you for the input on that line I was considering. We do not have a separate cocktail hour in our social circle. Light food, aka hors' doeuvres, will be served during the reception. Would you be happier with "cake and punch," or are you saying I shouldn't include such information on the invitation?
Because this information that is "helpful" to me is considered unnecessary by most, and there's this thing called money that we do not have much of for large inserts and larger invitations. In my social circle, inserts are unheard of. We use websites if we want any extra information.
@CaitFins I think it's just fine to have a line or two on your actual invitation that describes what type of reception you're having.
But for me "hors d'oeuvres and festivities to follow" isn't very descriptive. . . that sounds like a typical reception, one that I'd expect to include a meal.
What time is your reception? Maybe that would clue me in that no meal was being served.
And when are you taking pictures, are you doing a 1st look? If you are planning on doing it following your ceremony then you should have a cocktail hour to give your guests something to do while they wait for you.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Our ceremony is at 1:30pm or 2pm, but given the advice here I'm betting 2pm. We are doing photos mainly after the ceremony. Guests who aren't in the family photos may go straight to the reception, where we planned for normal reception activities to go ahead and start. Have beverages and most likely food already to start eating, find seating, have the music going, etc. We'll also have the guest book there, as well as other activities such as a photo booth and children's activities. The only difference between when we we arrive at the reception and before that is that the toasts, first dance, and cake cutting events will be after we arrive, but those aren't the entirety of a reception. Our guests enjoy socializing between each other very much. In our circle, we don't really make a separate time for a cocktail hour. It is all part of the reception.
Re: Cake and Punch Reception
My father's "city" family had huge sit-down receptions from the 40s on, there are some gorgeous pictures in the family albums.
As we see time and time again, what's "normal" or "traditional" with weddings is most typically a product of our familues and social circles, and not really anything to do with religion, region, etc.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
ETA: Apologies if this clip offends anyone. I like this band and find the video amusing.
The weddings I've been to on the East coast, however, were much much shorter. Usually the ceremony started at 2-3 p.m. and it was over between 8-9 p.m. I was super confused as to why they were shutting down the party so early since I wasn't used to that at all! I wouldn't say that's the case for all East-coasters - but it was for all my East coast cousins!
I don't think there is anything wrong with either one or anything... they're just different.
ETA: Haha you guys are right - the east coast is massive. My East Coast cousins are from Maryland. I've been to about 4 their weddings so far and they were all done by 9 p.m. - even the one that was held in FL (but they, and 90% of the guests, were from MD). It could also just be a thing in my cousin's family, I suppose, but it seemed like all the guests thought that was pretty typical.
So I reiterate that we really need to get away from this "Thus and Such is regional" mentality when it's more accurately "Thus and such is a social circle" thing.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
So it's not a regional thing!!!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I never said it was rude to not mention it's a cake and punch reception, or anything regarding the food, for that matter. I certainly don't think that, as I'm considering omitting it as well.
flantastic
@levioosa
I ask a lot of questions on TK Forums, and I like to get answers with everyone's personal perspective. I like to know what my guests might be feeling or experiencing. So that's the input I was giving - how I feel as a guest - and I felt doing so wasn't a problem considering all the responses to this discussion, many of which seemed like personal opinions. This is just my personal experience, and yes, I do suffer from anxiety and am new to weddings. I have trouble with time management due to side effects of a medication I take. I was merely adding my personal experience, and literally just saying that not everyone thinks a surprise is pleasant.
I'm sure other people deal with these sort of problems, although I know it is not the majority of guests. However, I personally already know many of my family members deal with anxiety and other problems, so if there was a guest out there who felt this way, if there was someone who had anxiety or mental illness or a physical affliction like one of my beloved guests, or just was similar in their way of thinking, it would be nice to know their experience. It's just my experience. I wasn't even trying to make it an argument, and I certainly wasn't remarking about anyone else's choices as a guest. Merely my own. Calm down, Knotties.
@PrettyGirlLost
Thank you for the input on that line I was considering. We do not have a separate cocktail hour in our social circle. Light food, aka hors' doeuvres, will be served during the reception. Would you be happier with "cake and punch," or are you saying I shouldn't include such information on the invitation?
Because this information that is "helpful" to me is considered unnecessary by most, and there's this thing called money that we do not have much of for large inserts and larger invitations.
But for me "hors d'oeuvres and festivities to follow" isn't very descriptive. . . that sounds like a typical reception, one that I'd expect to include a meal.
What time is your reception? Maybe that would clue me in that no meal was being served.
And when are you taking pictures, are you doing a 1st look? If you are planning on doing it following your ceremony then you should have a cocktail hour to give your guests something to do while they wait for you.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Our ceremony is at 1:30pm or 2pm, but given the advice here I'm betting 2pm. We are doing photos mainly after the ceremony. Guests who aren't in the family photos may go straight to the reception, where we planned for normal reception activities to go ahead and start. Have beverages and most likely food already to start eating, find seating, have the music going, etc. We'll also have the guest book there, as well as other activities such as a photo booth and children's activities.
The only difference between when we we arrive at the reception and before that is that the toasts, first dance, and cake cutting events will be after we arrive, but those aren't the entirety of a reception. Our guests enjoy socializing between each other very much. In our circle, we don't really make a separate time for a cocktail hour. It is all part of the reception.