We don't want kids or a plus one at our wedding

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

My FMIL is insisting on both. FI and I don't want either. Is it wrong for us to put our foot down on this issue?

glasgowtolondon · June 2016

When you say plus ones I assume you mean for truly single people? All guests with a partner of any length of time must be invited together and by name. If you are referring to true plus ones then no, these are not required. They are nice to have but not necessary. This is also true of inviting children, I am only inviting our nieces and nephews to our wedding. There may be people who will decline because their kids are not invited so you have to be okay with that.

However, since you and FI are not paying for any of your wedding at all you will probably find it hard to put your foot down. As we've already covered, he who pays gets a say.

charlotte989875 · June 2016

Knottie1466018219 said:

My FMIL is insisting on both. FI and I don't want either. Is it wrong for us to put our foot down on this issue?

If you mean allowing truly single (as in they don't consider themselves in a relationship) guests then no you don't have to extend plus ones to them. It is a good idea for planning purposes to "pencil in" a tentative +1 in case they are in a relationship by the time invites go out, but you don't have to allow single guests to bring a guest.

Same me for children, if you want an adult only wedding you just invite adults. However if you're having children participate in the ceremony (flower girl, ring bearer) they must be invite with their whole immediate family. Meaning if Susie is the slower girl and she has a brother Benji, you cant exclude Benji and just invite Susie.

But as @glasgowtolondon said if your FMIL is paying for the wedding she does get a say in the guests list and if she insists you may not have much room to argue with her.

AddieCake · June 2016

Who is paying for the wedding? Anyone who contributes financially should get a say to some degree, and the more money they are contributing, the more say they will want.

If you're paying for your own wedding and don't want kids there, then don't invite kids. Your fiance should tell his mother, "Mom, we will not be inviting kids to the wedding, and this discussion is closed. Are you busy this weekend? Want to come see Finding Dory with us?"

Even if she is contributing, if there is something you feel strongly about, I think it's within your right to have an honest discussion with her about your vision for the wedding, so there is nothing wrong with your fiance trying to convince her you guys would really prefer no kids.

As PPs said about the plus-ones, please be sure you're using the correct terminology when you throw that phrase out there. Many brides confuse the concept of a plus one with a significant other; the two are different things.

ETA: Oh, it's you again, the one "forbidden" to pay for your own wedding. Honestly, as much drama as there seems to be for you in this planning, I would just elope. Oh, wait. You "can't" b/c you always wanted a big wedding.

SP29 · June 2016

(S)He who pays, gets a say.

It's worth having an honest discussion with FMIL about your vision for the wedding, "we really pictured an adults only event" or "we really wanted to keep the guest list more intimate".

However, if parents are paying for your whole wedding, the final decision is up to them. If you are accepting a large sum of money from parents, your options are a) deal with it, because they are paying for your wedding or b) decline their offer and pay for the wedding you want.

Just so you know- as long as you are not splitting up a family (inviting one child from a family but not the other), it is fine to invite some children, but not others. For example, children of the immediate family (your nieces/nephews) but not the children of extended family or friends. Perhaps this is a place you can do some negotiating.

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

AddieCake said:

Who is paying for the wedding? Anyone who contributes financially should get a say to some degree, and the more money they are contributing, the more say they will want.

If you're paying for your own wedding and don't want kids there, then don't invite kids. Your fiance should tell his mother, "Mom, we will not be inviting kids to the wedding, and this discussion is closed. Are you busy this weekend? Want to come see Finding Dory with us?"

Even if she is contributing, if there is something you feel strongly about, I think it's within your right to have an honest discussion with her about your vision for the wedding, so there is nothing wrong with your fiance trying to convince her you guys would really prefer no kids.

As PPs said about the plus-ones, please be sure you're using the correct terminology when you throw that phrase out there. Many brides confuse the concept of a plus one with a significant other; the two are different things.

ETA: Oh, it's you again, the one "forbidden" to pay for your own wedding. Honestly, as much drama as there seems to be for you in this planning, I would just elope. Oh, wait. You "can't" b/c you always wanted a big wedding.

I don't think it's necessary to be bitchy about this. Does it make you feel like a better, more worthy person? If so, then glad my situation can be of service to you and your inflated ego.

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

Knottie1466018219 said:

AddieCake said:

Who is paying for the wedding? Anyone who contributes financially should get a say to some degree, and the more money they are contributing, the more say they will want.

If you're paying for your own wedding and don't want kids there, then don't invite kids. Your fiance should tell his mother, "Mom, we will not be inviting kids to the wedding, and this discussion is closed. Are you busy this weekend? Want to come see Finding Dory with us?"

Even if she is contributing, if there is something you feel strongly about, I think it's within your right to have an honest discussion with her about your vision for the wedding, so there is nothing wrong with your fiance trying to convince her you guys would really prefer no kids.

As PPs said about the plus-ones, please be sure you're using the correct terminology when you throw that phrase out there. Many brides confuse the concept of a plus one with a significant other; the two are different things.

ETA: Oh, it's you again, the one "forbidden" to pay for your own wedding. Honestly, as much drama as there seems to be for you in this planning, I would just elope. Oh, wait. You "can't" b/c you always wanted a big wedding.

I don't think it's necessary to be bitchy about this. Does it make you feel like a better, more worthy person? If so, then glad my situation can be of service to you and your inflated ego.

Oh, and a plus one means guest. A significant other of a guest is NOT a plus one because the significant other will have THEIR OWN name written on the invitation. Nice try to show off your snarky knowledge!

charlotte989875 · June 2016

Knottie1466018219 said:

AddieCake said:

Who is paying for the wedding? Anyone who contributes financially should get a say to some degree, and the more money they are contributing, the more say they will want.

If you're paying for your own wedding and don't want kids there, then don't invite kids. Your fiance should tell his mother, "Mom, we will not be inviting kids to the wedding, and this discussion is closed. Are you busy this weekend? Want to come see Finding Dory with us?"

Even if she is contributing, if there is something you feel strongly about, I think it's within your right to have an honest discussion with her about your vision for the wedding, so there is nothing wrong with your fiance trying to convince her you guys would really prefer no kids.

As PPs said about the plus-ones, please be sure you're using the correct terminology when you throw that phrase out there. Many brides confuse the concept of a plus one with a significant other; the two are different things.

ETA: Oh, it's you again, the one "forbidden" to pay for your own wedding. Honestly, as much drama as there seems to be for you in this planning, I would just elope. Oh, wait. You "can't" b/c you always wanted a big wedding.

I don't think it's necessary to be bitchy about this. Does it make you feel like a better, more worthy person? If so, then glad my situation can be of service to you and your inflated ego.

So Knottie#s you're new here but calling someone out like this, calling them bitchy doesn't fly. You need to take it down a notch (or seven..). If you disagree with someone's post or advice you can voice that, but not like this.

You've posted a lot in a short period of time without getting a feel for the boards, and you've thrown out a ton of info across the different posts, people are going to put all those posts together and comment on everything you post, but that doesn't give you a right to start name calling.

crowsgirl15 · June 2016

Knottie1466018219 said:

AddieCake said:

Who is paying for the wedding? Anyone who contributes financially should get a say to some degree, and the more money they are contributing, the more say they will want.

If you're paying for your own wedding and don't want kids there, then don't invite kids. Your fiance should tell his mother, "Mom, we will not be inviting kids to the wedding, and this discussion is closed. Are you busy this weekend? Want to come see Finding Dory with us?"

Even if she is contributing, if there is something you feel strongly about, I think it's within your right to have an honest discussion with her about your vision for the wedding, so there is nothing wrong with your fiance trying to convince her you guys would really prefer no kids.

As PPs said about the plus-ones, please be sure you're using the correct terminology when you throw that phrase out there. Many brides confuse the concept of a plus one with a significant other; the two are different things.

ETA: Oh, it's you again, the one "forbidden" to pay for your own wedding. Honestly, as much drama as there seems to be for you in this planning, I would just elope. Oh, wait. You "can't" b/c you always wanted a big wedding.

I don't think it's necessary to be bitchy about this. Does it make you feel like a better, more worthy person? If so, then glad my situation can be of service to you and your inflated ego.

This was SUCH an overreaction of a post. I also like that you chose this one comment to respond to, as opposed to the thread full of others saying basically the exact same thing. Your response and name calling was way worse than anything Addie said...particularly because she spoke the truth.

Look, I'm relatively new to posting on these boards. But I lurked for a long time to get the lay of the land. Perhaps you could have benefitted from the same, rather than choosing to post myriad threads detailing the same problem.

I don't know anything but what you've shared...but you come across as incredibly immature and unwilling to make the compromises that come with being an adult. There are such easy answers to all your questions: Talk to your FI, have your FI be up front with his mother, and decline her money and pay for your own damn wedding. NONE of those should be challenging concepts for an independent adult contemplating marriage.

AddieCake · June 2016

Nice try to show off my snarky knowledge? I assure you I wasn't showing anything off; I was answering your question. And I'm not really concerned with whether or not you find me bitchy, as it isn't your place to tell me or anyone here how to post.

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

charlotte989875 said:

Knottie1466018219 said:

AddieCake said:

Who is paying for the wedding? Anyone who contributes financially should get a say to some degree, and the more money they are contributing, the more say they will want.

If you're paying for your own wedding and don't want kids there, then don't invite kids. Your fiance should tell his mother, "Mom, we will not be inviting kids to the wedding, and this discussion is closed. Are you busy this weekend? Want to come see Finding Dory with us?"

Even if she is contributing, if there is something you feel strongly about, I think it's within your right to have an honest discussion with her about your vision for the wedding, so there is nothing wrong with your fiance trying to convince her you guys would really prefer no kids.

As PPs said about the plus-ones, please be sure you're using the correct terminology when you throw that phrase out there. Many brides confuse the concept of a plus one with a significant other; the two are different things.

ETA: Oh, it's you again, the one "forbidden" to pay for your own wedding. Honestly, as much drama as there seems to be for you in this planning, I would just elope. Oh, wait. You "can't" b/c you always wanted a big wedding.

I don't think it's necessary to be bitchy about this. Does it make you feel like a better, more worthy person? If so, then glad my situation can be of service to you and your inflated ego.

So Knottie#s you're new here but calling someone out like this, calling them bitchy doesn't fly. You need to take it down a notch (or seven..). If you disagree with someone's post or advice you can voice that, but not like this.

You've posted a lot in a short period of time without getting a feel for the boards, and you've thrown out a ton of info across the different posts, people are going to put all those posts together and comment on everything you post, but that doesn't give you a right to start name calling.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

crowsgirl15 said:

Knottie1466018219 said:

AddieCake said:

Who is paying for the wedding? Anyone who contributes financially should get a say to some degree, and the more money they are contributing, the more say they will want.

If you're paying for your own wedding and don't want kids there, then don't invite kids. Your fiance should tell his mother, "Mom, we will not be inviting kids to the wedding, and this discussion is closed. Are you busy this weekend? Want to come see Finding Dory with us?"

Even if she is contributing, if there is something you feel strongly about, I think it's within your right to have an honest discussion with her about your vision for the wedding, so there is nothing wrong with your fiance trying to convince her you guys would really prefer no kids.

As PPs said about the plus-ones, please be sure you're using the correct terminology when you throw that phrase out there. Many brides confuse the concept of a plus one with a significant other; the two are different things.

ETA: Oh, it's you again, the one "forbidden" to pay for your own wedding. Honestly, as much drama as there seems to be for you in this planning, I would just elope. Oh, wait. You "can't" b/c you always wanted a big wedding.

I don't think it's necessary to be bitchy about this. Does it make you feel like a better, more worthy person? If so, then glad my situation can be of service to you and your inflated ego.

This was SUCH an overreaction of a post. I also like that you chose this one comment to respond to, as opposed to the thread full of others saying basically the exact same thing. Your response and name calling was way worse than anything Addie said...particularly because she spoke the truth.

Look, I'm relatively new to posting on these boards. But I lurked for a long time to get the lay of the land. Perhaps you could have benefitted from the same, rather than choosing to post myriad threads detailing the same problem.

I don't know anything but what you've shared...but you come across as incredibly immature and unwilling to make the compromises that come with being an adult. There are such easy answers to all your questions: Talk to your FI, have your FI be up front with his mother, and decline her money and pay for your own damn wedding. NONE of those should be challenging concepts for an independent adult contemplating marriage.

You are right. I have a lot of growing up to do. Thank you for showing me where to improve in my life.

debbeau · June 2016

MUD?

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

debbeau said:

MUD?

I wish it was! Would make my life easier!

TrixieJess · June 2016

debbeau said:

MUD?

Starting to think OP takes everything and inserts all the drama into it. I have a BSC mother and my wedding planning hasn't been a sixteenth as stressful as Knottie#'s here because you know, boundaries and maturity.

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

TrixieJess said:

debbeau said:

MUD?

Starting to think OP takes everything and inserts all the drama into it. I have a BSC mother and my wedding planning hasn't been a sixteenth as stressful as Knottie#'s here because you know, boundaries and maturity.

QFT. 99% of the drama is because OP prioritizes her irrational view of 'big wedding or no wedding' over respecting the very people submitting to her vision.

If FMIL is truly emotional manipulative, the drama is still being created by OP who would rather complain and paint her FMIL as a horrible person rather than learn how to handle her and establish boundaries.

southernbelle0915 · June 2016

If you lurk the boards, you'll notice Addie gives really solid advice. You can take it or leave it.

I agree with her though. You can put your foot down but you don't have a leg to stand on if she is paying for your wedding. You lose some autonomy when someone else pays for your weding. You could certainly let her know your preference, but I won't push it too hard if that's what she wants and she's paying.

MandTFebruary62011 · June 2016

Plus if you want this "big beautiful wedding" so much then wouldn't kids and plus ones just make it bigger and more beautiful?

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

MandTFebruary62011 said:

Plus if you want this "big beautiful wedding" so much then wouldn't kids and plus ones just make it bigger and more beautiful?

Big? Yes! Beautiful? NO!!!!

InLoveInQueens · June 2016

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2016

@InLoveInQueens Can I have a nap and a juice? That sounds amazing.

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

InLoveInQueens said:

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

Thank you. This is very helpful. I like the advice about showing how little I care what they think. I'll give that a try. Appreciate your willingness to help me.

InLoveInQueens · June 2016

Knottie1466018219 said:

InLoveInQueens said:

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

Thank you. This is very helpful. I like the advice about showing how little I care what they think. I'll give that a try. Appreciate your willingness to help me.

I had to do it myself. My grandma called me and told me she wouldn't be coming to my city hall wedding because "no one is going, why even bother?" I just said "Sorry to hear you feel that way, we'll miss you". It hurt, a lot, but I didn't give in to her tantrum and she ended up coming and kept her mouth shut about how no one was there (though she did get teary and ask when she would be getting to hold a greatgrandbaby like 45 minutes after we said "I do"). It won't work with everyone, but it's a good starting point to setting up boundaries and showing that you're not going to be pulled into their shit.

MandTFebruary62011 · June 2016

Knottie1466018219 said:

InLoveInQueens said:

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

Thank you. This is very helpful. I like the advice about showing how little I care what they think. I'll give that a try. Appreciate your willingness to help me.

FYI the way to do that is to not react to it or be nice about it. Not to tell them anything like "I don't care what you think" (I hear na na na na boo boo after that in my head...)

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

MandTFebruary62011 said:

Knottie1466018219 said:

InLoveInQueens said:

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

Thank you. This is very helpful. I like the advice about showing how little I care what they think. I'll give that a try. Appreciate your willingness to help me.

FYI the way to do that is to not react to it or be nice about it. Not to tell them anything like "I don't care what you think" (I hear na na na na boo boo after that in my head...)

Thank you

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

MandTFebruary62011 said:

Knottie1466018219 said:

InLoveInQueens said:

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

Thank you. This is very helpful. I like the advice about showing how little I care what they think. I'll give that a try. Appreciate your willingness to help me.

FYI the way to do that is to not react to it or be nice about it. Not to tell them anything like "I don't care what you think" (I hear na na na na boo boo after that in my head...)

However, aside from wanting to host additional guests at your wedding, that she is paying for, you have yet to give us a single example of the behavior that you claim is so intolerable. I think some serious introspection may be in order to determine if she is the cause of the drama or if your reaction to a person you dislike is.

You have also been extremely aloof about cancelling your marriage over this woman. If this isn't MUD and you aren't a troll, you and your FI need to receive some premarital counseling to make sure a marriage is what each of you really want out of the other.

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

MandTFebruary62011 said:

Knottie1466018219 said:

InLoveInQueens said:

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

Thank you. This is very helpful. I like the advice about showing how little I care what they think. I'll give that a try. Appreciate your willingness to help me.

FYI the way to do that is to not react to it or be nice about it. Not to tell them anything like "I don't care what you think" (I hear na na na na boo boo after that in my head...)

However, aside from wanting to host additional guests at your wedding, that she is paying for, you have yet to give us a single example of the behavior that you claim is so intolerable. I think some serious introspection may be in order to determine if she is the cause of the drama or if your reaction to a person you dislike is.

You have also been extremely aloof about cancelling your marriage over this woman. If this isn't MUD and you aren't a troll, you and your FI need to receive some premarital counseling to make sure a marriage is what each of you really want out of the other.

Thank you for commenting.

Just to be clear, she is not paying the wedding. Just the Rehearsal Dinner.

We have discussed premarital counseling.

kimmiinthemitten · June 2016

Knottie1466018219 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

MandTFebruary62011 said:

Knottie1466018219 said:

InLoveInQueens said:

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

Thank you. This is very helpful. I like the advice about showing how little I care what they think. I'll give that a try. Appreciate your willingness to help me.

FYI the way to do that is to not react to it or be nice about it. Not to tell them anything like "I don't care what you think" (I hear na na na na boo boo after that in my head...)

However, aside from wanting to host additional guests at your wedding, that she is paying for, you have yet to give us a single example of the behavior that you claim is so intolerable. I think some serious introspection may be in order to determine if she is the cause of the drama or if your reaction to a person you dislike is.

You have also been extremely aloof about cancelling your marriage over this woman. If this isn't MUD and you aren't a troll, you and your FI need to receive some premarital counseling to make sure a marriage is what each of you really want out of the other.

Thank you for commenting.

Just to be clear, she is not paying the wedding. Just the Rehearsal Dinner.

We have discussed premarital counseling.

Then who is paying for the wedding? You have said that you and your FI were forbidden by both parents from paying for anything.

Knottie1466018219 · June 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie1466018219 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

MandTFebruary62011 said:

Knottie1466018219 said:

InLoveInQueens said:

I'm not fully convinced OP isn't 17 and ~engaged~ by how immature and shortsighted she is. Your MIL is paying for your dream wedding and you're so ungrateful that you can't wait to cut her out of your lives completely? I hope my future kid never brings home such a brat because I'd be hard pressed to not complain to anyone that would listen.

You are posting nonstop about all this drama that no one else sees! Your posts are trying to put you in the best light but you're just coming off as a petulant child who needs a nap and some juice. She maybe take a nap, have some juice, rub one out, go for a walk, yell into a pillow, and then maybe see a therapist before you destroy your relationship since they seems like the track you're on.

You know how to best treat people who thrive on drama (like your FMIL supposedly does but I'm still not sure it's not you who loves the drama) is show them how little you care about what they think. If they say something rude play dumb, act like what they said wasn't awful and pretend like you don't care and eventually you just won't because that's how they act and if they don't get a reaction they'll move on to someone/something else.

Thank you. This is very helpful. I like the advice about showing how little I care what they think. I'll give that a try. Appreciate your willingness to help me.

FYI the way to do that is to not react to it or be nice about it. Not to tell them anything like "I don't care what you think" (I hear na na na na boo boo after that in my head...)

However, aside from wanting to host additional guests at your wedding, that she is paying for, you have yet to give us a single example of the behavior that you claim is so intolerable. I think some serious introspection may be in order to determine if she is the cause of the drama or if your reaction to a person you dislike is.

You have also been extremely aloof about cancelling your marriage over this woman. If this isn't MUD and you aren't a troll, you and your FI need to receive some premarital counseling to make sure a marriage is what each of you really want out of the other.

Thank you for commenting.

Just to be clear, she is not paying the wedding. Just the Rehearsal Dinner.

We have discussed premarital counseling.

Then who is paying for the wedding? You have said that you and your FI were forbidden by both parents from paying for anything.

My family is

We don't want kids or a plus one at our wedding

Re: We don't want kids or a plus one at our wedding

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