So this is my first post, but I have lurked for a while. Not sure if I am venting or looking for advice or what, but appreciate the platform.
This is our second go around. Both of us are divorced and he had kids and a psycho ex wife where I have no children and am somewhere between divorcee and widow. (Ex died during divorce proceedings) He never had a large wedding, but I did and he seems to think he would be shortchanging me if we didn't have a big wedding. So, to make him happy, I agreed. And that is when hell was set loose.
First off, his brother's girlfriend appointed herself wedding planner. As this is not my first rodeo and I did everything for my first wedding, I thought this was ridiculous, but went along to keep the piece. (This is not my wedding, this is HIS) Next, I asked my four best friends whom I have known since 6th grade to stand with me. Pick a color, wear what they wanted, do nothing (I didn't want a bridal shower) and stand there with me. Easy right?
In May, all of my bridesmaids bailed after one of them decided she could not stand because she believes I don't accept his kids, ages 9, 11 and 12. The kids had pulled some really mean stunts on Mother's Day and I was venting my frustration with my friends. But, according to the lead bailing BM, I am not a "real" mom, don't accept his children like she accepts her fiancé's children (all of her fiancé's kids are out of high school and don't live with him, so she is not exactly in the same situation as me. My fiancé has his kids 24/7 as their bio mom abandoned them and shows up once in a while) Regardless, I tried to mend it with her but she was firm and then the other 3, one of whom was not even present when the argument took place, followed her lead and bailed. One of them went as far as to suggest I have his kids in the wedding even though the children have been involved and part of the bridal party since Day 1. And she knew this as I had sent them all pictures 2 days prior!
So fiancé and I stepped back to rethink everything. In the process of rethinking, we fired the wedding planner. Or should I say I fired the wedding planner because 1) she planned absolutely nothing, 2) had only met at one venue and then proceeded to state she was the wedding planner (unbeknownst to me) and then fought with the management of the venue and 3) she never quoted a price.
Two weeks ago, this action blew up in my face as her boyfriend, my fiancé's brother, demanded I apologize for firing his girlfriend. "Your woman disrespected my woman!" Excuse me?? Am I a camel?? Do I have "Property of Fiance" tattooed on my butt?? This then degenerated into a war between fiancé and his brother because brother and girlfriend refused to talk to me and wanted him to "put (her) in (her) place". Yeah, they don't know him and they don't know me! This de-evolved further to threats of them calling Child Protective Services on me for fabricated reasons and destroying the wedding ceremony and a host of varying threats in between. This girl has a business, supposedly, so not sure how far the last threat will go.
I guess I am at a loss. I have lost friends who meant something to me over this and my fiancé has lost a brother, although he claims it is no big loss. I know this man I am marrying is amazing beyond words because any other man would have fled by now. He has seen me at my worst and seen me at my best and he is still here.
One thing I HAVE learned. It's not always the bride who is the -zilla.