Snarky Brides

A lovely PPD story to share!

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Re: A lovely PPD story to share!

  • I mean, at least after 2 years of marriage sell it as a vow renewal (although vow renewals after a couple years are still weird), and don't do all the typical "wedding" stuff.

    Or, if you are having a convalidation (getting married in the Catholic Church because you didn't the first time), then that's more understandable.  But even with a convalidation, you don't typically do all the bells and whistles of a typical wedding.  It's still an important, solemn ceremony, but I wouldn't expect registry, bridal party, or similar things.  


    I have to say though, more than the PPD thing, I think I'm more bothered by the "cover your plate thing".  THAT is an awful mentality.  

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  • monkeysip said:
    I mean, at least after 2 years of marriage sell it as a vow renewal (although vow renewals after a couple years are still weird), and don't do all the typical "wedding" stuff.

    Or, if you are having a convalidation (getting married in the Catholic Church because you didn't the first time), then that's more understandable.  But even with a convalidation, you don't typically do all the bells and whistles of a typical wedding.  It's still an important, solemn ceremony, but I wouldn't expect registry, bridal party, or similar things.  


    I have to say though, more than the PPD thing, I think I'm more bothered by the "cover your plate thing".  THAT is an awful mentality.  
    No no, the mentality of it all is totally side eye able.  It's the boycott of the party that I don't totally get.   Go or don't go and give what you feel like giving - not what they feel like getting.   


  • banana468 said:
    monkeysip said:
    I mean, at least after 2 years of marriage sell it as a vow renewal (although vow renewals after a couple years are still weird), and don't do all the typical "wedding" stuff.

    Or, if you are having a convalidation (getting married in the Catholic Church because you didn't the first time), then that's more understandable.  But even with a convalidation, you don't typically do all the bells and whistles of a typical wedding.  It's still an important, solemn ceremony, but I wouldn't expect registry, bridal party, or similar things.  


    I have to say though, more than the PPD thing, I think I'm more bothered by the "cover your plate thing".  THAT is an awful mentality.  
    No no, the mentality of it all is totally side eye able.  It's the boycott of the party that I don't totally get.   Go or don't go and give what you feel like giving - not what they feel like getting.   



    To be fair, the "cover your plate" thing wasn't the couple, just a friend theirs. 

    so I personally disagree with the average TK mentality on PPDs. I don't really think they're a big deal, and I really only even "side eye" it in situations where it's truly just some kind of a big photo show. TBH, I've never really had that come up in my personal life, so I don't know what it "feels like". To me, I see a lot of value in saying vows publicly to family and friends, that's part of the commitment to me. and I mean me, personally, in my own relationship. Other people are free to define what's important to them and what they prioritize. But sometimes the legal day can't happen the same time as the public vow day because the couples needs legal benefits to, oh, I don't know, not get deported or not have to spend 10s or 100s of thousands of dollars on health insurance, or get updates about their loved one in the military and doesn't have the time or money to host all those people right. You know, all trivial selfish stuff, amiright? To those people, I don't care what you do and I'm happy to celebrate your love whenever you chose to share that commitment with me without assuming you're some entitled monster who wants a photo album.

    I think a lot of people are a lot more understanding about them than the "TK consensus" in certain situations (it seems to me like a lot of people just really hate being lied to. I don't personally feel like i'm being "lied to" unless the ceremony/committment truly means nothing to the couple, but this I understand), but since I got my opinion in first and a couple people agreed with me, people weren't as scared to come out of the wood work. At least, that's my observation of what happened. Who knows. :)
    shainaryan
  • banana468 said:
    monkeysip said:
    I mean, at least after 2 years of marriage sell it as a vow renewal (although vow renewals after a couple years are still weird), and don't do all the typical "wedding" stuff.

    Or, if you are having a convalidation (getting married in the Catholic Church because you didn't the first time), then that's more understandable.  But even with a convalidation, you don't typically do all the bells and whistles of a typical wedding.  It's still an important, solemn ceremony, but I wouldn't expect registry, bridal party, or similar things.  


    I have to say though, more than the PPD thing, I think I'm more bothered by the "cover your plate thing".  THAT is an awful mentality.  
    No no, the mentality of it all is totally side eye able.  It's the boycott of the party that I don't totally get.   Go or don't go and give what you feel like giving - not what they feel like getting.   



    To be fair, the "cover your plate" thing wasn't the couple, just a friend theirs. 

    so I personally disagree with the average TK mentality on PPDs. I don't really think they're a big deal, and I really only even "side eye" it in situations where it's truly just some kind of a big photo show. TBH, I've never really had that come up in my personal life, so I don't know what it "feels like". To me, I see a lot of value in saying vows publicly to family and friends, that's part of the commitment to me. and I mean me, personally, in my own relationship. Other people are free to define what's important to them and what they prioritize. But sometimes the legal day can't happen the same time as the public vow day because the couples needs legal benefits to, oh, I don't know, not get deported or not have to spend 10s or 100s of thousands of dollars on health insurance, or get updates about their loved one in the military and doesn't have the time or money to host all those people right. You know, all trivial selfish stuff, amiright? To those people, I don't care what you do and I'm happy to celebrate your love whenever you chose to share that commitment with me without assuming you're some entitled monster who wants a photo album.

    I think a lot of people are a lot more understanding about them than the "TK consensus" in certain situations (it seems to me like a lot of people just really hate being lied to. I don't personally feel like i'm being "lied to" unless the ceremony/committment truly means nothing to the couple, but this I understand), but since I got my opinion in first and a couple people agreed with me, people weren't as scared to come out of the wood work. At least, that's my observation of what happened. Who knows. :)
    I have a bigger issue when the couple wants a wedding that the church (and yes I am mostly talking about the Catholic church here due to my personal experience) won't recognize so they have a Church ceremony then their dream ceremony. If the church is that important to them, then they should have a church wedding and be done with it. Having a church wedding then a PPD later is just ridiculous to me.

    I agree that that's pretty silly. I'm not a religious person at all, which is part of why I think that PPDs don't bother me as much (since the moment of marriage doesn't matter to me in a religious context) but in that case, if you've decided a church wedding is important to you, than that's what's important to you. 

    In general, I try to assume the best of my friends and family  - that they're not trying to deceive me or scam me, that this is the most meaningful way for them to have their wedding. And note, for me it's about "saying vows in front of friends and family", not the big party. So if a church wedding means something you, than do that. If it doesn't, don't insult the church by faking your way through that (emotionally)
  • I have a bigger issue when the couple wants a wedding that the church (and yes I am mostly talking about the Catholic church here due to my personal experience) won't recognize so they have a Church ceremony then their dream ceremony. If the church is that important to them, then they should have a church wedding and be done with it. Having a church wedding then a PPD later is just ridiculous to me.
    Yes, and I usually see it in reverse.  They get married outside the Church, then have their church wedding later, which to me is kind of sham if you *planned* it that way (it's different if you later have a change of heart and decide that you want your marriage recognized in the church).  

    Either the church recognizing your marriage IS important, and your one and only wedding ceremony should be in the church, OR it's NOT important, and you should just forget it.  Even if your mom or grandma or great uncle insists that you have a Catholic wedding.  Put your adult underwear on and make a decision.  And stick with it.

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  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'll admit I didn't read the original post as closely as I did some of the replies. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about PPDs; I've been to a lot of weddings and a few AHRs, but I don't think I've ever been to a true PPD (as far as I know). So I probably should have kept my opinions to myself.
  • Here's the other reason for my take:

    This time we aren't talking to the bride.  If the married couple were posting if course I'd have a different approach.  

    But this is a post from a guest.   The host couple aren't going to change what they're doing so the question is how does the OP want to react.  My personal take is to think long and hard about refusing to attend something like this.   


    We have other posts about things that couples do.    I don't think that a gift grabby honey fund or registry of only expensive items means that the couple should get a metal chicken either.   
    OurWildKingdomkimmiinthemittenbohobrideCA
  • I'm in the no PPD club. People spend SO much time planning big poufy weddings and forget to plan the marriage. I feel like PPDs are buying into this idea that the wedding day is more important than the marriage. You get one day and there are no circumstances to which a PPD would be fine in my eye. I'm okay with having a 'meet the newlyweds' party where it is more about congratulating the couple and hanging out but no wedding dress or trappings of a wedding.

    Have the wedding you want, when you want and if you need to get married sooner than you thought (medical or legal issues) then you get married and perhaps decide to do a celebratory party afterwards without the trappings of a wedding.

    I've been lied to and even been to one where I knew it was a sham. Both times it just didn't feel right. It was like a show where I felt like I was part of a circus. I went because they were my friends and I'm not about to sacrifice a relationship for that, but I didn't like the feeling.

  • Ugh.  These people have been MARRIED for TWO YEARS.  I would go if they were close friends, but it seems really over the top to me to stage this production. 
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Here's the other reason for my take:

    This time we aren't talking to the bride.  If the married couple were posting if course I'd have a different approach.  

    But this is a post from a guest.   The host couple aren't going to change what they're doing so the question is how does the OP want to react.  My personal take is to think long and hard about refusing to attend something like this.   


    We have other posts about things that couples do.    I don't think that a gift grabby honey fund or registry of only expensive items means that the couple should get a metal chicken either.   
    This is where I'm at. Personally, on PPD's I'm more like @kahluakoala and I tried to defend them in my early days on TK. What I have learned from my time here is that it's one thing to advise people seeking advice on the correct and etiquette approved way to do things. It's another when you're the guest responding to the etiquette faux pas. At the end of the day, we know that our family and friends are just human and may not always see it/know it/ do it that way and as the guest we have the choice to allow that to harm a relationship or to side eye it and move on. I also learned that as a guest some things, like PPDs won't bother me, but may bother others. 

    Had OP been a bride coming for advice on "how to PPD," I'm sure the responses would have been totally different. 
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  • fyrchkfyrchk member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm stuck on the bachelorette and bachelor parties and the shower. I'd probably go to the PPD and give a card and maybe a small gift...MAYBE. But the parties and a shower? I'd decline those. One they aren't single so ne need for the b-parties and the shower seems gift-grabby. Just my two cents.
    bohobrideCAInLoveInQueens
  • I had a pair of friends get quicky married because he'd otherwise get deported. It was about a dozen people in total, her dad paid for a sit down dinner at Morton's Steakhouse in Boston, she wore a cream dress and he wore a suit. Hurray, she doesn't change her last name, he gets his citizenship, life goes on, and then four years later there's an announcement about their upcoming wedding on Facebook. 

    "Congrats," I write," But didn't you get married 4 years ago?"

    My comment is deleted. I post again, this time a picture of all of us at the JOP and "What was this we were all at?" and go about my merry day. Find out later it was deleted.

    She was so hard up for a PPD, that she eliminated any mention of her marriage, goes in for the custom made dress, gets a photobooth, urban chic photos in front of a filthy ally, and then finally changes her name online. 

    I somehow was not invited. 
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