I have 3 sisters, none of whom I'm particularly close with, and a best friend of 16 years who is more or less just part of the family (our families do everything together), that I would like to include in the wedding party. I would really like to ask my best friend to be my MOH, but I feel like it would be really bad form to not ask my older sister (there's 7 years between us).
When my fiancee and I got engaged she reacted really badly, making faces and all that, and it really hurt my feelings. I also know that she doesn't really like my fiancee. On top of that, she's told me that if her and her boyfriend ever get married they would go to a beach somewhere tropical with 2 of their friends and get married. However, even after all of this she still expects me to ask her to be my MOH!
My mother thinks I should just chose my sister and suck it up, but I'm not so sure, and I really don't know what to do.
Any advice, or anecdotes, or suggestions would be very helpful.
Re: Choosing a MOH.
While I get the desire to keep the peace with the family and have your older sister by your side as your MOH, it won't end up changing your relationship with her for the better. Her current behavior is already an indicator of how she'll act as your wedding gets closer, and you'd be much happier surrounded by supportive people. (In fact, with some lurking you'll find plenty of other women who have been swayed to select family to be part of the WP and have ended up miserable.)
Remind your mom that you're an adult and that the WP is not up for discussion. If you say anything less definitive, you'll get the hard sell and might end up caving. Good luck!
I have no doubt that the masses of ladies who frequent these boards would have a more dignified way of addressing it, but I would probably only say something to your sister when the need arises (in the same vein as not confronting someone just to tell them that they're not invited to the wedding or something like that) and after you've already asked your best friend to be your MOH. If your sister asks why you didn't ask her, cite her lack of support after your engagement (and any times thereafter) as the reason why.
You'll probably have to deal with a good bit of radio silence as fallout, but it sounds like that's a better alternative to her negativity and your mom's forcing of the issue.
ETA: and therefore hopefully makes it less insulting and personal against your sister.
But also, you don't need to have a MOH, you could just have 4 bridesmaids. That way there are no hurt feelings and everyone is standing up with you, equally.
I would have loved to ask FSIL to be my bridesmaid but I know she would politely decline as she has the view that the bridal party should be your closest friends as your immediate family is going to be there for everything and just as part of the wedding party. Maybe this view will help? Tell her that you still want her to get ready with you and all of that but she doesn't have to walk the aisle and can wear whatever she wants.
I would ask your best friend to be your MOH. If you really want your sister in your wedding party, ask her to be a bridesmaid. If anyone questions that, I'd respond, "I gave it a lot of thought and ultimately chose the people I feel closest to for the roles I asked them to fill." Don't engage them further.
Those in your WP are supposed to be your nearest and dearest, people you'd like to honour with the role, who you couldn't imagine getting married without. Doesn't sound like your sister fits in well there.
It is your decision to make and up to you to decide how much family drama there will be and how much you want to deal with. But remember, the WP decision is yours and yours alone. Don't make this decision to please others.
Personally, I would ask your friend to be your MOH. Then consider if you will have your 3 sisters as bridesmaids, or perhaps only a MOH and no bridesmaids.