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Attire & Accessories Forum
FeelTheRain
member
Bride vs. Groom opinion on suits
When I was looking for my bridesmaid dresses, the very first thing I asked everyone was what their budget was and what they were comfortable spending. I made sure to be really careful to not exceed the lowest amount for all of the dresses and was actually able to find something even more budget friendly than that! That being said, I spent a ton of time shopping to find the best deal that I knew everyone would be comfortable in with all of the different body types. At the end of the search, all of my girls are thrilled with the price and the dress. I've been told separately by all of them that it's the best BM dress they've ever had which is awesome! So now, we're 3 months out from the wedding and it's time for the GM and dad's and ushers to get their suits. We decided to have all of the guys purchase their own suit that FI picked out instead of renting tuxes. He told me the cost of a rented tux is around $150 and he was going to try and keep the price of the suit to around $200. We have looked at all of the different stores he wanted to go to and the minimum price is $285. That doesn't count the shirt...or the tie....or anything besides the pants and jacket. He's going to tell all of them just to wear whatever black dress shoes they already have and I've convinced him that the tie and pocket squares he wants can be part of a GM gift for all of them. So we're looking at $300+ for these suits. I told him that seemed like a LOT OF MONEY to me for one day. I know they can keep the suits and it's always nice for a guy to have a nice suit that's fitted to them. They're dark navy so can be worn for any dressy occasion so it's not like a bridesmaid dress where, no matter how much you like it, you'll probably never wear it again. FI's opinion is that since we're older (34 years old) and all of the GM are in the same age group, everyone is established enough that they can afford $300+ for this suit. I understand his mindset, but I still feel like he needs to clear it with all of them before he decides on asking them to spend that much money. What do you think? I know $300 is a good price for a fitted suit and they all know that $150 is pretty common around here for a tux rental so I know they are aware it will be at least that much. But is it rude that he's not asking them up front if they're comfortable with that amount? Prices haven't been discussed at all with any of them. We are extremely close with all of the GM and I know that they all *can* afford it. But shouldn't they get a say in how much they'd prefer spending and we probably shouldn't assume that $300(ish) is just fine with all of them? I don't want to butt in as I feel like this is his choice and he didn't make any comments on how I handled the BM dresses. This is between him and the GM but I do want to make sure we're not overstepping before he makes a final decision and tells them all how much he's asking them to shell out on these!
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Re: Bride vs. Groom opinion on suits
BUT! Why is he dictating this at all? Not all suit styles look good on all guys so telling a guy to buy a specific suit is not a good option. Is there an issue with telling his groomsmen "get a dark navy suit for the wedding, whether that means renting one, buying one, or borrowing one and we will provide the tie and pocket square."? This way, they can choose to buy a suit if they want, they can get a flattering style, and they can make sure they get one within their budget.
Also, if its something you want them to wear in your wedding its not a gift. Those ties and pocket squares are for your wedding, not as a nice treat for them.
Suits and their fit is a somewhat personal preference thing also. I'd hate to see my H spend that kind of money on a suit he would hate to wear; he may well wear it only once just like your BMs.
The concern about the photos and the look of things should never override your loved ones' comfort and budgets.
DD had a full Catholic mass in a large, historic church (not a cathedral ). The BMs didn't all match but all wore navy. The navy colors were very close. The GMs did match but see my comment above. I think you are both over thinking this. No one, and I mean no one will look askance at them not matching! Everyone commented on how beautiful all the girls were.
Your FI needs to have a discussion with each groomsman about their budget. If you want same styles, go the rental way because then they won't be stuck paying a lot for something that they might not wear again.
My FI does not look good in most of the traditional cuts (think built like a linebacker) and he has to go and get special cut suits. He has one in all the normal colours and has always managed to look just fine with all the other suits in a wedding party.
Priorities.
First, I would look someplace like Kohl's, JCP, or Sears to see if they have a navy suit that would be far more budget friendly. Heck, even Walmart offers a basic suit.. Really, he needs to talk to the guys and find out what they're comfortable spending on this. $150 is FAR different from $300 without even adding in shirts, ties, and pocket squares. Also, some guys aren't fans of Navy Blue suits, so they may say "just rent" for the sake of they'd rather rent than own a suit in a color they're NAF of...
Wedding Vision does not trump friendship!
We we gave them pocket squares, ties, nice collar stays, and tie pins, along with a personalized gift as part of their present. Now every time we see one of them at a wedding they point out that they all actually have tie pins.
Ppint being, insist your FI talks to them; maybe they're all in the market for a new sit (ours were, the BM bought two bc they were such a good deal), maybe they wear suits for work, maybe they're tight on cash, maybe they never wear suits. Have him talk to them and see what they want to do.
We ask BMs to pay for a dress they are likely to only wear once all the time, so I don't think it should be any different for a GM. However, the same rules regarding budget still apply.
Just because they can afford $300+, doesn't mean they want to. My DH owns a made to measure 3 piece navy suit. He wouldn't be particularly happy about paying $300+ for another one. Sure, if it was a different suit that he didn't own yet, and he liked the company, he'd do it but unless you'd need to ask all the GM and be prepared to change the colour should that be the case.
When we got married, DH, his best man and groomsman did buy suits. DH asked their budget first, then found a place to buy. It's a Canadian company, but they bought from Eph Apparel. They have many options, the availability to customize some aspects and they are made to measure. All 3 got navy suits, but they weren't the exact same. He also asked both men if they owned a navy suit or not prior.
I really don't think different shades of navy would look bad, but even if you do, is that really more important than the budget and concerns of his groomsman/dad?
I don't care where your wedding is being held. Mine was a catholic mass at the oldest, most historic, gorgeous church in town, and our groomsman all had different grey suits made by different designers. They each came from kohls and were $100 or less each. We bought identical ties for them, but otherwise, they used whatever white dress shirt they had. It looked great. No one died. Our pictures look great. And we were still married at the end of the day.
DON'T ask them to go over their budget. Make this easier. It's NOT worth stressing so much!
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Sounds like you are on the right track with asking the budgets. I second going to a box store JCP, Sears, (Boscov's is a great option where I live) even Macy's has some excellent prices on their suits and it may very well be cheaper to buy those than rent.
For our wedding we told the guys to wear a grey color. We had a checkered light grey, two "mid greys" and three charcoal greys that were repurposed by the family members that were all in the Brother-in-laws wedding party. Then the groom went and got a Black suit anyway!!! My BM's did have the same Gown color, but all had different styles and I think it made it look all the more awesome in photos!
In the past, I never saw groomsmen in suits. Always (poorly-fitting) rental tuxes. Maybe the guys are so used to rental tuxes they'll be happy to just be buying a suit they can wear again.
But if your FI ever wants to ask the crowd here, I'm a person who can assure him that suits to fit body type matter more than being identical styles and colors, and no one's going to know the difference. Our guys wore black suits out of their closets and in the pictures you'd never know they weren't "identical."
Good luck OP!
The GMs weren't completely uniform, yeah, but neither were my bridesmaids. I gave them two different colors to choose from (peach and green), told them to keep it knee length, and then they bought whatever dress style they wanted. Everybody was super pleased how well it turned out and we got compliments from a lot of people about how nice it was to see the variation and complementing colors. We also had a full Catholic Mass in an old stone church.
If you are into a more uniform look (which it sounds like you are), that's fine, too. But I agree with PPs, give them the suit color (maybe have your FI send them a "model" photo of a suit to base their choices off of) and then let each guy figure out where to get it from.
ETF spelling
Do it like they do with BM gowns: tell the guys: "Wear a dark suit; rent a charcoal grey one" -- or whatever your color choice is.