Restricting social media at wedding?

DrillSergeantCat · July 2016

@mobkaz & @madamerwin I am an idiot. I didn't remember saying that about the sisters. Chalk it up to exhaustion.

LtPowers · July 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:

LtPowers said:

It's definitely rude for a guest to stand in the middle of the aisle, block the groom's and bridesmaids' view of the bride, block the photographer, and just generally get in the way.

But, as always, it's rude to call someone out on their rudeness. And doubly rude to call someone out on their rudeness preemptively!

Disagree. They will never learn unless they are told. It's why we discipline children, rather than letting them do whatever the shit they want to.

If more ppl said "Margaret, wtf are you thinking?! You're blocking the photographer!! Move to get your pic or sit the fuck down!" We would have less obnoxious Aunt Margarets blocking shots at weddings.

I apologize for not being clear.

It's rude to say "You're being rude" or "What you're doing is against etiquette" (unless asked, of course). What you can do is correct the transgression while allowing the transgressor to save face. For example, "I'm sure you don't realize, but I think you might be blocking the photographer." That gives the person a chance to say "Oh, dear, I think you're right" and move out of the way.

FeelTheRain · July 2016

If the photographer is already booked and the contract is already signed (6 months ago) and you are just now finding out that it's rude to ask guests to not be taking pictures (silently or not) during the actual ceremony itself...how do you retroactively handle that? I can't change the contract with the photographer but I do know that he had mentioned that he didn't want to be taking pictures around other people with their cell phones out (during the ceremony only). At the time I honestly didn't think anything of it. I figured that I was spending a ton of money on him for amazing pictures and the way he was explaining it made total sense to me. After reading all of this I'm realizing that I don't necessarily want or need an "unplugged" ceremony. I like the idea of having different pictures from different angles that everybody can get. Do we just have the priest mention to please silence cell phones and call it good? My photographer can't actually expect me to dictate that to people during the ceremony...if they take pictures then deal with it, right? That seems like something that would be really hard to control from the photographers point of view and my own during the ceremony itself. So I guess (unless I hear differently) Point 1: Have the priest remind people to silence their phones and maybe that will be enough of a clue that phones should be discreet. Point 2: The photographer's going to just have to deal with it if it happens right? I can't make people put their phones away during the ceremony.

charlotte989875 · July 2016

FeelTheRain said:

If the photographer is already booked and the contract is already signed (6 months ago) and you are just now finding out that it's rude to ask guests to not be taking pictures (silently or not) during the actual ceremony itself...how do you retroactively handle that? I can't change the contract with the photographer but I do know that he had mentioned that he didn't want to be taking pictures around other people with their cell phones out (during the ceremony only). At the time I honestly didn't think anything of it. I figured that I was spending a ton of money on him for amazing pictures and the way he was explaining it made total sense to me. After reading all of this I'm realizing that I don't necessarily want or need an "unplugged" ceremony. I like the idea of having different pictures from different angles that everybody can get. Do we just have the priest mention to please silence cell phones and call it good? My photographer can't actually expect me to dictate that to people during the ceremony...if they take pictures then deal with it, right? That seems like something that would be really hard to control from the photographers point of view and my own during the ceremony itself. So I guess (unless I hear differently) Point 1: Have the priest remind people to silence their phones and maybe that will be enough of a clue that phones should be discreet. Point 2: The photographer's going to just have to deal with it if it happens right? I can't make people put their phones away during the ceremony.

Does your contract actually say something about this specifically?

I wouldnt say or do anything. If he brings it up before the wedding I'd go with "I don't feel comfortable telling my guests how to act or behave at my event so I won't be mentioning anything about them taking photos during the ceremony or otherwise", but don't bring it up if you don't have to.

I dont think you need to have the priest mention the phones, but if he does no big deal. What is your photographer going to do, stop the ceremony and tell people not to take pictures? That would be super unprofessional.

ILoveBeachMusic · July 2016

charlotte989875 said:

FeelTheRain said:

If the photographer is already booked and the contract is already signed (6 months ago) and you are just now finding out that it's rude to ask guests to not be taking pictures (silently or not) during the actual ceremony itself...how do you retroactively handle that? I can't change the contract with the photographer but I do know that he had mentioned that he didn't want to be taking pictures around other people with their cell phones out (during the ceremony only). At the time I honestly didn't think anything of it. I figured that I was spending a ton of money on him for amazing pictures and the way he was explaining it made total sense to me. After reading all of this I'm realizing that I don't necessarily want or need an "unplugged" ceremony. I like the idea of having different pictures from different angles that everybody can get. Do we just have the priest mention to please silence cell phones and call it good? My photographer can't actually expect me to dictate that to people during the ceremony...if they take pictures then deal with it, right? That seems like something that would be really hard to control from the photographers point of view and my own during the ceremony itself. So I guess (unless I hear differently) Point 1: Have the priest remind people to silence their phones and maybe that will be enough of a clue that phones should be discreet. Point 2: The photographer's going to just have to deal with it if it happens right? I can't make people put their phones away during the ceremony.

Does your contract actually say something about this specifically?

I wouldnt say or do anything. If he brings it up before the wedding I'd go with "I don't feel comfortable telling my guests how to act or behave at my event so I won't be mentioning anything about them taking photos during the ceremony or otherwise", but don't bring it up if you don't have to.

I dont think you need to have the priest mention the phones, but if he does no big deal. What is your photographer going to do, stop the ceremony and tell people not to take pictures? That would be super unprofessional.

A lot of churches don't allow photos during the ceremony. DD's didn't. The priest just said something at the beginning about this being a religious ceremony and photos were not allowed. I've had similar requests given at other weddings too. I think that is a perfectly reasonable thing to have done if it is a church requirement.

charlotte989875 · July 2016

ILoveBeachMusic said:

charlotte989875 said:

FeelTheRain said:

If the photographer is already booked and the contract is already signed (6 months ago) and you are just now finding out that it's rude to ask guests to not be taking pictures (silently or not) during the actual ceremony itself...how do you retroactively handle that? I can't change the contract with the photographer but I do know that he had mentioned that he didn't want to be taking pictures around other people with their cell phones out (during the ceremony only). At the time I honestly didn't think anything of it. I figured that I was spending a ton of money on him for amazing pictures and the way he was explaining it made total sense to me. After reading all of this I'm realizing that I don't necessarily want or need an "unplugged" ceremony. I like the idea of having different pictures from different angles that everybody can get. Do we just have the priest mention to please silence cell phones and call it good? My photographer can't actually expect me to dictate that to people during the ceremony...if they take pictures then deal with it, right? That seems like something that would be really hard to control from the photographers point of view and my own during the ceremony itself. So I guess (unless I hear differently) Point 1: Have the priest remind people to silence their phones and maybe that will be enough of a clue that phones should be discreet. Point 2: The photographer's going to just have to deal with it if it happens right? I can't make people put their phones away during the ceremony.

Does your contract actually say something about this specifically?

I wouldnt say or do anything. If he brings it up before the wedding I'd go with "I don't feel comfortable telling my guests how to act or behave at my event so I won't be mentioning anything about them taking photos during the ceremony or otherwise", but don't bring it up if you don't have to.

I dont think you need to have the priest mention the phones, but if he does no big deal. What is your photographer going to do, stop the ceremony and tell people not to take pictures? That would be super unprofessional.

A lot of churches don't allow photos during the ceremony. DD's didn't. The priest just said something at the beginning about this being a religious ceremony and photos were not allowed. I've had similar requests given at other weddings too. I think that is a perfectly reasonable thing to have done if it is a church requirement.

It's one thing if the venue prohibits photograph, but she had posted about the photographers contrac, not the venue. I think it's completely reasonable to respect a venue that doesn't allow photography (professional or otherwise) because there is usually a good reason (IME its been due to painting or other artwork), but I think that's a very different thing than telling your guests to "be in the moment" or not take photos. Or for your photographer to say they can't take good pictures if the guests are taking pictures.

ILoveBeachMusic · July 2016

charlotte989875 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

charlotte989875 said:

FeelTheRain said:

If the photographer is already booked and the contract is already signed (6 months ago) and you are just now finding out that it's rude to ask guests to not be taking pictures (silently or not) during the actual ceremony itself...how do you retroactively handle that? I can't change the contract with the photographer but I do know that he had mentioned that he didn't want to be taking pictures around other people with their cell phones out (during the ceremony only). At the time I honestly didn't think anything of it. I figured that I was spending a ton of money on him for amazing pictures and the way he was explaining it made total sense to me. After reading all of this I'm realizing that I don't necessarily want or need an "unplugged" ceremony. I like the idea of having different pictures from different angles that everybody can get. Do we just have the priest mention to please silence cell phones and call it good? My photographer can't actually expect me to dictate that to people during the ceremony...if they take pictures then deal with it, right? That seems like something that would be really hard to control from the photographers point of view and my own during the ceremony itself. So I guess (unless I hear differently) Point 1: Have the priest remind people to silence their phones and maybe that will be enough of a clue that phones should be discreet. Point 2: The photographer's going to just have to deal with it if it happens right? I can't make people put their phones away during the ceremony.

Does your contract actually say something about this specifically?

I wouldnt say or do anything. If he brings it up before the wedding I'd go with "I don't feel comfortable telling my guests how to act or behave at my event so I won't be mentioning anything about them taking photos during the ceremony or otherwise", but don't bring it up if you don't have to.

I dont think you need to have the priest mention the phones, but if he does no big deal. What is your photographer going to do, stop the ceremony and tell people not to take pictures? That would be super unprofessional.

A lot of churches don't allow photos during the ceremony. DD's didn't. The priest just said something at the beginning about this being a religious ceremony and photos were not allowed. I've had similar requests given at other weddings too. I think that is a perfectly reasonable thing to have done if it is a church requirement.

It's one thing if the venue prohibits photograph, but she had posted about the photographers contrac, not the venue. I think it's completely reasonable to respect a venue that doesn't allow photography (professional or otherwise) because there is usually a good reason (IME its been due to painting or other artwork), but I think that's a very different thing than telling your guests to "be in the moment" or not take photos. Or for your photographer to say they can't take good pictures if the guests are taking pictures.

I was responding to the previous post about the priest mentioning it.

katsandtatts · July 2016

I'm sure I can answer my own question on your opinions (even though I only read pg. 1 of this thread) however, we were toying with the idea of having an unplugged ceremony. After that we were actually going completely the opposite direction by having a wedding hashtag! We're having a short ceremony and we want everyone to be in the moment with us and then after those 20mins please take as many pictures as you want and do post them (with our hashtag of course, hehe). Last thing I want to do is offend anyone by having a cell-phone-free ceremony, but unfortunately in this day-and-age it's something that has to be said otherwise everyone will be glued to their cells!

[Deleted User] · July 2016

katsandtatts said:

I'm sure I can answer my own question on your opinions (even though I only read pg. 1 of this thread) however, we were toying with the idea of having an unplugged ceremony. After that we were actually going completely the opposite direction by having a wedding hashtag! We're having a short ceremony and we want everyone to be in the moment with us and then after those 20mins please take as many pictures as you want and do post them (with our hashtag of course, hehe). Last thing I want to do is offend anyone by having a cell-phone-free ceremony, but unfortunately in this day-and-age it's something that has to be said otherwise everyone will be glued to their cells!

@katsandtatts the original post was about restricting posts to social media NOT about havin an unplugged wedding. However, both in this thread and many other threads there are many discussions about unplugged ceremonies. Please do a search and closely read the responses. The general consensus will be to not do this. And NO, this is not something that has to be said in this day and age.

InLoveInQueens · July 2016

katsandtatts said:

I'm sure I can answer my own question on your opinions (even though I only read pg. 1 of this thread) however, we were toying with the idea of having an unplugged ceremony. After that we were actually going completely the opposite direction by having a wedding hashtag! We're having a short ceremony and we want everyone to be in the moment with us and then after those 20mins please take as many pictures as you want and do post them (with our hashtag of course, hehe). Last thing I want to do is offend anyone by having a cell-phone-free ceremony, but unfortunately in this day-and-age it's something that has to be said otherwise everyone will be glued to their cells!

...there are those magic words.

And no, it doesn't need to be said "in this day and age", your guests should be socially aware enough to understand that a wedding ceremony is not the time to browse facebook and if they're not your warning isn't going to stop them. Seriously, people of all days and ages find distractions in newspapers and books and now phones, that doesn't mean they're going to be "glued to their cells" during your vows. Are you going to march back down the aisle and slap your 11 year old cousin's phone out of his hand? What are you going to do if/when someone disregards your instructions?

This also has nothing to do with the OP, which was about posting on social media before the couple can/at all since they want to vet the pictures that go up. Nothing to do with the rudeness of acting like your guests aren't able to put their phones away for the half hour of your ceremony. But just wait, now that you've said the magic words there are going to be a few knotties coming in with awesome pictures they wouldn't have save their awesome guests taking shots during their ceremony.

YogaSandy · July 2016

katsandtatts said:

I'm sure I can answer my own question on your opinions (even though I only read pg. 1 of this thread) however, we were toying with the idea of having an unplugged ceremony. After that we were actually going completely the opposite direction by having a wedding hashtag! We're having a short ceremony and we want everyone to be in the moment with us and then after those 20mins please take as many pictures as you want and do post them (with our hashtag of course, hehe). Last thing I want to do is offend anyone by having a cell-phone-free ceremony, but unfortunately in this day-and-age it's something that has to be said otherwise everyone will be glued to their cells!

There are a million ways I can not be in the moment that don't require my cell phone. You can't control people's minds, so you cannot force them to be in the moment. I get it ... I am a yoga teacher - all about mindfulness, but I find this excuse rude and presumptuous. It is not for anyone to police if anyone else is in the moment or not.

And no, I don't need anyone to tell me to unplug to know to stay off of my phone (I'm not talking about using it for a camera). It does not need to be said. I am an adult and know that playing on my phone when at a social event is rude. Camera ... Ok ... waiting for news on a family emergency ... not the same as playing on my phone. Also, when I got married, I didn't notice one.single.thing any guests were doing at the ceremony. I only noticed my husband (and making sure I didn't trip walking down the aisle).

katsandtatts · July 2016

@ironring @InLoveInQueens @YogaSandy geez sorry I said anything, the comments I'd been reading were about both social media usage/posting and about unplugged ceremonies... clearly my choice of words and the place I wrote them was inappropriate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Restricting social media at wedding?

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