Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
perdonami
member
Bridesmaid Etiquette
So, my friend is having a traditional Catholic wedding in the next few days and I am very excited for her!
But, I have some concerns as I am not familiar with Catholicism and am worried I may accidently do something offensive or make myself look stupid, and thus make her feel embarrassed. A few months ago, I asked a of couple times if there is going to be any kind of rehearsal and apparently there won't be. She explained that we won't be told what to to do until 30 minutes before the ceremony. She also explained to me that she hasn't spoken to her priest about the process but that the rest of her family is handling it.
Now, I just recently received a text that some of the bridal party is meeting up prior to the wedding the night before to discuss the ceremony but that I don' t need to come.
Is it normal to not have a rehearsal prior to a traditional Catholic wedding? Is there anything I should know besides the basics?
ETA:
I also recently discovered that she has provided us with jewelry to wear as our BM gift. Of course I don't mind receiving jewelry as a gift, but I wanted to wear my own since I matched it to the shoes and dress she selected for us to wear.
I don't want to come off as rude if I don't wear it but I'd much rather wear my own.
But, I have some concerns as I am not familiar with Catholicism and am worried I may accidently do something offensive or make myself look stupid, and thus make her feel embarrassed. A few months ago, I asked a of couple times if there is going to be any kind of rehearsal and apparently there won't be. She explained that we won't be told what to to do until 30 minutes before the ceremony. She also explained to me that she hasn't spoken to her priest about the process but that the rest of her family is handling it.
Now, I just recently received a text that some of the bridal party is meeting up prior to the wedding the night before to discuss the ceremony but that I don' t need to come.
Is it normal to not have a rehearsal prior to a traditional Catholic wedding? Is there anything I should know besides the basics?
ETA:
I also recently discovered that she has provided us with jewelry to wear as our BM gift. Of course I don't mind receiving jewelry as a gift, but I wanted to wear my own since I matched it to the shoes and dress she selected for us to wear.
I don't want to come off as rude if I don't wear it but I'd much rather wear my own.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bridesmaid Etiquette
Hoping some Catholic Knotties comment; I grew up Catholic, but a lot has changed since I left the church.
I would also encourage you to follow the lead of another non-Catholic bridal party member. If you end up doing something not perfect, at least you will be in good company.
Rehearsals aren't always necessary. The bride should be willing and able to answer any questions that you have. If she doesn't have time/is unwilling to provide answers to your question, you could always ask a member of her family for specifics.
It's not unusual to have non-Catholic guests present at weddings and masses. Most priests are welcoming and accustomed to giving clear, brief instruction during the mass. They will gesture when to stand, sit, kneel. If you aren't comfortable about kneeling during mass, it's okay to remain seated.
Anyway, there's really not anything one can do that would be offensive or look stupid that it's not already common sense not to do at a wedding, like running around the aisles or talking during the ceremony. Stand when others stand, sit or kneel when they do, and it's acceptable to remain sitting when others kneel, though you should scoot up a bit so the person behind you is not directly up on your back. Do not feel obligated to speak/sing since you likely will not know the words. If the priest says something like "The peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you," the response is, "And also with you." Bow your head during prayer out of respect, but you need not do anything else if you don't pray personally.
As far as the ceremony, it's easily something you can be told what to do 30 minutes ahead. You can assume you will be walking down the aisle in some fashion, possibly with a groomsman or alone, and you will either stand at the front or sit in the first row. Super easy and no need for rehearsal.
I assume that the bride's family is Catholic; I'd follow their lead.
All of this, in addition to what Marie and Guac said.
But to the second bolded, the answer is now: "And with your spirit". They changed most of the phrasing used in Mass around 4-5 years ago now.
You can probably skip trying to follow along in the Missal, as the priest/deacon leading the ceremony will announce sitting/standing/kneeling. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.
During the Sign of Peace, it is a time to shake hands with your neighbors and wish them peace. During some Catholic ceremonies, the B&G may go to all WP members and their parents during this time. So that may be slightly longer than usual.
And if you have someone sitting behind you, and you don't want to kneel, please sit forward a bit. It's very difficult for the person behind you to properly kneel if you are sitting all the way back.
You most likely will not be the only non-Catholic, so just follow the program listen for what the priest says. Don't worry, you'll be fine!
I was a bridesmaid in a Greek wedding once, and I was more thrown by not understanding the language than i was being in a church outside of my faith. The Greek-speaking BM next to me helped me a lot.
None of my bridesmaids were Catholic and one was Jewish. No one embarrassed themselves. It's pretty hard to do so no worries.
Participate in what you want to response-wise. Also, if the sign of peace comes up, my priest made a point in our knowing that it derives from a Jewish tradition and is not a Christian-specific peace.
The key piece of advice here is don't participate in the Communion. But if some how, you somehow get swept up in the line, and you're approaching the priest and everyone is getting communion, when you get to him, cross your arms over your chest, hands on shoulders. He won't give you the bread then. Instead he'll give you a blessing or a sign of peace. But best to just not get in the line if you can help it.
This. I'm culturally Jewish, religiously agnostic / atheist (haven't decided between the two). When I attend a catholic wedding, I just sit there. Honestly, if I don't believe what's being preached, i think it's more respectful to just sit and listen than to go along with the motions just because everyone else is doing it. I don't want to disrespect anyone's faith by pretending.
I haven't been to a Catholic service in over 5 years (and am not Catholic, we went with a friend) and the Presbyterian church we attend now still uses 'And also with you.' Interesting that the Catholic phrase changed.
So that's my only observation! Don't do communion!
Well, the bishop presiding over the service that week was a guest bishop (actually in town for the same conference I was) and somehow missed this repeated instruction (or forgot?). When I got to the front of the line and they had the 6 of us kneel in a row he came down the line to give the bread, and then was followed a minute later by someone else with the chalice of wine. I was kneeling there, observing the whole thing with interest, with the program cupped in my hands and my hands resting on top of the bannister. Instead of giving me a blessing he put the bread into my hand, next to the program! I kind of froze and tried to decide quickly what to do - he had already moved on to the next person, and now I'm holding this sacred object and the cup of wine is moving towards me. And all the while the choir is singing beautiful music, and there's still a line of 20+ people waiting behind me and everyone's watching. I panicked a bit and just took it.
ETA:
I'm going to bring my own stuff but I plan on wearing her gift to me as I want to make her happy and do nothing to hurt her feelings on her special day.