I was married about a year ago. I had a lot of drama with my wedding. While I am happy with my husband, the drama and emotions from a year ago are resurfacing
With my mom, orginally she offered to pay for the wedding "no strings attached". There were strings it turned out. Husband and I refused her money. We were going to elope. Friends wanted us to have a party. We had a small one 35 people. I planned 90%. I am not a planner. I was miserable and had no idea what i was doing.
My inlaws were told of our plans and asked opinions along the way. We told my parents nothing until we made the decision weeks later. I was very angry.
PIL are in their 70s. MIL is disabled from polio. I suspect she has dementia. However, FIL will not discuss it with us. Her disability declined the year of our engagement. We didn't know. We talked to FIL about the venue and if it met her needs beforehand. He said it would. Later, it didn't. They were both angry at me for not having it at a hotel. We had it at a winery. We couldn't afford a hotel.
My MIL, during the weekend of my shower, asked my (now NC) mom what she was doing the day of the wedding. Mom said helping me get ready (I didn't even know that!). MIL said: "I never heard of that". MIL was offered a chance to see the venue that weekend, but turned it down in favor of going shopping. She dragged my husband along too (he didn't want to go, but she would have gotten angry otherwised).
The following month before my wedding. MIL complained to FIL about what my mom said. Two weeks before the wedding. FIL said to my husband that it was rude MIL wasn't invited because of her disability. (I didn't even though about it). Husband talked to me about this. I talked to mom. Mom said she just wanted to help me with my dress, but did realize it sounded a little tacky after the fact. I offered to try to get her hair done. However, it would be akward having a "girls event" if FIL was dragged along as her caretaker, but I would do it. Husband said that they wouldn't accept anyway because of pride. Note: mom wasn't coming to get her hair done because we would have fought. Mom went to beauty school and did her own hair.
MIL and FIL demanded to know (for the first time!) the specifics of the wedding 5 days before. MIL was upset about the rehearsal being planned and refused to attend because it interfered with the rehearsal dinner. They were 4 hours apart with plently of time between each event. MIL was also upset that I asked my husband to get items from our venue the day after. This was a contractual obligation. MIL was nice enough to let me sleep in with my new husband though (after asking).
They were upset with me because i gave them "nothing to do". I tried to schedule a "first look" with MIL. She called it stupid. I didn't feel comfortable giving them "in charge" tasks the day of event if they weren't going to see the venue and meet the coordinator. They refused to speak to my husband after the wedding until both of us apologized. We simply said "Sorry you didn't get the experience you wanted. Nothing was in oversight." MIL was happy, but still lashed out we didn't call during the honeymoon.
I look at my wedding with saddness now because i was yelled at my parents in the early parts of the engagement, by my inlaws before and after the wedding. My extended family also called me a "Bridezilla witch" afterwards.
What could i have done differently? I didn't intend to leave anybody out. I was trying to make it through planning my wedding....I can organize an event. I needed help to make sure everyone felt "included" and I simply didn't have it...