What could I have done differently with my MIL?

Re: What could I have done differently with my MIL?

• poodledoodleooo member

  

  August 2016

  Sorry, we are not therapists. We can't help you solve your personal issues or make you feel better about this past situation. My advice is below:
  
  
  

  Report2 Reply
• ThisShamanluvsaMage member

  

  September 2016

  
  
  It's been a year.  Suck it up, buttercup.

  tumblr_inline_n10p5qKs0d1r4iw8x.gif 352.6K

                         

  Report0 Reply
• MesmrEwe member

  

  September 2016

  Knottie27938820 said:

  What did i do to deserve such treatment? I felt like I went out of my way to be accommodating?
  
  

  
  OP - The reality is this, you can't control others interpretation of the day, only your own. So focus on YOUR/YH interpretation of the day and let the negative emotions that keep getting rehashed drain away.  You aren't going to have a "do over", you're married, there's nothing that can be done today to change the way the details went down the day-of the wedding.  The only thing you can change is how gatherings are done in the future, take notes of the things you can control, and just go from there.  If anyone brings up the wedding, bring out the bean dip. 

  And I'm guessing here - but - the suggestion about MIL having dementia - next time you have the urge to comment like that, probably best to stow it...  You've got a failure to communicate diplomatically that you may want to recognize and work on a tad...

  Report3 Reply
• mollybarker11 member

  

  September 2016 edited September 2016

  I can think of a few things you could have done differently to avoid the specific issues you outlined here, but they mostly come down to standing up for yourself and communicating more clearly. Those are things you can work on in the future, but there is nothing you can do to change your wedding day since it is in the past.
  
  - Stop focusing on the sadness in your memories and think of the most important part of it: You got married!
  - Put aside your confusion and just accept that your in-laws were hurt by your actions (whether their hurt is warranted or not isn't up to you).
  - Do what you can to repair your relationship with them.
  
  
  Based on this thread and the previous thread about your own parents, there seems to be a recurring issue with DWELLING & OVERREACTING in your family and in you yourself.
  
  I strongly urge you to speak with a therapist about these burdens you are carrying. He or she can teach coping mechanisms that will allow you to control your responses to things and to let go of things that are beyond your control.
  

  Report3 Reply