Parental Say in College Majors

Jen4948 · September 2016

TheMostHappy15 said:

Jen4948 said:
I don't know-I got "discouraged" by my parents from doing things I would much rather do with my life than be a CPA (and there are plenty of CPAs to go around) by parents being "realistic," so I am stuck with a resume that's a straitjacket. I can't get any jobs that aren't tax jobs at CPA firms-even though I've come to really, really hate it-because everyone assumes I can't do anything else. Recruiters and hiring managers take one look at my resume, and if I'm applying for anything that's not a public accounting job specializing in tax work, they get "scared" and I can't even get a fucking interview. I wake up every morning having to psych myself to go into the office and spend the better part of every day (it's tax season now, so I get no time off, not even for Labor Day) doing a "realistic" job that doesn't even pay enough.

First of all, I'm really sorry you're going through all that! I hope you keep trying and find something you like better soon because no one should have to do something that makes them miserable every day.

Even still- I'm a very open person and I think it would be disingenuous and dishonest of me as a parent to pretend I didn't have concerns about my kid going into a career path that I thought was unlikely to work out well for them. And at the end of the day I'm not holding a financial carrot over their heads so really it's their choice whether or not to take my advice. I would hope that by that point in their life they've learned not everyone is going to agree with your decisions and have the ability to weigh my concerns rationally against their own opinions.

I hope this doesn't sound critical because I truly don't know to what degree your parents simply discouraged versus really pushed you- but you were an adult when you decided to pursue this path and at some point you've gotta take some ownership over the choice that you ultimately made. It sucks you aren't happy with that choice now, but I think it's better to focus on how you're going to change paths going forward than to dwell on unhappiness that your parents weren't 100% on board with just telling you should do whatever you wanted to, heedless of practical considerations.

I think it's one thing to have concerns, but to put any pressure on your kids by refusing to pay for school if they don't study what you want them to study or being really snarky about their career choices is not a good thing. I'm not suggesting you're doing this -- just that it's not a good thing to do.

It would be one thing to say to a kid, "Johnny, I'm wondering why you want to be a lawyer because you don't like to write reports or make speeches and you have to do a lot of both if you want to become a lawyer" and something else completely to say, "Johnny, the world has enough lawyers. Do something 'realistic' with your life." Because if Johnny is a good writer and public speaker, law might be just the thing for him. And it might be completely "realistic" that he can see himself doing that, regardless of how many lawyers there are out there.

And if if a kid is not used to standing up for themselves with parents who are really overbearing and throwing their financial weight around, then I do think the bolded comes across as a little condescending if they have trouble "owning" whatever decisions they make in college. Because even if they are legal adults, they are probably not emotional full adults (and often not financially independent) and just aren't equipped to make an educated career decision that they can really "own."

Unfortunately, they are being expected to make life-altering decisions with little knowledge and experience of the world and probably no real experience with work in the fields related to their major, and it sticks to them forever because of the way hiring decisions are made now. I think people are entitled to feel disappointed about that, and the fact that they might have regrets doesn't mean that they "dwell on unhappiness" about their parents not being 100% on board with just telling them they should do whatever they wanted to.

themosthappy91 · September 2016

I think it's one thing to have concerns, but to put any pressure on your kids by refusing to pay for school if they don't study what you want them to study or being really snarky about their career choices is not a good thing. I'm not suggesting you're doing this -- just that it's not a good thing to do.

It would be one thing to say to a kid, "Johnny, I'm wondering why you want to be a lawyer because you don't like to write reports or make speeches and you have to do a lot of both if you want to become a lawyer" and something else completely to say, "Johnny, the world has enough lawyers. Do something 'realistic' with your life." Because if Johnny is a good writer and public speaker, law might be just the thing for him. And it might be completely "realistic" that he can see himself doing that, regardless of how many lawyers there are out there.

And if if a kid is not used to standing up for themselves with parents who are really overbearing and throwing their financial weight around, then I do think the bolded comes across as a little condescending if they have trouble "owning" whatever decisions they make in college. Because even if they are legal adults, they are probably not emotional full adults (and often not financially independent) and just aren't equipped to make an educated career decision that they can really "own."

Unfortunately, they are being expected to make life-altering decisions with little knowledge and experience of the world and probably no real experience with work in the fields related to their major, and it sticks to them forever because of the way hiring decisions are made now. I think people are entitled to feel disappointed about that, and the fact that they might have regrets doesn't mean that they "dwell on unhappiness" about their parents not being 100% on board with just telling them they should do whatever they wanted to.

I think we're mostly saying the same thing but just have a slightly different place we draw the line between expressing concern and putting pressure. I definitely agree it's not realistic to expect kids starting college to completely own their career choices (the law school example's a bit different in my mind- though 22 is still young you've also been on your own for four years at that point so to me it's more reasonable to expect them to know their own minds and maturely weigh their options). But I honestly think there is a place for saying "That job is not in demand right now so I'd encourage you to explore how your interests might be directed towards a field with better job prospects." That's just being realistic about how the world works. Ultimately the only case I can ever see myself putting real pressure (i.e. withholding money I would have otherwise given the kid for school) is if they were trying to do something that was highly competitive that they clearly didn't have aptitude for, as in my previous theater example- another sad reality of the world is sometimes the things you really like doing just need to be a hobby.

julieanne912 · September 2016

charlotte989875 said:

julieanne912 said:

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych.

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists.

In-state tuition is $20,000 a year. Out-of-state tuition is $40,000. If I'm paying for, you better believe I have a say in where I spend my money.

I get that, I just see so many students in my classes, in my office that are doing poorly in their classes or hate what they're doing because their parents are telling them what they should be taking. I had a student who was in the nursing program and hated it; she was upset a lot of the time, she wasn't doing well, and she wanted to become involved in nonprofit work but her parents said they wouldn't pay for that, even when we had a high placement rate for what she wanted to do. They also wouldn't co-sign loans for her to do something different. I felt terrible for her because she was getting a degree in something she didn't want to do all because her parents told her what she could or couldn't major in.

I feel like a situation like this is similar to a wedding. If her parents are paying for it, then they get a say in it. If it's not making her happy and she wants to do something different, then she could always figure out a way to pay for it herself, or finish her degree they WILL pay for, and then figure out a way to get into what she wants to do after.

Except how many 18 year olds have $20,000+ at their disposal? And students can't get financial aid without their parents income information and signature OR being declared financially independent (and showing they get zero money, support, assistance) from their parents.

For or a wedding most couples can decline the money and pay for some type of wedding, but with colleges without a parent signing off a student ant get loans or other ways to fund their education. Yes, they can work for years and save until they have their own income, but at 18 w/o a college degree it's unlikely they'll make any real money to do that.

Im not saying parents shouldn't have a role in the kids education, of course they should. But holding financial aid hostage isn't the way to do it.

I was able to get student loans when I was 18 without my parents cosigning.

WinstonsGirl · September 2016

I don't agree with parents having a say in their kid's major. The kid is the person who needs to spend 4+ years studying the subject, and potentially living in a similar working environment after. If they don't want to do it, it's going to be a waste of money. I can see having a say in school, but even that is stretching it for me. Way too many of my students are already stressed and having anxiety issues in grades 8/9 cos their parents say they have to be a Doctor but they don't want to be one (and likely won't get into medical school either, which adds another level of stress).

I was lucky in that my parents did RESP's for my and my brother. Basically, I got the principle for year 1 (about $10000) and then the interest that had accumulated over the years for the next 3 years (about $5000). They helped with my 5th year, so my undergrad degrees were completed debt free. I've paid for my Masters (along with work).

I see no issues with parents offering help with the first year, two, three, four, whatever you can afford, but then cutting off a kid if things aren't progressing. So yes, we'll pay for your undergrad, but if you don't finish in 4 years, you're on your own. Also, Uni is much cheaper up here, I think. The most I paid was just under $6000 for more than a full load of classes for the year.

levioosa · September 2016

My family put pressure on me, however, I put more pressure on myself. I would have absolutely loved being a humanities, social science, English, or art history major. I didn't do them because I knew each one of those was a dime a dozen for college grads, and I'd have to work super hard to accomplish the bare minimum to survive. I went with job security, because I can pursue those passions outside of work, and outside of my major. Not that I don't like my career path, because I love science, but I chose based off of practicality. Originally I went into college as a dual major for English and Biology so I could teach. When I switched to nursing my family was really happy. The job market is rough where I live for pretty much any degree, but teachers are really getting the shit end of the stick. Plus, with my degree now, I can teach higher education (which is ultimately what I would have wanted to do anyways) in supplementation to my current career path, or it can replace it in the event that I become burned out.

madamerwin · September 2016

julieanne912 said:

charlotte989875 said:

julieanne912 said:

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych.

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists.

In-state tuition is $20,000 a year. Out-of-state tuition is $40,000. If I'm paying for, you better believe I have a say in where I spend my money.

I get that, I just see so many students in my classes, in my office that are doing poorly in their classes or hate what they're doing because their parents are telling them what they should be taking. I had a student who was in the nursing program and hated it; she was upset a lot of the time, she wasn't doing well, and she wanted to become involved in nonprofit work but her parents said they wouldn't pay for that, even when we had a high placement rate for what she wanted to do. They also wouldn't co-sign loans for her to do something different. I felt terrible for her because she was getting a degree in something she didn't want to do all because her parents told her what she could or couldn't major in.

I feel like a situation like this is similar to a wedding. If her parents are paying for it, then they get a say in it. If it's not making her happy and she wants to do something different, then she could always figure out a way to pay for it herself, or finish her degree they WILL pay for, and then figure out a way to get into what she wants to do after.

Except how many 18 year olds have $20,000+ at their disposal? And students can't get financial aid without their parents income information and signature OR being declared financially independent (and showing they get zero money, support, assistance) from their parents.

For or a wedding most couples can decline the money and pay for some type of wedding, but with colleges without a parent signing off a student ant get loans or other ways to fund their education. Yes, they can work for years and save until they have their own income, but at 18 w/o a college degree it's unlikely they'll make any real money to do that.

Im not saying parents shouldn't have a role in the kids education, of course they should. But holding financial aid hostage isn't the way to do it.

I was able to get student loans when I was 18 without my parents cosigning.

Me too. All financial aid was in my own name, because all of it was federal aid. My parents were not on the hook for any of it (though my mom was awesome and filled out my FAFSA for me every year). However, that is not possible for everyone; if you do not qualify for income-based federal financial aid because your family makes too much money, but not enough money to pay out of pocket, then you may very well need your parents to co-sign on a private loan in order to pay for school.

ernursej · September 2016

I really liked the way my parents thought about college with me and my sister.

We were told that we would be offered free room and board, access to a car and some limited financial assistance if we stayed at home for whatever post secondary we were wanting to do. They didn't care the major or even what school (trade/technical/local college or university). If our program of interest was not offered in our area, they were willing to pay the amount that would equal room/board/access to a car for going away. We had to pay for our own tuition for our first degree. My Mom said that there was a method to the madness - she hoped that we would really think about what we wanted to do and the ramifications of our choices if it was our own money we were spending/working for. She also helped us set up some meetings with a career counsellor to look at our interests and discuss loans vs. earning potential.

I went into nursing, held down a part time job (full time during summer) and graduated debt free. My sister started with a 4 year music performance degree and then went back to get her teaching degree. She had some debt from her first degree (music performance doens't leave a lot of time for jobs) and no debt from her second degree as my parents paid for it. We both stayed local.

I appreciate the way that they let me figure out what would make me happy and support me in my decision but not hand things to me on a silver platter.

I chose nursing as a way to get into medicine and then decided not to return because I loved nursing.

monkeysip · September 2016

As a history and theology major, I always bristle at the idea that humanities should be discouraged, or that they aren't "worth" a degree because the fields tend not to pay much.

First of all, I think you can pursue a lot of higher paying fields starting with a BA in humanities. Different fields are often looking for the kind of writing skills, critical thinking, and overall world view that you can gain from humanities classes.

Second of all, I hate this idea that college is just a financial investment, and your degree is only worth what you can get paid for it later. I think education is worth SO much more than just monetary value. Education used to be viewed as good for the person and for society, not just getting a job. I do use my degrees, but they're also for me. Even if I didn't use them in my career, my college experience made me a better person.

At the same time, I'm NOT saying people should go into 100k debt for a degree that will pay hardly anything. People really do need to be more wise with how much debt they take on, and I agree that a more expensive or out of state school doesn't necessarily mean a better education or degree.

Ironically, most of my student loan debt isn't from tuition. It's because I spent too much on crap in college. I got almost a full ride in college and grad school (except my last year). And some of my expenses were understandable. But I also was a stupid 20 year buying clothes and going out to restaurants.

MCmeow · September 2016

It was both pressure from my parents and from myself. If I had all the say on it I would've been an artist traveling around, but seeing my own starving artist dad I knew it was unrealistic. There's also high expections when you're a 1st generation American, it's hard to take it for granted. So I went into biomedical engineering first. I gave it up because it wasn't for me, I would've been miserable. I spent a semester figuring out what I want and nearly went with fine arts after all. My dad and strangely his girlfriend at the time sat me down and convinced me not to, she told me "you almost did engineering, you're really smart and can do something male dominated, you don't need to give up and do something that won't challenge you, you can do art at any point of your life" (she's also an artist) so I realized architecture was perfect and went with that. I'm glad they pressured me, I can live comfortably, and of course I would've never met my FH! Oh also I went from a private college to a public one so I don't have much student loan debt at all.

monkeysip · September 2016

scribe95 said:

Our daughter is a senior in high school and is very confused about what she wants to do. We try to be encouraging but make sure to ask questions like, 'what kind of job would you get in that field?"

We have been steering her away from women's studies, for instance, because I don't think it's very practical as far as finding a job or career in that field. But would be a good minor.

And only in-state here, public here. We just don't have the money for anything else. Heck, not sure we have the money for that.

You've probably already done your research, so this is maybe more for others than you, but just make sure to research scholarship possibilities with private schools because sometimes they offer more help than public and can end up cheaper (that was true with my private university). Public may generally be cheaper, but not always, so it's good to check!

tigerlily6 · September 2016

*waves* Double major in humanities here, and masters in humanities. Could only find job teaching high school, which was not what I wanted. It may work for some people, but it just didn't fit me well, and I really wish I had had my parents or an advisor sit me down and talk about the practicality of career advising beforehand. Now I'm in law school, which I'm feeling very good about, but I'm one of the "old" students, and it hurts at times when I see my friends from undergrad buying houses while I sink further into debt.

I don't think a humanities degree was in any way worthless, and I loved what I studied. But I also love the idea of being able to afford regular- person groceries. If I had a child that really wanted to go for it, I would like to think I'd support it. I just think that you need to have very serious discussions about the realism of what kind of jobs you can get and want to get at an early stage in the game -- and this talk includes salaries and geographic mobility and whatnot. Sadly, a lot of students in these fields don't get this info until late in the game, if at all.

themosthappy91 · September 2016

scribe95 said:

Our daughter is a senior in high school and is very confused about what she wants to do. We try to be encouraging but make sure to ask questions like, 'what kind of job would you get in that field?"

We have been steering her away from women's studies, for instance, because I don't think it's very practical as far as finding a job or career in that field. But would be a good minor.

And only in-state here, public here. We just don't have the money for anything else. Heck, not sure we have the money for that.

I think encouraging kids to minor in something you have reservations about is a really great idea- gives them a chance to actually see how they stack up against others considering that field and make sure they really enjoy it as much as much as they think they will. Plus that way they are still in a position to pursue it if it really becomes clear it's their calling or at least they have a little something on paper to show for it if they decide not to pursue the subject any further.

CMGragain · September 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

I basically told my 19 year old that we were absolutely not paying for him to go to college to major in psychology or humanities/liberal arts. Too many kids really enjoy high school psychology so they decide to major in it without the realization that there's so much more education needed than a bachelor's degree to be a psychologist.

My former roommate was just complaining the other day that she has two degrees yet makes half what her high-school only educated boyfriend makes. He's an electrician. Her degrees are in History and dance, but she doesn't want to teach.

There's nothing wrong with majoring in non-STEM or business related degrees, but these days it takes more than just a Bachelor's degree a lot of the time.

I'd actually like to see more parents pushing for their kids to go to technical schools and learning a trade instead of the push for college.

I was a music major. I knew that teaching would be the best way to support myself. I took an extra semester to get my teacher's qualification. It might have been nice to go to Germany and sing opera, but I wanted a normal home life, and I knew I wasn't going to be an opera superstar. Sigh.

My daughter knew several people with master's degrees in subjects like history and English Lit. They worked behind a counter at retail stores for minimum wage with no benefits. She showed them how easy it was to get certified as a teacher, and to get a teaching job. They were astounded at the difference in their lifestyle and income! The history major couldn't take the high school kids and their issues, but her other two friends are happily paying off their college loans with their teaching salary and actually enjoying teaching, too.

I knew a man from Iowa who wanted to be an opera singer. All his teachers told him, "No, you don't have the talent." He taught high school music for several years in Iowa to finance his further training. Some years later he was singing at the Metropolitan Opera and around the world. His name was Sherrill Milnes. Drake University will never live that down!

huskypuppy14 · September 2016

monkeysip said:

scribe95 said:

Our daughter is a senior in high school and is very confused about what she wants to do. We try to be encouraging but make sure to ask questions like, 'what kind of job would you get in that field?"

We have been steering her away from women's studies, for instance, because I don't think it's very practical as far as finding a job or career in that field. But would be a good minor.

And only in-state here, public here. We just don't have the money for anything else. Heck, not sure we have the money for that.

You've probably already done your research, so this is maybe more for others than you, but just make sure to research scholarship possibilities with private schools because sometimes they offer more help than public and can end up cheaper (that was true with my private university). Public may generally be cheaper, but not always, so it's good to check!

Yes! I realize it was 16 years ago but my financial aid package and scholarships for my private out of state university made it less expensive then room and board for in state public university. I got free tuition to that instate school too. I also got loans without my parents but student loans without a co signer are capped at a certain amount. I didn't need the extra loans, due to my scholarship and financial aid ( which I neede my parents financial info for) but my sister did and my parents co signed on her loans.

My experience was that room and board was cheaper than tuition for private schools but the opposite for public schools.

I also majored in biochemistry and knew I wanted to be a scientist in HS. But forcing a kid into a STEM field is a very bad idea. My curriculum was very hard even though for the most part I enjoyed the subjects and was good at them. They are designed that way to weed people out. So for someone that doesn't even like science and math but is only doing it to appease parents is setting them up for failure.

MobKaz · September 2016

WinstonsGirl said:

I don't agree with parents having a say in their kid's major. The kid is the person who needs to spend 4+ years studying the subject, and potentially living in a similar working environment after. If they don't want to do it, it's going to be a waste of money. I can see having a say in school, but even that is stretching it for me. Way too many of my students are already stressed and having anxiety issues in grades 8/9 cos their parents say they have to be a Doctor but they don't want to be one (and likely won't get into medical school either, which adds another level of stress).

I was lucky in that my parents did RESP's for my and my brother. Basically, I got the principle for year 1 (about $10000) and then the interest that had accumulated over the years for the next 3 years (about $5000). They helped with my 5th year, so my undergrad degrees were completed debt free. I've paid for my Masters (along with work).

I see no issues with parents offering help with the first year, two, three, four, whatever you can afford, but then cutting off a kid if things aren't progressing. So yes, we'll pay for your undergrad, but if you don't finish in 4 years, you're on your own. Also, Uni is much cheaper up here, I think. The most I paid was just under $6000 for more than a full load of classes for the year.

I agree 100%. My daughter took honors math classes in HS. However, when it was time to sign up for geometry, she knew she would struggle at the honors level. She tried signing up for a college prep level class and the counselors called me. The counselors urged her to remain at the honors level, and actually "threatened" not to allow her reentry at the honors level for trigonometry or calculus. I told the counselor that I was not the one that would need to do the work, so it was not my decision to make. That really peeved me to no end that the counselors tried to get me to over ride my daughter's decision.

We always told our kids that if they did "their job" in school, then we would do (what we perceived to be) our job and help them afford their college education. We said we would pay tuition up to the cost of the most expensive in-state public university. Beyond that, they would have to cover the difference with scholarships or loans.

That was a difficult choice for my son to make. He was admitted to every university to which he applied. He was an academic snob and wanted nothing to do with state level public institutions. He had some long term goals, which, if successful, would garner him an M.D. as well as a PhD debt free. We urged him to really consider whether accumulating debt for an undergrad degree would be worth it. Thankfully, but begrudgingly, he attended the state university. Those words of advice were as far as my husband and I felt comfortable in trying to shape their future.

STARMOON44 · September 2016

My parents had a pretty simple deal. They worked hard all their lives to be able to afford to say to me "don't think about the money, go to any school you want." In return, they expected me to work hard, get into a good school, and do well there. They had no opinion on what I should major in. I hope to be able to do the same for my kids. They were always very clear that I needed to think about what I would do next in life and that they wouldn't pay for graduate school.

TrixieJess · September 2016

I used to work for a doctor who did the admissions for the University I went to. He told me that they were more likely to take someone who had at least a minor in a humanities subject than someone who was pure science. His reasoning was that people who studied the humanities tended to be more social and empathetic, they also tended to have better bedside manners.

Viczaesar · September 2016

(wrong article, sorry!)

Jen4948 · September 2016

julieanne912 said:

charlotte989875 said:

julieanne912 said:

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych.

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists.

In-state tuition is $20,000 a year. Out-of-state tuition is $40,000. If I'm paying for, you better believe I have a say in where I spend my money.

I get that, I just see so many students in my classes, in my office that are doing poorly in their classes or hate what they're doing because their parents are telling them what they should be taking. I had a student who was in the nursing program and hated it; she was upset a lot of the time, she wasn't doing well, and she wanted to become involved in nonprofit work but her parents said they wouldn't pay for that, even when we had a high placement rate for what she wanted to do. They also wouldn't co-sign loans for her to do something different. I felt terrible for her because she was getting a degree in something she didn't want to do all because her parents told her what she could or couldn't major in.

I feel like a situation like this is similar to a wedding. If her parents are paying for it, then they get a say in it. If it's not making her happy and she wants to do something different, then she could always figure out a way to pay for it herself, or finish her degree they WILL pay for, and then figure out a way to get into what she wants to do after.

Except how many 18 year olds have $20,000+ at their disposal? And students can't get financial aid without their parents income information and signature OR being declared financially independent (and showing they get zero money, support, assistance) from their parents.

For or a wedding most couples can decline the money and pay for some type of wedding, but with colleges without a parent signing off a student ant get loans or other ways to fund their education. Yes, they can work for years and save until they have their own income, but at 18 w/o a college degree it's unlikely they'll make any real money to do that.

Im not saying parents shouldn't have a role in the kids education, of course they should. But holding financial aid hostage isn't the way to do it.

I was able to get student loans when I was 18 without my parents cosigning.

When I was a grad student in my 30s, I couldn't get state financial aid because the New York State form required that parents of applicants under 35 had to provide financial information and also did not allow for inserts or notes of any kind. Didn't matter that I was assuming full responsibility for the loan.

My parents weren't willing to give the information and didn't want to accept that the form wouldn't allow them to say anywhere "She will be paying for this on her own and we will not be legally responsible." So I had to do without it.

ei34 · September 2016

I wish I'd taken my parents' advice as an 18-year-old college freshmen. Their suggestion would've worked out really well. I'm happy enough where I am now but in hindsight their suggestion was the better option. Very situational, and not everyone can say this. I almost wish they'd "forced" me

SP29 · September 2016

I agree that I think it is good to guide one's children to think about all the options (what are the career options? employment options? cost to attend?), but not to force one's child in either direction. I think if someone is passionate about something, they should do it, even if it's considered less ideal, because I think if you are good at something and passionate about it, you'll make it happen.

I think that education is more than a job, and education for the sake of education IS important. I do not see people who switch programs or take more than one program as a failure, but it is worth considering the risk/gains.

I think more parents/high schools/ society need to value and encourage trades. I think education is important, but university isn't the only option.

Just because there is a job out there, doesn't always mean it's a good idea. In Ontario there is an over-saturation of teachers and a lot of people working as subs for years after graduating school unless you can teach French or the STEM courses. I think it has a lot to do with people graduating from humanities/social sciences and not knowing what to do with their degree, so they go into teaching. At the same time, I have friends who have majored in the humanities (French, History, Linguistics) and are excellent teachers and have done well for themselves- *I* think because they are good at what they do and they truly want to teach. On the other end of that, I also have some friends who have science degrees and went back to school for graduate or post-grad certificate programs because graduating with a bachelor degree in biology, chemistry or physics doesn't walk you into a job as a biologist, chemist, or physicist (same with math).

I think there are a lot of job options out there that people generally do not know about; it would be awesome if at the high school level there was more exposure to these career paths. For example, it wasn't until I worked in a hospital that I learned about all the job positions, such as respiratory therapists. There are aspects to the jobs that are similar to mine, and I think they have an awesome job- AND only requires a college degree. At the end of the day, I'm in the career I want to be in, but sometimes I think, "I could have done another really cool job while only spending 2 years in school and for less money". Likewise, there are specific jobs for all the different tests and procedures that happen at a hospital- technologist positions. They are more entry level, but they pay well and have good job prospects. My youngest brother is entering the post secondary stream and is drawn to the medical field, but is not quite sure what he wants to do, so I have been encouraging him to think outside the box. One can work in the medical field doing something other than doctor, nurse, pharmacist. Likewise, there are many college level programs (marketing, advertising) that are lucrative and many post graduate certificate programs available.

I have a few friends who are teachers and nurses. A husband who is an engineer. I'm a physiotherapist, with a friend who is a speech-language pathologist. I have a few friends who majored in computer sciences and programming who work in their field with a bachelors degree. I have a friend with a biology degree who has her Human Resources certificate (post grad). I have a friend with an english/history double major who has her public relations certificate (post grad) and works with volunteer/charity organizations. A friend who majored in math and music who works in marketing and sales. I have a friend who majored in religious studies and now works in human resources. There are options out there whether someone thinks they need a direct path, or want to explore a bit more (whether that is education for the sake of education, or they just aren't sure).

My parents were kind of mixed with us- they wanted the best, and I think perceived a university degree as "the best", but they are realistic (my middle brother is not interested in a university degree in the least, he enjoys the trades), would also caution us on job prospects and wouldn't want us to "waste our time" dabbling about. At the end of the day though, they pushed none of us one way or another. They helped us with our post secondary endeavors, and told us we could live at home for free as long as we were in school (no time frame on that), but never agreed to pay for all of our schooling. We all had RESPs, but also took out government loans or got scholarships. I lived at home in undergrad, had RESPs and scholarships, so I graduated debt free. I then moved away for my masters degree and paid for all of it with government loans, graduating with debt, but I have a good career and paid off my loans within 1.5 years of graduating. My brother took a college program, lived at home, partially paid for by his RESPs, the rest he used government loans that he is still paying off. He works in an entry level trade unrelated to his schooling; still figuring out exactly what he wants to do with his career. My youngest brother is just entering the post secondary stream and it unsure what to do.

For my own children- I would hope they would explore. Both in terms of their education and in terms of their future. I do not think I am required to pay for their entire education, but I also hope that I can help them out as much as able so they can do what they'd like, knowing they are working hard on their other end.

CMGragain · September 2016

There was never any doubt what my son would major in college. He was a computer science major - programmed at birth, I think. He did have some problems, though. He is severely ADD, and he was enrolled in a special needs program. After two years of college, living at home with us, we let him move over to the campus dorms. Results - he stopped taking his meds and failed every single subject that semester. He had a wonderful three months! Party on, man!
We were floored when we saw his grades! OMG!
We considered pulling the money and telling him to go get a job. I was the one who wanted to give him one more chance. He moved back home with us and finished with a bachelor's degree in computer engineering and a 3.1 grade point. Yes, he had to retake all those classes.
I'm glad he made it, but I still worry. He did learn how much he really needs those meds to function.
When it is your money you are spending on your kid's education, you do get some input.

photokitty · September 2016

My dad put himself through college and as such it was important to him that we do the same. I'm pretty sure they helped out some of my younger siblings, but I chose the large state school that was affordable (back then at least). As a result my parents had no input on my major...I picked a pretty ridiculous one at first. Luckily I was able to morph it into something that worked. My mom asked to see many grade card after my first quarter and I said no. She pushed back and I asked if she wanted to pay my tuition. She declined. When I failed a class I was mad art myself, bc I wasted my own money and would have to retake the class. In the end, I learned more about personal responsibly and money management that I could have imagined.

I hope my future kids can have a similar experience, but DH wants to pay for their college bc his parents paid for his first degree. We'll see.

monkeysip · September 2016

Eh, even though I got pretty much a full ride, I was still very adamant about keeping my grades up. My parents never once asked me about grades, but I graduated summa cum laude. Just because you pay for your kids college doesn't mean they won't take their grades and success very seriously.

southernbelle0915 · September 2016

My family put pressure on me. I didn't listen and had a hell of a time finding a job and breaking into my career. I'm established now, but it took a ton of work. Now I see that their advice was spot on and I wish I had listened.

I don't think it's right for parents to "choose" their kid's major, but I do think (most) parents have valuable insight about the workforce, job availability, general finances, lucrative/secure jobs, etc. that many teenagers don't have. I think parents should have a conversation with their kid if the kid is going into something super niche that pays shitty and has low job availability. The kid may be on the "you can be anything you want to be!" cloud and not be thinking about how future bills are going to get paid and/or how they're going to save for retirement. If the kid has a realistic grasp on the choice, good on them - keep going and live it out.

kvruns · September 2016

I definitely have mixed feelings toward it. Mine never pressured us to major one way or the other and they were paying for it. Their stipulations were to be done in 4 years and when I decided on a private school it needed to be similar in cost to state school (so scholarships offered by the private school brought it down to the cost of my bro at state school with no help).

We plan to pay for this baby to go to college and I think I would set some parameters such as being done in 4 years and setting some cost limits but I don't know if I would go so far as to say you can only major in XYZ if you want me to pay. What good is it if the kid gets an accounting degree because I make him and then he never works in that field because he hated it (or doesn't have an aptitude for it)?

Sort of a parallel, this debate rages on with for-profit schools and being so expensive and not getting a "good" degree from it as many would say. But you can achieve the same thing by going to a private school or even a state school and maxing out on loans and walk away with a ton of debt and a major or degree that is barely worth anything too.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

I basically told my 19 year old that we were absolutely not paying for him to go to college to major in psychology or humanities/liberal arts. Too many kids really enjoy high school psychology so they decide to major in it without the realization that there's so much more education needed than a bachelor's degree to be a psychologist.

My former roommate was just complaining the other day that she has two degrees yet makes half what her high-school only educated boyfriend makes. He's an electrician. Her degrees are in History and dance, but she doesn't want to teach.

There's nothing wrong with majoring in non-STEM or business related degrees, but these days it takes more than just a Bachelor's degree a lot of the time.

I'd actually like to see more parents pushing for their kids to go to technical schools and learning a trade instead of the push for college.

I don't get this logic at all. You might as well tell him not to major in pre-med, any biological sciences, chemistry, pre-law, etc. as he will also need to go to med school/grad school for a Ph.D/law school afterwards.

Most fields require Master's Degrees or higher now to enter the higher paying ranks.

At least with STEM degrees, your grad school typically pays for you to attend- they waive tuition and pay you a stipend as long as you teach while earning your Ph.D.

And psychology is a good field with lots of different career paths- psychologist, clinical psychologist, counselor, therapist, etc.

ILoveBeachMusic · September 2016

Our stipulation for our kids was to be done in 4 years. We didn't put any requirements for majors, but might have felt differently if they majored in something that didn't line them up for a career. Two went to graduate school while the other should be able to get a job with a bachelor's degree. I had a friend whose daughter majored in ballet. He told her she should also major or minor in business since she will probably some day own her own studio.

DrillSergeantCat · September 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:
I don't get this logic at all. You might as well tell him not to major in pre-med, any biological sciences, chemistry, pre-law, etc. as he will also need to go to med school/grad school for a Ph.D/law school afterwards.

Most fields require Master's Degrees or higher now to enter the higher paying ranks.

At least with STEM degrees, your grad school typically pays for you to attend- they waive tuition and pay you a stipend as long as you teach while earning your Ph.D.

And psychology is a good field with lots of different career paths- psychologist, clinical psychologist, counselor, therapist, etc.

The difference there is that most kids know that there is a lot of schooling required to be a doctor or lawyer, but don't realize that a psychologist is also a medical doctor and, therefore, requires more school than just a bachelor's degree. I thought that was pretty clear in my statement.

If he wanted to be a psychologist, I'd help him with that. However, as I said, too many kids enjoy high school psychology and don't know what they want to be when they grow up, so they decide to get a psychology degree and then are at a loss with what to do with it when they're done.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2016

monkeysip said:

As a history and theology major, I always bristle at the idea that humanities should be discouraged, or that they aren't "worth" a degree because the fields tend not to pay much.

First of all, I think you can pursue a lot of higher paying fields starting with a BA in humanities. Different fields are often looking for the kind of writing skills, critical thinking, and overall world view that you can gain from humanities classes.

Second of all, I hate this idea that college is just a financial investment, and your degree is only worth what you can get paid for it later. I think education is worth SO much more than just monetary value. Education used to be viewed as good for the person and for society, not just getting a job. I do use my degrees, but they're also for me. Even if I didn't use them in my career, my college experience made me a better person.

At the same time, I'm NOT saying people should go into 100k debt for a degree that will pay hardly anything. People really do need to be more wise with how much debt they take on, and I agree that a more expensive or out of state school doesn't necessarily mean a better education or degree.

Ironically, most of my student loan debt isn't from tuition. It's because I spent too much on crap in college. I got almost a full ride in college and grad school (except my last year). And some of my expenses were understandable. But I also was a stupid 20 year buying clothes and going out to restaurants.

Yes, and back in the day only the sons of rich whites dudes had the privilege of getting any sort of an education, and they had the luxury to learn esoteric subjects for the sake of learning because what they were learning had no impact on their ability to take over their fathers' businesses and no impact on their inheritance.

Like it or not, today we need to choose our bachelor fields of studies wisely as they are typically the jumping off point for grad school and our careers as a whole.

There's a reason why I was a Biology major and a Studio Art/Art History minor. . . I prefer the arts, but realistically I knew they weren't going to net me the salary I wanted for the lifestyle I wanted. However, my "day job" allows me to pursue the artistic hobbies that I enjoy. Now if I could do it all over again I think I'd pursue engineering instead. . .if only Math and I didn't have a mutually hatred for each other ;-)

There's nothing to stop adults from taking college courses for funsies. Colleges don't care if you're 18 or 45, they just care if you're paying for your credits ;-) There are a ton of courses offered by the local colleges and universities I have considered taking just for shits and giggles.

Parental Say in College Majors

Re: Parental Say in College Majors

Choose Another Board

Search Boards