Big wedding on a tiny budget

CMGragain · October 2016

amberdaisy1005 said:

Thanks SP! That was a great detailed answer. I asked my mom today, (quickly, she never has time to chat during the week) and she said "Your wedding should be how you want it. Keep in mind people want to dance and drink but I think we covered the important points." So for her, the important points were having her guests on the guest list. For FI's family, itll be having "the family" there and most likely ample alcohol. I did check the venue my mom wanted and its double the budget, but I think we are off to a good start.

Let me ask this regarding alcohol-- say we offer beer and wine only. Would it be reasonable to have mixed drinks available if the guests want to pay for them? Or should we just stick to it with beer and wine and if you want something else too bad thats all we have.

Sorry if I'm asking all my questions in one thread!

No, no, no, no! If any guests are disappointed that they won't be getting plastered with top shelf liquor at your expense, maybe they shouldn't be invited anyway? This is your wedding!
It would be very rude for any guest to demand something that you are not offering. I do hope all your guests are polite, well mannered people.

lnixon8 · October 2016

Concerning beer/wine vs liquor... depending on your venue you might be able to provide your own alcohol. In that case you may be surprised how much after $20 of decent vodka gets you vs. $20 of decent wine. And believe it or not people can get drunk on wine and beer just as easily as they cna on the hard stuff.

ellamber · October 2016

CMGragain said:

amberdaisy1005 said:

Thanks SP! That was a great detailed answer. I asked my mom today, (quickly, she never has time to chat during the week) and she said "Your wedding should be how you want it. Keep in mind people want to dance and drink but I think we covered the important points." So for her, the important points were having her guests on the guest list. For FI's family, itll be having "the family" there and most likely ample alcohol. I did check the venue my mom wanted and its double the budget, but I think we are off to a good start.

Let me ask this regarding alcohol-- say we offer beer and wine only. Would it be reasonable to have mixed drinks available if the guests want to pay for them? Or should we just stick to it with beer and wine and if you want something else too bad thats all we have.

Sorry if I'm asking all my questions in one thread!

No, no, no, no! If any guests are disappointed that they won't be getting plastered with top shelf liquor at your expense, maybe they shouldn't be invited anyway? This is your wedding!
It would be very rude for any guest to demand something that you are not offering. I do hope all your guests are polite, well mannered people.

I would hope so too but some of them do tend to be a bit pushy. I have no problem saying no

it's FI I have to worry about in that regard. I'm hoping in about 2 weeks we will have a final guest list ready and a more realistic picture of what we are looking for. I checked out a few hotels in the area (online) that seem to have decent wedding packages so that might be an option.

I mostly just want to make guests as comfortable and travel/accommodations as easy as possible for them, while staying within or below my budget.

ellamber · October 2016

lnixon8 said:

Concerning beer/wine vs liquor... depending on your venue you might be able to provide your own alcohol. In that case you may be surprised how much after $20 of decent vodka gets you vs. $20 of decent wine. And believe it or not people can get drunk on wine and beer just as easily as they cna on the hard stuff.

I'm not worried about people getting drunk, I already know that's going to happen. I'm just trying to find a happy medium with what I'm paying for. I have a feeling that if I said "We are offering wine and beer" A certain side of the inlaws would say "I want this that and the other thing" and would have trouble accepting no for an answer. So i figured if it was available at the bar and they wanted to pay for it, have at it. But if we do wine and beer, I will just make sure nothing else is available at the bar that isn't covered.

charlotte989875 · October 2016

amberdaisy1005 said:

lnixon8 said:

Concerning beer/wine vs liquor... depending on your venue you might be able to provide your own alcohol. In that case you may be surprised how much after $20 of decent vodka gets you vs. $20 of decent wine. And believe it or not people can get drunk on wine and beer just as easily as they cna on the hard stuff.

I'm not worried about people getting drunk, I already know that's going to happen. I'm just trying to find a happy medium with what I'm paying for. I have a feeling that if I said "We are offering wine and beer" A certain side of the inlaws would say "I want this that and the other thing" and would have trouble accepting no for an answer. So i figured if it was available at the bar and they wanted to pay for it, have at it. But if we do wine and beer, I will just make sure nothing else is available at the bar that isn't covered.

I'd recommend not telling them ahead of time what is, and is not, being offered. As others have said, either host beer/wine or beer/wine/drinks, but do not host beer/wine and have drinks available for purchase. If people scoff at only beer/wine that's on them. And again, if they don't know ahead of time they can't complain.

ellamber · October 2016

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

MesmrEwe · October 2016

amberdaisy1005 said:

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

And with that - I highly recommend you over to the "Cultural Topics" boards for your given denomination in question. There's a way to approach it and a way NOT to approach it because you want to be ready to buffer this on the front end with the appearance of Due Diligence, not on the "Damage mitigation" end. (file this under "You know you've been on TK for eons when..." recommendation!)

levioosa · October 2016

amberdaisy1005 said:

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

Just remember that it is none of her business, and she doesn't get a say. I think you said it was your mom, and not your in-laws contributing to the wedding, but either way, this is one of the few areas where "they who pay get a say" holds no ground. If you are worried it might be an issue with your mom, be prepared to pay for the entire event. It's a good plan to have in place anyways, but especially if she is against a secular event.

ellamber · October 2016

levioosa said:

amberdaisy1005 said:

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

Just remember that it is none of her business, and she doesn't get a say. I think you said it was your mom, and not your in-laws contributing to the wedding, but either way, this is one of the few areas where "they who pay get a say" holds no ground. If you are worried it might be an issue with your mom, be prepared to pay for the entire event. It's a good plan to have in place anyways, but especially if she is against a secular event.

My mom is already aware. The only person who may have an opinion is FMIL, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Clarissaisdabride · October 2016

I would actually say not to cut videography. I know from people who chose against it that they regretted the choice. But there are a lot of cheaper options where your guests film for you!

Viczaesar · October 2016

Knottie1474146872 said:

I would actually say not to cut videography. I know from people who chose against it that they regretted the choice. But there are a lot of cheaper options where your guests film for you!

Don't ask your guests to work your wedding.

CMGragain · October 2016

amberdaisy1005 said:

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

I hope we aren't talking about a Catholic ceremony, because it can be very difficult for Catholic families to accept that a member is being married outside of the church.

ellamber · October 2016

CMGragain said:

amberdaisy1005 said:

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

I hope we aren't talking about a Catholic ceremony, because it can be very difficult for Catholic families to accept that a member is being married outside of the church.

Yes, that would be the ceremony. This would not be the first time a member of FI family was married outside of the church, just the first time for one of her sons. Neither of us have been active in the church for over 10 years, and haven't established ourselves with a catholic church in our area.

kimmiinthemitten · October 2016

amberdaisy1005 said:

CMGragain said:

amberdaisy1005 said:

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

I hope we aren't talking about a Catholic ceremony, because it can be very difficult for Catholic families to accept that a member is being married outside of the church.

Yes, that would be the ceremony. This would not be the first time a member of FI family was married outside of the church, just the first time for one of her sons. Neither of us have been active in the church for over 10 years, and haven't established ourselves with a catholic church in our area.

I'd make sure my FI lets her know in advance to prepare her, but no one has a say in your ceremony but the two of you. If you are fully aware of the consequences of having your ceremony outside of the church and are okay with those, then that is all you need.

Heffalump · October 2016

Knottie1474146872 said:

I would actually say not to cut videography. I know from people who chose against it that they regretted the choice. But there are a lot of cheaper options where your guests film for you!

And yet we opted to skip the videography and are happy with our choice. It all depends on the couple and their priorities; there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

SP29 · October 2016

Heffalump said:

Knottie1474146872 said:

I would actually say not to cut videography. I know from people who chose against it that they regretted the choice. But there are a lot of cheaper options where your guests film for you!

And yet we opted to skip the videography and are happy with our choice. It all depends on the couple and their priorities; there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

Another option is to rent/borrow a video camera and set it up on a tripod for your ceremony. No, it won't be a beautifully edited video with music and what not, but you'll have a video recording of your ceremony, if that is what you most care about.

This is what we did. My dad owns a video camera and tripod already. Set it up before the ceremony and let it roll. Yes, there is background noise from guests talking, but it did capture our ceremony and save us money on videography.

CMGragain · October 2016

amberdaisy1005 said:

CMGragain said:

amberdaisy1005 said:

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

I hope we aren't talking about a Catholic ceremony, because it can be very difficult for Catholic families to accept that a member is being married outside of the church.

Yes, that would be the ceremony. This would not be the first time a member of FI family was married outside of the church, just the first time for one of her sons. Neither of us have been active in the church for over 10 years, and haven't established ourselves with a catholic church in our area.

I am assuming that you are aware that if you are married outside the Catholic Church, you will no longer be in good standing with the church, and cannot partake in communion - ever, unless you have a covalidation, which is very difficult to obtain. If this is your decision, then stick to it. We do often see Catholic brides and grooms that have no idea that there are consequences to being married outside the Catholic Church. Just checking.
As an alternative, there are Protestant churches that you may be interested in later. Their marriage ceremony would not be recognized by the Catholic Church, though.

ellamber · October 2016

CMGragain said:

amberdaisy1005 said:

CMGragain said:

amberdaisy1005 said:

That's true. I didn't think of that. I think our bigger challenge will be when FMIL finds out we aren't have a religious ceremony

I hope we aren't talking about a Catholic ceremony, because it can be very difficult for Catholic families to accept that a member is being married outside of the church.

Yes, that would be the ceremony. This would not be the first time a member of FI family was married outside of the church, just the first time for one of her sons. Neither of us have been active in the church for over 10 years, and haven't established ourselves with a catholic church in our area.

I am assuming that you are aware that if you are married outside the Catholic Church, you will no longer be in good standing with the church, and cannot partake in communion - ever, unless you have a covalidation, which is very difficult to obtain. If this is your decision, then stick to it. We do often see Catholic brides and grooms that have no idea that there are consequences to being married outside the Catholic Church. Just checking.
As an alternative, there are Protestant churches that you may be interested in later. Their marriage ceremony would not be recognized by the Catholic Church, though.

I'm aware, and I'll remind FI again. I stopped taking communion quite some time ago, and in one instance FMIL was there and witnessed it and it was discussed. That was quite a few years ago. But if there are further issues, FI will be handling them.

For the other responses-- we probably wont have a video/videographer. I can't imagine that we would really ever watch it. If the photographer we can afford comes with a videographer then we may use that but most likely not.

short+sassy · October 2016

Looking at your original post, you can also cut out having a rehearsal (so then no rehearsal dinner needed). They usually aren't necessary and that would be especially true if you and your FI decide not to have a WP anyway.

I was actually planning to have one, but then my pastor had to cancel at the last minute. NBD.

ellamber · October 2016

short+sassy said:

Looking at your original post, you can also cut out having a rehearsal (so then no rehearsal dinner needed). They usually aren't necessary and that would be especially true if you and your FI decide not to have a WP anyway.
I was actually planning to have one, but then my pastor had to cancel at the last minute. NBD.

I'm a huge advocate of not rehearsing.. FI not so much. He wants to spend as much time with as many people as possible so he *thinks* if they are in town we should have them for a rehearsal dinner. As of now, it's not in the budget so its not happening. He also wants groomsmen, I just don't want a bridal party. So it may end up being a parade of men down the aisle for a little while.

Big wedding on a tiny budget

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