MIL Wedding Dress Choice

jacques27 · October 2016

InLoveInQueens said:

Whenever you read the words "laid back" you are almost guaranteed an awesome story in which the OP is in no ways laid back. Unless it was to insert the stick into their butt. This thread went exactly as usual.

I do hope OP can read through the snark and not eff her relationship up over a dress color... Seriously OP, this is all over the color of an item of clothing that you and your mom are throwing tantrums.

Yup. Broke the cardinal rule of "if you have to tell people you are (laid back, nice, fun, generous, etc.), you probably really aren't."

Tattling on your mother in law to your mommy is the antithesis of laid back. As is tattling on her to the wedding coordinator (seriously, wtf?).

Planning and/or paying for a wedding does not make you all that special. You're basically planning a big dinner party. It doesn't make you lord and master over anyone else and give you free reign to dictate how grown adults should dress. Particularly adults who you want to have any kind of a non- antagonistic relationship with after your one day party is done...say with the woman who will become your family through marriage. Ask yourself if 10 years from now your pretty pictures are worth the price you pay of letting your mommy bulldoze her way through your life with her money (cause rest assured that won't be an isolated incident) and having an antagonistic relationship with your mother in law? Is dress color really that important? At the end of the day you will still be married in what will be a lovely, albeit poorly themed, wedding regardless of clothing choices.

OliveOilsMom · October 2016

I like to think I was a laid back bride, but now I'm thinking I was totally high maintenance! I did want all my BMs in the same dress, but we were able to all go shopping together. And they narrowed it down to 3 choices they all liked that were under budget and had me do the final decision. Otherwise, I gave no rat's ass about my mom's dress, MILs dress, BM hair (although I paid for it and it wasn't their gift), BM jewelry, shoes, etc.

My mom even called me a few week before and said she ordered green fortune cookies for the tables - it wasn't something I was looking for, but I just rolled with it!

I let my H pick out the tux for him and his GM. I gave my dad totally free reign to get whatever suit/tux he wanted. I even mentioned he could wear his regular suit. His response was "I have an important job this wedding (my two brothers married first), I'm wearing a tux!"

I think this means I deserve a do over, right? H & I are going to Vegas soon, maybe we can have the do over there and get married by Elvis!

MobKaz · October 2016

OliveOilsMom said:

I like to think I was a laid back bride, but now I'm thinking I was totally high maintenance! I did want all my BMs in the same dress, but we were able to all go shopping together. And they narrowed it down to 3 choices they all liked that were under budget and had me do the final decision. Otherwise, I gave no rat's ass about my mom's dress, MILs dress, BM hair (although I paid for it and it wasn't their gift), BM jewelry, shoes, etc.
My mom even called me a few week before and said she ordered green fortune cookies for the tables - it wasn't something I was looking for, but I just rolled with it!
I let my H pick out the tux for him and his GM. I gave my dad totally free reign to get whatever suit/tux he wanted. I even mentioned he could wear his regular suit. His response was "I have an important job this wedding (my two brothers married first), I'm wearing a tux!"
I think this means I deserve a do over, right? H & I are going to Vegas soon, maybe we can have the do over there and get married by Elvis!

Why wouldn't he pick out his own attire? My DD had no clue or input as to the style of tux her husband selected for himself and the GM. Did your FI "let" you pick out your dress?

lovesclimbing · October 2016

Here's a question. What color is your wedding dress? Because if it's white or anything light colored (and I presume it is from your description in a previous thread and if it was any other color, you and your mom probably wouldn't have such an issue with MIL wearing a pale color), you shouldn't be wearing it because the lighting will be weird on your dress!

OliveOilsMom · October 2016

MobKaz said:

OliveOilsMom said:

I like to think I was a laid back bride, but now I'm thinking I was totally high maintenance! I did want all my BMs in the same dress, but we were able to all go shopping together. And they narrowed it down to 3 choices they all liked that were under budget and had me do the final decision. Otherwise, I gave no rat's ass about my mom's dress, MILs dress, BM hair (although I paid for it and it wasn't their gift), BM jewelry, shoes, etc.
My mom even called me a few week before and said she ordered green fortune cookies for the tables - it wasn't something I was looking for, but I just rolled with it!
I let my H pick out the tux for him and his GM. I gave my dad totally free reign to get whatever suit/tux he wanted. I even mentioned he could wear his regular suit. His response was "I have an important job this wedding (my two brothers married first), I'm wearing a tux!"
I think this means I deserve a do over, right? H & I are going to Vegas soon, maybe we can have the do over there and get married by Elvis!

Why wouldn't he pick out his own attire? My DD had no clue or input as to the style of tux her husband selected for himself and the GM. Did your FI "let" you pick out your dress?

I meant it in the way that so many brides on these boards talk about how THEY have picked out their FI's wedding attire for them. So I "let" my H do it himself for our wedding. The whole post was supposed to be a joke, but I guess that joke failed because I had to explain it.

peachy13 · October 2016

OP, everyone is eyerolling at your CLASSY FORMAL GATSBY wedding and the way you are treating your FMIL. You and your mother are acting like brats.

CMGragain · October 2016

Honestly, there are lots of guys who just don't care about what they wear to their own wedding. DH was one of those, and my late FIL picked out the tuxedo. My son swears that if he ever finds his Ms. Right, he will wear anything she wants if she agrees to marry him. (Hasn't found her, yet. He's a bit depressed about it.)

MobKaz · October 2016

OliveOilsMom said:

MobKaz said:

OliveOilsMom said:

I like to think I was a laid back bride, but now I'm thinking I was totally high maintenance! I did want all my BMs in the same dress, but we were able to all go shopping together. And they narrowed it down to 3 choices they all liked that were under budget and had me do the final decision. Otherwise, I gave no rat's ass about my mom's dress, MILs dress, BM hair (although I paid for it and it wasn't their gift), BM jewelry, shoes, etc.
My mom even called me a few week before and said she ordered green fortune cookies for the tables - it wasn't something I was looking for, but I just rolled with it!
I let my H pick out the tux for him and his GM. I gave my dad totally free reign to get whatever suit/tux he wanted. I even mentioned he could wear his regular suit. His response was "I have an important job this wedding (my two brothers married first), I'm wearing a tux!"
I think this means I deserve a do over, right? H & I are going to Vegas soon, maybe we can have the do over there and get married by Elvis!

Why wouldn't he pick out his own attire? My DD had no clue or input as to the style of tux her husband selected for himself and the GM. Did your FI "let" you pick out your dress?

I meant it in the way that so many brides on these boards talk about how THEY have picked out their FI's wedding attire for them. So I "let" my H do it himself for our wedding. The whole post was supposed to be a joke, but I guess that joke failed because I had to explain it.

I had to read your (original) post twice because it seemed out of character with your other responses/philosophies. Your explanation is much appreciated and makes much more sense now. I, too, have been guilty of failed/unsuccessful/unclear posts. I just assume everyone can "hear" the tone in my thoughts as I write them.

drunkenwitch · October 2016

Hmmmm, OP hasn't responded. This is my shocked face.

kimmiinthemitten · October 2016

drunkenwitch said:

Hmmmm, OP hasn't responded. This is my shocked face.

The website still shows the dress as for sale as well....MUD or did FMIL give in to peer pressure?

SP29 · October 2016

So maybe I'm wrong, but from the various images of weddings I've seen (TV, movies, Pinterest, friends/family weddings), aren't cream/taupe/other light neutrals are popular colours for the MOB/MOG to wear?

Just took at peek at David's Bridal Mother of the Bride collection. There's a wide variety, but there are all sorts of cream, taupe, light pink, grey, silver dresses that are lace or sparkly.

ILoveBeachMusic · October 2016

SP29 said:

So maybe I'm wrong, but from the various images of weddings I've seen (TV, movies, Pinterest, friends/family weddings), but aren't cream/taupe/other light neutrals are popular colours for the MOB/MOG to wear?

Just took at peek at David's Bridal Mother of the Bride collection. There's a wide variety, but there are all sorts of cream, taupe, light pink, grey, silver dresses that are lace or sparkly.

This was exactly why I didn't go the traditional MOB dress route! I look horrible in the colors for the typical dress!

TrixieJess · October 2016

LondonLisa said:

That's a pink dress (I wouldn't even call it blush!) and it will look lovely in photos. It looks nothing like a wedding dress. Your mum needs to get a ruddy grip because she is being very unreasonable and immature!

Also, You might want to stop describing your wedding as "Gatsby"- it's a book about terrible people in horrible marriages and affairs with no sense of love or commitment, overshadowed by a scathing indictment of tacky excess and gross, uncouth behaviour of new money in the 1920s. A Gatsby-themed wedding is the fastest way to convey that you haven't read it! It's 1 step away from having a 'Lolita' themed child's birthday party.

I'm sorry, I giggled at "Lolita Themed child's birthday party" even though I really shouldn't. Bad Trixie, Bad! My sense of the macabre is showing.

kahluakoala · October 2016

I actually saw this dress while shopping at Macy's this weekend (everything there was super sparkly and looked like I'd wear it to an ice skating competition, but that's a different story). It's DEFINITELY pink. Not my style, personally. I think it sounds like FMIL is a flashy dresser. Everyone who knows her will probably recognize that and she will look very much "like herself" at the wedding. I don't think it's inappropriate, and I think you need to take a step back and look at the big picture.

DrillSergeantCat · October 2016

I love it when people come on here, ask for advice/opinions, then post & ghost. It shouldn't be surprising, though, looking at the OP's history. She's posted 6 discussions and only 3 replies.

ahoywedding · October 2016

SP29 said:

So maybe I'm wrong, but from the various images of weddings I've seen (TV, movies, Pinterest, friends/family weddings), aren't cream/taupe/other light neutrals are popular colours for the MOB/MOG to wear?

Just took at peek at David's Bridal Mother of the Bride collection. There's a wide variety, but there are all sorts of cream, taupe, light pink, grey, silver dresses that are lace or sparkly.

That's what I thought as well. My FMIL actually asked me if it was alright if she didn't wear the "traditional" MOG color, which I guess is beige? I said heck yes, wear whatever you want. She's quite pale, so beige wouldn't be the most flattering choice. But yeah, I've seen MOB/MOG typically in either some lighter neutral or maybe some navy/jewel tones.

My mom is convinced she needs a dress with one of those short jacket-type things because that's what she's seen ever other MOB wear. She hates them, so I'm trying to convince her no one will judge if she's not wearing a sequined jacket.

climbingsingle · October 2016

ahoywedding said:

SP29 said:

So maybe I'm wrong, but from the various images of weddings I've seen (TV, movies, Pinterest, friends/family weddings), aren't cream/taupe/other light neutrals are popular colours for the MOB/MOG to wear?

Just took at peek at David's Bridal Mother of the Bride collection. There's a wide variety, but there are all sorts of cream, taupe, light pink, grey, silver dresses that are lace or sparkly.

That's what I thought as well. My FMIL actually asked me if it was alright if she didn't wear the "traditional" MOG color, which I guess is beige? I said heck yes, wear whatever you want. She's quite pale, so beige wouldn't be the most flattering choice. But yeah, I've seen MOB/MOG typically in either some lighter neutral or maybe some navy/jewel tones.

My mom is convinced she needs a dress with one of those short jacket-type things because that's what she's seen ever other MOB wear. She hates them, so I'm trying to convince her no one will judge if she's not wearing a sequined jacket.

Both my mom and MIL wore black dresses with no jackets over them. My mom was in a spaghetti strap dress and my MIL was in strapless. They both looked amazing!

SP29 · October 2016

ahoywedding said:

SP29 said:

So maybe I'm wrong, but from the various images of weddings I've seen (TV, movies, Pinterest, friends/family weddings), aren't cream/taupe/other light neutrals are popular colours for the MOB/MOG to wear?

Just took at peek at David's Bridal Mother of the Bride collection. There's a wide variety, but there are all sorts of cream, taupe, light pink, grey, silver dresses that are lace or sparkly.

That's what I thought as well. My FMIL actually asked me if it was alright if she didn't wear the "traditional" MOG color, which I guess is beige? I said heck yes, wear whatever you want. She's quite pale, so beige wouldn't be the most flattering choice. But yeah, I've seen MOB/MOG typically in either some lighter neutral or maybe some navy/jewel tones.

My mom is convinced she needs a dress with one of those short jacket-type things because that's what she's seen ever other MOB wear. She hates them, so I'm trying to convince her no one will judge if she's not wearing a sequined jacket.

Please tell her a bunch of people on the Internet (haha!) tell her she doesn't need to wear a jacket!

My mom wore a floor length strapless dress to my wedding.

She should find "just a dress" that she likes, and not worry about the MOB aspect.

ahoywedding · October 2016

Thank you @SP29 and @climbingwife! I'm trying to convince her (as I am with my BMs) to get something that she likes first and foremost, because then maybe she'll be able to wear it again down the road. I told her I don't care as long as she's comfortable and happy. I don't know that strapless is the best option, but she does look really good in a sleeveless dress. Maybe I'll push for that!

MaggieF1990 · October 2016

ahoywedding said:

SP29 said:

So maybe I'm wrong, but from the various images of weddings I've seen (TV, movies, Pinterest, friends/family weddings), aren't cream/taupe/other light neutrals are popular colours for the MOB/MOG to wear?

Just took at peek at David's Bridal Mother of the Bride collection. There's a wide variety, but there are all sorts of cream, taupe, light pink, grey, silver dresses that are lace or sparkly.

That's what I thought as well. My FMIL actually asked me if it was alright if she didn't wear the "traditional" MOG color, which I guess is beige? I said heck yes, wear whatever you want. She's quite pale, so beige wouldn't be the most flattering choice. But yeah, I've seen MOB/MOG typically in either some lighter neutral or maybe some navy/jewel tones.

My mom is convinced she needs a dress with one of those short jacket-type things because that's what she's seen ever other MOB wear. She hates them, so I'm trying to convince her no one will judge if she's not wearing a sequined jacket.

I feel like my mom had it in her head that she needed to wear a long dress...maybe because my bridesmaids' dresses were long? She is short and kept telling me she didn't really want to wear a long dress, and I had to reassure her several times she did NOT have to wear a long dress, nor did I have to pick it out. She went with a sleeveless navy lacy knee-length dress that she loved and looked great!

lyndausvi · October 2016

My mom is a 2 time MOB and 2 time MOG. Never wore a jacket. Never wore a long gown either. 3 of the 4 weddings were on the formal side. Mine was casual. She wore light purple, light blue, dark blue and for my wedding a bright blue (almost teal).

lovesclimbing · October 2016

For her daughter's weddings so far, my mom has worn something cute. Two of the dresses were sleeveless, the other had lace sleeves. No jackets for her.

geebee908 · October 2016

I'm amazed that the industry marketing is so persuasive that just because a style of dress is presented as a MOB/MOG dress that someone would feel they couldn't wear something different.

charlotte989875 · October 2016

MaggieF1990 said:

ahoywedding said:

SP29 said:

So maybe I'm wrong, but from the various images of weddings I've seen (TV, movies, Pinterest, friends/family weddings), aren't cream/taupe/other light neutrals are popular colours for the MOB/MOG to wear?

Just took at peek at David's Bridal Mother of the Bride collection. There's a wide variety, but there are all sorts of cream, taupe, light pink, grey, silver dresses that are lace or sparkly.

That's what I thought as well. My FMIL actually asked me if it was alright if she didn't wear the "traditional" MOG color, which I guess is beige? I said heck yes, wear whatever you want. She's quite pale, so beige wouldn't be the most flattering choice. But yeah, I've seen MOB/MOG typically in either some lighter neutral or maybe some navy/jewel tones.

My mom is convinced she needs a dress with one of those short jacket-type things because that's what she's seen ever other MOB wear. She hates them, so I'm trying to convince her no one will judge if she's not wearing a sequined jacket.

I feel like my mom had it in her head that she needed to wear a long dress...maybe because my bridesmaids' dresses were long? She is short and kept telling me she didn't really want to wear a long dress, and I had to reassure her several times she did NOT have to wear a long dress, nor did I have to pick it out. She went with a sleeveless navy lacy knee-length dress that she loved and looked great!

My mom said the same thing about long dresses. She ended up wearing one even though she much preferred a short one because she felt it wasn't "formal enough".

LabLove86 · October 2016

I think that dress is pretty cute. And I bet FMIL would rock it.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2016

KnotCat2016 said:

Okay, I need some advice beautiful brides-to-be!
Trying to be a laid-back but knows what the wants kind of bride, the whole process has been fairly easy and great with amazing vendors! My dad passed away last December, and our wedding is this year on NYE. Not only have I been balancing being a smiling bride, but also dealing with the emotional loss - and trying to be there for my mom across the country who is all over the place emotionally.
So the dilemma: For my wedding shower, my future mother-in-law got a dress that was a light taupe with a cream overlay. Not quite white, but light enough in pictures that it was cause for an eye-roll however, water off a camel's back and it was a beautiful wedding shower!
To try and steer things in the right direction for our CLASSY, FORMAL WINTER GATSBY wedding, with colors of midnight blue and champagne, we opted for making sure my very sweet future mother-in-law got the idea that she should wear a dark formal dress. We sent color ideas. We said blue was probably best. She just sent this picture below. On the website, first color listed is cream. I'd go ahead and call this a cream/blush hombre. Now, I rolled my eyes again and brushed it off because she is who she is - however, my mother, the main source of funding for our beautiful occasion, just went NUTS. Haven't heard her scream on the phone quite like that since I was in college. She said she refuses to let her be in photos, will kindly ask them to participate as any other guest and not be part of the processional, and that she consulted the wedding planner who thinks the color is entirely too light for a winter wedding where it will be dark and the dress color will be lightened with flash photography. I agree with the color of the dress with an additional not age-appropriate, but again, you can't change people who are really dense. (I'm in marketing. Sometimes, you just can't. And it's not worth the effort.)
I've read blogs and all the community answers where most say, 'leave it be', 'the future mother in law can wear whatever she wants', but this is more so a matter of my mom is on a war path, and I honestly don't know what the answer is since clearly it's not, 'Whatever. Life is too short!
HELP.
The dress: https://poshmark.com/listing/Adrianna-Papell-Collection-Blush-Beaded-Gown-570444f58f0fc4bf820044a6?utm_source=gdm&gdm_bottom=false&campaign_id=664279885&utm_campaign=664279885&gclid=CjwKEAjw-Oy_BRDg4Iqok57a4kcSJADsuDK10qGpdTEu0SQnwM0IHYr2vykGxx_9Sj0MQAoz1J31OxoC5pzw_wcB

What a malapropism! The phrase is "water off a duck's back."

It's an idiom that means an insult has no effect on you, like water rolling off of the oil coated feathers of a water fowl. . . which clearly was not the case since the color of your MIL's dress at your shower made you roll your eyes.

Since camels are adapted to live in desert climates- those that lack water- pretty much ain't no water gonna be running off their backs.

And by the way, stop telling grown ass adults how to fucking dress for social events, and tell your mother and anyone else attempting to do so to knock it the fuck off.

No one cares how many adjectives you use to describe the "aesthetic" look of the party you are throwing- that's all a reception is, a party- no one cares what those adjectives are, and no one cares what your colors are. Adults are free to dress themselves however they see fit to attend your reception.

InLoveInQueens said:

Whenever you read the words "laid back" you are almost guaranteed an awesome story in which the OP is in no ways laid back. Unless it was to insert the stick into their butt. This thread went exactly as usual.

I do hope OP can read through the snark and not eff her relationship up over a dress color... Seriously OP, this is all over the color of an item of clothing that you and your mom are throwing tantrums.

When laid back is used in the same context of "classy, formal, winter, Gatsby" wedding, you no for sure the bride is going to be anything but laid back.

Heffalump · October 2016

KnotCat2016 said:

On the website, first color listed is cream. I'd go ahead and call this a cream/blush hombre.

Ombre = the gradual blending of one color hue to another

Hombre =

(Latter is courtesy of SNL.)

DrillSergeantCat · October 2016

PrettyGirlLost said:
When laid back is used in the same context of "classy, formal, winter, Gatsby" wedding, you no for sure the bride is going to be anything but laid back.

Is this along the same lines as the more complicated your coffee order, the bigger a jerk you typically are?

missfrodo · October 2016

DrillSergeantCat said:

PrettyGirlLost said:
When laid back is used in the same context of "classy, formal, winter, Gatsby" wedding, you no for sure the bride is going to be anything but laid back.

Is this along the same lines as the more complicated your coffee order, the bigger a jerk you typically are?

Help--SITB

H and I don't do Starbucks much, but when we do he normally gets a black coffee and I get a hot tea. One of the baristas got really excited when she took our order because she'd been so busy with specialty drinks all day, I think it was nice to just pour hot water in a cup.

DrillSergeantCat · October 2016

missfrodo said:
Help--SITB

H and I don't do Starbucks much, but when we do he normally gets a black coffee and I get a hot tea. One of the baristas got really excited when she took our order because she'd been so busy with specialty drinks all day, I think it was nice to just pour hot water in a cup.

When you get stuck in the box, it's probably because you tried to backspace. Next time, hit ctrl+z and instead of backspacing, shift+arrow back and type over.

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