Moms and Maids

MIL Wedding Dress Choice

Okay, I need some advice beautiful brides-to-be!
Trying to be a laid-back but knows what the wants kind of bride, the whole process has been fairly easy and great with amazing vendors! My dad passed away last December, and our wedding is this year on NYE. Not only have I been balancing being a smiling bride, but also dealing with the emotional loss - and trying to be there for my mom across the country who is all over the place emotionally.

So the dilemma: For my wedding shower, my future mother-in-law got a dress that was a light taupe with a cream overlay. Not quite white, but light enough in pictures that it was cause for an eye-roll however, water off a camel's back and it was a beautiful wedding shower!

To try and steer things in the right direction for our CLASSY, FORMAL WINTER GATSBY wedding, with colors of midnight blue and champagne, we opted for making sure my very sweet future mother-in-law got the idea that she should wear a dark formal dress. We sent color ideas. We said blue was probably best. She just sent this picture below. On the website, first color listed is cream. I'd go ahead and call this a cream/blush hombre. Now, I rolled my eyes again and brushed it off because she is who she is - however, my mother, the main source of funding for our beautiful occasion, just went NUTS. Haven't heard her scream on the phone quite like that since I was in college. She said she refuses to let her be in photos, will kindly ask them to participate as any other guest and not be part of the processional, and that she consulted the wedding planner who thinks the color is entirely too light for a winter wedding where it will be dark and the dress color will be lightened with flash photography. I agree with the color of the dress with an additional not age-appropriate, but again, you can't change people who are really dense. (I'm in marketing. Sometimes, you just can't. And it's not worth the effort.)

I've read blogs and all the community answers where most say, 'leave it be', 'the future mother in law can wear whatever she wants', but this is more so a matter of my mom is on a war path, and I honestly don't know what the answer is since clearly it's not, 'Whatever. Life is too short!


The dress:


Re: MIL Wedding Dress Choice

  • Your mother needs to get a grip, why was she even shown the dress in the first place? Do you want to start off your marriage by showing your FMIL you are so petty over a beautiful pink dress that you'll exclude her from her son's wedding?

    Get over yourself, you have no right to dictate what dress your FMIL wears. Even if she wanted to wear a big poofy white wedding dress, that's on her. Tell your mom if she doesn't cool it with the hysterics that she's going to be the one excluded because if you let her do this you're going to ruin your marriage before it even starts.
  • I think if your MIL will feel beautiful in that dress, then let her wear it.  Tell your mom to have a drink and calm down.  A dress is not a huge deal, and does not mean isolating your MIL and causing issues with your new family.  She should also not be sharing this information with the event planner.  

    As a side note, the dress you showed mentions there is a stain in the illusion part on the back.  If you're going to say anything to your MIL about the dress, that is the only thing I would bring up.  "MIL that dress is gorgeous, but did you notice the listing states it has a stain?"
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You and your mother both need to get a grip.  You have no right to dictate how ANYBODY other than the wedding party dresses.  The real story here is your mother's overbearing overreaction and control issues.  She has no right to dictate who is in pictures or in the processional, and you need to get on that shit now before you alienate your FMIL for absolutely no good reason.  Yeesh.

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What does your FI think about this? It's his wedding, and his mom.
  • You cannot make anyone besides your bridesmaids and groomsmen dress to the theme or color scheme of your wedding...not even parents. If your mother is the one bothered by this and not you, why did you tell your mother and your wedding coordinator about the dress in the first place? 

    Frankly, you and your mother both need to grow up. The dress is pretty and perfectly appropriate for a glamorous NYE wedding. Let it go and tell your mother to do the same. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would have one less FI if their mom banned my mom over a dress color.

    Seriously, you and your mom are being ridiculous.

    Oh and I attended a wedding a few weeks ago where the MOB wore a cream colored dresses.  The bride didn't have an issue because there is no issue to be had.

    Oh and add me to the list of people who didn't know you couldn't wear taupe to a bridal shower.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited October 2016
    I was always taught that "classy" was a very low class word, and that I should never use it.
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